Thursday, March 31, 2011

A MOURNER SPEAKS

I saw a tiny bit of illumination in the sky. The clouds were pale and somber. Fitting..... It is I. It is Jonathon. wilkravitz is not enscribing my words. I am. I said the prayers. I said The Kaddish Prayer for the little one. What creed was she born into? I don't know. Who cares. But I said the words, the ancient Hebrew and Aramaic poetry, the prayer affirming believe in The World To Come. You want the basics? My God is near. I know not fear....That's it. I hope they are right. But how can it be any different for such a pure and innocent soul. I looked at her things. We all did, the little blankets, the lovingly knit outfits (although it is sometimes a chore keeping clothes on them), her fuzzy bear, her tiny dolly......And the other cherubs are that much dearer to us. Not that they were less before...But you know what I mean. The care taker picked up her body. It did not burn. It did not spontaneously ignite and dissappear. I don't know. I've never seen the death of a cherub. I don't know. I hope I never see that. Sarah's really torn up about this too. She was like Wendy. She was like their mother. I remember when they met. I remember when they hovered about her taking the tiny blood-kisses ,  so they could know her. She laughed. It tickled..... But they knew she was a good soul. And she loved them......The corpse will be buried in a special section of Laurel Hill set aside for children, orphans actually, with no family to rest beside them. It used to be a Philadelphia tradition. Wealthy families paid for it. And the tiny headstones are just as fine as any other childs'. Her name? We never really used one. Edith has a feeling that is was Mary. Now Baylah remembers certain things. She remembers 'Mary' from when she (Baylah, I mean)  first came here. And she is sure the little thing must have been French, for she wore a finely made dress, done up and trimmed in the French manner. Baylah knows. Her creator was French. So she is a child of that culture too..... Please, let me catch my breath.......Mary French.....Mary French.....That's what it will say....beloved daughter......beloved sister......Look, I don't want to talk about that part anymore. Baylah said she'd take care of the inscription. I am sure she will do things correctly. Papa sits quietly. Always with his aroma candle. He doctors them and puts in other things to change the smell. Sarah says he's trying to bring back something of his mortal world. Maybe a hearth fire from some time in the last ice age? Imagine the book he could write. So a big, check will be cut for an unnamed children's fund. And we will go on. Oh, I know I will continue to say the Kaddish Prayer for the next thirty days. How could I not. And I'll probably frequent the children's wards of certain hospitals, shedding drops of my blood so that they might live. I'll mix it in some sweet beverage. They won't know. I'm skilled at evading the nurses. And no mercenary doctor's bill will be forthcoming. Although I'm sure they will take the credit. Who knows. Perhaps they'll bill for it after all?........Now do you know why we take our vows? Now do  you know why we only cull the wicked? How could we do otherwise? How could we sink that low? True, true, true, there have been digressions. But let us pray that there shall be no more.............

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A BABY KILLER

That Johnny Jump Up thing grabbed one of the cherubs. It happened in the old Laurel Hill Cemetery. We didn't see it, none of the vampires I mean. But one of the caretakers saw it. They know. They know about us. Are they familiars? I don't know. Not really. But they've been 'friends' I'd guess you'd call them for decades. The little ones, the cherubs, like to go up there so they can fly around and play their games without anybody seeing. They gurgle. They flit around. It looks like they're playing tag, but I don't know. Sometimmes they hide behind the ornate stones and obelisks and surprize each other. Look, they're babies. They are just babies. This thing happened to them. They're vampires. But they're babies. And they never kill anybody. What do they take, a few drops? Most people don't even know. It happens when they're sleeping. They think it was a dream. And they're always willing to let the older ones, the elves, and the adult vampires too I mean,  take tiny draughts of their blood for those little glass vials. You know, what they give to sick people. So that poor, little thing didn't deserve this. The caretakers wive makes outfits for them. She knits them out of special thick, warm yarn. Pull-overs, sweaters, little sweat pants, heavier ones to be like coats. Even those snugg, little hats that babies wear. They fly home all smiles in their new outfits. Sarah would make a big fuss. She'd hug them and tuck them into their snugg, little sleeping baskets. You should see how cute the walls of their tiny chambers were painted. They were happy when Sarah came. Oh, Baylah was good to them too. She'd give her life for them. But Sarah lived with them. She was like their mother. You should have heard her when she found out. We thought she'd go crazy. Edith is with her now. She's singing to her. She hugs her. She rocks her. At least she's quiet. Papa feels bad. Look, this is not the night to make me call him  'Jimmy.' OK? Jonathon feels bad too. He's in there with Sarah now. Even Little Bastard Annie is quiet. She wanted to give them some of her coloring books. Luna's still new. She don't know what to make of all this. And you want to know the truth? I'm not sure what to make of her either. 'Luna.' Who needs her? Yeah, Papa wanted a bed partner. Somebody here. Somebody handy. But beyond that...the hell with her.......This is how they said it happened. One of the chubby ones, a girl I think it was, went tearing away, gurgling with delight, because she didn't want the other ones to catch her. And she makes to fly over the roof of a private mausoleum. Almost clears it too. But that creep was up there. He blends in with the dark. It's hard to see him. I think that's one of his talents. He reaches out real fast, like a snake he is. And he grabs her by the leg. You know what I mean, the lower leg. The calf, the calf, I think they call it. The poor little thing starts crying. She's struggling to get away. The other ones, the cherubs, I mean, try diving in close to him, trying to make him fall. But he swats them off like cock-a-roaches. What can they do? None of the elves were around. The caretaker's wife runs out and starts screaming! Her husband grabs her and shuts her up. He don't want nobody running in here and seeing this. But he does manage to pop off a few rounds from a little twenty-two he's got. Won't kill no vampire. But who knows what it'll do to the Johnny Jump Up creep. Only now we do know. It does nothing. The bullets go in. The bullets go out. And he laughs. Then he starts cradling the little thing and stroking her downy head like he loves her or something. The caretaker and his wife just stood there watching and crying. The woman reaches out for her. She thought like maybe he was gonna hand the cherub down to her. And he smiles. He nods. He makes like he's gonna do that. The other cherubs, hiding in the bare, cold trees calm down a little. You could see it. They're not vibrating as much. They're not breathing as hard. ......But then he does it. Like a snake he opens his mouth. So wide, you'd never believe it. And he real fast sticks the head...the whole head!...the whole head! right down in there and bites it off. Oh, the wife fainted. She almost had a stroke. And the other little ones rose up and tore off in a million directions.....Then he just smiles, with his cheeks all puffed out and everything and begins to chew it up. Crunches through the bones and everything.....You know, no vampire can live without its head. The care taker saw it all. He's the one did most of the talking. None of the others, the adult vampires, I mean, came close to tracking him. You wanna know how they spent most of the night? You wanna know what they did? They bought shoes. They went shopping. Why not? Those little places in hotels stay open late. And now they're crying. And now he's still out there. And that poor, little, innocent thing is gone...........

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A MONSTER HUNT

Now, I'm talking about the new house. They had sleeping quarters in the basement, small, but comfortable. You know, meant to be dark during the day. The bedrooms up stairs were regular bedrooms, opulent and commodious. Let's see. Are you familiar with the decorating shows on HGTV? Because if you are, you know the look. The floors were polished hardwoods covered in fine, thick wool area rugs. Upholstered pieces were neat and tailored. Tables tended to be very dark and simple. Ceramic lamp there. A glass lamp here. Doo-dad, doo-dad. chachki, chachki. You get the idea. And the kitchen was like the ones on cooking shows. Only few people ever bothered here. The mortals cooked once in a while. But even they went out or ordered in most of the time. A formal fireplace graced the living room and a not so formal fireplace held court in the wood paneled den. Now I'm not talking about 'big box store' wood panelling. I'm talking about country club or college library wood panelling, with molding. Like the kind Ward Cleaver had. Gee, I wonder if he was related to Eldridge? Zebulon tends to get contemporary cultural references all mixed up. And 'mixed up' is an understatement. Things were in chaos around here. Not because of the move. Vampires are adaptable. They can handle that. No, I mean because all that Johnny Jump Up business. Sure, they knew he was around, just like they know the Jersey Devil is really out there. But no one went near him. They stayed away and kept their distance. Did they know what he was? No. They're not even sure what they truly are. You think 'Jimmy' knows? He's old. He's been around a long time. That's it. But do you think he grasps any of the philosophy or meaning behind it? Please, don't make me laugh. Vampires invent belief systems like school girls make up styles. Oh, they last a bit longer, maybe for centuries. Maybe for five thousand years. But they die out sooner or later. Only this time was different. The Johnny Jump Up business I mean. They know about mass media. Remember those religious visions people had a while back? Remember 'Our Lady of the Olive Garden Restaurant' and 'Elijah comes to Rodeph Sholom'? Boy was that a mess. They don't want that anymore. True, the media wants to keep the killing quiet. But people hear things. The landlord saw it. He threw up right on the spot, for God's sake. Her face was chewed off. The flesh on her hands was chewed off. The bones were sticking out. Good bone structure though, I must say. Yet that is beside the point. Is she in Heaven? I  don 't know. If I can exist like this, why not? But the landlord told his wife. The cops made him swear he would not. Yeah, right. And the wife called her sister. And the sister called all the other women in the family. Everybody had to be warned , after all. Some of them had kids. Kids got those little, push-button 'talking phones.' After a few hundred heartbeats half the world knows. You wanna see whats going on on the twitter? Justin Bieber wishes he had as many hits. Oooh, how modern Zebulon is. So all the not-really-dead are out looking for another type of animated corpse. Edith and her two Red Paint buddies are doing some kind of ceremony in the kitchen. They mumble prayers. They touch their foreheads. It's supposed to help them see things. But so far all they've seen is that container of butter pecan in the freezer (left by the real estate woman, along with the other groceries) 'cause boy has that gone down. So Jonathon/Tomas and Sarah and Jimmy/Papa and Luna and Baylah (she don't have no monster-hunting date. her mortal boyfriend has to get up early) are out on a snipe hunt. Like a real live Scream Movie it is. The streets are deserted. Everybody's afraid. Our vampires (who should be home protecting their valuable familiars) are out playing college kids in a fright flick. And according to some hysterical girl on Facebook, the monster, the skinny bastard, has been seen again. I don't know where. But don't go near a window. And if you have to go pee in the middle of the night, pay attention to who or what you hear running across the roof. Better make sure that skylight's locked tight too.......

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM.....

this is not a post. We will bring you more news concerning the vampires later this evening.

