Thursday, April 30, 2015

BIONIC ROBOT'S DAY ... 5/1/15

They have control rooms, high up by the ceiling. They look like old stadium press booths. Guards keep watch. When the lights go out they trip a switch. Everyone falls asleep simultaneously. The cerebral chips take care of that. But my chip doesn't work. Figure I must have had a mini-stroke and the blood 'did something' to it. Don't know why the central console didn't pick it up, but it didn't. So I don't sleep. Up above, the guards talk to each other and eat. I can see them through the glass. Truth is, I can't tell if they're Earth people , or aliens. Maybe mostly aliens with one or two 'Good Humans (specially chosen collaborators)?'

Sometimes I whisper, looking for other 'insomniacs.' Sometimes I crawl around on my hands and knees. So far, I'm the only one. I creep back to my cot and watch the control rooms. Soon I fall asleep too.

'Eyes Open' comes at 6AM. We're robots... full sized, human robots. Guess it's cheaper to fit us up with all kinds of neurological chips than build A.I's from scratch. First comes pee time. Big irrigated troughs. Then 'sanitation,' as we all file through a thick, antiseptic showery mist...raggedy clothes and all. Heat lamps and fans dry everybody up real fast. 

Breakfast is mealy worms and boiled buckwheat. Actually very nutritious. Then we shuffle off. The chips know the way. We don't. Some type of physical drudgery lasts til lunch (tofu and other crap)... More drudgery til sundown... Shuffle back... Night feed... Crap time... Coloring books and crayons... Piped in muzak.... Lights Out.....

Thus us life.

This is going to have to be a short post. One of the guards noticed me. I know. He motions. He points. Must have seen me moving around last night. 'Irregular' units get culled... and I want to live a little longer...

Let me sleep... or at least pretend to sleep. Let me survive. Let me dream.

I'm lucky... I can still do that...

<more next time>

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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

WHAT IF SLIGHTY MORE ADVANCED ALIENS CONQUERED US? ... 4/29/15

'The Ordering'... that's what they called it... started thirty eight years ago in our year twenty twenty two. People you read about, like Jonathon and Edith and Annie and Sarah and all were quite alive when it happened. I don't know what they did with the mortals, but 'advanced specimens'... (that's what they called vampires and born-witches) were immediately identified and gathered up. Apparently Earth enchantments can't touch them (the aliens, I mean), though they can sense the magical vibrations. 

Oh, one other thing, they kept Doctor Franklin's complex under the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard... and downloaded his scientific data into their digital devices. It's obvious they knew English. There must have been 'moles.' Seems they knew Chinese and Russian and Spanish too.... Hindi, that's another one.

Look, our brains are supposed to be 'compromised.' They aim for an I.Q. range of roughly eighty five to ninety five. The chips are supposed to prevent higher functioning. We act like they do... but they don't. Smart folks disappear real fast.

And it's not like we're breeding. No one 'couples.' We never see members of the opposite sex... not Earth humans. We think they're just waiting for us to die off. It's been almost forty years. The youngest people I've seen are fifty five. Last of The Mohicans. Maybe they have small breeding colonies? They did take away the children. 

We built an amusement park for them and their families. The aliens, I mean.  They look so much like us... Eye colors are a little off. Facial expressions are a bit strange. But they laugh. They buy toys for their off spring and have dances. I've seen the dances... not so different than Earth reels or square dances. And they love cake... They get cake and we get repulsive crazy food..... Once I got a bowl of little, tiny monkey hands.. and they were cooked, or steamed, or something. I don't know who sprinkled powdered cheese on top, but somebody did. Another time we got fetal armadillos, but no one ate them. Armadillos carry leprosy. ..

It's night now. We're back in our 'domiciles,' the vast halls where we eat and sleep. They don't like us to talk, but we do. Two nights ago, some dope starts shouting and thrashing and spitting and all. Lasted maybe ninety seconds. Then the D.I.C.s, the deeply implanted chips,  kicked in.... They oversee everything.... and within heartbeats the guy's bones... every bone in his body... reach a white-hot, seven hundred and fifty degrees, til he's burned and cooked and 'done.' Steam hissed from every pore and orifice. Then the frantic vibrations stopped. All was still. No one made a sound. We just watched as tiny, licks of flame danced out of his eyes, ears, mouth and nostrils. From the way his ratty, gray pants were burned, the urethra was probably involved too. Can't say 'bout his ass, 'cause nobody could see it. Was a whole lot a smoke, though.... Then they scrapped up what was left with shovels and dumped it into big, heavyweight, plastic bags. 

Twenty seven hundred and eighty four people went back to their cots and laid down.. ten rows of two hundred and fifty each, plus a few left over.... Gray souls on gray cots in a colorless world.

Tomorrow we make toy, 3D printers and wax lips for the kiddies.... for the 'Big People' kiddies... for the aliens to buy at that amusement park... They ain't bigger than us. We just call them that.

LIGHTS OUT.....

<more next time>

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Sunday, April 26, 2015

Good Humans... Brutal Occupiers... 4/26/15

Everything was grey, because it was cheaper for them to do so... even the sky. We filed through a gate. No one spoke. Words were superfluous. The chips took care of that. They knew our blood lines, all vital statistics and everything else of a physical or mechanistic nature. Lying was impossible. Thus a tired and worn populace, an urban herd, entered their place of domicile. Juveniles were kept elsewhere. Old specimens were recycled. 

We were kept in vast halls. Each got a cot, a bowl, a spoon... Once a week they dosed us via enemas. They evaluated the data forwarded by the chips. Those with invalid equations were terminated. It was all bloodless. Circulatory systems ceased functioning. They had chips for that too. Everyone found lacking died simultaneously. It happened during roll call. The 'fortunate' trudged out to their daily tasks. The 'unfortunate' collapsed on the spot. I suppose dying was their task that day. 

