Sunday, December 18, 2011

FLASH!!! BREAKING NEWS FROM SOURCES SCATTERED ABOUT THE COSMOS

This will have to be done quickly. News is coming in from all over. I can't keep it all straight in my head. Some comes from Circus Towne City, on Mars. Another stream seems to originate with Jonathon, deep within the Saturnian atmosphere. The third one has a lot of static. I think it's a kid telling dirty jokes on a 'ham' radio. Now his father's calling him a 'lousy, little bastid.' Now the kid is wailing.Wait, wait, wait...Mars is back. Scientists on the Red Planet detect an incremental, but steady rise in gravitational level. It's as if the center of the 4,000 mile wide orb suddenly accumulated more mass. And the barely there Mars magnetic field is regenerating. A team of explorers reconnoitering remote areas report spotting a six foot tall, vaguely human looking person exiting a narrow, crack-like cave opening. His uniform failed to match any currently in use among the refugee/colonists. A small 'breathing apparatus' mounted on a ring around his collar bone and rising up to a point approximately two inches in front of his mouth enabled 'him' to breathe the inadequate atmosphere. A hastily made video of the encounter is currently being evaluated by Dr. Franklin and his team, who've christened the mystery man 'Squanto' in honor of  the Pilgrims first 'Indian' contact.

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AND NOW FROM SATURN----- In all honesty, Jonathon expected to be completely crushed by the monstrous, coppery ball bearing. He and his companion, the Resurrected John Lennon, were forced to lie flat on their backs, as the huge metallic globe bore down upon them. The one thousand year old (though in his eighteen year old 'human' body) vampire believed destruction was imminent, since no 'life-eater' has ever survived such complete devastation, You can't build Mr. Peanut out of peanut butter, if you know what I mean. Yet the Resurrected John Lennon remained cool during the whole ordeal. At the point when the giant metal ball was about to literally pulverize their bones, he simply giggled with delight, raised  his head and kissed it.Approximately one six thousandth of a heartbeat later, it crackled out of existence and was instantaneously replaced by an elderly white woman bearing a striking resemblance to the Late Eleanor Roosevelt., though incongruently sporting a PENN STATE cheerleader's uniform, which did nothing for her, if you want to know the truth. The one-time First Lady said something to the former Beatle in a language unknown to our still unnerved vampire. Then she rolled off the long-haired Brit and laboriously rose to her feet, tooting out a few wet, slimy farts in the bargain. To Jonathon, they smelled like rancid meat balls. Our traveling duo followed the ancient cheerleader, as she led them into a thick, swirling, pale orange cloud bank rising five hundred miles above their heads. Remember, we're not in Kansas anymore {footnote - although the aliens do sometimes refer to our sun as 'Kansas,' since it is the only name ever given it in all of human culture via the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz }. The unbelievably vast golden platter (upon which they were walking) disappeared as soon as they entered into the gaseous, orange malestrom ...........wilkravitz (our Earth-bound channeler, currently residing deep in the Jersey Pines) was unable to 'hear' anything after that, but is prepared to speculate that the First Lady knows secrets relating to altered conditions on Mars and perhaps on Earth, as well....... Please forgive me for jumping from first person to third person, but it's freezing here. And YES, we have begun cooking cock roaches, though no one has actually eaten any yet. A few packets of Old Bay crab seasoning discovered in a kitchen cabinet promises to make the meal somewhat palatable. Our 'cooks' notice the flesh swells up a bit when boiled attaining a white, opaque look, close to that of shrimp. And the carapaces take on a dark, red, translucent appearance. Mr. Edith thinks he knows where there might be some old potatoes.......Oh, and one more thing. There's an ominous low rumbling noise, like thunder, but deeper, from far up above the sky...

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