Etherial Philadelphia spectre, Johnny Jump Up made an appearance last night. Authorities report the death of a young woman somewhere in the Northern Liberties section of Center City. It appears that the killer gained access through a third story, bedroom window. There were no balconies, ledges or other exterior protuberances providing support. According to the akoshic records, the painfully thin, tall being lept up to the window, clung to the rough brick wall with both feet and one hand, while the other was used to etch some lines into one of the pains and thus gain entry. No blade or tool of any kind was used. Forensic experts detected tiny particles of keratin along the 'break' lines, indicating that they were scratched onto the surface with a long, sharp, pointy human fingernail. Residents immediately formed watch groups to help prevent any further attacks. The 'creature' sports a tight, black, late nineteenth century suit and a string tie. His black hair is long and lank. Survivors of past attacks report a greasy feel and fetid aroma. The skin is gray-white. The eyes black. Tiny, triangular teeth fill a wide mouth surrounded by thin, grinning lips. He isHEIGHT reputed to be able to jump from roof top to roof top. In effect, he can bridge the gap seperating one block from another. Please make sure all windows are shut and locked. Double pained glass is believed to provide the best protection.. Sleep with a friend. Turn on the lights (both inside and out) .Say your prayers and hope for the best. Johnny Jump Up leaves little trace and reportedly produces absolutely no sound. Specially trained dogs were unable to follow the scent, as it appeared to trail out in many directions. One urban legend claims he is a victim of premature burial, a frequent occurance in the eighteen hundreds. Cemeteries and graveyards are being inspected, with no findings to date. Isolated outbreaks like this have been reported for the last one hundred and fifty years. Details concerning the killing remain private at the request of the family. Please tune in to this site for any additional information......HEIGHT - 7'3"....WEIGHT - 155 lbs....RACE - cadaver....

Monday, March 28, 2011

A CASTLE ON A HILL

The directors of the museum were adamant. The vampires (and their hangers-on) would have to vacate their quarters in the basement and find shelters elsewhere. One suffered a minor stroke over the whole affair and lost most of the sight in his left eye. The other developed a nervous stutter causing him to lose his upper plate during an after dinner speech which in his circlles constituted a serious faux pas. So the undead were un-housed. Temporary diigs were haistily arranged at a local hotel. The Ritz Carlton, I think it was. Familiars took care of everything. All our crew had to do was show up. And show they did. Each sported a finely cut, well made get-up. Not because of the occasion, but because it just came natural to them. The vampire nature and all that. Papa, no, excuse me, 'Jimmy' was obviously the leader, so he dealt out the rooms. One for Jonathon and Sarah. One for he and Luna. Another for Baylah. Her mortal financier beau was a frequent visitor. The human contingent, wilkravitz, Edith and all the rest, were given cash cards and brokered their own rooms. Jimmy said it was more natural that way. They shouldn't travel with such a large entourage. So they settled down and relaxed for a bit. A chamber group was sent for and they arrived, providing classical accompaniment for 'Jimmy's' meeting with the real estate woman. Jonathon sat in on it too. But there was no doubt that the steely-haired, Richard Gere - eldest Baldwin Brother combo was the founder of the  feast. I would guess Miss Housey-poo though Jonathon to be the pampered son, or favorite nephew. The ladies hovered in the background, like over-indulged Persian Gulf wives. Believe me. They knew they were just playing a part. But they did it to pacify Jimmy. And who was Annie in all this? She was the Jane Withers. Zebulon always thinks of her as that. Have you ever seen those old Shirley Temple movies, the ones where she had to confront a rather large, overbearing, loud-mouthed, little thing? Well that was Jane Withers. And Annie (though skinny and boney) fit the role to a 'T.' So the woman sets up her magic-talking-box (excuse me, her 'laptop') and proceeds to scroll down a selection of properties. We saw townhouse after townhouse. Beautiful they were. But Center City was too lively. True, Jonathon had resided in a small townhouse once. Although, that was tucked away on a tiny, dead-end street and perfect for a vampire-gentleman. Nothing even remotely similar was available now. So they settled on Chestnut Hill, a city neighborhood, but with a decidedly old-money, country mmansionette (NOT 'McMansion' there IS a VAST difference) feel. The lots  were spacious and private. The lanes were quite leafy. And the neighbors made their society with 'friends.' The nearness of shelter had nothing to do with it. In short, the perfect locale for a refined, though unusual 'family.' A married couple (Papa-Jimmy and Luna), their favorite nephew and his partner (Jonathon and Sarah) plus an assortment of valued retainers (Edith, wilkravitz and one or two others). Oh yes, Annie...She was passed off as Papa's daughter. And it all worked out. Baylah went back to operating her little, jewelbox, piano bar ( the one with the equally jewel-like apartment upstairs). So that gave them a pied-a-terre in Center City. Her familiar didn't appreciate giving up power. But he kept his mouth shut. He was only an emplyee after all. And the boss was possitively inhuman.....Ha Ha Ha.... Not really. She was not cruel. Zebulon makes a little joke...Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Workmen came in to make whatever changes were necessary in order to make the new house suitable for our life-eaters. You know, comfortable, dark rooms in the cellar and all that. Maybe a secret passage or two as well. Although a secret passage was there since Underground Railroad days. So that one was already in place. After about two weeks, you would have thought they'd been there for centuries. Not the passageways. The vampires, I mean. And that was it. A new family seat. A fit home for our steely-haired patron.......And 'Jimmy' truly enjoyed it....... Life, or the 'after-life' was good........

Sunday, March 27, 2011

MUGGS ROLLIN' OUT. JIMMY ROLLIN' IN

Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in damages. They said we were lucky. I don't know who the day crew thought we were. A few of them knew, but most had no idea. And a few bus loads of kids were due in later, so we were sweating. The monkey broke those special glass windows up where the diaramas were. He tried to get blood from the stuffed Cro Magnons and a family of low land gorillas. But when all he got was dust, that only made him more berserk. Then he went after two of the guards. You should have seen it. It was like one of them Three Stooges movies, running in and out of about a million doors. Slamming. Hollering. Pissing on the floor. Things breaking. All the vampires were home by then, so they're trying to corner him by the canoe exhibit in the Native American Gallery. Papa tries to 'throw' another one of his force bubbles around him, but the monkey's got a different sort of mind, or maybe he's just got a screw loose and it won't work. It just won't work. Jonathon tells the guards to shoot him, but only in the head, 'cause they figure even a vampire chimp must need a little time to regenerate. Well the first guy's hand starts shakin' so he winds up hittin' him in the ass. Monkey don't like no bullet up his ass, so you know HE becomes a target. And he runs screamin' just like a girl. Shriekin' and yelling. The monkey almost got him too. But Sarah grabbed the gun off the floor and squeezed off a few. Two of 'em hit that Mister Muggs square in the noggin'. Stopped him right in his tracks. He got this surprized look on his ugly face and he made a few sounds like a bird chirpin'. Then he keels over on his side, with his arms and legs twitchin' just like he was havin' a stroke. Which I guess, in a sense, he was. I mean some of them neurons had to get scrabbled up. But at least all the smashin' stopped. And none of the stuffed, fake, dead people in the diaramas were gettin' molested anymore. So, all in all, everybody was satisfied. Papa peels off a few more big checks for the museum directors. And Luna calls Doctor Franklin on her cell. She tells him she's got a vampire for him. One they can keep. One they can study. What she don't tell him is that it's a chimpanzee vampire. So the bureau speeds over in a special armored truck. They go to this garage in the back, where it's always dark and pull in. Muggs is sorta walkin' by then, so they throw a coat over his head and lead him into the back of the truck. Doctor Franklin had one of his 'criminal' sacrificial victims chained up in there too, incase the new vampire was hungry. You know the guys. The ones he gets from the prisons. No family. Nobody to ask questions. All nice and convenient. Well, they kick Muggs in and slam the door. Then the truck peals off and races back to the Bureau. From what we heard, when they got there and opened  the heavy door, the guy inside was nothing but a fleshy, bloody smear all over the interior walls. He didn't burn up in the blue flame, 'cause the monkey tore him apart first and THEN sucked the blood out of all the shredded pieces. I don't know how they handled that simian son-of-a-bitch. Who cares? But I know the vampires were glad to be done with him. Annie cried and kicked the walls and all. But Papa threatened to send her back to hang over the surface of the Sun, so she shut up. Then everybody just took a breath and settled down with one a their calming aroma candles. Smelled like an Istanbul whore house, but the vampires liked it. Jonathon shows Papa the paperback baby name book and asks him what he wants to be called. But the twentyeight thousand year old whatsis just laughs a little, grabs the book, opens it up to any page and looks. Then he says - Jimmy. That's it. I want them to call me Jimmy.....Baylah thinks that's hysterical. She says - Are you sure you don't want something a little fancier, like say Charlemagne, or 'Dook' or something?.......But he just shoots her a real dirty look, so she shuts up real fast. And that's it. He was Jimmy. All the familiars found out about it. They got him new checks and everything. When he went to meet with the real estate woman about gettin' us a new townhouse or something, he just shakes her hand and says - Hi, call me Jimmy.....So, now we got 'Jimmy'. Edith don't like it. She had something else in mind. Or maybe it was on somebody else's mind and she just picked it up. I don't know. Zebulon does not pay attention ALL the time. A dissembodied spirit can only do so much.....

