Thursday, November 10, 2011

SHHHHH....THEY GOT MOTH-MEN AND CREEPY SPACE MEN OUT THERE

I didn't traverse the sea with the vampires. They asked me to stay back with Edith and the juveniles. They like me. I play with them. So I don't mind. We have some treasure stashed around here. Money won't be a problem. In fact, Edith and her husband (I wish I could remember his name...she calls him 'hey you!' or 'tell that skinny son of a bitch') are over at the Hammonton Lowe's right now buying some new laminate wood flooring for the cabin. She calls it a bungalow. But to me it looks like a cabin.

The elves love the freedom they have around here. They don't have to worry about people seeing them and all. One of the Red Paint guys says some mafia guys seen 'em. But who they gonna tell? Shit, they were plantin' somebody. So what if a couple of curious flying Justin Biebers and their equally exotic etherial Olson Twin girlfriends were flitting about through the treetops? Everybody knows how strange the weather's been lately. Fuhged aboudit.

I met a few other Pineys. They are some interesting individuals. One guy speaks in tongues. But all he knows is real juicy languages, so you gotta stand back a few feet. I don't know how people ever got 'intimate' in the land where they talk that language, 'cause everytime you go to speak soft in somebody's ear, they wind up gettin' all wet. Jus wanna push  you the hell out the car and say - Leave me the f**k alone, you sloppy bastid! But the others showed me how to hypnotise earthworms and levitate 'em up outta the dirt a little and that part was all right.

Edith says she feels the enemy. Keeps havin' those dreams. Keeps seein' what she calls Moth-Men standin' in the dark. They got a lot a dark 'round here...in the Pines, I mean. Sometimes one a the cherubs will all of a sudden laugh and point off into the shadows. They'll start kickin' their chubby legs and clappin'. But nobody's there. Once some strange guy...a human guy, I mean, came stumblin' outta the brush, moanin' and all. Holdin' his hannds out in front a him, like Frankenstein. But he had to do that. He couldn't help it, 'cause his eye-balls was all sucked out. We couldn't tell untill he got in closer. When he collapsed one a the elves tried fixin' him up. Think it was the Alpha Elf. Think it was Albion. He bit into his finger tip and when it started to bleed he wiped it around in the socket hoping to grow some new eye-balls or somethin'. But that only made the human guy thrash around and scream. I don't know. Maybe it'll take a few nights. Edith's husband poured about two cups a Piney Punch down his tater chute. That shut him up real good. He saw Moth-Men too, before they sucked out his eye-balls, I mean.

Sometimes I forget I'm human. That is an easy thing to do considering the kind a company I keep. Saw a shriveled up old merman swimmin' down the river the other night. We got lots a little rivers in the Pines. Guess he came in from the ocean. They hardly ever do that, but the aliens, or the enemies, or whatever you want to call 'em got them all spooked too. Jus' think what it would be like if Edith's dream comes true. Whole mess a merfolk fish-floppin' around on the cold, hard seabed, staring up at the roiling sea floatin' on high where the sky should be. I don't even like to picture it.

Yeah, them space devils is havin' their way with us. But Papa will think a somethin'. He's got lots a powers. He is the Swiss Army Knife a powers. Reanate's the same way. And there must be other old one out there. Damn, I wish I was over in Jerusalem. Could go for a good felafel right now.................

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