The bodies were collected, stripped of their rags and fed to The Chipper. There were a lot of chippers. There were a lot of bodies. The bone meal, or whatever it was, got sealed into big, black, thick gauge plastic sacks. They looked like bags of fertilizer. That's how we lived.

The Big People were like us. I couldn't see much difference. But they came from another place... another world.. another sun. A no nonsense race. No peace and brotherhood crap early on. They were here. They were powerful and just a bit more advanced than we were. First came the big sleeps. That's when they'chipped' everybody. Next came the divisions... males from females... parents from children... You can imagine the scenes. The trucks came. The trucks went. That was it. Older children promised to look after the tiny ones... God knows what happened to them.

And the whole world is like this.

They live in compounds... cozy, little towns with storybook houses. And they have dogs too. Some look like our dogs and some don't. But you can tell they're dogs.  They have cat things too. The heads are like cats, but the bodies are like lemurs. 

Sometimes they fly over subjugated zones in fast, silent helicopters. Come down pretty low too. They take pictures. Once I saw them clap and smile. Guess they clap and smile on their planet too. They grabbed a man with a big 'claw' thing, like in one of those arcade games. and flew away. He screamed and screamed. The claw didn't grab him right and one leg popped off at the knee. The guards tossed it in The Chipper.

There are stories that go around. Every once in a while they take a human, but they're not tortured and they're not killed. The Big People (who are basically the same size we are) call them 'Good Humans.'  I think I saw one once, walking a two headed chihuahua and carrying all these glossy shopping bags. I know she was human, because I saw the little scars where they took her chips out... or maybe replaced them with different chips?

I want to be a 'Good Human.' I want to live in one of their residence compounds and see grass and children and fancy stuff.

I don't know what I'd be expected to do, or what I'd be expected to endure... but I'm ready. I don't care. I'm ready.

Yesterday for dusk-feed they gave us little piles of fingernails... not just the parings... not just that, but whole, complete nails... ripped right from the beds... blood, skin, meat and all.

How could I not be ready?

<more next time>..... <and we didn't forget Annie and Sarah and Sarah's strange grandpa either>

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Thursday, April 23, 2015

BECOMING A PUBLIC LEG SHAVING GIRL... 4/24/15

Annie was popping off and trading the heads on her vintage Barbie dolls when Edith went up to get her. She gets a kick out of 'Ken with boobs.' Her Barbies don't like Ken. They like G.I. Joe. But he's a drunk and an abuser, so they go out to lunch and talk a lot.... Pancakes... They go for pancakes... And they all drive pink Camaros and are grade school counselors. One is a vampire, grade school counselor. But they give her an office with no windows, so sunlight isn't an issue.

Edith said - They want you downstairs. Sarah's grandfather is there...

Annie crinkled her nose.

Edith - Well, you gotta go...

Annie - I don't have to stick my fingers in his mouth anymore?... Do I? He stinks. He makes me puke. I mean it.

Edith - Well, go see what he wants. Jonathon won't let him do nothing to you. You know that...

So she went down... When she got there, the old man was telling a story... He went - She set up this stand...like a shoeshine stand... right on the sidewalk, next to a tobacco shop and that's where she sold 'leg shaves.' Women of a certain type used to get their legs shaves right there in the open, out on the sidewalk. Male swimmers did too... the whole nineteen thirty two French Olympic swim squad... all of them. Took pictures for Life Magazine and everything.  You can see my mother, there in the background. Big chrome safety razor... Always used a big, chrome, safety razor. In thirty three, when Hitler got voted in... (everyone thinks it was a coup or a revolution, but it wasn't. they voted for him) he did away with the public leg-shave girls. Sent 'em to Dachau. Switched 'em to heads, underarms and other places. We never saw her again. My mother, I mean. She wasn't Jewish. Christian... from an old Christian family. But she was a leg-shaving girl and there was absolutely nothing anybody could do. I was twelve years old. We came to America in thirty four. Mutiny On The Bounty... that was the first picture I saw......

Then he noticed Annie leaning against the wall. What are you lookin' at me for? she said.

Not one to notice other people's concerns, he ignored her question and said - Annie... how would you like to be a public-leg-shaving-girl?

Annie - I thought the Nazis kill you for that?

Old Man - Not here... and there's money in it.

Jonathon - Isn't she young?

Old Man - Not really... Proper training takes time. The good ones could do it with their eyes closed. 

Sarah - I think you're crazy...

He just chuckled. 

Annie said - What if I cut somebody?

The Old Man smiled and said - You'll see... You'll see.....

<more next time>
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Monday, April 20, 2015

Old People can be So Nasty.... 4/20/15

This is Billy talking. Sarah's grandfather is still with us. He sleeps in a basement room. Our basement is quite well fixed. Lower level in no way signifies laundry rooms and places like that. The old man bunks in what used to be a gentlemen's card room. Being downstairs, it was cooler and the perfect atmosphere for high stakes wagering. The paneling's very special. From the same stock used by Pedro the First, emperor of Brazil when he built his palace in Rio. Petropolis, I think it was called... City of Peter... Or maybe that was the second Pedro? When you live with cultivated beings, as I do, you absorb certain things.

The ghost in the basement, the little polio victim, won't go near him. Annie keeps her distance too. He has a history, that one does. We can feel it. Jonathon says he makes his mastoids hurt. I don't even know what mastoids are.