Saturday, March 26, 2011

IT'S ALL IN THE NAME

Jonathon and Sarah walked down the street. They appeared to be just another young couple. Maybe he was a few years younger than she was, but today who paid attention to such things. They held hands and looked in the windows of all the fine shops lining Rittenhouse Row, admiring all the new spring clothing. True, the late March evening still felt like winter. Yet that was all right. Vampires like the cold. Besides, the slim, dark denim pants and black, leather jackets suited them. One passerby even asked if they had a light for his cigarette. That's how close you can get. You'd never suspect a thing. Sometimes dogs gave them a second look. And cats almost always darted across the street when they came near. But mortal people never caught on. They were hunting. He had a vision, a dream, of an abusive landlord. You can color in the rest. High rents. Poor clientele. Strong arm tactics. Friends with all the right cops annd judges. Hey, well, OK, so I colored it in for you. They eye-balled the guy (Zebulon so likes to use police jargon) as he was leaving some brass and wood panelled chop house. He was workin' a toothpick tryin' to swallow the last shreads of his stuffed pork chops when they caught up with him. It didn't take much. Sarah said - Excuse me, sir, do you know if there's a cab stand around here?.......He looked up. He mumbled something. Probably a lie. Probably made up. He didn't want to help them. But that break in his stride was enough. Jonathon came up behind and put his hand up on the back of the guy's neck in a friendly manner, as if they knew each other. Yet the 'pinch' was a little bit too tight. Mister Landlord got the message. He knew he'd better cooperate. So they did what Philadelphia vampires usually do. They strong-armed him down a narrow service alley. Punched him square in the nose, just to tenderize him, twisted his neck (not to kill him, but to better expose the vessel) and sent him off to face eternal judgement. Well, it was mostly Jonathon who did all that. Sarah stood off to the side with her hands in her pockets. Then, after the lethal bite, she smiled and gave him a little wave. The not quite dead guy was stunned, so he reflexively gave her a weak, little smile and waved back too. After he died, they snapped off his expensive watch, lifted his wallet and quickly floated away. Some rats hiding under a dumpster squeezed out to watch the blue flames. And when the fire burned down, they tip toed into the greasy residue and ate it up. Night in the city. Sarah wanted to talk about his time with the Bureau. She wanted to tell him about her ordeal too, about the endless, gun-metal plain and the grey, close electric sky. But she didn't. Let it pass. Maybe that was better. He spoke first. He said - So what do you think Papa  will call himself now?.......She said - What do you mean?......Her companion with the loose, curly hair said - His name. What he calls himself. Look, after twenty eight thousand years do you think it really makes any difference? I mean what name hasn't he used? It's all just for convenience. But remember, he was locked up till not too long ago. A thousand years it was. Right after he made me. So this is gonna be his first modern name.........He looked into the window of a latenight book store, kind of like the place Sarah once owned. And he pulled her in. It was there. They had what he wanted, a paperback book of baby names. He bought it and chuckled as they walked out. Then they settled down in a nearby cozy cafe (two coffees, naturally) and began to leaf through the selections..............A rather elegant, European looking gentleman observed them from across the street. That group hidden deep within the Vatican had not given up. Papa's former captors were closing in...........

Friday, March 25, 2011

A REUNITED COUPLE MAKES PLANS

So Papa dragged Luna off to bed down with him. He can see things. She never really wanted Jonathon. We all knew that. She just wanted the magic. And now she had it. He took her to a nest he had at the back of an unused storage room. There was a pile of quilts and comforters in the corner (all the best from Crate and Barrel). He ripped off whatever it was she still had on and threw her down. Then he carefully took off his clothing, folding them over a chair and snuggled in to cover her. This one was his now. Maybe he was guilty? Maybe he just wanted to square things with Sarah? He put her through a lot.Petrification? Yuck...that can't be fun. And so via the chips discreetly hidden in nooks and crannies of Luna's body, Doctor Franklin and his cronies back at the Bureau, were treated to a wonderful bit of latenight porn. You can guess what they can do with miniaturization these days. Better run your hands all over your body and make sure you ain't set up that way. Believe me. Zebulon has seen plenty and it would not suprise me....A little later, just after sundown, Sarah woke up. She layed there. Jonathon had his arms around her. He was still sleeping. She could hear his steady breathing. And she thought about things. She thought about Jonathon and herself. Could she forgive him for Luna? Well, maybe as a mortal, things would be different. But that's not what she was now. And considering the potential life-span in front of her, she'd have to learn to make certain accommodations. He thought she was gone anyway, or at least 'tied-up' for an indefinite period of time. So maybe she'd let this one slide. It's hard. It can be complicated when your husband is also your creator....Later, when 'hubby' did wake up, he sheepishly offered her the gift-wrapped cameo. She took it and clipped it onto a chain she wore around her neck. It looked pretty there resting just above her cleavage. He kissed her. Then she smiled and roughly mussed his wavy-curly hair. But she did manage to work in a quick sharp tug. He yelped. She 'playfully' scolded him and said - Just don't bring me home any more 'sister wives' again. He kissed her and promised that he would not..........Mister Muggs, the newborn, vampire chimp (see, I remembered) was a bit dissoriented  when he awoke. But Annie hugged him. He was better than one of those huge, cheaply made, stuffed animals they gave out as carnival prizes. She always wanted one. And now she had one. Baylah was up and dressed already, waiting for the others. She sported a demure Beyonce look that night. It suited her. Zeke was there. He came in about a half hour ago. So he sat with Baylah, playing gin rummy, as she waited for the other ones to pull themselves together.....The elves and cherubs? They're always pulled together. Their magic is strong that way. And they were already out, flitting about the city, spreading their enchantment (tiny blood gifts) in a hundred different ways...Medical miracles are a wonderful thing. Well, now you know their source......Ahhhh, the gloaming, those few precious moments just before the dark.....I bet things will be different tonight. 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

KILLER MONKEY AND BATTLE OF THE VAMPIRE VIXENS

So this is how it played out that night. Annie made a big scene over the monkey. I know. I know. I know. He's a chimp. He's a chimp. But I call him a monkey. To me, he's a monkey. Zebulon doesn't know from those words. She cried. She pleaded. She begged. Papa was like stone. He was furious. How could she do this? Even as a 'child' should it not be instinctive? Shouldn't she know not to give the 'night-sight' to an animal? He's not an animal. He's not an amimal. The lady who had him taught him tricks. He can talk! He can talk! He can make pictures with his hands! See? See!? - she said. But all Papa saw was a one hundred and seventy pound, naked ape giving him a comic lip-grin and making fart noises with his big, old hands. Zeke, the human night shift guy was ready to shit himself. He didn't have any idea what he was going to do with this one. wilkravitz took his lap-top and burrowed deep into one of the cluttered corners. But I whispered in his ear, so he was still able to 'channel' this all. There was complete silence for a long time, not counting the monkey's fart noises and then Papa (who still felt guilty about manipulating Annie back in the Shaky Hand Man days) exhaled and says - Who is going to controll him? He's a vampire, right?.......Yeah, said Annie, (to the ape) show him your teef.....The grotesque creature smiled and rolled back his upper lip revealing a set of super-duper choppers with the tell-tale, vampire enhanced canines...... The elves and cherubs looked on in wide-eyed amazement. Edith and her Red Paint buddies just stood there saying nothing.....So Papa says - Get that son-of-a-bitch some pants!......He shoots a 'look' at Zeke, who runs off to grab an extra pair of guard's slacks from the museum locker room. Then it took them about fortyfive minutes to get the monkey-vampire to put 'em on. They had to roll up the cuffs about fifteen times. And they did droop a bit through the ass. But at least the forest beast was covered. Actually, he was not that hard to controll. Papa was able to wrap him in one of his 'mind bubbles' and that kept him quiet. Annie gave him a tom-tom from the 'native tribes of the eastern woodlands' collection. Zeke almost had a heart attack. But it did the trick. And if you did not mind the never-ending BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. you would not even know he was there. That's when the others came in. Jonathon and Luna, I mean. They just came racing down the stairs like two kids looking for a 'make out' spot. Baylah spots 'em first. She nudges Sarah and starts laughing. But Sarah (the 'wife') ain't so tickled. She just stands there like some wrathfull Assyrian priestess and cuts right through him (Jonathon, I mean)  with her eyes. He nods to her, pushes Luna behind him and goes toward her. Only she's having none of it. True, her gaze softens a bit. Her chin trembles. And a tear or two runs down her cheek. But she moves back, presses against Baylah and starts to cry......How can you bring that cheap, whore back here?- says Baylah, as she puts her arms around the distraught vampirina.......I had to. I didn't have any choice. I was all alone. I didn't have anyone. I thought she (Sarah, he means) was always gonna be like that (petrified, he means). I didn't know he (Papa) was gonna get her back! - spits out Jonathon....Papa doesn't get involved. He just sits there......Luna doesn't say anything either. But she makes one mistake. She smiles. More of a smirk actually and Sarah sees it. So she tears free from Baylah's embrace and leaps through the air with claws flying. Luna turns and darts into one of the other storage rooms. But it's no use. The slightly more experienced vampirina barrels through the neat stacks of cartons and pins her against a wall. BAM! BAM! Fists fly. Girl slap! Buttons pop! Blouse rips! Hair pulls! Cheek scratch! Cartons fall all over the place. Everybody crowds into the doorway to watch. They all yell, but no one can stop it. Papa just stays in his chair breathing in that little aroma candle he always carries. Annie spins around doing one of her 'happy, happy, joy, joy' dances. And the monkey starts screeching and playing with himself.....Then Jonathon starts yelling. He says - Stop it! Please, stop it!....But nothing happens. More brassieres get ripped up. Wardrobes malfunction. Breastisses go wild and the battle goes on. Zeke collapses down on the floor like he's having the 'big one.' He can barely get out the words. He says - How am I gonna explain this to the boss? How my gonna splain this to d'boss?......Papa walks over, leans down and says - How much?......Zeke manages to whisper - Fifty thou. Fifty thou. Fifty thou.......Papa pulls out his checkbook and signs one right then and there. He lets the pale green slip waffle down onto the heaving night-guard's chest. Zeke grabs it, studies it and is instantly cured. Then Papa (ever the dapper gent) neatly steps over him, parts the crowd in the doorway and strides right into the cat fight. Well these were vampirinas, so it was really a bit more like a lioness fight. He just raises his hand and says one word - STOP!!.....Instantly, an unseen force grabs  both of the half naked combatants and hurls them against the wall. BOOM! The few remaining upright shelves rattle, as the two ladies slide down to the floor.....All is quiet. Papa  goes over to Luna, offers his hand and says - I'll take care of this one. You (Jonathon, he means) go take care of your wife.......Jonathon crawls over to a sobbing Sarah. He takes her in his arms. He kisses her. And he cries a little too. The 'people' in the doorway discreetly wander off. Even the monkey had sense enough to leave...........

