Monday, July 16, 2012

LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE... a not so 'noble' noble Vampire

Papa tried to restrain him. So what if the English tutor was too familiar? So what if his inexpensive, artificial, chemically based cologne was offensive. That's no excuse. People (or slight variations on the breed) don't go around jamming other people's hands down the garbage disposal.  One would be bad enough, but two is positively excessive. And the poor boy was only trying to earn some extra money to pay his way through Dancing School. Now how's he supposed to do 'jazz hands'!? 

Papa jumped on him right away. Bit his lip real hard. Smeared the blood all over the shredded, pulpy stumps. Kid was crying. Kid was screaming, convulsing and all. Twenty three years old. That's all he is, twenty three years old. A good kid to. He didn't know he was dealing with vampires. Sure, he knew they were a little bit 'crazy.' The concierge told him that. But Papa seemed all right.

And now they got him strapped on a gurney in a treatment room down under the Navy Yard in one of Doctor Franklin's laboratories. But, actually, that's the best place he could be. The Anti-Enchantment-Bureau does wonderful work. I think they got an alien physician, or maybe he's a guy from some other dimension. I do not know all the details, only that he looks like Hugh Beaumont (Beaver's dad) and talks like Celine Dion. 

They're attempting to 'do something' using the Great Armonica ( a sound frequency/energy device based on a REAL prototype Franklin built in the eighteenth century). It's supposed to be able to stimulate healing. Papa wanted to make the kid a vampire. Not his first choice, but what could he do? The kid was so innocent. But Sarah was against it. She is SO much like a basic human. Not that she can't sublimate and all, but she still thinks like a real nice, sweet-smiling first grade teacher. So it's going to take a while, however the combination of vampire blood (little infusions) and Franklin's tricks should grow him back a nice set a monkey paws. No, I'm just kidding. They'll be normal. 

Papa made Grigori (the Russian, vampire, oligarch) drink a little Sarah-blood too. You know, like to buffer that rat-weasel crap he's got. Didn't want to do it at first. Spit in his face. Starts yelling at him in mile-a-minute Russian. Could be Ukrainian. I don't know. Then he starts vibrating, like he got a real big dildo inside him. Knick-knacks start vibrating. Fish tank starts vibrating. Big, heavy pieces of furniture go skittering over the hardwoods. Sarah's ears start bleeding. She's yelling - Stop! Stop! Stop!..... But he won't stop. Papa's ready to kill him right then and there. 'Friend' or no friend. You don't disfigure people like that.

Russian knows what's coming, so he goes ZIP! and sublimates right through the window...the BIG window, and you know they're up on the seventeenth floor. Papa breathing so hard. His face was purple. It was actually purple. Concierge starts banging on the door. He KNOWS they're nothing but a bunch a son-of-a-bitch vampires. But he's a familiar and they take care of him. Tells everybody a bunch a rowdy young guys at a bachelor party went a little bit berserk. God knows what people thought when they saw the bleeding, thrashing, handless kid rolled out on that stretcher...... Concierge gave out a lot a gourmet fruit baskets, champagne too. So that made it all right. Let 'em take the bathrobes too. You know, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Little Bastid Annie loves that Russian guy. She thinks he's wonderful. Wants a drink vodka infused human blood. First you have to get the victim almost to the brink of fatal, alcohol poisoning.

Sarah took her to this all night toy store she knows. Bought some  real, whorey outfits for the Barbies. Annie likes when they look that way. She throws kisses to hookers on the street.

And what? You just got done watching True blood tonight? FUCK True Blood! 

What I'm tellin' you is REAL! ------- signed, One a the Disembodied Spirits.


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