Vampires pick up vibrations. Some via the mandible. Others through the coccyx. With Jonathon it's the mastoid. I'll have to look that up.

Last night he shared a tale. Just goes off on a tangent. Powerful people are like that. It's not about what anyone else wants to hear. I think they talk to entertain themselves.  Any benefit provided the listener is just ancillary. 

He knows a gentleman... an extremely well fixed gentleman, who had an enemy... and this is how he dealt with that irksome individual. 

You must understand that Sarah's grandfather has quite the artistic soul. No mundane 'hit' for him, or orchestrated business reversal. None of that old crappy stuff.

He abducted the guy... right off the street, just in front of his club. Pulled up in his limousine, or rather had his driver, Dickenson, pull up. Said - Get in, Newland, I'll give you a lift to the train. (it was that time of day)..... Newland said - What 'train?' I take the J.S.J. (Jersey Shore Jitney)...... Sarah's grandfather said - Same difference. Get in..... The 'frienemy' did. Five heartbeats later, the strange old man jabbed him in his skinny, white thigh (right through the worsted wool) with what looked like an insulin pen. But the chemical inside was radically different. Sugar had nothing to do with it.

Newland wasn't poisoned, nothing like that. When he awoke, he was flat on his back, staring up at an incredibly vivid night sky. No light pollution here. And The Milky Way, when seen in such detail, can be quite intimidating. So can being stranded on a flat, almost featureless plain, stretching off to infinity in all directions. The eighty two year old sat up, silently studied the sky and moaned. A few hours later they found what was left of him lying dead under a scorpion swarm. I don't think he was anywhere near the beach.

When he finished, Sarah said - I don't get it. Why did you tell us this? You think I don't already know how rotten you are?

The old man just shrugged. But he smiled menacingly, chuckled and waved.

Edith said - You are one crazy, old, son of a bitch. Do you know that?...

The evil, ancient tale teller nodded and smiled. Then he whispered - Where's that little girl?....... Guess he meant Annie.

Maybe he wants more blood?

Jonathon clicked on THE VOICE <~~~ (yeah, it's clickable) and pretended like he didn't hear......

<more next time>

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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: SLIDE 'EM DOWN THE CHUTE.. like being buried alive...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: SLIDE 'EM DOWN THE CHUTE.. like being buried alive...: They found Matilda's killer. Bear trap got him. Just some guy lookin' for meat. Don't know how he got the money for them arrows...Mister Never You Mind, our disembodied, spirit narrator and a Creole Man from the Bayou what got hisself all killed up, relates a tale of a Jersey Pine Barrens little-girl-killer and what happen when the locals offer some much needed 'correction.' 



Primitive and visceral in a juicy, backwoods way.



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Strange things happen in the Jersey Pine Barrens... a very real, expansive, deep, dark, pine forest in the middle of where such places ain't supposed to be..... Go see.



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Friday, April 17, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: VAMPIRE LIFE IS QUITE LIKE YOURS

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: VAMPIRE LIFE IS QUITE LIKE YOURS: Those of you familiar with our milieu know vampires do not effect a kill very often. Most of the 'noble' breed feed but once every ...Cool, April rainy night here. Thought a taste of summer might feel good. Besides, the allergy heebie-geegies got me. Can't hardly breathe. Mold spores... pollen... unidentified alien microbes... they all got me. Burn off when temperatures top eighty degrees. They say we can expect more bees this year... Exceptionally lethal , lethal bug juice was killin' 'em. Farmers used it to fritz ugly, deadbeat bugs. Shame it got the cute, furry, industrious ones too. Poor little Buzz-Buzz. I don't know what color bees' blood is. And the queen ain't so much a queen, as she is a lay-about, always pregnant, domineering mama. Think she drinks fermented honey. Drunk all the time. Poppin' out babies like gumballs. No wonder the daddies don't stay around.



I can't stand meat on the bone. Looks like a chopped up, greasy corps. Camouflaged  meat is better... Ewww, you ever think each and every one of us got a fully articulated skeleton inside our bodies. Teacher told us that in third grade. Kids yelled, groaned and put their hands over their ears. Teacher goes - Well what do you think holds us up?... God does - they say... Actually only one did, but other kids jumped on it. You should smell how they all fart after lunch period on a hot day... too much milk... When they gonna learn? Not the kids... the schools.



I got a twenty fifth anniversary edition of THE ALCHEMIST by Paulo Coelho. Think he's Brazilian. Jonathon (our main vampire) likes that book. Just about 4AMedt here. Gonna to to bed and read it... Sorry bout not posting a new vampire blog and all. But allergy heebie-geebies ....



TV guy says this is PROSTATE AWARENESS MONTH... Crap, another thing we gotta buy gifts for.



I'm gone to sleep... If you want (and I pray to God who holds up our boneless bodies that you do) click on the title up above and look at a good post from two or three years ago.



You ain't missin' no new stuff. Sarah's grandfather slept over yesterday. Showed us some magic. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. 



(yawns... trembles) 



Good night.



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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

DEALING WITH A VAMPIRE IN THE FAMILY ... 4/14/15

<more on the confrontation between the Vampirina, Sarah, and her mortal grandfather>


Sarah couldn't bear to watch the old man cry, so she said something. She asked - How did you find me? How did you find this place?..... Her grandfather sniffed and said - I have people. You're not the only ones. They followed you... you and that strange little girl. Is she, in any way, yours?.....

Sarah said - No. Do you mean did I make her?... No. 

Did 'he' make you? - he said.

Jonathon said - If you mean me, my name is Jonathon ben Macabi, or Tomas de Macabea and your granddaughter creates herself. I merely opened a door.

