Wednesday, July 18, 2012

THE RUSSIAN-VAMPIRE-PLAYBOY-OLIGARCH TOOK A BLOOD PISS ALL OVER ONE A THEM GREEN TABLE CLOTHS AT INDEPENDENCE HALL

Can't find him. Must be able to 'cloud' hisself. Got to be sleepin' somewheres, but we don't know where he is. Papa went over to the zoo. Thought maybe he'd hole up in one a them fiberglass polar bear dens. I do not know whether or not they got polar bears in Russia. They do talk about the 'Russian Bear' and all, but I can't recollect what species it is. Wears a big, tall, fur hat is all I know. And polar bears don't rightly do that. But anyway, he was not there. 


Most all the vampires, the local ones, I mean, are over wit' Doctor Franklin now. Some government guys is there too. Everybody yellin' and screamin' 'bout what that vampire, borscht for brains done to them people in Center City. Lucky they had time to scrape most of 'em  up before sunrise. Official story  (what they told the families, I mean) is they got snatched up by the aliens. Made 'em sit through a screening of COCOON. Gave 'em coffee wit' lots a chocolate-orange, Israeli, syrupy, whiskey stuff in it. Bought 'em new sneakers too, I think. Baylah say she hear they takin' 'em to 'Lantic City. You know, that's what they do at times like this.


Goomers from the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau (yeah, I know it don't make no sense) out lookin' for Johnny-Jump-Up. But since he 'sleep' all over the place, that will not be easy. 


Tomas wanna go back to Chestnut Hill. Annie say she gonna start droppin' people from the sky too, if they make her do that. 'Sides, neighbor bitch what fed her kid shitty pizza know too much 'bout them. Edith say Cherry Hill, over in Camden County, New Jersey is nice. Goes through there when she go back and forth from home. Sometimes Mister Edith like big, ole, corned beef sandwiches from The Kibbitz Room. You know how it is. Doctor Franklin say he like big, ole, corned beef sandwiches too.


He take 'em all in a see his Jersey Devil. You do know 'bout all the specimens he got? Government guy go - That's it? He look like a horsey-faced bastid wit' little, tiny bat wings glued on a his back......... Doctor Franklin assured him they real. Make the kid flap 'em and everything. He do that long as you feed him. Think some gal from the Anti- Enchantment -Bureau give him a toasted cinnamon-raisin bagel or somethin'...maybe wit' a little cream cheese. That how he like it.


Oh! And before I forget. That 'old bones'....the Neanderthal vampire, wit' 'em too. Baylah say he look like Moe from The Three Stooges. But he don't know who Moe is, so he just smile and nod. Doctor Franklin let him set in his 'lectric scooter. Let him steer it and everything. He laughin'! He whoopin'. They give him some blood squeezed out a woman wit' a touch a sugar. He like that. The woman (she work there) say the big needle hurt her ass, but she don't mind.


Annie wanna go in a other room and ride the 'laughin' hunch-back,' but nobody wanna take her. They still 'scussin' what to do about the Russian. Got a call in to Putin and everything, but can't get hold a him, 'cause he out topless horseback ridin' with a bunch a squealin' groupies. 


It good to be the king, or the czar or the big-dumb-nut, or whatever they got over there. Don't know what all them 'Natashas' is doin'. Hotel say they givin' 'em pedicures and teachin' 'em to eat with chopsticks. That's all they say....


But some security camera make a movie. It show that Grigori Usipov son-a-bitch takin' a blood whiz all over one them green table cloths  they  got at Independence Hall. Look like an old fashioned, colonial night club. But it ain't. That the room where they wrote the 'dependence declaration.'  They showin' it on You Tube right now. Vampire shit always poppin' up over there, 'cept nobody ever believe it.


We tell 'em. We do tell 'em. We say we only pretend this is fiction. But they don't know. You know how stupid human beans is.


Now, permit me to say 'good night,' for I am one tired disembodied spirit. So lemme go 'home' and play with my Leon Redbone collection a while. OK?


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