Tuesday, January 29, 2013

This Is What's Out There THE VAMPIRE REVELS 1/29/13

I don't get a chance to come through much, but it's me. It's Annie. So you better listen, or I'll bite your toes off. And I like them crunchy, little toe bones. You know it. 

They announced us. We had to line up. 
Them naked, tongueless bastids went up and down givin' everybody little glasses of real cold vodka. Sarah didn't want me to take one, but another vampire kid (I think his name is Larry) took one, so I did too. Tomas gave me a look. Edith tried to grab it from me, but I pinched her real hard and she left me have it. That 'Larry' was dressed like Little Lord Fauntleroy. Looked like a girl outfit to me. Tomas told me what it was. I said - who am I again?... Sarah said - Puck, a magical forest creature from stories. My favorite stories are Berenstain Bears and real old copies of Confidential Magazine. Don't look at me like that. It helps with my reading.

The hall where we waited was real nice, like what a king, or Steven Spielberg, or maybe one a the Kardashians would have. Had this gray stone floor, but with a long rug runnin' down it. Tomas said it came from a Moorish palace near where he used to live. He looked at it and looked at it. I thought he was gonna cry, but he didn't. The vampires in front of us were from France.... the REAL France. I never knew there was a real France. I thought French people were just in stories, or like poodles, or something. They didn't look at us much, just smoked and messed with their clothes. He was Jean Val Jean, from Les Miserables. She was Baby June from Gypsy. I didn't know that. Edith did. She told me. 

Don't ask me who said the names. I think it just came out a the walls. wilkravitz thought it might be a ghost. But I can smell ghost stink and this didn't have it. Maybe it was a real rich ghost? The first vampires to go in glided down to the throne where 'King' Rafe sat. They said like - Hi, how you doin'? Nice to see you..... Think they kissed his ring. Then they took seats along the wall. Band stopped playing that Carousel music (Edith told me) and switched to Handel's Messiah. That I knew from Christmas shows on television. I like Christmas. Tomas does Hanukah, but that's OK, 'cause he gives me presents too and that's the main thing.

Some of the other vampires had regular human beans with 'em. They were all dressed up to, but you could tell, because they smell like salami. At least to me they do. But nobody tried to eat 'em, or do funny stuff to them, 'cause they were real rich and important. Sarah said they ate in that buffet room. I'd eat in there too, if they'd let me. I don't care if I throw it up later. I like the way some a that stuff tastes. But throw-up tastes like mustard mixed with whiskey. And after that, I really, really, really have to bite somebody.

The best one I saw was this lady. She was all nude. Tomas says ladies are nude. Men are naked. you can tell he was born somewhere's else, 'cause American people wouldn't care. Her hair was real nice, though, all long and wavy. Sarah said she was Eve. And the fat, little baby she carried was Cain. The way she was holding him, he was always kissin' one a her boobies. Real wet kisses too. But, ewww, he wasn't no baby, not even a 'cherub' baby. ' 'Cause his face was all weird. No eyes. No nose. No ears. No nothin'. Just a mouth. I don't know where the hell they got him. But a whole lot a the other ones thought that 'Eve' lady was real fancy, because they kept bowin' to her. But not before 'King' Rafe. Him they bowed to first. 

When it was our turn, the voice that might a been a ghost voice said - El Gran Hidalgo de Andalucia, Don Tomas de Macabea and Consort, Donna Sarah. At first I didn't see Baylah, 'cause she wasn't with us. She was still gettin' ready. But then she comes over, in that long hall, I mean. And she was beautiful. A centaurina. She was a centaurina, a horse lady... a pony girl. No clothes. No costume. Nothing fake like that. This was magic. She did it with magic. I could never do it. Sometimes I can, but I make mistakes a lot. But she can. Baylah knows how. They say she even knew in Africa. She was a Princess. Not like a Disney one, or them English ones who can't chop off no heads, or nothin'. She was a real one. A Princess of  Timbuctu. Think she even had like a cheetah. Look, I don't know if she ever cut nobody's head off, but she could of....... Edith was introduced as 'The Esteemed Edith of The Pines' and wilkravitz was called 'The Esteemed William of Philadelphia.' That's  how they do when mortal people go in. ... They called Baylah something like 'Grand Bat-Malik' and then they said 'Baylah.' She clip-clopped in real dainty, just like a lady who is also a horse. And she had flowers in her tail and flowers in her hair and a little belt a flowers 'round her waist, where the pony part started.  When it was my turn, the ghost guy said 'The Honorable Miss Ann Marie.'..... I never knew my middle name was Marie. But it sounded real nice. And it made me feel real good.

But I still didn't know what my last name was....

Later, when everyone was dancing, I ran around with Larry, pinchin' people's asses. But I liked when they did The Stompanada. Sparks jumped up off the floor and everything. The ones that were bare foot put on these special, little dancin' shoes with metal heels and soles. They were gonna give me a pair, but I was embarrassed. I said - That's OK. I'll watch... And Larry watched with me. Baylah didn't need no special shoes. Her horse shoes were good enough. And she danced twice as good, 'cause she had four feet instead a two...

Doves flew around (I almost caught one). Cherubs darted in and out a the crowd, givin' people real fast kisses with their sharp, pointy tongues.

It was like a real party. It was like a wedding. And it was nice. It was real nice... And I felt special just for being there...

please nominate me for a SHORTY AWARD... Tweet ---I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his stories and narratives....thank you.

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