The old man chuckled. Not a happy chuckle, but a judgmental, hard chuckle. He said - You, low-life, demonic bastard. You, Spanish-Jew son of a bitch. You can kill me. I know you can do that. At my age and with what I've been through, that doesn't scare me, but what did you do to my granddaughter?

Jonathon moved to respond, but Sarah stopped him - No, you don't have to say anything to him. (to old man) What do you call me 'granddaughter' for? You were never like a grandfather to me. You hated us. You hated all of us. My father couldn't stand you. (to Jonathon) My mother needed medical help. She was being eaten up alive and had only the most basic 'health' coverage. The 'concerned' medical doctors suggested treatment after treatment that 'might' help, provided we could pay. Compassion isn't free, you know. We asked him. He turned us down....

I had my reasons - whispered the old man.

I'll bet you did - said his granddaughter as she burned him with her eyes.

The 'grandfather' didn't say a thing. 

Jonathon said - Why did you come here...to torment her?... to disrespect me? She helped you. She didn't have to but she did. You were an object lesson to a little girl. She took Annie with her to teach her how to show compassion.

The old man was not moved.

Sarah said - You may need more... blood, I mean. Not a lot. Just a drop, here and there. Would you take it?

The old man said - You're a vampire... You're a vampire. You're a vampire. You're a vampire.

You're not answering my question - said Sarah. But the old man just sat there. No one spoke. Edith peeked out from the kitchen then quickly hurried back. Sarah inhaled and said - Why is it, if I'm the 'vampire' I feel all the life sucked out of me just being around you?

He looked at her, then quietly said - I came here to help you. Don't you think I want to make things right? (to Jonathon) And please forgive my inexcusable and unwarranted attack on your faith and background, but I'm an old man and the product of a questionable age.

Jonathon nodded.

Now tell that witchy-woman in the kitchen to bring me more wine.

Edith did... but she was nervous and at the last moment tripped on the edge of the fine, hand knotted 'Turkey' carpet under the cocktail table, sending the bottle cartwheeling through the air, til the old man, in a smooth gesture, steadied the vintage and brought it securely within his liver spotted grasp.

They all looked. The old man refilled glasses all around and said - Well, now you know...

<more next time>

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Monday, April 13, 2015

Vampire Sarah And Her Mortal Grandfather Have It Out... 4/13/15

<continuation of 4/9/15 episode>

They were watching television... Game of Thrones. Jonathon liked that show. Had lots of ideas... A vampire dynasty ruling from a great, somber, mountain redoubt.... Icy, grey stones... echoing halls spanned by giant timbers. And they spoke only Vahmpergahn, the night-folk dialect  roughly equivalent to German and related tongues. 

Sarah said - Are they noble vampires or noxious? Which breed? ..... Neither - He said. They're practical. And you know how my type reveres La Ciencia Vampirismo? Well, their kind look to Die Alt Buch..... So, they're like another version of you, but with the details changed and less moral? - she said.... Jonathon just shrugged. He did contact the shows producers by Email, though I don't know what came of it. 

Then he said - You know, I was in Washington all through April of nineteen forty five, Roosevelt's last days. We knew he was sick. You could see it. A few of us went down... myself... another vampirino from Albany and a young, idealistic vampirina from Havana. We conversed in Spanish. I liked that. But the government said 'no.' Not the whole government. We didn't address congress or anything like that. My God, half of them wanted him dead. But certain allies and family members reluctantly turned down our offer, fearful, lest the nation reject a leader preserved by vampire blood. Were the three of us disappointed? Of course we were. Mortals can be so 'dumb.' There's no other word for it.

Then there was a knock at the door. They looked at each other. Unexpected guests are rare. Even the man who reads the water meter knows when not to come. Edith bustled in from the kitchen. She was surprised too. Jonathon whispered - Go see who it is, but be careful...... You know how the world is today. anything could happen.

Edith quietly made her way through the central entrance hall and peeked through the viewer..... Some old man - she whispered. Should I let him in?

Sarah looked at Jonathon like she knew what was going on, but didn't want to be the one to say.... He said - Let him in.

Edith opened the door. She said - Yes?..... The old man said - Excuse me. does Sarah Davenport live here?..... Edith said - Give me a minute... Then she closed the door right in his face, went into the den and said - Is that you, Sarah? I forget. What should I do?..... 

The vampirina looked down at her hands and said - Let him in.....

Edith hustled back to the door and opened it. The old man waited for an answer.... She said - Come on in.... He nodded and followed her back through the black and white checkered hallway lit by the little, porcelain, 'China trade' lamp, through the kitchen and into the den. 

The old man looked at Sarah and she looked at him. Then he broke down and cried and it's a terrible thing when old folks cry. Jonathon clicked off the TV out of respect. Edith got the old man a little wine. He drank it down.

Sarah said - Why'd you come here? I don't have anything to say to you. I saved you. I pulled you through the other night. Now get out of here.

But the old man didn't leave. He just looked at her and said - All I want you to do is tell me how it happened. Tell me why you did it.

Sarah said - I don't have to tell you anything.

The old man slowly looked around... at Jonathon... at Edith... at the place. He knew. He had sense. His granddaughter didn't have to say a word....

But after a few heartbeats she did... and they began to talk...

< more next time>

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Sunday, April 12, 2015

I HAD AN ACTUAL FIRE...for real... couldn't post.. 4/12/15

This is not part of #vampirewonderland. We had a fire. No injuries. An 'in the wall' or more correctly the exterior frame around the backdoor. It was in my 91 yr old uncle's house. We live on the same block. Luckily, he noticed smoke and went outside. A neighbor saw smoke around backdoor and called fire department. I was picking up things at the market when my cell phone rang----- the police telling me about the fire. Came right back. 