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

MONKEY BUSINESS

Annie got a monkey. No, not a monkey, a chimpanzee  She was out by herself. You know how she is. Nothing bothers her. One of those bicycle cops they got in certain parts of Center City spotted her and started to close in. I suppose he wanted to know what a little skinny, bitch like her is doing out on the streets late at night. Probably thought he'd take her away from some low life mother and plant her in the depths of the foster care universe. Yeah, like that was going to do her any good. But she is one smart, little bastard. So she sublimates through the wall of this brownstone townhouse and gives him the slip. A nice place too. The owners must be rich. Not the kind of 'beer and pretzels' rich you see all over these days, but genuine rich. Some of the paintings were originals. And 'dead' originals too. The good stuff. It turned out that the humans, some sharp couple in their late fifties, were out for the evening. Wait a second. Let me look it up in the akoshic records.....Ah, there it is. A fivethousand dollar a couple fundraiser for some glitzy charity. Dinner, dancing, goody-bags. The whole shmear. But the place wasn't empty. Somebody was screaming and shrieking down in the basement, so our little blood-sucker skipped down to investigate. Like a habitat it was. All fitted out for a West African great ape with tree trunks, thriving foliage, a fake water fall, banks of 'grow lights' heavy, rubber toys and a fiftysix inch flat panel 3D television with old, black and white Tarzan movies running on what seemed to be a continuous loop. Annie sees this wonderful, living toy and knows she's gotta have it. So she sublimates through the thick bars and throws her boney arms arounnd the beast. Bad enough when she was just watching from beyond the other side. Even that made it berserk. But now the thing was completely deranged. Ever see the cheaper class of high school girls having a fist fight? Well, then you know what I mean. The monkey tries to rip her off. It wants to break her arms. It wants to rip her flesh. But it can't stop her. It can't do anything. True, there are times when she's weak. The power isn't steady among them. Even Papa's like that. But this night was special. This night was one of her strong ones. So she sinks her teeth  through the matted monkey hair and begins to slurp up all the pungent monkey blood. So much of it there was. But she drank it all, burped a few times, and then proceeded to give it back, just at that moment before her simian friend was about to start his knuckle walk into munka-munka heaven. And the worst part is the hairy monster knew just what to do. So after a little bit, there were two vampires in that cage. What, did you think it couldn't happen? Why not? They're almost a 'genetic' duplicate of us (yes, Zebulon was human once). And when Mister and Missus Kiss-Kiss-Pose -For-The-Camera, charity do-gooders came home, wifey poo had a big surprize waiting for her downstairs. She goes to give J. Fred Muggs a slice of 'take home' strawberry short cake, only she takes the place of dessert instead. And her three times drunk hubby goes upstairs, so he don't notice anythings amiss till morning. By then, Annie stands before Papa, hopping from foot to foot doing her best 'can I keep him? can I keep him?' dance.....All this, and Jonathon hasn't even showed up with Sarah yet.....Ahhh, the cala-lillies are in bloom....Springtime in Philadelphia....Drink it in...Revel in the pixilated magic.....

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A THREESOME HAS A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

Jonathon and Luna were ensconced in a suite, the best suite they could find. It was easy for him. All he had to do was call an old familiar and ask. The money was still there. They were eager to please. After all, blood is not water. And they all hungered for those precious, ruby drops. An elixir, a fountain of youth and health they were. What couldn't they do? Luna was impressed. Well, but then again, she thought all men lived this way. Franklin and most of the agents of The Bureau did. But she still liked Jonathon's style. I think I told you they 'culled' some cheap, little gold digger. You remember. She was out to bust up a family and they could not stand for that. Besides, Jonathon claimed to have seen her in a vision. And you know what they believe about those visions. So they engaged the little bitch in conversaion. Down in the lobby's diamond vendor, I think it was. Lured her upstairs on the pretext of seeing some really top notch, West African 'blood diamonds.' The bimbo (I think that's what they call them now) couldn't resist. Oh, they did have stones up there to show her. God bless those familiars. But they also had other things to show her as well, namely their teeth. Relax, there was not a big mess. They did it in the nine foot, granite 'bathing font.' Look, high priced hotels must have their toys. And this suite looked like a billionaire's Christmas. Want to know what they did? They all  shimmied out of their clothing and settled into the hot, bubbly water. Ahhhh, it felt so good. The little cheapie thought it would get her a better deal on one of the rocks. She had money. Future hubby saw to that. But as it turned out, what she didn't have was a future. First Luna started to make nice. Then, after the two of them were good and friendly, Jonathon taught them a few tricks. Everything was mellow. Everything was copasetic. Just a 'highly' pleasurable evening among new friends. Oh, she did get her money's worth. But then things began to get a little rough. A tiny bite here. A wee nip there. A tingle. A cut. A bigger cut. She tried to climb out. But Luna calmed her and lured her back in. Come on, Jonathon, massage the poor thing. Loosen her up . See? We're all best buds here. Luna leaned in for a kiss. The lights were low and warm. Some  sort of classical accompaniment whispered in the background. And then came the bite, the real bite, I mean. The victim shuddered. I think she even peed in the bath water. A lot of them do that. Jonathon covered her for a little taste too. But this wasn't just his dinner. No, he could always conjure up a vision later. Plenty of people deserved to die. So Luna did it. She drained the brazen bitch dry. They sat there watching as the blue fire mingled with the fragrant bubbles. And when it was over, they rinsed the mess away. There wasn't much. This hotel was prepaired for anything. Their plumbing could handle it.Then they got dressed, took a walk, and sublimated (he did have to help her. although a witch-welp, she did not understand the technique) through a wall and into the shuttered halls of some venerable antique auction house. Freeman's, I think it was.  Luna liked French Empire pieces, finer cameos and things like that. So they discreetly pocketed a few. Oh, don't worry. Jonathon kept a little written record. A familiar would present a check and take care of it in the morning. Vampires often did business this way. And the upper levels of elite establishments were used to it. Look, grow up and open your eyes. Things happen. Magic exists. Get used to it. But they did remember to pick up an exceptionally fine, gold signet ring for Papa. Had to keep the 'big man' happy. And a particularly impressive yellow diamond drop (part of the stash back at the suite) was beautifully wrapped up for Sarah. Must not forget the 'wife'................

Monday, March 21, 2011

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

Papa stopped in front of a framed print. A map it was, an old one, from maybe fivehundred years back. Very colorful and ornate. I believe it once belonged to Charles' or Phillips' of Spain. Papa, quite naturally appreciated ancient things. He studied it carefully, like a scientist gazing at a fruit fly. Sarah was with him. She held his 'drink,' which was a brandy snifter with a lit, fragrant candle at the bottom. He snapped his fingers. She gave it to him. He inhaled deeply and passed it back. Then he waved his finger at the map and began to speak. He said - I marvel at the ingenuity of them. Look at all the places. Look at all the artificial barriers. Here a country. There a country. Duchy here. Principality there. God what fools they were. The people, I mean. How could they allow themselves to be enslaved like that? Imagine, subjects of a 'divine right' monarch. Why we had more enlightened systems during the stone age......Sarah responded - I thought they worshipped vampires like gods. I don't know, but that seems pretty primitive to me.....No, not like gods. Like pathways to the gods. We were the shaman. We were the magicians. Rather like popes are today, or the hereditary priest-nobles of my errant son's people - said Papa......You mean Jonathon?- said Sarah. Papa ran his finger along the delicately carved frame annd smiled. Sarah went on - He will come back here. Not because this place is anything to him. But he can sense us. I know it. He knows we're here. He knows I'm here.......Papa chuckled and said - What about the other one? What about the new 'Bride of Dracula???' - he laughed.......Sarah said -  What about her?.....Precisely - whispered the dapper gentleman.....Then he wandered off to appraise another display......The elves and cherubs were out for the evening. They fed every night. They could do that, since victims rarely died. The little ones took little drinks. And in the morning those who supplied them remembered nocturnal visits by succubi, or incubbi, or aliens, or crack dreams. Name your poison. The choices are endless. Sometimes they played with mortal children. Elves and cherubs made the best 'imaginary' friends. Now there was a ripple going through the ether carrying a message. Edith was coming back and she was bringing about two or three of the Red Paint People with her. Why is she returning? Well, it's like a prophecy with her. She has to be there. She must share her gifts. And she is talented. Walk down a row of Atlantic City slot machines with her and you'll go home richer by far. Those Pineys are something. Let me tell you......Now truthfully, days and nights mean little to spirits such as I. Zebulon tastes them all, light, dark, dawn, gloaming. I like a lot of flavors. So what do I care. That's  why I can't tell you how long Jonathon and Luna (the new one) have been out there. I don't think they're feeding every night. Not him. He wants to go back to the 'visions' and the monthly 'culling' stuff. A good, religious boy, he is. And the Pascal Season approaches, so that only makes him more so. You know, the whole thing about having a 'purpose' and why did God rescue him from Egypt and all of that. He's probably just giving the new one a grand tour. First time out of the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau complex, first time away from Doctor Franklin, first time riding on an escalator...I don't know. A lot of first times......But mark my words. They will all come together eventually. Baylah goes into hysterics when she thinks about it. But who is she to talk? She carries on with Papa AND her rich, mortal financier. Who do you think gave her that gold, diamond bezeled Rolex? Annie's quiet though. Papa scares her. She doesn't want anymore of that 'Pow, right to the sun' stuff. No siree. So she just colors now, or rips the legs off hercules beetles, or sticks her tongue out at wilkravitz or Zeke. You know how she is.......Ah, homelife among the demi-angelic-host. They like that name. Let's see if they can live up to it.......

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A FAMILY ONCE MORE

Jonathon and Luna never went back to the complex. She made her first 'cull' a mercenary bitch trying to rip apart a family, just because the husband was a bit gullible. Actualy, she did it for the children, for she understood what it was like growing up in a truncated situation. Her peeling wasn't so bad. She laughed. Jonathon helped her, as she stood under the shower of the hotel room and came clean. True, Doctor Franklin was not too pleased. He wanted to get his hands on her first. Thought he'd use guilt and loyalty to keep her home with him. The Bureau really wanted a vampire. That would be quite a coup. Now all was not lost, for the wayward daughter had a few chips in her. They slipped them in from time to time to see if she had any 'witchy' things worth observing. She never knew a thing. You've heard of alien abductions? Well these were 'abductions' by a fat, old man and his black suited minions. And since she had them deep within her at the time of her vampiric creation, they were integral to her whole and the body would not reject them. So although she was no longer 'home,' those by the hearth knew every move she made. For the time being, they were content to watch. Papa lead his band out to freedom too. The people at the complex even made a little reception for them. Aroma candles all around, decorations, the mermaid hag played songs on her harp (they had it in her chamber). Some in attendance even shed tears. Franklin shook hands all around, telling each they had a friend in the Bureau. And then they left, snaking through the wee, small hours, heading back toward the museum. Zeke didn't know what he was going to do with them all. He and the other three 'familiar' night guards quickly cleared out a couple more basement storage rooms and let 'em all bed down. It's not like this would be for long. They still had treasure. They still had accounts and money. God knows the old familiars were still there, just waiting to spring into action. Papa probably had a polished-up, sharp-tongued, real estate  woman already out there lookin' for some kinda joint. But that was then. This was now. Sarah was eager to get back with her vampire hubby. She did sense that something was going on. But, she put it out of her mind. It was heart warming to see the young ones. The cherubs flew throughout the galleries of the museum looking at this and that, transfixed by the strange exhibits and diaramas. The guards smiled and chuckled just watching them. Older ones, the elves, I mean, stayed together, holding hands and whispering into each others' beautiful ears. All were safe. All were free. Peace reigned in the vampiric world of Philadelphia, as Jonathon and his concubine made plans to join the rest.......

