Wednesday, February 22, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Makin' Changes

How'd they get that way? Them kit-kats, I mean. Who teach 'em how to desiccate  theyselves up when the rivers all ran dry? Science goomers got lot a ideas. And mos' a the time it go like this........ Big, ole. smart 'space' goomers from somewheres we can't get to yet, make pit stop on Earth an' use a toilet. Then one of 'em (maybe like a kid or somethin') pick up a few Homos (some more Erectus than others) and say - Ma, can I keep 'em? ........ And she say - Yeah......... But then, on way back, they start pissin' up the ship and ruinin' all that fine, expensive tuck an' roll upholstery. Mama say - Y'all better dump them ugly critters 'fore I smash you up!...... Kid start cryin' - But, they gonna die! They gonna die!.......... Daddy space goomer can't take it. So they get throwed out all over Mars. Jus' rain down from the sky, bunch a  wide-eyed, naked, little Earth goomers wit silky parachutes an' cute, little tiny bags a 'medicine.'........ Medicine got some kind a crap in it gonna make it all right for them to live there. Taste real sweet, like Micky-Dee ice tea, so you know they gonna take it. Then after  few dozen generations a low gravity fornicatin',  new kind a hoomin be struttin' 'round.  That the whole story. That how it happen. If you growed up there, you'd  a read it (maybe) in all them school books. But you  did not. So I gotta tell you. 

Tuva-Tuva got they own stories, 'bout  risin' up outta volcanoes and flyin' over the lan' wit flamin' torches in they hands, chantin' prayers and incantations to the Tuva-Tuva Big-Sky-Magic-Man and his skinny, little wife, Yetta...Yetta got a tattoo of a New York style corned beef sandwich on her upper arm. And how a ancient off-Earth Big-Sky-Magic-Woman wind up wit inked up arm like that is jus' one a the many mysteries a their faith. 

But these days, Tuva-Tuva like shootin' more'n they likes prayin'. Guns start showin' up. Traders brings 'em in from all the badlands towns, switchin' 'em for 'molasses' and certain readily salable antiquities. Folks refugeein' in a the cities. Big farms and ranches turnin' in a fortified compounds. Politicians hollerin' for war. It now or never. Mars for 'The Troopers!'......And now they callin' ev'rybody 'Troopers,' even if they people git here on The First Fleet or not. 

Some kit-kats workin' in the cities try an hide. Some try an' 'pass.' They stick wigs on they heads. They wear contact lenses. They say - I no kit-kat. My people be 'Merican Indians. .........But that no good. Cop jus' gonna grab that wig, you know. All he gotta do is make 'em breathe in a tube an' he gonna see the DNA they totin'. There ain't no where  to hide, less it in  a basement, or like a attic somewheres. An' Kit-kat need friends among they enemies a do that.  You know how hard it be a get friend like that? Ask some back in the day gal what ain't Anne Frank. She gonna tell you. She gonna let you know.

Ev'rybody wanna pull up and go in a city. But Bart say - Not now. It not time yet............Truth is he never wanna go. He doan wanna lose this place. La Polvarosa his life. It his land. He the king. Miss Sissie jus' pray all day. She got gospel recordings a Kol Nidre and all them big prayers. And she play 'em and play 'em and play 'em over an' over an' over. 

Hired cow hands trace big circles in the sky on them pure bred sky-ponies. They searchin' for raidin' parties. Soldiers from the gov'ment do that too, but Bart doan trus' no gov'ment goomers. Maybe 'cause he know what kind a goomer his own son, Zeb is. Miss Monica and the two kids is with 'em. First she wanna stay out there to be next to the money. But now she jus' stuck. 

Bart keep checkin' in wiff Stinker Jones. He skype him like four, five time a day. Stinker say they jus' gotta wait it out. Give them soldiers a chance a 'thin out them weeds a little.' (he mean them kit-kats). Trouble is nobody ever counted all them kit-kats. They said they did. But you know how people on Mars tells lies.

And word is bunch a goomers from The Empire a China pourin' in supplies an' advisers over on the kit-kat side. Siberia not 'nuff for them. Gotta have half a Mars too, you know. 

City a New Orleans (that a big space train) took off from The Yucatan few days ago. It gonna git here soon. It gotta git here soon. Please, Lord, don't let 'em lose that.

Miz India stuck here too. Davey doan mind, He love the ranch. And Bart love him. He love that little guy bes' of all.

Now they waitin' for Miss Sissie's bes' lady friend, Hilda. Her place no good. Her place too dangerous. Tuva-Tuva burn her barn two nights ago and flayed off all the skin from her bestest night watchman. He yodeled jus' like a opera singer. Could hear 'im in the house an' ev'rythin'. I never knowed he could sing so good.


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