'Adjusters' and repair guys swooped down immediately. They must listen to police and fire calls. We followed insurance directions and waited for their crew to come. Took hours though. Windows sealed with plywood now. They break so much and drown the rest. 

So now it's about a week til real work starts and a few more to get it all done...maybe less.
Believe me. I would have rather been on Blogger and Twitter.... plus that 'live tweet' #SNL4fun thing we do during SNL. 

Still... everything has a 'mysterious' aspect. Fire department said there was no apparent cause... and they LOOKED... No flammable items or substances near by. No frayed or questionable electric wires... Nothing....

Around here, in the city, people think about EVERYTHING. Who knows what it really could have been?

Now they'll come back tomorrow ( so far) to do more preliminary clean-up and stuff. Hope I get some sleep. God, do I need it. Uncle tucked away comfy for the night (or a few nights). So he's OK. 

This really shook my nerves and rattled my brain. Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.

Forgive the levity.

I'm high on the fumes.

It all started around 10PMedt.
Signing off ... 4:30PMedt.

Be careful, folks...

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Saturday, April 11, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A TALKATIVE SHRUNKEN HEAD TELLS HOW LYCANTHRO-SHAR...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A TALKATIVE SHRUNKEN HEAD TELLS HOW LYCANTHRO-SHAR...: Shrunken head like to watch Drew Carey. He like The Price Is Right, 'cause he got lot in common wiff a plinko chip. Old Woman set him u...



This is how aliens mess around with human kind. Old lady once bought a souvenir shrunken head. Turned out to be an unusual shrunken head... and it talks to her... It tells her things... and us to.



Go see~~~> Some shrunken heads know a whole lot a crap... This one knows the truth. Click on the title up above to see the actual episode.



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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: THE PHOTOLUMINESENCE OF LIFE IN THE ABYSS

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: THE PHOTOLUMINESENCE OF LIFE IN THE ABYSS: I could feel the cold. Temperatures at that depth hover near freezing. But my body was immune to it. Hypothermia does not effect us. I supp...



What it's like to be an elferino or elferina sealed into a leaden casket and thrown into the icy gray sea.



Marianne relates her ordeal to wealthy Center City couples attending her salon.



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Friday, April 10, 2015

Mom Win All Kind A Fancy Designer Bras At The Bingo... 4/10/15

Sarah was quiet. She didn't say much. Annie asked her why they went to the old man in the fancy apartment house, but all Sarah said was they had to go to somebody. The next night, Sarah fed. Jonathon fed too. They don't always take blood on the same night, although sometimes they do. Since they were a devout and pious band, they depended on the visions. He saw a restaurant owner. Guy had a bar and grill in Old City (nineteenth century commercial district north of Society Hill). Came on to all the waitresses. Did worse when he felt like. One girl ran out into the street to get away from him and slipped under the wheels of a trolley car. It was real late. It was winter and the streets were icy. Both legs sliced off above the knee. He went to the mother... the girl's mother. Gave her ten thousand dollars cash on behalf of her daughter, plus the sincere promise of fifteen thousand more, if she kept her quiet. She did... They needed the money. Waitress' kid had asthma. Restaurant guy felt guilty. Bought her a matched set of 'Betty Grables.' You know, that blonde, pin-up, movie actress from back in the day with them legs? Looked real nice too, like Barbie legs, or something. Girl never walked in them, though. But they photographed nice in pictures. Once, years later, the mother calls him. Asks for more money to buy new legs. Thieves broke in one night and stole the old ones, along with a television, two collectible bisque figures under little glass domes and some real expensive, designer bras the mother won at bingo. Restaurant guy tells her to drop dead. Tells her to go back to bingo and win some.

Mother sends a guy she knows over to kill him. Don't have to pay him, 'cause she used to babysit him when he was a kid. Only guy gets jumped by two thugs who know he's packin' and want the gun. Cops find him three weeks later wedged under a rock in the Delaware River. 

You want me to tell you more? I could tell you more. He was a real shit. Jonathon goes in one night after closing and takes him out. Don't say nothing. Sublimates through the wall (that boy do like his entrances). Pins him against the mirror behind the bar and drains him dry. Professional vampire can do that in about three minutes.

Sarah takes longer with her 'cull,' because she's still relatively new at it.... Then they meet at this coffee bar for some African blend they like. 

Oh yeah, before I forget. Jonathon did pocket the bastid's watch... some big, heavy, bracelet style, gold thing. Costs like twenty eight thousand dollars. Also grabbed sixty five hundred dollars out of the register. There was a guy with a gun, but he in the crapper guardin' rolls a toilet paper and air freshener. Comes running out after some bottles broke to find his boss going up in spontaneous human combustion ( you know... the flames that break out after a vampire attack). 

Sarah got a seventeen thousand dollar diamond ring and a custom made, hand knotted, human hair wig made out a Russian hair, which is the best. Google say it cost thirty two hundred dollars. 

Fifty thousand dollars, retail, between the two of them. That ain't bad. They sell little vials of vampire blood to bastids what got the money to pay for it, but ain't the kind a bastids that need killin' too. Vampires make lot a money. Don't forget, they got investments too... a thousand years worth of investments and little chests fill a all kinds a jewels. Hell, do you know how much that townhouse costs?

On the way home from the coffee bar, Jonathon tells Sarah she ought to go back and see that old man she helped  the other night. He know 'bout the relationship and all. She says that she will. Even vampirinas like they pop-pops.

Then they go into an all-night bodega to buy Edith some Pepto Bismol. She got a thing for Pepto Bismol. 

