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This is one of the disembodied spirit narrators. I'm just some guy who got shot in a hold-up in a men's store under the El tracks in Philadelphia. Maybe you know me from BINGO BOY? I think the same one who channels this channeled that too. Never said my name. That's OK. You don't have to know. Let me tell you what's gone on here. In the Pines, I mean.
I picked red because it's late and that Billy Kravitz is probably sleepy. Red wakes you up.... The Jersey Pine Barrens are nice. Not like in the city. City's all messed up. Can't get no coffee. Can't get no medicine. Well, you can if you got valuables. People still use money. Government's still around somewhere's. Once in a while you see leaflets, or maybe a jet goes by overhead. Warlords ain't got planes yet. They say some got suitcase bombs.... atomic bombs you can carry in a backpack. Dora the Explorer went off ten days ago. Took out some place in Michigan. They say the ones who get vaporized... the ones close in, feel their bones turn white hot just before they go poof. Bet that ain't fun. Dumb bastids further out just fry. Eyeballs drip down like rock candy. Skin looks like the black stuff you rinse off from a grilled pepper. Dogs race round like comets. Crazy people laugh. But all a them still die, 'cause the radiation does it. Like a sunburn from the inside out. Only you can chug Solarcaine til the cows crawl home (you ever see crawlin' cows?) but it won't do no good.
Mole-folk tunnels under what used to be the subways are crowded now. People feel safe down there. Got their mushrooms. Got their pigeons. Got their rats. Tuna fish is money. Cans, I mean. Last cans from the stores still got like three years on 'em. After that you can use them as rocks and throw them at people.
Pines is where you wanna be. Can eat turtles or muskrats or some kind a fish. Got greens. Got acorns. Some feral pigs runnin' round too. Edith got like twenty cartons a Sweet Tarts. Don't know where she got 'em. But she got 'em. Think she found a truck somewhere. Got three dozen gross of 'I'm With Schmuck Face' t-shirts off another truck. Pineys real good at findin' trucks. Every kid runnin' round there got Schmuck Face shirts. It's like a uniform.
They're out on the porch now. Edith and Tomas, I mean. Still dark. Forest folk like the dark. They sit. They talk. Drink homemade wine. Eat dry Fruit Loops. Cereal keeps. Milk don't. Sometimes a ghost come by. They say something. Edith, bein' a witchy woman knows all about that stuff.
She got a nice, big folding beach chair they give away fifteen years ago from some casino in Atlantic City. That's her seat... Gotta stop for a minute... Billy Kravitz (who channels and types this) wants some peanut butter crackers...OK, he's back. Peanut butter cracker-time (and ginger ale) is over. Took fifteen minutes. Got Game of Thrones on over the fireplace. That's like Shakespeare only with lot a naked titties. Think they supposed a be ancient Irish people on drugs...
OK, now we back in the wee hour pines. Tomas gonna say something.
TOMAS - (slaps at a mosquito) And now the little vampires feast on me.
Edith chuckles and nods...
TOMAS - I feel so exposed. I feel so weak. Even gravity rests different on me now...
EDITH - Each 'phase' has its charms. You wanted this. You could have stayed dead, you know. And I mean true death, human death.
TOMAS - Was I dead?
EDITH - (shrugs) Who knows? You want some Fruit Loops?
TOMAS - (shakes his head) Fruit Loops... What crap you humans eat. I don't remember it like this.
EDITH - What you remember was a thousand years ago. They had crap then too.
TOMAS - No, not us. We kept the dietary laws... clean meats...fresh bread... 'Take not for your table the eaters of carrion' and all that.... Can you roast a goose?
EDITH - Are you crazy?
TOMAS - (looks up from under pensive brows and nods) How will you find 'Papa?' I need him. I need his blood.
EDITH - Sweetheart, I don't even know if he's out there. Not where we can find him anyway. But I'll try. I'll look... throw some hoo-doos... sing some songs. You know. But if I can't... you gotta make do with some other vampire. OK?
He doesn't want to hear that.
EDITH - You don't like Fruit Loops?
TOMAS - No.
EDITH - I'm sorry, sweet heart.
TOMAS - (whispers) I know.
And then we pull up and away (a crane shot, I guess) revealing two small souls in the dark.
