Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Kings of Summer Teaser Trailer - Sundance Film Festival 2013 and a former vampirina observes and confronts her new found mortality... 5/31/13



We were able to post tonight's not-to-be-missed warm weather flick, THE KINGS OF SUMMER, at the top of the post. And I have no idea how that happened. All I did was close my eyes and flutter my fingers over the keys, like an arthritic exercising his knuckles. For real... (sigh). That's what I did and tonight it worked. That's why I MUST be channeling it all, because I have no idea how any of this digital stuff actually operates. Boy, would I LOVE to post photographs... my own.... But I just do not know how. I practice in front of the medicine cabinet all the time..... My 'writer' look... My 'humorist' look... My 'whacky' look... Well, that one covers a lot of bases... and even my 'walking through the curtains on Jimmy Fallon' look. But so far they're just etched into the space-time continuum of an old, decaying mirror, like Lincoln's voice and Honus Wagner's fast ball.

Anyway, make sure you watch the clip. And make sure you see the film. In my opinion, STAND BY ME meets RUSHMORE with a pixilated (my favorite word) dose of sylvan magic.

We got a little pixilated thing over at the 'wonderland.' A seven or eight year old, stringy haired, white girl named Annie. I don't know why we call her 'the white girl.' Mister Never-You-Mind, our most popular disembodied spirit narrator, started it and it's become like a tradition 'round here. 

The Pineys, along with other Jersey Woodland exotics, helped her shed 'the burden' (the vampire term for what they got) via arcane 'pow-wow' magic, derived from The Biblical 'Year of Jubilee.' See, you can't miss any of this, 'cause a lot happens. So now she's back in the Philadelphia townhouse with her vampire step family and yadda-yadda-yadda, she has to make sense of it all-----

Edith (the Piney housekeeper) sits watching rock girls on Jimmy Fallon (second mention tonight), as Annie studies the contents of her snot-rags...... Ewww - she says. Where's it come from? My brain? .... No, right under it. Like between that soft spot, back a your mouth and the shelf where they keep your head guts - says the Piney woman..... But how do you know? - goes the stringy haired little thing..... Learned it in Sunday school. You know the original 'manna' was Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes? Learned that too. And Salome was a thirty four 'B,' only they had different names for it back then...

The former vampirina shoots off four or five fast, little sneezes..... Shit! I can't s-s-stand this! - she goes. Where's them Flintstone Chewable Allergy pills!?..... 

Jonathon, her vampire step father, promised he'd bring them.  But this is his time a the month... the night he 'culls' somebody. And that always gets him all hot and bothered, so he slipped into an underground, never used subway line for a nice, cool sponge bath administered by his two 'mole-girl' sweeties, Sylvia and Aura, daughters of the Mole King himself. 

Sarah don't care. They driftin' apart. She still love him and all. But she don't care. Got a 'call' to search out secrets in Siberia. Vampires get that way sometime. You know that. So Jonathon settin' in an old wash tub, filled with drippy-drop water from a subterranean, rusty pipe, as two wide-eyed beauties chill him down with cold trickles wrung from semi-natural sea sponges boosted from a Locust Street drug store. They do occasionally get up to the surface. After that, they gonna play Betty Boop and Mussolini... Don't ask me. That's they name for it. Mole folks crazier than vampires.

So Annie leans against Edith's ample bosom and snorts the mucus back up into her brain pan. Vampire gals ain't gotta deal with crap like that. They most definitely do not. Sarah say she gonna give her a little booster shot a vampire blood... jus' a little drink. She still be mortal and all, only bye-bye to all them snot-rags. But she forgot, what with wanderin' through the dark, maze-like stacks of the Grand Central Library. That where she researchin' her trip. Much more atmospheric than some keyboard. Wonder what the no-home-guys, who hole up there at night, think when she come by?

Edith watchin' Hoda and Kathy-Lee. It a late night rerun. Annie sleepin.' This like her eight or ninth night a human sleep in two years. And she look so pretty... No, really. For Annie, she does....

Now this townhouse on a quiet street, one a them old-timey Philadelphia 'carriage ways' that got itself preserved into our time. Nobody walk down here. Not this late at night. It dark. Got little trees. But, still, they trees. Sometime a dog walker come through. They think that dog gonna save 'em. Sometime a hoodlum sneakin' away from a cop slide through. That how it is. Wonder if they ever think what goes on here. Wonder if they know how close they come to the mystery an' all?

But this place old. This Philadelphia. An' we got mystery up the wazoo...
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