Ride the rest a the way home in a taxi, 'cause it get cold and misty.

Watch part a THE LAST WALTZ when they get there. Jonathon likes that picture... country music and The Band and all. The Night They Tore Old Dixie Down one a his favorites.

Little bit later he kill a spider and they go to sleep. That how vampire live..... Some nights all glamorous.

This one ain't.....

<more next time>

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Thursday, April 9, 2015

STRANGE FAMILY REUNION... 4/9/15

There is no balcony. Pre war buildings didn't ordinarily have them... Might have been a terrace here and there to mark off a set-back, or something like that, but no balconies... not as a rule. though we do have a common area up on the roof... an observation deck, they called it. They had deb dances up there years ago. I can still hear the music... Lester Lanin, Peter Duchin and all that. Those days are gone. But they still keep the place up nice...flagstone paving... built in bars... a band platform. Residents go up on warm nights to gaze at the heavens. Mr. Levitt has a telescope. I looked it up on line (yes, I know how to do that)..... 'Fit for a university astronomy lab' it said. Cost him thirty two hundred and sixty five dollars.... a four foot long reflecting model, with the actual, small viewing tube along side. Frank Jessup played bar tender. He stocked it, so he ought to run it. The Perlmutters brought up all kinds of cheeses, smoked salmon and fancy little breads and crackers. What's his names nephew played Spanish guitar. I liked those nights.  We saw Jupiter's four Galilean moons and The Great Galaxy of Andromeda....

One night I saw Johnny Jump Up, Center City's resident ghoul. It was late and quite close to the Hunters' Moon. I went up with Miss Tanerjee, the Jessup's au pair  girl. Quite beautiful, from Kashmir, you know. Looked like Merle Oberon. I wonder how many lame brains remember her today? Young people know crap now. If they don't see it on Extra! or Access Hollywood it never happened. What common shit-heads. I never saw a more self-limiting generation. But I digress...

Johnny Jump Up was gnawing on a victim... mostly blood-slicked bones by that point. Female, from the look of her. Flesh all gone, save for gristle and greasy, little scraps. Face was intact, except for the nose. He was crunching on that. The au pair girl froze. I was afraid she was going to scream, but growing up in Northern India during the partition steeled her to such things. Not ghouls eating corpses, but blood, I mean.  And the moonlight softened the look of it all too. So we crouched there, maybe thirty five or forty feet from the carnage, watching the monster eat.... White, cadaverous face.. lank, greasy black hair... so skinny he was, perched over the remains on all fours.... tight, black, gabardine suit. Don't know where all the meat went, though. Had to be maybe eighty pounds of it. Belly stuck out a little bit, but not like what you'd think. And the ripping sound every time he tore off a jaw full. Licking the bones and all. Hypnotic... That's what it was... hypnotic. There's a lot of magic floating around this town, even me....

I had a 'visitation' the other night. Thought I was going to die... Couldn't breathe... Couldn't swallow... The strange thing is, it didn't bother me. It felt peaceful, like a big, cool, dark void. I could taste it. Hell, I was half in it.

Then she came... this woman and a little girl. They said something... Put something inside me. They saved me, if that's the right word.

And now I'm up here on the roof top in a cold, damp April night, looking out at the city and thinking. I know who that woman was. Hell, I still think of her as a girl.... That woman was my granddaughter.... That woman was Sarah. Did she think I would not know?

And I have to go find her.....

I have to make things right....

I have to find out what's going on...

Oh, God, I have a second chance...

<more next time>

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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... What ...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... What ...: Sometime it get real quiet in there. Sky-ponies settle down durin' hot part a day. Got air-conditioning, but not much. Ponies be tetchy ...Murder on La POLVAROSA. One of the Texaco sons goes missing. Family gathers. But ranch hand, Whitey, got something. He found it ... a finger... a chewed off human finger... Mister Alec's finger... and he (Whitey) stick it in a real safe special place.



Then he ride the tank-bus into 'town.' Knows a guy who can do stuff. Gonna give him the finger. Not that way, but you know what I mean.



Barsoom (pronounced BAR-sum)is quite a place.... 'Red Rock's' best. Y'all gone have grand kids livin' there one day. Might as well go see. 



Jump in and scroll around... MARS is callin'...



< this EL RANCHO TEXACO story arc/film treatment is among our most popular>



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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

EL RANCHO TEXACO - MARS...the early days

Sun looks white from space. Not too much color. They say it is a yellow star, but I didn't see it.... just a throbbing, hot light. You can see a little bit of the corona, like a haze dancin' all around it. Folks was sayin' - Don't look! Turn your eyes away from that thing. Don't you know it's bad luck?..... I say - This here special glass (or whatever it is). You can look. .... But they don't look. Fella says - You judgin' God's handiwork. You laughin' at the heavens.... I say - No, I am not. I'm laughin' at you..... Fella's wife says - Why you God damned son of a bitch! You gone burn in hell..... I just shrug. Fella want a punch me, but security guard (they like space ship police) give him a look. Ain't no hittin' allowed on a space ship. Think it say so in the Bible.  Wife pulls him away. Says - Come on. They givin' out cheese and crackers. Don't you want none?..... Guess he really crave them cheese and crackers, 'cause don't fight her none. He just goes away. 

I like watchin' space. Used to have a little telescope. Not real little. It did have a tripod and all. Looked at God's heavens most every night.  Can see a lot from New Mexico. I tell folks I'm from Texas, 'cause for some reason, that place got a thing in people's heads. Maybe cause it once a whole country and got The Alamo and all? Davy Crockett got mos' all his head blown off by a Mexican mini-ball there. I seen the blood stains. Don't know if it his, but still a good story.

