Thursday, May 8, 2014


He locked the door and threw her on the bed. She saw her reflection in the mirror and shuddered. The shriveled lips and dry, shrunken eyelids gave her a NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS meets Twiggy look. Plus her hair looked like the first prize winner in an INTERNATIONAL FRIZZ PAGEANT. A thin, sticky film (soon to become skin) covered her ribs. That part she liked. 

What are you gonna do to me? - asked Opal..... Nutting - said the uber zombie..... Then why'd you bring me to a motel? - she added..... I know da manager. He giff me a deal. - said Uther..... That seemed to satisfy her.... He sat down in one of two matching 'occasional' chairs, meant to give the place an almost mini-suite ambiance and leafed through a neat stack of takeout/delivery pizza joint menus on a small, white, plastic, pedestal table. Not that he was drawn to the cuisine, but he had to do something. 

Do they got cable? - she asked..... He tossed her the remote. Five seconds later, the hundred and seventy nine dollar flat screen hanging over the bureau came to life.... Old Three Stooges funny films.... Moe throwing cream pies at the bosoms of fat, society matrons, who trilled like castrati every time they got hit.... Opal liked that. Right up her alley. Uther watched as she attempted to untangle her hair with her fingers. Results were so-so at best. Then she studied her torn, ruined finger tips. Flesh already puckered up around the exposed tips of bone.... She looked at the dried dirt all over her body and asked - When can I take a shower?.... Wait till the skin on your ribs 'sets' up a little more - he said..... Ewww, won't all the dirt get sealed in, like tattoos? - she asked..... For a bit - he said. But your body will absorb it. It will go away...... Then she clicked on ANDY COHEN .... Oh ,Amy Schumer  ! I love her! - she said..... Uther wasn't interested, preferring to leaf through a local real estate listing magazine.

Then, when Amy finished her last lady-parts reference and they broke for commercials, Opal turned toward the uber zombie and asked - Who're you?...... I am 'Uther.' - he said..... Are you a zombie too? - she asked..... He just nodded..... She gulped.  Her chin trembled.... I want to go home. When I'm better. When it all grows back, I wanna go home. I just wanna go home. I do. I do. I do. - she whispered.... He sighed and smiled. Then he shook his head.... She cried. Zombies can still cry... You'll need a new 'zombie' name. Who are you, Opal?..... She sniffed and nodded.... Then he said - That will never do..... He thought for a while and asked - Tohn-da-lay-oh, Tondaleo. What do you think about Tondaleo?..... Opal said - I ain't no 'Tondaleo.' Drop dead and go to hell...... In good time. In good time, my little foul mouthed 'knodel.' (in case you don't know, that's German for dumpling. just make sure to pronounce the 'k')..... She hugged her knees and rocked back and forth... The bed squeaked. Somebody pounded on the door and said - Housekeeping!..... Uther answered it, but kept the chain latch on. The voice on the other side dropped a few decibels and went - Got any bodies need cartin' away?..... Uther said - No, not this time... and locked up...... Opal said - What, you come here often?..... Uther went - No, but it's a zombie place. They know.

She just nodded and mouthed the word 'zombie.' Then she said - Get me some clothes..... He said - I will..... She went - Lucky jeans . I want Lucky jeans.

Uther wrote that down...


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