Saturday, March 19, 2011

AND ONLY THE MOON LOOKED DOWN

Jonathon and his new bride breathed in the chill air. This night was her first time ever out of the compund. She was born there, the daughter of a witch. Not merely a follower of the Wiccan religion, but a true power, a beacon of enchantment. They found her on the streets one night about twentyeight years ago. She was heavy with child. the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau had been observing her for years. But they were afraid to come too close, for a fire-starter this one was. And none were eager to be singed. Yet even a witch faces challenges. The stress of pregnancy did her in. She could not focus. She could not concentrate the light. And in her weakness they descended upon her, spiriting her off to the underground establishment. Doctor Franklin worked his tricks on her. A spark applied here. A chord from the Armonica aimed there. He took notes, lots of notes. But they could find nothing. There seemed to be no physical explanation for the wonders she achieved. So they left her alone, never again to see the sun. The child, a girl as you know, was taken from her. Oh, she saw her passing in the corridors and here and there. Sometimes a hug. Other times a tear. But the girl did well without the witch. Well, I don't know why they continued calling her a witch. The powers never came back. She never worked a miracle again. When she got sick, when she got cancer, the best scientists and physicians (naturally part of the Bureau) could do nothing for her, so she died and was fed to the sharks in another part of the complex. Still, the girl-child thrived. A bright one, she was. Paid attention to everything. Remembered everything. Took it all in. Wrote it all down. They schooled her well, they did. Learned her languages, Spanish, French, Russian, lately a bit of Mandarin too, I'm told. And needless to say, the sciences were not neglected.. She did become a medical doctor. That part was no lie. But she heard tales of her mother. She heard about the powers. And she hungered for them. When Jonathon came in she studied him, focusing on every movement and nuance. She knew. She understood. This was the way. This was the one. Her mother would live again. The power would live in her. And an eightteen year old (in appearance anyway) Andalisian aristocrat would do it. So she befriended him. She 'loved' him. And he gave her the night-gift. She had it now. They stood together on the roof of a former naval observatory, gazing at the moon. Jonathon told her it  was larger than usual. Over thirty thousand miles closer to its sister world it was. And 'the rabbit in the moon' as subjects of The Middle Kingdom called it. was big, sharp and easy to behold. He looked at her. He watched her hair blow in the wind. Like a statue she was. Like a 'Marianne.' Like an emblem of France.And he did love her...after a fashion. She comforted him in his loneliness. So now she was as he was. So now they were together. He kissed her, but her eyes were on the great, wide world......What is  your name? - he whispered, What do they call you?.....At first she was silent. He squeezed her. He hugged her. In truth, I'd guess she didn't want to tell him. Kept it private for so long. Maybe it was a mental issue with her. I don't know. Spirits don't know everything. You know they got locks on some of these doors in the Akoshic Record they do. And I can't slip through all of 'em....So she looks up at the swollen, ivory, moon and she quietly answers - Luna.......He smiles.....She says - I'm told it was a favorite of my mother's. You know she was a great witch and could do many things.......Just at that moment two shooting stars streaked across the firmament. Jonathon chuckled and said - Did you do that?.....Perhaps I did - she whispered. Perhaps I did...........Then he took her by the hand and lead her down the stairs. They ran out into the city, there to eat their fill..........

Friday, March 18, 2011

THERES A MOON OUT TONIGHT...AND TOMORROW AS WELL

Everything went as planned. The higher ups at the Bureau wanted their own home grown vampire and they were about to get one. Jonathon and the young doctorix made love, human love (as vampires are still quite capable of doing), plus the more esoteric, life-eater version. He opened her neck. She moaned. His breath pleasured her. She contorted her throat and arched her back. It was a reflex. And he went in deeper. He could taste her salt and drew out the fluid in great, rich draughts. Her eyelids fluttered. She grabbed his hips and held on tight. And then she felt the cold, dark shiver of oblivion. Her life force, her blood, was within him. And he raked his nails across his own throat  and prepared her to take it back. The blood welled up. He raised her head. Her lips found the cut and she began to swallow. Was this blood? Was it sommething  different? Even the scientists of the Bureau didn't know. And old ones like Papa didn't care. But the circle was complete and she was quickened into a state of being both miraculous and dark. Suddenly it was over. She had the 'gift.' It was within her. She exhaled and relaxed. They went back to the more traditional form of love-making. And all the while, the men from the Bureau watched it all upon their screen.........While in another seclued enclosure, Papa allowed the cherubs to approach him. They fluttered about his body like moths. He held out his arms. He smiled. It tickled, as their tiny, sharp-tipped tongues broke the skin and lapped up tiny drinks. This is how they bond with one another. 'Through the blood, ye shall know them,'is an old vampire proverb. And it is also quite true. The four beautiful elves approached him too. And he hugged each to his chest in their turn, allowing them to draw off a bit of his essence. Baylah stood off to the side softly clapping her hands and singing some sort of hymn. Sarah just leaned against a wall and watched.  And Doctor Franklin, who went back into the chamber to be with them, made circles with his little scooter, as he chuckled and joined Baylah in her song. Papa even motioned to him and called him over. The threehundred and four year old conumdrum pointed to his sweatsuit covered chest and said - Me?.....Papa nodded. Franklin got  off that scooter real fast and did his best old man hobble dance over there. What Luck! He never even hoped  for anything like this. Then the twentyeight thousand year old, sleek, salt and pepper haired gentleman lifted him off his feet, and placed his puckered lips against one of the recent cherub wounds, so he could suck off the last few drops. The whispy haired old wizard chortled with delight.. It seemed everyone within the complex was engaged in rather unusual activities. The mermaid hag in her tank, sang songs to charm the whales (if there were whales). Feral creatures, such as the resident Big-Foot and Jersey Devil, howled at the unseen moon. Tomorrow night would be the young doctorix' First Night (this one did not count for she did not awaken to it in the vampire state). And a special one it would be. The full moon will make its closest approach to Earth in decades. It will appear to be very much larger. The silvery light will splash down like magic. And it is magic. Creatures of the deep will feel it. Land dwellers, such as yourselves will sense something too..In far off Persia, this is the time of The New Year...Well, perhaps those noble poets are right. Expect changes, for the midnight world will assume a new form. And the magic will fill yet another vessel. Maybe she'll tell us her name?......

THIS IS NOT A POST-----this is wilkravitz

It's daytime, human lunchtime. No vampires are around. I'm not sure where they are, but no one is channeling anything through me right now. I think they're all over at that Anti-Enchantment-Bureau compound. I don't know. But Annie is still here. And she wakes up a lot during the day. It doesn't matter to her. We're in a museum. Few of the galleries have exterior windows. If she's careful and avoids certain places (mostly near the entrance) what does she have to worry about? But the facility is 'open for business' during the day, so she does have to spruce up a bit, tone down her act and pass as human. That she can do. It's not hard to pass as a brat these days. In fact, that's what they notice first. They say - Look at that shitty little bitch. And nobody wants to get too close to her anyway.....I think she's playing with the hercules beetles. The live ones, I mean. They have a group of them in a lab upstairs. I don't know what you'd call them. They're so big. What are they, a herd? Zeke's not here. He's night shift. I stay away from most of the day people. Why complicate things? So I'm alone now and I got the keyboard all to myself. No major drama streaming in from the undead. And Little Bastard Annie is busy tormenting some other life form. So let me tap out a few things about myself. First, I'm 6'2" tall (true.. that's not 'internet height' that's.real height). And I weigh about 205 pounds. My hair is buzzed almost to the bone cause some of it ran away from home and it looks better and more stylish this way.  They say short hair looks thicker. When I get it shaved to the bone it's gonna look real thick.I'll post a pic when I learn how.
What can I say. Not a fast learner. I guess I look OK, kinda like a studious, though fit grad student. But a really, really slow grad student. Cause I'm cruisin' 'round passed fifty. I must like writin' them term papers a whole lot. Still, I do look young for my age, like they got this big vat of aloe vera gel at the mall and for twenty bucks a pop they'll lift you up on a winch and plop you down in it. The naked part bothers me a little, but I don't care. I been goin' to this mall since I was a kid, so they know me... So far, I'm holding my own. I like the Jersey Shore (the real one, not the live-action cartoon) all kinds of dogs, just so they don't slip no tongue in my mouth. Some a them get funny that way. I like the idea of cooking, but hate actually doing it because you have to clean up all that crap after and telekenysis almost never works. So neighborhood diner/restaurant fare comprises the major part of my diet. I do try to avoid trans-fatty-acids, but they taste so God damn good! You know what I mean? I always load up at the salad bar (yes, I know what gloopy junk to stay away from.). And if there's like one or two dead bugs in the ice cubes, I don't care. But I do have my limits, 'specially if they big bugs.  I like casual, GAP style clothes (they still around?), but can work a suit when I have to. And that includes the slim 'Mad Men' type. Used to enjoy video poker at Atlantic City, but one day I just discovered that I didn't have the patience for it any more. True, it happened just like that. I wasn't even thinking about it. It just happened...That's when I started blogging... Speaking of the shore, I burn easily too, so I have to be careful. My chin beard is white, yellow and orange...Why, you got a problem with that? And lately I'm a little jumpy where tsunamis are concerned. They play a recurring part in my dreams. I think they mean you're gonna pee the bed or something. That's what a fortune cookie said.. We got some Chinese buffets 'round my way too. But morning bike rides on picturebook boardwalks or through magazine-like residential streets tend to banish tsunami phobia a little, replacing it with a vague, though growing castration complex. I got a get a more comfy seat. And since most of the Jaws movies were over about thirty years ago, shark phobia is startin' to receed a little too. But, you know most attacks take place in three feet of water? That IS true. Oh, yeah, I remember. I was gonna tell you about.... Oh, shit! Annie's comin' back. Next time. Next time. I'll tell you next time. Look at her. She's squeezin' a live rat and carrying a big jar of Ragu (extra chunky) spaghetti sauce. And who the hell do you think is gonna have to clean up that crap!?. Lemme go find a roll a toilet paper...........