If I ain't said so yet, I am John... John Texaco. Folks call me 'Johnny.' That ain't so hard to remember. Who are you and why am I sayin' all this stuff in my head? But I feel like there's somebody out there (in there?). Some folks go 'space crazy' from conditions on board... the canned air and weird spinning gravity and all. Maybe I'm one a them?

We saw a body float by the other day... some guy in a full, pressurized suit. Crew said he was from the U.S.S. Pilgrim. Everybody knows about the Pilgrim. Picked up some microbe from God knows where. Some germs can withstand space. We know that now. At least for the last few years we have. Folks grabbed their devices and took pictures, videos. Posted 'em too. For a second or two he bounced right against the window... not hard... real soft. They said he got trapped in our wake. Even at one hundred and thirty five thousand miles per hour that can happen. I saw his face... all dried and screwed up like a terrified mummy... little bit a freeze-dried snot hangin' on his upper lip. Then he was gone, tumbling off into the void.

The crossing takes two weeks. Mars is close now, so we can do that. The 'short jump' they call it. But planets are islands that float around like them huge mats of seaweed out on the Sargasso Sea. We took The National Geographic when I was a kid. That's how I know. Sometimes when Mars is clear on the other side of the sun it takes much longer. But I don't know about that. This is my first time. The Moon hop to meet the ship was enough for me.

Lost In The Stars... I hear that song in my head. That's what I am... a little bit... for a while anyway. Got big dreams for that planet. Figure twenty eight's time enough. 

God I miss New Mexico...

<you just met Johnny Texaco, first in the family to reach Mars>

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Sunday, April 5, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Barso...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Barso...: Stinker Jones liked to walk. For a fat bastid, he didn't do too bad. Sure the 't.t.' was there. That means town tank, for you fo...

'Stinker' Jones is the big, political, boss man on Mars. Got a big spread out a town and a slick, sharp city place in Barsoom (pronounced BAR-sum) the capital. Pulls all the strings and pinches all the asses. Buries all the bodies too. Hell, he manufactures all the bodies. ... click onto the title up above and meet him. Read the whole episode. Slip into a booth at The King's Club (guess who owns it) order one a the best steaks this side a the asteroid belt. Commence to chawin' and learn things.



Y'all gotta fly out to Mars on one a them big Arch Angel class cruisers. Check into some swank B'town (Barsoom) hotel. Start throwin' money 'round and settle in..



Stinker got some kind a hinky-dink goin' wit' Bart Texaco and his clan. Bart wanna get his kid in The Stone House. Sonny-boy a senator now. But Martian President whole lot better than that...



Scroll around. Click NEWER POST or OLDER POST down at the bottom. Go ahead. It's worf it.



These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO. Join the Troopers (first families of Mars). Raise a little hell 'Red Rock' (nick name for Mars) style...



<make a good cable series>



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VAMPIRES GOT MORTAL RELATIVES TOO, YOU KNOW... 4/5/15

They sat watching the television in the little library. Sarah liked the small, warm space and the deep, comfortable club chairs. Gunga Din was on, a swashbuckling tale about British, colonial forces in 1850's India. She loved the classics, especially the old black and white ones. 

Annie sat in another chair, sipping pineapple juice from one of those colorful, translucent, plastic glasses with the curly-twirly straws. They bought it on the way back from the old man's apartment last night at a twenty four hour CVS. She pretended to be interested in the movie, but she really studied Sarah. Lately she was curious about everything..... like would belly fat bounce if you made a ball of it, or what happened to that weird,Johnny-Jump-Up ghoul guy they used to have around here.

They have to measure her every day. Annie, I mean. They mark her height. She's desperate to grow. At first it looked like even though she wasn't strictly speaking 'vampire' anymore, she still wasn't growing. Everybody was worried. They know how much it means to her. She watches old Brady Bunches and says - Am I as tall as her?... and points toward the middle one.... Jonathon says - She's an actress. She's not as old as the character. Probably nineteen years old. They have to be taller to stand out under all the hot lights and everything.... Annie goes - Why? What do they do, melt?.... Edith wants to laugh, but Sarah shoots her a look.... The thing is, she's beginning to grow. Edith measures her with an old Sears retractable, metal, tape measure in the kitchen. Jonathon checks with one of the physician 'familiars' they have. He says she's alright, near average for a seven year old. Annie's about nine, but since she was 'vampire' for a couple years that's not bad. But she still has to pick about something. You know how kids get?..... She goes - Who was that old guy last night, the one in the apartment?...... Sarah says - Nobody. Why do you ask?...... Annie says - 'Cause he wasn't 'nobody.' I can tell. I got the 'hoo doo.' Edith says so and you know it...... Then she just looks.... Sarah says - He's just somebody I've known for a long time...... You mean like before you were a vampire?.... Sarah nods, pretending she's so interested in the Sepoy Revellion (Gunga Din, you know)..... Annie goes - Stop looking at that. They get all shot up. I know. I saw it before...... Sarah goes - When'd you see it before?...... Annie says - Cartoon version with Bugs Bunny. Same thing. Teacher said so. Who was he?..... Sarah looks at her. Annie stares back. Kids can be so focused when they want to be. She goes - Well? He looks like some communist from a movie I saw.... Boy, you sure see a lot of old movies - goes Sarah... Annie just shrugs. Then she looks down like she's hurt..... Sarah quietly says - He was my grandfather.... Annie goes - What to you mean? He ain't dead...... Sarah says - Drink your pineapple juice.....

Gunga Din bites it, marches off into eternity and the movie ends.  Annie switches to late night reruns of FUTURAMA. They sit there in the shadows, bathed in the light from the small flat screen. 

