Thursday, January 19, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Foundation

All the folks in the big house are sleeping now, so this is a good time to learn you all how it started. You know your Pilgrim stories? Well, it warn't like that. No, siree. Not one little bit. Maybe we gotta look back to them what founded New York, or New Orleans. Them folks came for the money. They came for the resources...for the good stuff. In the early days it was furs. Then they pimped out cotton and corn. Mars was no different. Earth had Cristobal Colon, nobody says 'Colombus' no more. OK, OK, OK, I know his real name was Christofero Colombo, but 'Colombo' ain't nuttin' but a yogurt. You got that? And Cristobal Colon worked for the government. He sailed for that pervert, people-roaster Queen Isabel and her frou-frou husband, whats-his-name. You know, the one dressed like the Burger King? Guys came after him worked for the government too. But then came the free booters and the pirates and the ladies and the families. Before you know'd it they got general stores and hurdy-gurdy men. Mars growed up that way too.


Let me set it out for you. In the year 2028 the first humans came over. A bigger moon expedition, that's what that was like, 'cept they flew a lot faster...a lot farther too. First man to set foot on the place wern't no man. He was a WOMAN and her name was Sally Ginsburg. It warn't supposed to be her. They had some Buck Rogers guy all picked out for the honor, but he got a case a the shits eighteen hours before touchdown. So he stuck up in the space Winnebago, wit his ass plastered down on a vacuum toilet readin' old issues a Consumer Digest or somethin', while Miz Sally sashayin' 'round somewhere north a the Valle Marinarus. You seen the holograms. Got 'em in every school book from here to Eternity. Excuse me, but if I am right, ain't that some place out by Jupiter? Oh, who cares? The hell wit it. I ain't worried 'bout that. I wanna tell ya about the family.


In 2051, Johnny came over. He was an energy technician. Like a prospector. Worked for some bastid company outta Texas. They was lookin' for somethin' cheap and plentiful to burn. Not just in  space ships, but to power all the outposts too. Couldn't go nuclear. Not out here. Not on 'the new world'. And he did find something. A gummy crap it was. Smelled like fried farts and cauliflower. But it was here and they used it and that was it. Nuclear woulda been better. Could a gone fusion. They did on Earth. They did on the Moon. Ain't too many three eyed babies back there. But...they didn't. Important thing was he, Johnny, I mean,  had a deal,  an understanding, if you will, with the big guys...two percent a everything. And they did sell a lot a 'molasses'.  Yeah, molasses. That's what they called it.


Know how they got all the air up here? Bombed the place. Dropped huge cylinders filled with... well, I don't know what it was filled with. But they slammed down thousands of 'em. Guess it was filled with whatever crap plants like. 'Cause then they rained down whole bunch a seeds and spores. Dropped a lot a tanks filled with water two. Maybe brought in a small comet or somethin' like that. I heared they blew coal dust all over the polar caps to melt 'em. You know. The dark color holds the heat and all?


Well, a generation later, Loretta comes out. She a botanist, or somethin'. But she also a school teacher. That's Johnny's wife, I'm talkin' 'bout. He twenty years older than her, only he don't look it. Mars got weaker gravity. Don't pull down jowls so fast. Folks stays tall longer too. None a that God damned shrinkin' like they do back on Earth. It's the spine. It's all in the spine. Stays stretched out. Good for the posture. We got good backbones up on Mars. Tall, lanky folk. Like basketball players, if you know what I mean. Yeah, there was some trouble with muscle fibers and calcium and shit. But they got that fixed up quick enough.


So Johnny married Loretta and they had Hobart, 'cept everyone called him Bart. He the Old Man you met last night. Had a brother, or somethin'. I don't know too much 'bout him. They don't say too much. And I don't ask. Bart married Sissie. They had Zeb and Alec. Zeb is Davey's pa. And now you know the whole thing. ............Yeah, right.........The hell you do.


Look, we can't stay out here like this. Got a sick chupicabra nosin' 'round. Usually I can smell 'em. But I'm all stuffed up. So we  gotta  go in. And no, I will not be sayin' nothin' to nobody 'bout what you're doin'. They don't have to know 'bout no God damned book. Thank you kindly for the money. I know where to reach  you. Let me get back to the stables. (I do love them sky-ponies). And take that new black top back into town. Won't find no chupicabras out that way.....Heh, heh, heh, but that don't mean they won't find  you. 


And with that, Whitey tipped his hat, turned around and disappeared into the black Martian night. 


Damn...What am I getting into?.......


~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~


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