I know some a you saw this before. But  this time I made it truer......and if Jimmy Fallon can stick in re-runs all the time, so can I.....

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Now don't be a bunch a lazy slobs. press that SHARE button and it's not like it would kill you to leave us a COMMENT or two. you want people to see YOUR links, don't you? Look,I gotta stop and go to sleep now, 'cause they're gonna dunk me in the aloe vera tank tomorrow....

Thursday, March 17, 2011

MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG

The ventilation system sucked out the miraculous vapor. But that was hardly necessary, for it melted back into the universe in and of itself. Papa stood there. A still sleepy Baylah wandered about smiling and petting the newly reconstituted life-eaters. Sarah spoke. She said - Why did you do this?....Papa wan't going to answer at first. Why should he be required to explain himself. He was reformed now. He had made ammends. That nobody, vampire bitch was whole again. Shouldn't it be enough? But her eyes bore into him. He swallowed and whispered - Because I was angry..... And although he never said it, she picked up the feeling that he was sorry.  And the elves joined hands to dance. Ah, such joyous, innocent creatures they are. The door opened. Doctor Franklin rolled in on his electric scooter. I don't know. Maybe he could have used a booster shot of Jonathon's blood, or perhaps he simply enjoyed controlling the nifty, little contraption. That's not the important thing. He smiled to all assembled there and came to a stop. Then he said - Is everybody happy?....They all just looked at him. Sarah and the little ones had not seen him before. They were unconscious to this world when brought in. So she said - who are you, sir? You seem familiar. Yet I cannot place you.......The old reprobate chuckled and smiled. He clapped his hands. One of the black suited minions quickly trotted in, snapped a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet and held it taut at both ends, right before her face. She stared at it, initially unable to understand his purpose. And then the 'light' went on and she knew........You're Benjamin Franklin? - she said......He nodded and chuckled some more......Albion, the elf prince abandoned the dance and went over to him. He sniffed the Doctor's face, licked his cheek and said - He is that venerable gentleman. I knew him long ago and this is the man.....Franklin held out his hand and the slim, 'young' immortal shook it. A suddenly alert Baylah came over and said - It's true. I know the face...,.....Another minion came in bearing two, brand new, carefully folded emerald green, Eagles' sweatsuits. He offered them to Papa and Baylah. The naked vampires casually pulled them on. Three minutes later the entire party, cherubs and all were gathered in another room, seated round a long conference table. Refreshments were brought in (fragrant aroma candles) and distributed to the life-eaters. Sarah was offered a 'cullable' victim, but she declined. and so they began to discuss things. Papa went along with this affrontery simply because he was curious. Let the old human ask his questions. Papa told him lies......Yet little did he know that the old human knew them as lies and relied not on the spoken word alone.....So they proceeded in this manner for a while. The cherubs flitting about like putti in an old Venetian palazzo. That was their trademark. They did it wherever they went. Indeed, actual cherubs (vampire babies and toddlers, I mean) inspired the painted and sculpted Renacemiento variety. Art imitates life, or after-life. I so easily become confused......But behind a locked door, in a quiet, shadowed place, the young doctorix was not confused. And she took in the everlasting gift from a temporarily beguiled Jonathon, while some within the complex witnessed with delight.....

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

WHO WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE?

They watched. They all watched. Doctor Franklin and some of the gentlemen from the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau crowded in front of the screen. Papa was in the chamber. He was there with Baylah, holding her in his arms. And he hung suspended, occupying a spot in the ether approximately twelve feet above the petrified bodies of Sarah and the little ones. A mist eminated out from his body. Minute points of light sparkled within it. This seemingly living vapor settled upon every surface. It coated the elves and cherubs and dripped throughout the drapes and folds of Sarah's garment. And from somewhere far away, strange chords resonated up from the supposedly sleeping Great Armonica. They were in union, Papa and this unusual machine. The surfaces of the sleeping life-eaters glistened. Stone became smoother, taking on the appearance of skin. And in a series of tiny, baby steps the frozen ones were brought back. Baylah appeared to be sleepwalking. Yet her brows were knit together in deepest concentration. One of the agents left to check on the Armonica. Everyone else stayed just where they were. None dared move. Then it happened. Just a little movement, but you could see it. There, over to the left, toward the corner. One of the cherubs quivvered, much as a baby waking up from a nap. And then it began to spread. Others twitched, stretched and grimaced. Life was returning to the life-eaters. Sarah suddenly opened her eyes. She screamed. She sat up, quicly scrambling to her feet. Her breasts heaved, sucking in the superfluous oxygen. She looked around her and went to the little ones, helping them get up and find their bearings. Some of the cherubs cried. They were scared. She comforted them and they quickly began to flit about the chamber taking its measure. The elves, being more sensitive and astute, looked directly into the camera. Their large eyes filled the screen. And on the other side of that image, the people gathered 'round the flat-screen receiver started to cheer and clap. Doctor Franklin actually cried......Sarah looked up. Her eyes met Papa's. I could not tell what she thought. But he floated down to her, setting a groggy Baylah upon shaky feet.....And in another part of this underground compound, Jonathon bit into his companion. Was it her doing? Was it his? Were other hands at work? What difference would any of that make? A new vampirina was being born at the exact time another still new vampirina was waking up......How were they to reconcile this arrangement? One castle, one queen. But Jonathon/Tomas came from a time and place when castles had women's quarters, when castles had harems.  And a new form of courtly love spread out and settled upon our Philadelphia universe.....What was originally a 'line' was now a triangle. Can you follow, or is the study of romantic geometry a bit  too complicated for you?......

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

ZEBULON, THE SEER

What is that date the pagans make so much of? Oh, yes, I remember, the twentyfirst day of the last month of a year labeled twothousand and twelve. What a joke. All to end before anything  truly worthwhile is even realized. The babbling of carnival tricksters. If I was wont to share the truth with you (and maybe I am) I would tell you that change is coming, but end? No. Look to the life-eaters. Look to the true and noble (what an affectation that other spelling was) life-eaters. They will clear the path. They will devour the wicked. That is their purpose. And it has been sinnce The Beginning of the Chain. May no man know its source. Imagine, a world without hate mongers. A world without murderers. A world without hunger...of any kind.......The one we have all come to call 'Papa' is not perfect. Yet he is the vessel. It all comes forth from  him. Who knows? Maybe he will grow into the role......The Petrified One is made free. The one named for Sarah regains her true skin. Her eyes once more open to the world. Her soul, clear and Blessed. Yet at the same time, other interests gnaw through other walls. And a riival will be born..... Jonathon/Tomas is alert now. He sees the clothes. He sees the raiment of the one called Papa. And he makes a decision. He will do this thing. The Burden will be divided. A new helpmate will be born. He takes her in his arms. She smiles.... He kisses her. He says - Tell me your name......He whispers - I do not know your name.......He feels her heat. He feels her breath. He tastes her very life.... But all she gives him is a smile.......... Chose sides, my children. chose well. For all of you will figure in the outsome..................

I GOT THE COMPUTER! I GOT THE COMPUTER! ITS ME ITS ANNIE!!

this is not one of the real posts. they do not let me touch this thing. I tell them I will not break it. But those shit heads will not listen. wilkravitz is out eatin his pizza. And Zeke, the museum guard is moppin up pigeon shit from the marble floors. (I let them in through this little window I found). But I have been acting gooder. I do not know if it is because I want to be or if I'm just afraid Papa is gonna go POW, RIGHT TO THE SUN! again. I do not like that place. It makes me shit myself. Only I can't shit myself. Do you know I am going to be seven years old soon? Maybe they will make me a party. I could use some new Barbie dolls, 'cause my old ones have a bad habit of getting their heads stuffed down the toilet. We got a lot a toilets at this museum. Some of them aint been stuffed up yet. But I try to do my best. Papa is happy cause I aint bit tooes ooff any sleepin people in a long time. Zekes says its on account a him teachin me to smoke cigarettes. Papa did not like that at first. But Zeke said - What the hell do you care? It aint like she's gonna get cancer. Papa laughed. He said that I already got a bad disease...vampirism....But I dont feel sick or nothing. And I like the part about being able to go pffftt!! and pass through shit. Papa calls it sublamating. At first it scared me. But no more. I like going pfftt!! into the Kids Gap and boostin these really cute tops they got..  Some old bitch started chasing me once. but I turnned and cat hissed at her just as I went ppffftt!! through the wall and she peed herself. I like to make old bitches pee themself. That's one of the funner parts to bein a vampire. they got a lot a fun parts. I will tell you about some. But I cannot do that now, cause that wilkravitz son-of-a-bitch is comin back. I can smell the perreronis in his teeth. So lemme get out a here before he gets mad and I get in trouble with Papa...Besides. I got a few old Barbies I have ta wrap up in toilet paper so I can stick em in with the mummies. ( I leave the heads all naked). People comin through here laugh when they see that.  Zeke say I gonna give him anutter hearty tack.....Oh, oh, oh...he comin...