Sarah doesn't want to talk anymore and Annie knows not to push. So they sit there til just before dawn. Then they go to their rooms. 

Nighttime in the townhouse.....

Vampirinas have family issues too.....

The truth'll come out. It always does....

<more next time>

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Saturday, April 4, 2015

WHETHER YOU CELEBRATE THE EXODUS OR THE RESURRECTION, HAVE A GOOD ONE.. 4/4/15

Couldn't 'channel' a blog post. Had to do my #ff stuff on Twitter and we have a big group that likes to take part. Plus, went to a Passover Seder dinner earlier (a redemptive service held in the home, built around a communal dinner). Like the spiritual part. Like the food too. Brought home a Tupperware container of sweet and sour meatballs. Been eating them like popcorn. Not with my fingers, though... with a fork. 

Then my on-line file of #PeopleWhoLikeToTakePartInFF got all screwed up and I couldn't remember everybody's Twitter handles on my own. That's why it pays to have relatively simple handle that's the same, or close to your actual name... You want people to remember it, don't you?

New, little, bundle of a great nephew (six months old) bounced around, smiling and gurgling all night from his bouncy-saucer toy with all the lights, music & toys hanging around it. Dance to the music! A sheer delight. 

Alpha dog (there are three) got tired of being chased away from baby's face and toys, then remembered she has her own nice toy basket filled with frequently laundered festive, stuffed, prey-substitutes in the inglenook and 'killed' a few deliriously grinning, cartoony squirrels and weird, clown hybrids. When he saw that, baby wanted HER toys... uh oh.

Everybody ate too much brisket and chicken breast thing.. No family fights ( a plus) and the macaroons ( a classic Passover dessert) were moist.

We left the door open and poured a cup of wine for the Prophet Elijah, believed to descend from Heaven to proclaim the advent of The Messianic Era on First Night. But we didn't see him, unless he was hiding in the garage. Somebody played with the hockey sticks, so who knows? (maybe he thought they were shepherd's crooks?)

Other stuff happened too, but I am SO tired. Divine Redemption does that, you know. 

Important thing is whether you and yours celebrate the EXODUS or the RESURRECTION all the best for a joyous and meaningful time.

< back to the night-folk next time>

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Friday, April 3, 2015

AN OLD MAN QUITE NEAR DEATH... 4/3/15

Sarah and Annie walked down the street. The city was quiet, all souls resting in advance of the coming Holy Days. Houses are cleaned. Kitchens are readied. God's coming to call and in all parts of the Jewish-Christian spectrum, The Message is basically the same. God says - Grab your things. I've come to take you home.

Now, Sarah doesn't break out in Ecclesiastical Measles, like her vampire partner, Jonathon, but she still believes. That's why she dressed Annie in a brand new, special outfit from Lord & Taylor... a crisp, pale, yellow dress, topped by a navy blue 'spring coat' and all the trimmings. Her clothes, though cut differently, echoed the same color scheme. Mother-daughter outfits, they used to call them.

Annie liked the sound of her new patent leather shoes against the sidewalk. After a bit, Sarah whispered - Quiet.... So, being somewhat magical in her own way, if no longer a vampire, she walked along silently. 

Occasionally they'd pass someone, or people would pass them.... maybe a taxi, or twenty-somethings leaving a bar ( religious observances mean little to them). And if the sight of a mother and daughter out and about, all alone, after midnight seemed strange, the mesmerizing gaze from Sarah's vampire eyes soon assured them all was well.

Are we there yet? - asked Annie... Soon - said Sarah. See that stately, old, apartment building across the street by the corner?... Annie said that she did.... Well -continued her 'mother,' - He's in there, four stories up. See where the light's on? In there. 

Gaining entrance was no problem at all.  They entered the small, vestibule and the doorman buzzed them in. Did he know them? Not at all, though, as you know, vampirinos and vampirinas have their ways. So they left the black and white, marble tiled space, passed through the small, commodious, thickly carpeted lobby and into an elevator....,. the mirrored kind with old, polished brass fittings and trim. Sarah pressed number four and they were off. Annie giggled. Sarah didn't, so she stopped. 

They proceeded down a hall carpeted to match the lobby. The walls were painted a rich, dignified cream, trimmed out with white base boards and crown moldings. Brass sconces with pleated, silk shades furnished just enough light for propriety's sake. And six paneled, glossy black doors with fittings to match the sconces, led to the flats. We provide such detail, for Annie remembered everything on her first 'official' healing. 

When they reached number 403, Sarah sublimated her hand through the door and fiddled with the lock. Twelve heartbeats later they went in.  There was a small foyer, more or less matching the vestibule downstairs. Beyond that, in the living room, an elderly man dozed, sheltered in the wings of a great, antique, needlepoint chair. There wasn't much light in the room, save what came from a small, gas powered fireplace, but they could see how sick he was. Maybe he realized they were standing there. Maybe he didn't. Annie thought she heard him whisper something, but she wasn't sure.  Sarah gave her the vial. She said - You do it.... Annie's hands shook. She was still fundamentally a child, after all. Then she carefully removed the stopper, approached the invalid and slowly poured three or four drops of the warm, ruby elixir onto his drooping lower lip. He sipped it in like soup. Sarah took the vial, put back the stopper and they left, clicking the lock back in place as they did.

Out on the street, Annie quietly asked - Is that it?.... Sarah said - Yes..... Annie said - How do you know he'll be alright?..... Sarah straightened Annie's coat collar and said that she just did.

On the way back home they stopped for pancakes. And Sarah told the little girl all about the man in 403....

<more next time>

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