Sunday, February 5, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Family Time

Miss Sissie don't like bein' alone wit Bart. Not now. Not wit Alec missin'. She want Zeb and India to stay put. That way, Davey gonna stay put too and he the only one she really like. Not that she don't love Zeb. He is her son, after all. And she does have cordial feelin's for the others from time to time. But that don't mean she like 'em. Not like she gonna get up early and make pancakes for 'em. You see, Miss Sissie make pancake real good. Davey get pancake all the time. Ev'ry body else get Fruit Loops and Pepsi Cola, or whatever kind a shit them Tuva-Tuva gals feel like contaminatin' the kitchen wit. Could a had a p.m.d. unit. That a 'prepared meal dispenser' unit. Mos' all the rest a the rich 'Trooper' ladies got 'em. Come in like buff gold, or stainless steel. Oh, they went up to the Walgreen appliance store four times. Almost got one, but then Bart say - How you get the meat in it?...... Kid says - Ain't got no real meat in it. Use that 'cultured' crap......... Bart say - Cultured crap!? You mean you LIKE that shit?.........Kid say - Hell, yeah. That shit taste real good........... Bart start whuppin' the kid wit his hat. Kid wanna hit him back, but he don't wanna start nothin' wit an old man. So these two hologram security guards slide over. One say - Attention, Walgreen shopper! Get your ass the hell out a this place 'fore we mess you up! Thank you and come again!...... Miss Sissie gettin' all red in the face. She grab him by one a his arms and yank him back outside.  People lookin' at 'im. He  cussin'. He spittin'. Real human cop come over and say - You want me to give you a ticket for havin' a wild hair up you ass, old man!?........You see, havin' a wild hair up you ass, in public, is a summary offense 'round here. Gotta go 'lie' before the judge, who WILL let you off, provided the lawyer you got give him half the money you paid. Bart ready to go into his 'You know who the hell you are talkin' to, you shit-head, you?' But Miss Sissie start cryin'. He hate when she do that. Don't make much noise, but you can tell she real sad.  So he take her back to the tank. Say - You wanna stop at the Tastie-Freeze?............. She don't say nuttin', but that mean she want a tuna fish sandwich. After bein' hitched up wit her so long, he know.


And I don't think she really want one a them 'cultured meat' fixin' machines anyway. She always go on 'bout wantin' a 'righteous' kitchen. 'Righteous' this. 'Righteous' that. Slap you in a face, you not do the 'righteous' thing, you son-a-bitch. Oh, yeah, she can get that way. You see, in her Jew way, she jus' as crazy as Miz India be in her Jesus way. They both talk to God all the time. Only each one talk to Him on a slightly different phone. Still, they do manage to throw a lot a real good stuff at the poor. Talk about lovin' ev'rybody an lovin' ev'rybody an lovin' ev'rybody. Provided, that is, ev'rybody stay far nuf away. An you know what I think? I think God got Hisself a whole lot a uniforms. He got a Hebrew Uniform. He got a Jesus Uniform. He got a Muslim Uniform. Prob'ly got Hisself a Burger King Uniform too for all I know. That just the way He is. That what I think.


But Miss Sissie got her family with her now. They all still here. Zeb and his daddy lookin' over the crop land. India cuttin' up shit for a scrapbook. Alec's wife and them semi-assholes sittin' on a sofa in the morning room. Not that they happy. How could they be happy? But they here and nobody said no 'go to hell' yet. That in itself is good enough.


Davey in the kitchen wit his mom-mom and the Tuva-Tuvas. Ain't makin' pancakes, but at least they makin' french toast. 


At least they doin' that.....


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