Posts
This is not our regular message from the vampire world. Just a short epistle to let you know where things stand. Jonathon wants to go 'a wanderin'.' He tought about this before, but them other night-folk always pull him back. He says wanderin' is his destiny. It's what The Lord wants him to do . That's what he says. Sarah says she'll go with him, but he wants her to stay put. Sometimes he says he's gonna make a big speech... proclaim his vampireness to the world. Tell like it is. Doctor Franklin does not know if that is such a good idea. Says there was once a night-folk person in South Carolina called Jefferson of Roanoke who announced his vampireness to folks at a nighttime revival meeting. You know, one a them big, tan circus tents with loud talkin' speechifying, preach-for-money men in 'em 'stead a mangy old big cats and gassy elephants? Got little electric lights strung all over... wooden folding chairs... lady-wimmen fannin' they overheated necks and chest places with cardboard fans what look like cheap, fake ping pong paddles.
Vampire fella come up to 'share his burden.' That's what they call it, 'burden sharin' time.' One lady say she give her mother in law crappy cheese what got mold on it. A moonshiner say dog once pee in the bathtub an' he sell that batch anyway.... Folks pray and sing. Preacher-man say - The Lord relieve you! The Lord relieve you!... Then they all holler 'AMEN!' But one maiden lady sniffin' her hanky, and standin' right next to him in line wanna say somethin'. She wanna say it real bad, only she don't, 'cause her Olive Oyl quotient too high. Vampire see and whisper - Miss, what ails you?..... She go - I-I-I the one who brings Moon Pies to The UnWed Lady Circus Freak Home, the nice one, not that trashy place, but I trade 'em for party hats and store bought undies, 'cause I do like nice things and now I gotta tell everybody.
Then she does it. It's her turn and she moves up to the rostrum. Preacher-Man goes - Welcome sister! Welcome! Cleanse your soul and lay down the burden!.....Say the words, sister. Say it... And she looks at the hot sticky faces and wilted shirts and dresses of the assembled believers, or desperate for entertainment bored folks and goes - I stole Moon Pies from The UnWed Lady Circus Freaks and swapped 'em for party hats and bloomers, just like in the Bible. And I am not proud of it. God forgive me. God forgive me. God forgive me.
For a few heartbeats there was silence. Everybody looked into the souls of the people seated around them. A few were able to smell a bit of those souls too. Then a little tyke, his mouth full a peanuts, stands up and goes - I forgive her. I forgive her! One by one, they all joined in till she broke down and cried....Then a woman dressed as a back in the day nurse (white dress, white shoes, white stockings, and tiny little white nun's hat) comes out to lead her to some unseen sanctuary where they give out sweet tea and coconut white cake. Some folks just testifies for the white cake.
Vampire fella, Jefferson of Roanoke, knows he's next. Feels real good about it too.... Know who he look like?... He look like a young Michael Bolton, from when he had all that hair. He go up under the light and woman up front yell - Why he look just like a angel!...
Then he stand there, head down, hands clasped, face decorated in artistic shadows courtesy of the big, almost heavenly, light above his head, collecting his thoughts and begins.....
He goes - My name is Jefferson and I am a vampire.....
Lady goes - Liar! Liar! You, sir, are obviously an American and vampires have foreign names, like Dracula and Bela and all that!.....
The crowd rumbles......
He goes - Madam, night-folk hail from every nation and all points of the compass. We are not born. We are made, infected, so to speak and I suffer from that malady.
The Preacher-Man says - Do you mean to tell us, sir, that you feast on human blood!?.....
The vampire simply nods.... The multitude groans. Some recite prayers. Children cry...... The Preacher-Man goes - You, sir, are a brazen liar!..... The vampire smiles the way vampires do and says - Do you want to see my fangs?..... But obviously, from the way he smiled, they were already exposed.
And then what happened? - asked Jonathon.
Doctor Franklin went on - They killed him. They destroyed him. People rushed from the seats to tear him apart. The Preacher-Man screamed verses from The Bible. The choir sang. Roustabouts, who put up and took down the tents ran in with shovels, rusty shovels, rat killing shovels and hacked him to bits. Some vampires panic, you know... forget their abilities. Jefferson wasn't too old. Made sometime during Reconstruction. And other than places like New Orleans or Charleston, maybe Savannah, you now how conservative the South can be? Once his head came off he was gone.... The Preacher-Man stood over the chunky, viscous remains and screamed - Get thee behind me, Satan! To hell! To hell! To hell!...
But by the time the crowd joined in, what was left of Jefferson slowly erupted into small blue flames, which quickly coalesced forming a larger conflagration till all that remained was a stain upon the saw dust. Nothing else was touched, or effected.... That was it.
Why did you tell me this? - said Jonathon.
Because it's true, a cautionary tale - said The Doctor. You can't tell people more than they're ready to hear. You can't expose people to things their brains won't comprehend. To every thing there is a season, yadda, yadda, yadda.... Then he made one of those all knowing Benjamin Franklin faces and poured them both another chilled vodka. The old reprobate preferred rum, or brandy. He was, in spite of all the scientific preservation still legally mortal and possessed of a jaundiced practicality spiritual night-folk seldom have....
Jonathon, his long time vampire friend, merely stared at the embers and sipped his drink......
<more next time>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
click ELMER ... to see all episodes of Vampire Wonderland...
click GANTRY ... to join me on Twitter.
please comment. thank you.
