It's me, wilkravitz. No... wait, wait, wait...that's my twitter name. My flesh and blood one is Billy Kravitz. And I'm still stuck here in this parallel universe. You know nine percent of the male population in North America is named 'Billy.' And Gladys Kravitz' husband, Abner, was a retired cantor. Now, why did I say that? I think the fever is making me delirious. I'm sweating and shivering too. Edith says it'll pass. But her husband, Mr. Edith ain't so sure. Says I may not be used to all the 'bugs' they got in this place, like Tijuana Poo Poo, or Ga-Ga-Fritzie disease. Can't even get shots, 'cause lotsa docs grabbed what they could outta hospital pharmacies before running away to hide with their families. The Red Paint people have some herbal remedies. I'm on one now. Tastes like rancid garlic and Fluffer-Nutter. Could use a little more rancid garlic, if you ask me.
A lot a folks are scared Pin Head Mel got caught by a band a 'noxious' vampires. The cherubs been crying lately... too scared to fly around. They sense something. It's pathetic. They're so scared. Edith and the other women hold 'em and rock 'em and sing to 'em.We all got itchy,little bites from 'em. The elves and cherubs, I mean. Nobody minds, 'cause they don't take much blood... just little nips. You should hear 'em gurgle with delight when they get some.. It makes me feel good. The only adult vampire, a 'noble' one, I mean, we got with us is Baylah. She slinks off into the dark once in a while, hunting for 'food.' But the noble ones are all right. They just go after weird perverts and evil shitheads and stuff.. So far she ain't complaining. I guess the Jersey Pine Barrens got an adequate supply.
Baylah picks up like little mental tweets from Blackie and Minnie back in Philadelphia. It's worse in the cities. People got guns. People got pepper spray. Gangs roam the inky blackness armed with big, super-sized cans a Aqua Net and Bic lighters. All you gotta do is ignite a spritz and you got a cheap, but serviceable flame thrower. Who knew they carried such cutting edge military equipment at the dollar store?
Mr. Edith picked up a story on the radio. Government's gonna send a few a the gung-ho vampires they been keeping in the Pentagon on a mission. Look, that ain't no secret anymore. Everybody knows about vampires now. At least in THIS dimension they do. I don't know how it is in my real dimension, 'cause I can't tell when we branched off. Happy-the-Clown could be running for President of the United States there right now, for all I know. But the guy on the radio says they want to send some a the vampires with good 'sublimation' skills on a mission. Want 'em to fly up outta the atmosphere and explore the Great Sky Sea we got surrounding us. I don't know what the hell they can do about it.
The people they got out on Mars, the ones in Circus Towne1 sent back pictures. They got 'em just before the sky lakes expanded and merged into the Great Sky Sea. But nobody likes to look at them, 'cause it's too scary.
Them what knows says it's gonna get even colder. Earth's givin' up its last little bit a solar radiation. It rises up into space, warming the waters of our briny shell. Then it goes wanderin' off into the cosmos. But we can't get no more warmth from the sun. Oh, the sun sends it, alright, but it just bounces off them shining sky waves and goes poof. Might as well just flush it down a giant toilet.
Earth must look real pretty from somewhere's else right now. Must look like a real big, glittery mirror. Bet it even outshines Venus. You will have to excuse me, but I gotta stop typing this. Them elves is pesterin' me to play Yatzee with 'em. No sign a Pin Head Mel, so they called off the search til 'morning.'...... God knows when that'll be....
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