Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Night Before Valentine's Night... THE VAMPIRE REVELS .. 2/14/13

Some of the vampires joined certain politicos for a discussion on how to forestall terrorist attacks, but most of the night-folk weren't too happy. I mean you can imagine what they did to vampires in Afghanistan.  Used an old Imperial Chinese trick. The emperors, or their minions, used to do it. Force the victim to climb in and scrunch down in a 'human sized' porcelain spice jar, or ginger jar, or whatever it was they used. Looked like a dinosaur baby inside a petrified egg. Then they slowly poured in some kind of oil. Don't think it was olive. Don't know if the Chinese used olive. Filled it right up to the top. Right over the doomed bastard's head. Stuck a little, tiny, straw, snorkel thing in his mouth so he could breath...for a while anyway.

Sealed the lid on. But made sure the straw was fished through this little notch first. Then they just set him somewhere, like another big shiny, painted, china thing. You know them emperors had a lot a shit like that. Used a smear some kind a putty crap on the bottom, so they wouldn't tip over. Poor bastard inside got all cramped up. Can't move. No room to move. Just like a chick what ain't cracked out yet. Breathin' through that little straw. Every once in a while, when they got hungry, suck in a little oil. Only thing is, oil make 'em shit. Ain't got no pants on, so that part not a problem. But after like a week or so, it get mighty crappy in there and crap soak up a lot a oil. 

Fella inside hope they let him die. Hope they pull that breathin' straw out..... But they don't. They never do, not till whole thing get all shit-ified. Eyes burn. Skin itch. It even burn up the pee hole. It burn real bad. And you hear them Chinese emperors counting rubies, eatin' semi-livin' baby octopus, tellin' guys whose heads to chop off (them was the lucky ones). Feel vibrations shimmy up through the floor when somebody walk. Concubines giggle. Dance around... giggle some more.  Do what they does....

Course vampire... good vampire... gonna sublimate right through that. Little bit a porcelain ain't no big thing. But them what lived 'long The Great Silk Road knowed that. So they made 'em out a lead. Ain't no vampire can get through lead. Some old ones still in there buried in a tomb, deep down low in the dark.  What kind a genie you think that gone make?

One vampire say - Why we always gotta do the shitty stuff?.... He don't talk that way, but Mister Never-You-Mind do...and that who you got tonight....Political bastids don't say nothin', just look at him, but that look sayin' - Don't we hide you? Don't we help you? Don't we lie for you and help you survive?...... No vampire like a hear that.... Vampire like a think he the boss.... And lots a time they are...but not always.

Some got family. Some got human family, mortal family. Them what runs things know that. So they scoop 'em all up and start fryin' 'em in a pan. You know some dictators got real big, people fryin' pans. Guy in New Orleans once cooked up a big mess a paella in one. He not know it all seasoned from people fryin', but it was. 

Vampire, 'specially them sentimental vampirina types, do mos' anything a save they kin. Don't feel so lost, long as the human line go on. That how they get 'em.... the dictators, I mean. Ian Fleming want a put a vampire in one a his James Bond stories, but they not let him. That 'gainst the rules. That 'posed a be a secret.

You know, if you over at The Bilderberg Conference, it a lot like here. 'Cept you gonna see lot a people and jus' a little vampire. We got lot a vampire and only some people. That way it all equal. 

One mortal son-a-bitch say - Why they not get a vampire to fix up the Pope? Give him a little shot...few drops a 'magic' blood.... Did it to Dick Cheney... Worked with him. Should a did it months ago, 'fore he got so bad....... Guess he don't know they got a 'court' vampire. 'Papa' know, 'cause he used to be one...... And it not a easy job.

That a sore point in 'el mundo vampirido.' Wanna free all them 'court' vampires. Say it jus' slavery. Say it a disgustin' disgrace... But then one a them hoomin beans say - What you call them naked 'snausages' you got shittin' theyself in them dungeons?

Everybody get all quiet then. Mortal folk and night-folk do work together.... but they still got they issues.

Tomas feel better now. He out flyin' 'round wit' three a them witches....

Sarah gettin' her hair done... She had an appointment....

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Thank you for your time. please tweet this on twitter, so I can at least THINK I might win~~~> I nominate @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD in #BLOGGER because of his pixilated stories........ 

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