<more next time>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<o> <o>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~
click - LETTUCE to browse all Vampire Wonderland Episodes.
click - TOMATOES to join me on Twitter.
please comment. thank you.
I picked red because it's late and that Billy Kravitz is probably sleepy. Red wakes you up.... The Jersey Pine Barrens are nice. Not like in the city. City's all messed up. Can't get no coffee. Can't get no medicine. Well, you can if you got valuables. People still use money. Government's still around somewhere's. Once in a while you see leaflets, or maybe a jet goes by overhead. Warlords ain't got planes yet. They say some got suitcase bombs.... atomic bombs you can carry in a backpack. Dora the Explorer went off ten days ago. Took out some place in Michigan. They say the ones who get vaporized... the ones close in, feel their bones turn white hot just before they go poof. Bet that ain't fun. Dumb bastids further out just fry. Eyeballs drip down like rock candy. Skin looks like the black stuff you rinse off from a grilled pepper. Dogs race round like comets. Crazy people laugh. But all a them still die, 'cause the radiation does it. Like a sunburn from the inside out. Only you can chug Solarcaine til the cows crawl home (you ever see crawlin' cows?) but it won't do no good.
Mole-folk tunnels under what used to be the subways are crowded now. People feel safe down there. Got their mushrooms. Got their pigeons. Got their rats. Tuna fish is money. Cans, I mean. Last cans from the stores still got like three years on 'em. After that you can use them as rocks and throw them at people.
Pines is where you wanna be. Can eat turtles or muskrats or some kind a fish. Got greens. Got acorns. Some feral pigs runnin' round too. Edith got like twenty cartons a Sweet Tarts. Don't know where she got 'em. But she got 'em. Think she found a truck somewhere. Got three dozen gross of 'I'm With Schmuck Face' t-shirts off another truck. Pineys real good at findin' trucks. Every kid runnin' round there got Schmuck Face shirts. It's like a uniform.
They're out on the porch now. Edith and Tomas, I mean. Still dark. Forest folk like the dark. They sit. They talk. Drink homemade wine. Eat dry Fruit Loops. Cereal keeps. Milk don't. Sometimes a ghost come by. They say something. Edith, bein' a witchy woman knows all about that stuff.
She got a nice, big folding beach chair they give away fifteen years ago from some casino in Atlantic City. That's her seat... Gotta stop for a minute... Billy Kravitz (who channels and types this) wants some peanut butter crackers...OK, he's back. Peanut butter cracker-time (and ginger ale) is over. Took fifteen minutes. Got Game of Thrones on over the fireplace. That's like Shakespeare only with lot a naked titties. Think they supposed a be ancient Irish people on drugs...
OK, now we back in the wee hour pines. Tomas gonna say something.
TOMAS - (slaps at a mosquito) And now the little vampires feast on me.
Edith chuckles and nods...
TOMAS - I feel so exposed. I feel so weak. Even gravity rests different on me now...
EDITH - Each 'phase' has its charms. You wanted this. You could have stayed dead, you know. And I mean true death, human death.
TOMAS - Was I dead?
EDITH - (shrugs) Who knows? You want some Fruit Loops?
TOMAS - (shakes his head) Fruit Loops... What crap you humans eat. I don't remember it like this.
EDITH - What you remember was a thousand years ago. They had crap then too.
TOMAS - No, not us. We kept the dietary laws... clean meats...fresh bread... 'Take not for your table the eaters of carrion' and all that.... Can you roast a goose?
EDITH - Are you crazy?
TOMAS - (looks up from under pensive brows and nods) How will you find 'Papa?' I need him. I need his blood.
EDITH - Sweetheart, I don't even know if he's out there. Not where we can find him anyway. But I'll try. I'll look... throw some hoo-doos... sing some songs. You know. But if I can't... you gotta make do with some other vampire. OK?
He doesn't want to hear that.
EDITH - You don't like Fruit Loops?
TOMAS - No.
EDITH - I'm sorry, sweet heart.
TOMAS - (whispers) I know.
And then we pull up and away (a crane shot, I guess) revealing two small souls in the dark.
<more next time>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<o> <o>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~
click - LETTUCE to browse all Vampire Wonderland Episodes.
click - TOMATOES to join me on Twitter.
please comment. thank you.
