Sunday, August 5, 2012

CHANNELING ZORRO or EL CID or EL KABONG ....... The Vampirino Known as Tomas (and also Jonathon) Steps Out

Annie liked to watch him get dressed. He didn't let her see any of the private nasty stuff...although she wanted too. I don't think he's ever even showered with Sarah. Well, maybe once or twice, but that's it.  Does that kind a crap with them mole-people girls, not with his consort. You see, vampire infidelity don't count if you do it with mortals. 'Cause like in eighty or a hundred years or so they ain't gonna be nothing but chunky worm jelly. So who gonna know the difference?

Tonight he fixin' hisself to go 'cull' some bastid. That 'el mundo vampirino' talk for killin' some low life what gotta be killed. Tomas  got a ritual he do. First he shower off real good. Plain Ivory soap, just plain Ivory soap. Maybe 'cause it 99 44/100 % pure.... jus' like him. You know he do have his bad side. 

He up to the end a the ritual now. Got on his underwear and everything, jus' not his clothes. Annie like the way he fix his hair. Know what he use? Know what he like?...... Plain old Fruit of the Earth Aloe Vera gel. There, they ought a send me a case for that. 'Cept I do not know how they could transport such a shipment to my part a the universe. Oh, he do not use a lot, jus' a little bit. You know he so subtle and all. Rub it in his hands and rough it all up in his long, loose, curly, raven locks. Then he run his fingers through it til he got it lookin' like he want. 

Puts on a black tee shirt. I think it got some 'lastic in it, 'cause it fit real good. Next come the black jeans. He get them from Nordstroms. That where they come from. Underwear come from Target. Vampires got lots a money, but they ain't dumb. Impulsive sometimes, but not dumb. You mus' a heard 'bout them special, black, leather bootkins by now. They a legend 'round the vampire way. Fit real snug, over thick and equally dark woolen socks. He got a shoemaker 'familiar' fix 'em up with these hard to find metal taps. When he scrape his foot jus' right they throw off a fine spray a itty-bitty yellow sparks. That his favorite part.

Annie say she want shoes like that. But he tell her every vampire gotta find his own 'dentification mark. And she already got that bitin'-off-toe thing down pat. She say that don't count 'cause it ain't sexy. He say a eighteen month old vampirina what only spent 'bout seven year as a human bean ain't got no right  to talk that way. You know he was raised in an Orthodox, Spanish, Sephardic family.

Doctor Franklin say he gonna have somebody drive him up to where his dinner live. But Tomas don't want no ride. Say he gonna sublimate up into the dark, night sky and go WHOOSH, right through all them bitty particles a air and pulverized city shit til he get to where the bastid is. He like flyin' 'round like that. Some vampirinos ain't so good at sublimatin', but he is. 

So he go take his leave a Sarah, Papa (who mostly jus' sit there like he a wax candle or somethin') and Conrad. Baylah fixin' a go out too. But vampires real private 'bout feedin' and all. She do her thing and he do his. He do lock the door to his quarters so Annie don't mess with stuff. She already got a silver bracelet he like. You know the type..... big, heavy, shiny links. It come from a kiosk at some mall, but he like it jus' the same. Let her have it. Edith gonna get him a better one.

Then he walks out the room. Nobody says much. They all watchin' a showin' a WISE GUYS on TV. Ray Liota got the same bracelet. Guys from the bureau buzz him through. Four minute later he walkin' down a narrow 'service' street in the middle of some industrial installations they got there. Navy Yard got a lot a those. One make Barbie dolls (or at least they look jus' like Barbie dolls). Next door some guy make cartridges for fancy, little machine guns. If I still had my meat and bones, man would I like me one a them. 

Ain't many guards around. Lots a cameras though. Laser trip lines too. That how they do it. Finally, when it feel right to him, he look up, raise his hands to the sky and take off. Soon his body start gettin' all 'lectrified, like he made outta whole lot a microscopic Christmas lights. Then he go WHOOSH and disappear. But he not a permanent disembodied spirit like me (I Mister-Never-You-Mind, 'less you did not know). He jus' temorarily that way, til he come down.... right by the front steps to a neat, little row house up there near The Franklin Mills. Hell, they got Franklin comin' out the wa-zoo in this town.

Come back tomorrow and I tell you how he eat him.
He got a special ritual for that too. Oh, I know you seen some stuff..... but you ain't never seen this.

Wait'll you see what the wife do. She gone get herself all 'lectrified too. She gone get herself juiced up real good...... And you know what?.......She gonna like it a whole lot......... 'Cause like I jus' told you --- it ain't really cheatin' with a bone-a-fide human bean.


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