Wednesday, April 13, 2011

SCIENCE AND MAGIC...IN THE WONDERLAND

Roland will finish his story soon. But sommething came up and I want to tell you about it. Doctor Franklin and the guys at the Bureau have been doing some experiments on J. Fred Muggs, the killer, vampire chimpanzee. It appears that he needs a 'kill' on the average of once a week. They gave him victims from the criminal cache they keep for such purposes. Only it's not the same. He's like an animal. OK. OK. he is an animal. And apparently he has to hunt. He craves it. Without the chase, he grows lethargic and depressed. So they've been driving him out to remote sections of the Jersey Pine Barrens, just a few miles further out from where Edith and the Red Paints are from. There ain't no 'Devils' (Jersey Devils, I mean) around there, so they don't have to worry about him depleting a threatened species or anything. He still winds up with one of the guys from the criminal cache. They truck one out, kick him in the ass and let him loose. But  first they tag him with this little camera. Muggs is all wired up too. Then its 'release the hounds!' And they sit back and watch. No one has ever studied a vampire like this. Sure, he's only 99% the same as a human vampire. But beggars can't be chosers. Some monitors record vital signs, body temerature, brain waves, physical arousal, everything. So far it all looks quite natural. He reacts just like any other large predator. We still can't tell if he hones in on scent, or sound, or something else. It's exciting. Papa went once. This means a lot to him. Remember, what we call organized religion happened when he was already over twentythousand years old. Sure, his people were reverent and observant in their own way. That's why they sent him out to bring back a life-eater. But nobody back then was as dogmatic as most groups get today. So Papa's always had his doubts. Jonathon doesn't. He don't work that way. It's a 'call.' He got it from Heaven. It's a job. God wants it. That's it.  Me? I don't know. Sure, I'm a disembodied spirit. Yeah, I've been allowed to peek into Heaven a few times. But don't ask me who built the place. What? You wanna know if I've ever felt the presence of God? Well, I think I did. I hope that's what it was. But I don't know. Look, what I know and what I believe are two different things. Sometimes three different things. So we're gonna have to see how this all plays out. And even then, all we're gonna know is a little more about the fundamentals of vampirism. Can you imagine the PBS special they'll make out of this one!? Little kids would watch it. They'd yell - Mom! Can I become a vampire when I grow up?..........Mom yells back - Sure, just so you go to med school first!.........Well, Zebulon don't see any contradiction in that.....Now getting back to Muggs. When he drains the blood, it all goes into his stomach, just like normal food would. Only it don't futz out his ass and turn into vampire turds. He wears these special diapers. They'd know. What happens is, it fizzes up and eventually disappears into nothing. They're pretty sure his body absorbs moisture from it. But that's all they know. Franklin wants to hook up one of the human vampires. So far he's got no takers. Not even Luna and she grew up with him. Oh, yeah, something else. A guy at the bureau has this plan. He wants to use Muggs to  take care of Johnny Jump Up. He thinks Muggs could kill him in a 'fair' fight. Can you imagine, a 'fair' fight between a killer monkey and a zombie-like, anorexic corpse? Man, which cable network gonna pay for the rights to that one?! J.J.U. has been a bit quieter though. Edith says it's little Mary French doing it. You know, that little cherub baby he killed. She says her soul is calming him. I don't know. I pray to God (I hope it's God) she's right.....Look, Roland wants to finish his story. He's a good boy. You should see him playing Tickle Me Elmo with the cherubs. They love that doll. Could play with if for hours. I'm gonna go 'poof!' inside his brain and call him over. Charlie, the Red Paint guy can fill in with the little ones.......

It is I, Roland. I appreciate this opportunity to communicate with you once more, praise The Lord...All would have been well with my sister and I, for we soon learned to forsake the regular travellers and focus on the outlaws, of which there were many. Our habits became tied to the full moon. We killed but once each month. Well, once each lunar month to be exact. And our needs were met. I'm sure there are still others like us inhabiting remote forests all over the world. But theives knew of our cave. In the past, some of them used it to hide treasure. And some of them came back. They crawled through the twisting, narrow passages, coming upon us as we slept. You might think a vampire would wake up at the slightest stimulation. But we were children. We were innocent. We were tired, so we slept. The theives, being wise to the ways of the underworld, knew us for what we were. And in an effort to gain favor with the mayor of a nearby town, not to mention the bishop, they informed on us. That night when we got up to go on our rounds, they caught us. There were dozens of them. They waved torches. They swung clubs annd jabbed with swords. Now today I know about sublimation. I know about flying. I feel my powers. But this was back during our first weeks. We knew nothing. So we cried. We curled up on the ground protecting our wounds. Fawns brought down by wolves. They bound us in chains. Two heavy, iron chests were dragged out. They threw me into one and my sister into the other. We cried. We begged. We pleaded with them not to seperate us. But they just laughed. I never found out what happened to my sister. And I don't know where they took me, or how long I was in there. The monthly hunger came and went. My body grew weaker. But I could not die. Now it seems there were other vampire round ups,  young ones, elves like me, I mean. And a few others were jammed into the chest with me. They hoisted us up onto a strong waggon and drove  to a jagged, rocky cliff, where they hurled us over into the cold, churning sea far below. The currents brought us out into the depths. Could we drown? No. But it still hurts when your lungs fill up with salt. My companions tried to pray. That did not last long. For a soothing spiritual balm began to settle upon us, wrapping each in pleasant memories and dreams. Now the princes of the sea, the great whales, sensed our presence. And they patiently nudged us along until we washed up upon a New World coast.....But I still never found my sister........

1 comment:

g.fenge said...

Exceedingly moral, Spanish/Sephardic vampire - love it!