Friday, May 24, 2013

Andrew Harding in the EXTREME... for when 50 SHADES are just too monotone..Oh, and a lot of good cop stuff too. Then sublimate into our part of the forest as a little vampirina goes free... 5/23/13



Bathe in the macabre, criminal decadence confronting Harding's cadre of human, though vampiresque detectives, as they solve horrific murders, while indulging their own paranormal appetites... Nick and Nora Charles with a really kinky twist....

Then slip into our part of the forest..... The dark, Jersey Pine Barrens, where a strange, little vampirina girl waits for something special...

They asked Annie if she really wanted it. They asked her if she wanted to be 'normal' again. But she just shrugged. Sarah whispered - Maybe she doesn't want to hurt us?.... So Jonathon said - We'll still take care of you.  You'll still be with us...... Will I get bigger? - she asked..... The Talk-To-God-Man said - If it works you will.... But what if it doesn't work? - asked the little girl...... No one said anything. They just looked at each other. ... Edith said - You want your rain slicker, honey? It's starting to spit..... Annie just shook her head. She liked the rain. 

So they stood there in the damp and waited. The Piney holy man said - Let's see. How many we got?..... Eighteen - Edith said. We got eighteen..... Is that enough? - asked Jonathon..... It's enough - answered the old man. Eighteen's a good number. The old scriptural symbol for 'life.' You know they had a lot of numerology back in them days. That 'Bible Code' stuff ain't just been invented. And what are we tryin' to do, but bring back the dead?..... Annie started to whimper.... Sarah hugged her. The Talk-To-God Man lowered his voice and said - Sorry, girl. You know how I mean..... Annie quickly nodded, but she still cried..... Jonathon said - We are not dead. How can we be dead? What quickens us? Am I a corpse? Is that how I look to you? It's like the Inquisition all over again. What a mistake this is! I am NOT a MONSTER! She is NOT a MONSTER!!..... Even Pin-Head-Mel started to cry..... Annie whined - Stop it. Please stop it.... Edith went - Don't pay no attention to the God-Man, honey. He just talks that way...... Then she pinched the grizzled, old shaman real hard, right on the back of his soft, flabby, upper arm..... He yelled - Go to hell, you bitch!!.... Pin-Head-Mel laughed..... Shaman said - Look, I know I don't talk right. This ain't no 'bubble, bubble' Shakespeare shit. But if you think I ain't got no powers. Or if you think I can't focus the powers them others got... you're wrong...... And with that, he reached out his old, knuckley hand to catch a red hot meteorite, just as it ripped through the scud.... Everyone heard the hiss, but his flesh wasn't burned. Seven heartbeats later, he tossed in onto the ground. And those assembled, especially the Pineys, thought it a most fortuitous sign.

Jonathon got all quiet. He and Sarah stood by the stringy haired little vampirina. Edith looked at him and said - Well?.... But he didn't answer. He looked at her but that's all he did. So she said - OK, lets's make this pony dance...

So seventeen people stepped out into the middle of The Meadow, a small, field of flowers in the midst of the great forest. Night gulls, blown in from the shore, wheeled overhead, taking in the show. Edith kissed Annie and went over to join them. Talk-To-God Man yells - Get them shoes off! And they did. A few kids, both human and Jersey Devil, ran out to retrieve them. Jersey Devil's a form a satyr. They don't wear shoes. Got goat feet. But that just a detail for them what just tuned in. Sky dried up. Drizzle stopped. Eighteen shoe-less people just waited. Grizzled old Shaman goes - Come set on my knee, child..... She don't wanna go, but Sarah whispers - It's all right. I'm  here.... Jonathon nods too. So she does.

Holy man starts sayin' stuff. Some sound like Old French. Some sound like Yiddish. Could be German. I don't know. Them Pennsylvania Dutch talk that way too. Them what ain't got no shoes mumble back to him.  Then he yell - DANCE!... Annie flinched, but she was all right.... The 'eighteen' hold hands and form a circle. They stomp, jump and skip around. First they go one way. Then they go another. Ain't never seen nobody hop so fast.... But this wern't regular dancin'. This was magic.

Old man chants - We come for a RESTORATION. We come for what we lost. We come for a restoration. We come for what we lost..... Few ghosts peekin' through the pines, move in close to see better. But nobody cared. They's people too, you know.

Dancers gone so fast, can't hardly see 'em. Look like folks on The Hell Hole. That a old Jersey Shore 'musement pier ride where they lock a bunch a kids in a big round room, like a inside of a drum. Drum start a spin. Kids go - Wheeeee!....  Go flyin', back against the wall (it covered in rug, so that part all right). Look like they glued on. Ain't no more gravity, just some other kind a physical force..... Ain't no gravity for them dancers either, 'cause they rise right up off that grass. Toes hangin' down, 'bout eight inches off the ground. Can only see they toes if you look real close. But I know they is, so I'm tellin' you.

Annie get real itchy. Start scratchin' all up and down her arms, just like a monkey what got too many fleas. Then she get the hives, all over. Big ones. Look like she bit by skeeters what think they shrimp. Old man laugh and laugh. Jonathon wanna help her. But Pin-Head-Mel's mama (she got a plain head) says 'no.' So he don't. 

Now she scratchin' her legs too... Then her face... Then her neck... Start jerkin' 'round like she gone crazy. Head tremble like it fixin' to go BOOM!... Talk-To-God Man yell - RESTORE! RESTORE! RESTORE!.....

Hives start a bust open. Fat bugs squeeze out. But they not 'bug' bugs. They moths and jus' look that way 'cause the fur all wet. Old man blow real hard and wind come out his mouth til they all dry. You can see 'em crawlin' out from under her shift. It like a slip. But Edith say it a sun dress. She start screamin'... Not Edith, Annie, I mean. Start slappin' at them things, tryin' a scrape 'em off. 

Then them dancers fall down in a hot, sweaty mess. Right when they hit the dirt, moths fly up and disappear.... high, high, high, up into the middle of the sky... jus' like they gone to a star.

Annie look up.... jus' like a wide-eyed child. Old man try somethin.' Put his big, ugly hands all over her mouth and nose. She slap at him. She twitch. She bounce around. But he doan let go. Everybody gettin' anxious. But folks know to stand back, 'cause they can tell how strong he is.....

Then, all of a sudden, he let go... Two second later she start gulpin' in big mouthfuls a air..... Soon she start smilin'... Then she start laughin'..... Old man say - Feel good, doan it, child?..... She nod her head 'cause it do. 

Edith jump up from the ground... run over an' hug her.... You breathin', Annie! You breathin'! Look, you breathin'!

An' she mean like a mortal human bean what really need it, not like no vampire that do it just because...

Annie start a cry..... Sarah cry too... They all do, even Jonathon.... You know, vampires and Pineys is very emotional people. Them Red Paints hides it better.

Then they take her in a cabin and give her lots a ice cream and cake. And that mornin' she see the sun...

'Restoration'...... What would you restore?
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