Saturday, February 2, 2013

Magic, Then The hunt Room THE VAMPIRE REVELS 2/2/13

They slept soundly during the light-time. A ghost walked through their quarters, but only Annie saw him. He stopped and bent down to study her. You know, she curls up like a rolly-polly, like a sow bug. And she snores. Most night-folk don't do that. They compose themselves into a relaxed position and close their eyes. Breathing is just a habit, you know. Oxygen does nothing for them. One vampire, I think he's from Canada, says they're just puppets made from embalmed flesh. They met him on the dance floor. Lives out west. They call him The Midnight Mounty. Wears a black uniform. Not red. Nice hat, though. Looks a little bit like Billy Jack.

Tomas don't hold with that meat puppet thing. I mean, look at all the variation. Some got religion. Some kill children. Some are basically psycho maniacs. Others are bashful. Go browse through our early episodes. We told you 'bout bashful ones. 

When Annie saw that spirit thing, she just laid there lookin'. She goes - Who the hell are you, you God damned bastid? ..... So she sat up, passing through the night-fiend's nebulous body.  you know, the totality of a ghost's life rests in the 'body.' You can see the whole thing. It's like snoopin' through an attic. Annie saw him robbin' coaches, ravishing maidens, stealing pocket watches. Well, they were all pocket watches back then, but you know what I mean. Then she saw when they cut off his head. No fancy machine. With an ax and a block they did it. Took three chops. You know, if the family pays the headsman, he'll use a sharper ax. But this guy didn't have any money left and he didn't have no family. Ran away from a poorhouse. Slept in dirty inns. They knew he was a thief.  Thieves tip real good. Wenches loved him. That's what they called waitresses back then. Guess waiters were called 'wenchoes,' or something like that. Don't ask me. I don't know too much 'bout old English. I died in Bolivia. Don't even speak much Spanish. Quechua, that's what I talk. You know them ancient Incans? Yeah, well, hi ya. Now you know one. Got my head bashed in with a gilded, ceremonial club. Emperor liked the way I cooked llama. So I got an invite I couldn't refuse when he went to see Inti Ra. I'm thinkin' in Quechua right now. But whoever's in charge over here got like a universal translator. We talk mind to mind. That's all I know. Miss that coa-ca, though. Say we don't need it over here.... Bunch a lyin' bastards.

Highwayman-ghost flinched when Annie went in him. It hurt him and she knew it. Nobody ever came that close before. He jumped back. She said - Saw-ry.... But she didn't mean it. So he turned around and went to scare Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Yeah, they were here too. She got like this meditation-calm-youself-down thing for kids that she does. Think her agent got her the invite. Gotta find a recently dead agent over on this side. He'll know.

'King' Rafe had a big show planned. Been rehearsin' for weeks. Tongueless functionaries had a sit around and be like an audience. He can sublimate real good...pass right through anything, even rocks. They got stories 'bout a vampire hero-guy. Lived in Babylonia, or maybe it was Arizona? I don't know. Say he sublimated right down to the center of the Earth. But how they know he not go down in a cave and hide for a long time?

Show got a big snake. Call it a mega-python. Come from the Amazon. Not too far from where I was, actually. Forty feet long. Maybe fifty. Real fat.... I mean REAL fat. Could swallow like the biggest fat-ass in the world and not even feel it. Don't even need no lard smeared on it or nothing. Did this thing where he lay down on the stones. Make hisself real stiff. Legs out straight. Hands to his sides. Then he say somethin' and the huge, gunmetal 'worm' slides out a the shadows. Few a the mortals got scared. Some a the new vampires too, even Sarah. One human lady from Chicago ran out. She was crying and everything. Kept babblin' that she couldn't stand that stuff, 'cause a dingo once ate her baby. I think she a liar. I think she just had a go pee.Vampires don't like when humans run out to pee all the time, so you gotta have a good excuse. They like real strict school teachers or somethin'.