Monday, March 14, 2011

NIGHT DREAMS AND TRAVELS

Papa left the bed. none would know he'd been there. Jon/Tomas did detect a bit of a scent, but chalked it up to imagination. We all do that. We see things, or hear things....but...it's just our imagination. Yeah, right. Papa left the boudoir, but he remained within the complex, sublimating here and there. Learning things. There was a heated discussion between Doctor Franklin and a few of the other scientists. He wanted to shut down the Great Armonica. He said it wasn't safe and blamed it for 'amplifying' events in Japan. True, experiments pin-pointed certain harmonic hot spots. Yet no one else believed the rather baroque looking device capable of such a thing. But the Doctor knew differently. He felt the truth of it, even though he could not make them u nderstand. Oh, the conversations he used to have with Buckminster Fuller, the plans to reinvent the world. And the weekend  visits of Arthur C. Clarke were quite special too, for they involved not just the reinvention of Earth, but of other worlds as well. Papa smiled. How naive they were. How similar to their philosopher brethren in Atlantis and Lemuria. They'd experimented with 'gross' (extremely large and strong) harmonics too. Learned a lot, when you added it all up. Though they failed to control it. And the 'music of the spheres' did them dirty. You do not believe me? Then ask a Lemurian. Ask an Atlantean. Where are they? No, face the facts. Where are they?...Well, now you know. Oh, a few did manage to get out in time. And maybe they did influence cultures elsewhere on the globe. But that's not the same as surviving as a living entity. Did you ever hear of anybody studying Atlaynu in college? Do you get my point? It's a shame. The cuisine was truly flavorful.......I hate to say it, but the wispy haired old man was onto something. How can they ignore it? Imagination? Hardly....The central island of Honshu slid eight feet to the east. Not millimeters, as often happens after great quakes, but feet, EIGHT OF THEM. Do you know how close to the brink we were? Do you want to know?......Maybe science can't bring back the petrified life-eaters. Maybe it's too risky....But that doesn't mean Papa can't do it. He has other means. At first the Doctor envisioned a web-like conjunction involving his machinery in tandem with the powers of Papa and Baylah. Well, maybe the vampiric powers would be enough? Maybe they would have to be? Papa hovered (still in a state of sublimation) behind Doctor Franklin. He bent low and whispered in his ear. He said - Help is here. Stand your ground. Renounce the crystals (for now anyway) and their sound.....The venerable scientist slowly nodded. Where  did he think the words came from? I don't know. But he knew he'd heard them. And he understood that imagination had nothing to do with it.....Papa floated into Baylah's chamber. She slept, entangled in the invisible, magnetic web. He tickled her and he kissed her. She squirmed. Her eyes opened. She felt him. She felt every part of him. Baylah was sensative that way. He touched her mind. He said - Come with me. Then he moved his arms in the seemingly empty space around her and she was free. At first she started to fall. But he scooped her up. His energy travelled into her, as they drifted off to find the others. And somewhere in another room, Sarah saw a vision in her dream. The endless, gun-metal horizon was no longer empty. Two figures, tiny in the distance, were walking towards her. One was familiar. One was someone she knew. The other being was new. The other being was Papa. Then she heard 'laughter' and turned to see the elves and cherubs flitting about behind her...........A bit later, the young doctorix woke up to go pee. She saw Papa's clothing carefully folded over the chair. But she was half asleep and let the image pass...........Thus speaks Zebulon.....You heard these words from me.........

Sunday, March 13, 2011

MAKE IT SO

As I told you on the twitter device, I am speaking to you tonight. Do I tap this out onto the machine? No. wilkravitz is doing that. I drift into his mind. So here I am, sitting in a rather comfortable chair, watching Tomas (remember, I always called him that) lie  in bed with his currently human pillow partner. She is a pretty little thing. I like the cast of her features, delicate without being severe. Her skin is nice too. Should I do it? Should I join this intimate get-together? Well, it seems I already am. Now I stand. Now I remove my clothing and place it carefully over the chair. I slowly pull down the sheet (ah, how sweet she is) and carefully climb in. Then I pull it back up. The three of us are covered. I snuggle up against her, with my face by her neck. I breathe in her perfume. She senses my exhalation. Her nose twitches. How cute. Now I can do it. I can take her. I can transform her. It will be neat. No blood will spill. Whoever changes these sheets will find nothing amiss. But should I do it? Should I take that task away from him. For I do feel that eventually he will do it. And she will join us in whatever domicile our family inhabits. So the homesick Andalusian, who often speaks of  his uncle's harem, finally starts one of his own. How smooth her back is. How perfect...all of it, down to the shapely legs. I hear the strange notes of the Great Armonica, like a chord eminating from the cosmos. Sarah and the children will awaken soon. I am sure of that too. It will be good to have the elves and cherubs back. I am truly sorry for what I did to them.....Could I go in there and return them with the power of my own mind? Perhaps.....Of course....But I will not spoil Doctor Franklin's fun. He is a wonderful alchemist, no I mean magician...no, no, no, scientist, scientist. I must become used to the popular terms. I must become used to so many things. Just because I've controlled a motor car and ape modern clothing doesn't mean I fathom all their ways. But I will learn. Shhhh, she feels my presence. She presses against me. She finds security. I will not harm her. I will not harm him. I will not harm any of them, even those comical Pineys and others they've come to love. Even Annie...my 'Little Bastard Annie.' Who knows, maybe the elves will civilize her?...........Let me listen to the sleep-breath of my Tomas. For is also dear to me as well....

Saturday, March 12, 2011

FRIENDS AND LOVERS

Jonathon and the doctorix walked through the vast, underground compound. They checked in on the mermaid hag and gave a look to the rest of the unusual specimens. The Bigfoot and Jersey Devil creatures were sleeping. How cute the first one seemed all cuddled up in his sylvan, glass-walled habitat. Look, he's got a half eaten pigeon hanging out of his mouth, the hungry little guy. The doctorix checked the temperature, turned it up a degree and they left, heading back to their plush chamber in Franklin's quarters. Soon they were snuggly nestled in the big, four poster bed. Was it nighttime outside? Well yes, actually it was. But this place had to exterior windows, so que sera, sera. Jonathon/Tomas had fed a 'night' or two before and felt quite comfortable. They gave him some manic hate-monger from the larder. I think he was also a wife-beater. I forget what his specialty was. But Jon/Tomas relished the feast. His sweetie-pie watched. This might have been the second time he'd eaten since he'd been there. That, I do not know. Yet I can tell you this. When he was done, she went over to him. She embraced him. And quick as a wink, she licked the bloody residue from his lips. Hr did not like that. He did not like where this was going and he pushed her away. But the doctorix was determined. She would be the first 'home-grown' vampire in Franklin's employ. Oh, they had come across others. It was their blood which kept Franklin alive all this time. But she'd be the first one 'born' here. The guys in the black suits wanted it to happen too. Jonathon could feel that. So she kissed him and teased him in bed. And she did that little 'horsey-ride' thing she did. Well, this Andaluzian was not one to sit out interesting games. And he played them with the gusto his 'eightteen year old body' enjoyed. Later, when she whispered in his ear annd said - Give me a taste. Kiss me. Let me have it........He just flipped over and ignored her. How could he bring her over? How could he make another potential consort? How could he betray Sarah that way?.....If you were very quiet, you could hear the hum of the Great Armonica. Doctor Franklin often worked late. And he was making progress. Look, didn't he say he learned something from Baylah before. So Jon/Tomas had faith. He knew Sarah would be restored  to him. He knew the 'children' would be back. He knew it....But he also knew the other one 'sleepin' eleven inches away was not gonna give up her plans either. The two of them were so lost in their own vivid desires, they failed to 'hear' Papa sublimate into the room and artfully arrange himself in the big, wing chair..........

Friday, March 11, 2011

PAPA FLOATS THROUGH THE ETHER

Sometimes a dark, early spring night can feel colder and damper than a frigid, dry January midnight. But Papa did not care. Temperature meant nothing to him, so long as it stayed below the ignition point of human tissue. He was still comprised of that. So he hung suspended in the air just above the tallest tips of Number One and Number Two Liberty Place. Let me see. That would put him approximately eleven hundred feet off the ground. He liked it up there. The city sparkled like a set designer's model. He saw the rivers winding through the ordered chaos like gun-metal ribbons. And traffic noises rose up like muffled sounds from a damp forest floor. Heavy jet aircraft traced paths across the misty velvet. And he slept. He could do that. He could chose a spot and float there for ages. Well, so long as it's a spot where the sun don't shine. Papa drifted in and out of lurid dreams. But his internal recreations of past events were so vivid they were equal to time travel. Who knows? Perhaps that is what they are. Rome rules the world. The elite of the empire take their summer ease along the Neapolitan Shore in a sumptuous pleasure town called Pompeii. How Papa liked that place. They worshipped him there. OK, so it was really Baccus. But he was a good actor. And if they wanted Baccus, he would play that part. Ravishing the temple virgins was a special perk, one that he liked best. The  girls were quite special, the daughters of nobles. Some even the daughters of old patrician families. Each one eager to accept his embraces. True they were drunk first. Yes the drums and the flutes and the hoarse 'singing' drowned everything out.. In one corner of his holy site, old crones and old goats ripped live little kids (goatlings, I mean) to shreads. Did they use knives? No, fingernails. It was a religious ritual after all. Had to keep things pure and simple. Other revelers formed naked, human daisy chains, kicking their feet and squeezing their partners jiggly rumps as they danced and snaked their way through the hot, dense crowd. Some made the donation, in order to gain entry. And they kept their robes and clung  to the walls with their friends, pointing and laughing at the others. And Papa held court amidst it all. Oh, he loved his costume. What was it? A crown made of golden grape leaves and a matching torque. Divinity needs little else. The girls flocked to him. But socially ambitious matrons paid dearly for the honor. Not for themselves, but for their daughters. For as of late, the brides of Baccus were prized as wives among wealthy Romans. It was the fashion. And Romans were nothing if not fashionable.  So Papa melted through into a private sanctuary in the back, there to await his 'bride.' Giggling hands pushed the girl in.. The stupid, little thing should have been honored. They bathed her in the finest ungents brought all the way from Persia and doused her with the costliest Egyptian perfumes. What did the little bitch want? Well, I'll tell you what this one wanted. She wanted a seat next to God Almighty. She wanted a place among the elect. This one spent too much time fraternizing with Christians. Now this was before what came to be called the 'Protoschism.' Before all that trinitarian, unitarian brou-haha. So nobody knew what her lable really meant. Who cared. They could kill her anyway. Well, I guess you know where this is going. She starts crying and coughing and choking and pleading. She gets a knife (passed to her from a friend) and tries to slash her divine 'date's' face. But even though Papa wasn't a god, he was still miraculous. So what could she do to him? Nothing and that only made it worse. She starts yelling 'demon' and 'devil' and ...I don't know what else. Zebulon hates scenes like this. Then she raises the knife (everyone gasped) and plunged it into her own neck, bathing the sanctuary in blood...human blood...apparently a big no-no. People saw. Revelers knew. Everyone instantly sobered up and an eightyfive percent naked crowd of old, wealthy Romans went running out into the streets. They manically scraped at their skin trying to dig away the taint....That was it. Baccus was 'out.' No one lit his insense. No one said his prayers. Should Papa have taken it personal? Of course not. But he did. You know how moody he can be. And twelve nights later, Vesuvius errupted, burying the town in searing, noxious batter. Oh, it was terriblly wonderful to behold. The special effects were marvelous. Papa out did himself. The screams. The pain. The torture. The pathos. What, you doubt him? Remember, he was twentysix thousand years old even then. And vampires soak up power like a sponge. So now he wants to reassemble a 'family.' Yet make no mistake about it. He also means to be top dog. Could he even imagine anything else?...No.... Who's gonna be able to control him?.....Even a benevolent diety throws thunderbolts now and then.......Look, his eyes are opening. The wind ruffles his hair. He picks up the scent from the old shipyard and begins to float in that direction...........

