Friday, May 13, 2011

MOVIE TRAILERS OF HORRORS YET TO COME

this is not johannan. I am another soul. the state of my salvation is none of your concern. you may like to absorb what I say. the old world is different than your candy flavored nation. our history is real history. yes, yes, yes, I know you have 'old' cities. I know all about philadelphia and the aztecs and beverly hills. so do not think I am a stupid. If you do I will see that you suffer. and I am very proficient at that. I came to share information. I came to tell you of the noxious ones. you have not met them yet. so forget about these matinee idols. forget about their luscious, pampered whores. I spit on them. If I had hands to grasp a bull whip, I would whip them all to death. I would whip them til the air was sprayed with blood. And then, if I had feet, I  would dance. Just like the Wham-O Slip and Slide it would be. Ooh, I love de American toys.

but the noxious ones, what makes them so? what makes them wild and  real  and  visceral? oh, come on. do not make me have to kill you now. there are those I could call.  you do not want to hear the quiet knock.  but why is a wolf different than a pomeranian, or a leopard fiercer than a sleek, soft siamese? do we have time ? no, we do not. but I will tell you what I can. how joyful would you be, had your dam dropped you in the woods? how would you look if you had to scrach and fight and claw for every scrap of food? hide from the scortching sun deep within the bowels of a dead and bloated horse. imagine the tomb. contemplate the silence of the grave.. a new vampire, a novice, ignorant of life-eater ways. bound in chains and bundled in a coffin. thrown into the Earth and buried in the clay. would it take you hours to break free, or days? and what about your mind, or what was left of it, how pretty would the dreams inside it be? hate would be your blood and death would be your food. Revenge would be your soul and the cold, dark, lonely places your only grudging refuge........the footstep in the forest. the laughter on the moor. a stranger to the world of men. the scratch upon the door......you know what they are?.....they are to the noble vampires what that breed is to squealing, panty-clad  sorority girls........get ready for the fight..........a spiritual 'boy' and his equally innocent wifey-kins, on pilgrimage to far judea?...what chance do they have? oh, God who rules the Universe, what help will you provide?

'LIFE' is LIFE

Annie's been wanting to go to Disney World. But Papa and 'mama' vampire (Luna, I mean) are not about to do that. So they compromised and took her to Dave & Busters. Not that they were gonna stuff her up with cheese burgers and chicken fingers. And when a friendly staffer noticed they weren't eating, 'Mama' smiled her most selfcentered version of a sincere smile and said - Oh, no, ..peanut allergies. Papa quickly added - We just come for your great games!.....He showed that staffer a cup filled with tokens (probably fifty bucks worth), so she was all happy. You know the type, bucking for an assistant managership, or somethin'.

They played skee-ball and whack-a-mole and some shoot the ducks game. The little 'six' year old vampire shit head won a few coupons. She traded 'em in for a plastic water pistol and a pack a 'sea monkeys.' Only when they got home and added water, she threw a coniption fit 'cause they didn't look like no monkeys to her. So Papa called her an ungrateful, troubled child. But Edith didn't like that, because she knew what Annie could do. And they don't need no cheap-suited bitch from Department of 'Human' Services comin' 'round, wiping the spit from the corners of her mouth while she's givin' them the fish eye. So Luna gave her a 'C' note to keep her quiet. Annie said she wanted two of 'em. Papa crumpled up the second one and threw it at her. But she didn't care. She just scooped it up and ran away. Locked herself in her sleeping cabinet downstairs. She's got a mess a fashion magazines from the CVS thrown all over the place and a bunch a free pens one a the Red Paint guys gets at the bank. Little whats'is uses the pens like knives to X out all the eyes and fancy boobies in them glossy pages. Who they gonna take her too? You don't happen to know of any vampire-child head shrinkers do ya? They try to get her to mix in with the elves, only they don't want no parts of her. Them cherubs cry when she comes 'round. Edith says she pinches 'em. Nobody knows what to do. Baylah comes by when she's not runnin' to the shore. Takes her into Center City. Buys her new sneakers, some black, tight whorey lookin' outfits for them Barbies, maybe a couple aroma candles. That works for a few hours. Over thirty thousand years (total) a vampire 'abbra-ka-whoosis'  at our disposal and this all we can do. It is pitifull.

Now they're lookin' for some regular child psychologist who maybe got converted  to vampirism. wilkravitz thought he found one on the computer. But it turned out to be some whack job eleven year old with  a colorful assortment of  her own problems. Annie got all excited. Wanted to go meet her. Wanted to go kill her is what she did. So we're still lookin'. It is hard. Apparently you won't find too many of 'em advertising in the Philadelphia Magazine. Maybe we will have to look in some other publication.

Evelyn from next door still snoops around. But a little squirt a vampire blood every now and then takes care a her. Cleared up her adult onset acne pretty good. Oughta be happy 'bout that.

Ooh, before I forget. Papa knows what's happening over in the old world. He can feel it. He can see it. Even knows what went on in that 'Other Place.' What, you think in twentyeight thousand years he ain't never been no where? Nothing is new to him. Sure he misses 'em. Jonathon really is the same thing as a son to him. So I guess he just looks at this as his son's semester overseas. They'll be back. Maybe bring him some a them nice cashmere scarves they sell over in Italy. They oughta be headin'  that way soon anyway. Better stay away from them 'noxious' types. You know who they are? Kinda like them hissy-faced, nasty, trifflin' muthas  you see on TV. Look like they escaped from some vampire ghetto somewhere. Shit, when will people learn?..........