Snake open its mouth real wide. Slide up over his legs ('King' Rafe, I mean). Slide up over his hips. Oh, did I say that he was naked? Well, he was. Vampires are weird like that. Everything with them is a big show. 'Look at me. It's a big show! Look what I can do!'..... He call this trick 'The Living Coffin.' Make like snake can't take him all in. Make like it gettin' tight. But it ain't. Then, when only his head stickin' out, he says somethin' in Vahmperigo. That's old time vampire talk. But it is not like the Vahmperigo Tomas knows. Rafe talk Northwestern Vahmperigo. Got Dutch words in it. Got French words. Anglo-Saxon words in it. Think some of it is Pig-Latin too. 

People start clappin' when his head disappears. Then snake just close it's mouth and wind itself up.  Band playin' somethin' from Carmen...slow and sultry. Functionaries slip through the crowd handin' out little aroma candles. You know, a big snake stinks real bad. 

People get up, go over and poke at the thing. They say - Yeah, he in there. One lady, I think she like a braver human lady, jab it three times. Then she go - I just touch his butt.

Lights go down real low. Candles dim. Folks get real quiet. Even vampire folks. Some a them got lots a special talents too, but they still like a good show. Only not ventriloquists. They don't like no ventriloquists, 'cause the tongue gets stuck on the eye teeth and they can't see what they sayin'.... That's the vampires, I mean.

Ten heartbeats later this chanting noise come out a the walls. Like shamans. Like druids. Gets deeper, til the whole hall vibratin'. You can feel it in your chest. You can feel it in your stomach, if you was there, I mean.

Finally snake hiss real loud. All the chanting stops. Silence. Snake open it's mouth. Pan pipe music come out. Two heartbeats later this satyr fella squeeze out. He the one playin' the music. He look like Mister Numb-Nuts in that Narnia movie. Got goat feet. Got goat legs. Got this cute, little tail... cute little horns. Not like devil horns. These cute ones. Then a bull come out..... a white one, with black shiny horns. Five Barbary Apes run out, all screechin' and hollerin'. Real big ones too. Whole bunch a other mythological crap fly out a that snake..... a Medusa....  two real little old fat guys ridin' tricycles. Got bells and everything. Marilyn Monroe climbs out (she almost trip)...Ed Sullivan climbs out. Finally John Lennon come out, but not Yoko. She not wit' him. 

All them mythological bastards start singin' 'Imagine.' All what squeezed out a that snake start holdin' hands and dancin' 'round in a circle.... faster... faster and faster. And circle get tighter and tighter and tighter, til it like a room-size. colorful tornado... Then fast Beatle song come outa them stone walls. It go - Little, little be a gypsy, get  around. Little, little get around. Be a gypsy get around..... Then BOOM!... Just a big BOOM! Tornado gone and all them creatures wit' it. Snake rise up high over the crowd, like a giant cobra. Hiss real loud. Snap it's head down real fast, like it want a eat somebody. Folks scream. Even vampire folk. Then rain come down.... black, shiny rain. Snake meltin'. And when it all gone..when floor covered in three inches a melted snake water, 'King' Rafe rise up from the middle, all gold, like Greek God, Hermes, wit' little feet wings and everything. 

Stone walls start singin' ('nother Beatle song) And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love, you make...

He rotates 'round, bows to the crowd and returns to his throne. Thunderous applause from all in attendance, lasting for ninety eight heartbeats at least.

When they stop, people look down to find, small, gold, Hermes statues on the tables in front of each and every one of them. Later on, there were Hermes scarves and leather goods too. One a the vampires got ties in France.

Needless to say, the act was a success. Some human guy from Nevada, Steve Wynn, I think, wanna book it in his hotel.

A few minutes later, they broke up for the Bilderburg style discussions. Was gonna tell you 'bout that now, but ancient Incan spirits get tired. And I wanna go listen to some Ima Sumac records.....

Long one tonight. Didn't wanna leave no part out. You know we only pretend this is fiction... Could you maybe tweet --- I nominate @wilkravitz for a #BLOGGER SHORTY AWARD based on his narratives and stories.......g'night.

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