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A SUBTLE TOUCH

Annie stood on a stool and leaned over the old, chipped counter in a little kitchen used by the staff. The sink was filled with dirty dishes from the night shift. Sticky 'lunch' plates and everything else. She had to wash them. Papa made her do it. He threatened her with another 'Pow, right to the Sun!' punishments. And she did not exactly like that. So she washed. But she splashed. Zeke, the night guard who got along with her, ate an apple as he watched her work. Squirt, squirt from the lemon dish soap. Wipe, wipe with the new sponge. Shake, shake over the sink. Rinse again and jam into the plastic rack. Actually, I think she liked it. She said - I remember eatin shit with these...Zeke said - A little fart like you don't needa talk that way, you little fart you.... But she just gave him a dirty look, as she blew the hair outta her eyes.... He continued - And what  do you know about eatin' like a hooman, you little demon you?.....I know I can use 'em to stab your eyes out - she whisperd. And besides, you take plenty a drops when you can git it.......She meant the blood. Zeke, like all the other familiars, was hooked on the blood. It made 'em feel good, healthy like and light on their feet. So he just nodded when she said that and threw his apple in the trash. Papa was out for the evening. Probably wandering 'round the shipyard, tryin' to sniff out what he could about the others. Oh, he knew they had Baylah in there. I'm not too sure whether she was such a good 'sender' or he was a better 'receiver.' But  either way, they managed to get together.  So he was just biding his time.  Let that old Doctor Franklin and his cronies do their stuff. Let 'em bring the others back. Papa felt bad about them elves and cherubs. He missed 'em too. But he had faith in that dirty old man......Now Baylah was stuck dab in the middle of the same magnetic field as Jonathon/Tomas was when he first got here. Only she agreed to it. They told her it was because they had to study her in order to determine if she was basically the same type of creature as Jonathon and any other vampires they happened to encounter over the years. Well, it don't take much to get an exhibitionist like Baylah to peel down for nobody. And she jumped up into that invisible spider web like a schoolyard snot-nose onto a trampoline. Started wavin' at folks and twistin around. I heared about pole dancin' but this was much better. People came in to watch. A lot of the guys in the black suits filed in. I think somebody even put on some music. If I remember right, it was some of that Lady GaGa whatja mi callit. People even clapped. Baylah said - Thank you very much. Make sure you tip the waittresses on your way out........Doctor Franklin smiled. He just fiddled away with them knobs  and toggle switches. The pretty, young doctorix (who we all know by now wanted Jon/Tomas to make her into a vampire) dictated some readings into some kinda magic-talkin' machine. And then it was over. That magnet contraption began to hum down. Baylah slowly descended to the floor. Somebody handed her a robe. She thanked them and threw it over a shoulder and went over to talk with some of them black suit guys. Jonathon asked the Doctor. He said - Are we all alike? What did you learn?..........The jowly old gent (wearing one of his favorite, green Eagles sweatsuits) answered - Yes, but there are subtle differences, rather like a fingerprint. Remember, she comes fom another 'chain.' Papa, the one responsible for you, didn't make her. She comes from a lady life-eater, so the 'hormones' or some  force like them, are a bit divergent. Now Sarah commes from the same chain as you. That's obvious. You made her. But our beautiful, tawny princess might just supply something we need to bring the others back........Papa was listening through about twentytwo feet of concrete. And he was sure he could sublimate through, 'cause he really did want to be there. But he waited. The night was close. Though it was not tonight......... So he 'culled' hisself two low lifes outside the wrong type a tattoo parlor and then walked back home.....

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION

So I knew it would go down that way. They found the guy behind the dumpster just outside Margate, which is about five miles from Atlantic City. But they didn't exactly find him. They found the residue, the part left after the blue fire does its business. The cops did not know what to make of it. The medical examiner almost had a stroke. They were living through an episode of The X Files. Shit like this was not supposed to happen. But it did happen. And they shut it up. The wife was told, strictly off the record of course, that her son-of-a-bitch, low-life huzzzbandd was a victim of spontaneous human combustion. She got a lawyer (another scum bag). She got a doctor, a friend of her hubby's. And they couldn't  find nothing different. Still she would not give up. That's when some big guy from the casino operator's commision or some place contacted her. They don't appreciate crazy stories like that. It tends to scare the marks away. Sends 'em to Philly, or Delaware, or some flea bitten bingo parlor or something. So they tell her to shut up and if she does, they will give her a check for sevenhundred and fifty thousand dollars. Now her hubby was worth some money. But three quarters of a million dollars for nothing is still three quarters of a million dollars for nothing. So she shut up. She shut up real good. And nobody actually suspected me. I was the one who came back to the table. I was the one who fiddled with the melted ice cream in my dish, just like I was really eatin' it. It's not like they did not also find human urine behind that dumpster. Hell, lots of guys pissed back there. And it was too old. They couldn't tell who it dripped out of.. So what we had was just another case of that pesky spontaneous human combustion. You gotta be careful child. There's a lot a that shit goin' 'round. What did I do? I stayed put for a couple weeks. Then I left. Who was gonna stop me? My rich boyfriend? Look, I love him and all, but what the hell could he do? And he knew that. He knows what I am. After a few days, he came back too. So I wandered around the city picking  up on things. I can sense things real good. Good as any of them Pineys we had with us. I knew where Jonathon was . I sniffed out that Papa dude. For a while I was gonna  hook up with him. But I also detected the stink of that little Annie.  And I did not want to be a nurse maid to some bitchy, little, dead, white girl. The hell with that. So I hung around the old shipyard. Those guys in the black suits thought I was some kind of street walker. But I schooled them real fast. Showed 'em my fangs. Let 'em feel 'em too. Told 'em I knew they had a vampire in there. Said I had something to tell them. So the next thing you know, I'm relaxing in  a jacuzzi, when this old, fat putrid lookin' white man comes rollin' in. I look at him and it's like I'm gonna go crazy, 'cause here is the guy from a one hundred dollar bill asking me if I want an extra towel. Yeah I took that towel. And damned if he didn't watch me dry off. I asked him. I said - Who the hell are you, Ben Franklin? He just smiled and belched and I knew that he was. We all heard stories about him. That he never died and all. Oh, he was no vampire. this was something else. I heard those tales. But I never paid much attention to them. What  do I care what the bastid who invented bifocals does? But now it seems he has invented a lot more than that. And in the nights to follow, I was able to help him very, very much........

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

VAMPIRE MARDI GRAS

Papa toyed with the idea of crucifying little Annie. It might not destroy her, but it would tend to teach her a lesson. She just wouldn't stop messing with the mummies and certain people in administration were getting a bit touchy over that. He had to pay them off with countless tiny vials of his blood. And if this stuff went on, hallf the population of Philadelphia would be over one hundred years old in a few years. Well, 'few' to a vampire. He could sneak up on her and grab her, then (real fast) drain away a lot of her blood. But that would only drive her out on the streets lookin' for refills. And what with Mardi Gras and all, Philadelphia Vampirism did not need that. So he scared her. Put a little thought in her head. More than a thought, actually. It looked real. What'd he do? He 'transported' her all the way out to the corona of the sun. Left her twitchin' and hangin' above the very surface of hell. She cried and cried. It was almost a shame. I think she even peed herself a little. And don't ask me how a scrubby vampire brat can do that, but she did.. Oh, she promised, she promised to be good. No more messin' with them mummies. No more twistin' 'em into nasty positions. None of that stuff. And he trusted her, not forever, but say like for the next fortyeight hours. So he dumped her in a room with a not too grateful familiar, threw in a bunch of new coloring books and crayons and stomped out. Ah, the air outside felt good. Winter was dying. Spring was pushin' out. And everybody less than thirty years old was makin' for a monster drunk on South Street. Mardi Gras! And why not? The atmosphere in the old districts of this town have their own special romance. None of that wrought iron stuff. But if you forgot about all the drivin' to the right, you might think you were in London or something. And the cozy, trendy boites on South Street (where the hippies meet) were ready for it. Now Papa did look his best. Sharp styled salt and pepper hair. Trim, little Jimmy Fallon suit (but in a 46 long) and tight, close-fitting, walkin' boots. A regular Mardi Gras gent, he was. Had a list. Not on paper. In his head.  Two, maybe three bad individuals gonna go poof into blue flames tonight. One of 'em was sittin' in the Old Bookbinder's seafood house right now, scarfin' down a beeeg lobster. Givin' some to his bouncin' around little sweetie too. Man could that girl chirp. She HAD to know she was actin'? But he didn't care. Why should he? It was just a hobby. But the way he exploited innocent young kids in that corporation of his wern't no hobby. And that stuff wasn't nice. Worked them to death for a year. Sat down when it was time to talk about the first raise, then fired 'em. Why be fair when you can count on a new wide-eyed crop each year? But one young girl took it personal. She really needed the money. Her family had problems. Boss man didn't wanna know. Hell, he didn't even care. And she wern't the only one. So a little bit later tonight, after he ate and after he left a hefty tip (never knew who might be watching) this son-of-a-bitch gonna pay the piper. The other one on the list was even worse. A clergyman of sorts, some kind of priest. But this one be jonesin' more for young nubile kiddie-bodies, than for savin' they souls.  So he was gonna twist real good before his passin'. The third one? Well maybe Papa'd let that bastid live, since he was tryin' to be moral and all. Since he wanted to go back to the 'once a month, only culling the bastids in visions ' rule. You know how it is? He ran his tongue over them teef. Sharp as ever. Then he strolled into a likely spot for a shot o' Jack. No, he did not drink it. Just enjoyed the aroma, I guess. And then again, he may a been takin' inventory. Were you in that place? Who knows. You could be next.....It's time to go mop up that business executive dude now. Probably gonna shuffle him off into an alley. Maybe crush his wind pipe a little, shatter a wrist or two. Nothing fancy. Just good old basic fun.......Make him shit hisself a little. I like to watch. I know it's bad, but Zebulon likes to watch......Hope I'm sayin' this right. The creole accent I am tryin' to affect is not natural to me. But....allez le bon temp roulez!.....Did I get is right?....................................................................................NOW FOR ALL YOU WANTIN' TO TES' YOUR ESP ABILITIES.....HERE GOES.......THIS IS WHAT WE WERE 'BROADCASTIN''..............1) Up till WWII, many world leaders employed vampire bodyguards, but with the advent of intrusive mass media, they had to stop..........2) In fact, one of the former First Ladies of the United States had a vampire 'walker' to escort her on those occasions when the President was not available.........3) A group of vampires (big ones from history) are operating a string of Pizza Huts up in Alberta, Canada right now as we speak....Why Pizza Huts? Don't ask me. They crazy that way.