Saturday, December 1, 2012

33RD BINGO BOY episode 12/1/12

BINGO BOY - post 33

It's late. The bingo hall is closed. Little Chrissie, Ricky, Big Chrissie and John crowd into a booth at some pancake house. John passes around print outs. They study them and talk. Little Chrissie says - How'd you get all this?.... John goes - From the license number. That's all you need. I already had his name, his business address and the town he lives in. Whoop, there it is. Look, I even have the names of the schools his kids would go to, if he had kids, which he don't... yet..... Big Chrissie squirms....Then he adds - I even know what he takes for his 'prostrate' condition.... Ricky says - Yeah, he does lie down a lot...... John goes - That's because he's sick and all...... Big Chrissie says - What's this at the bottom?...... John goes - A credit card, or a debit card, or whatever it is. He bought something. You wanna know what?... Earrings, he bought earrings. He bought a one carat pair of diamond earrings...... Big Chrissie goes - Oh, my God. I'm gonna vomit.... The other three protectively pull their plates in close.... She adds - Diane, the shill bitch, just got a pair a one carat studs too. I saw them. I asked her. She goes my boyfriend got 'em for me. I say 'oh yeah? Who?..... But she just giggles and starts settin' up her boards (another term for cards). God damn bastid. Wonder what his wife got? ......... John goes - Nothin'. I didn't see no other big purchase. 'Less she got her own credit card........ Big Chrissie looks angry........ Ricky goes - You know, you gotta be real careful. You can't make a big thing outta this, 'cause then Mrs. Marty would divorce him. He'd lose a lot a money and you'd (Big Chrissie) be shit outta luck..... Little Chrissie goes - But that's his address? That's it. That's where he lives?...... John goes - Yeah. Why?....... Little Chrissie goes - Nothin'. No reason. Just wondered. That's all.

But Ricky catches her eye and he knows different..

Next day at work, Little Chrissie starts talkin' to Marty back in the kitchen. She's helping him boil hot dogs for the free bingo-supper. They keep it clean enough back there. Look, they eat the crap too. And he does buy all beef wieners for hot dog night. Potato salad's not bad either. Goes cheap on the rolls. But rolls don't matter much. Two dogs and a big mound a almost homemade 'tater salad. Real hot. Real salty. Real juicy. Real good. Bet you could go for some right now? Am I right? Hell, I could and I'm just a ghost narrator. Got shmushed up under the 'el'. Little bits a me rained down on the street below like bird shit. And I don't always haunt 'the avenue' (Frankford Avenue). Believe me. I got better places to go. So let me finish tellin' you what I got to tell you and scram.

Little Chrissie says - Hey, Marty, I think I saw you outside your house the other day..... He goes - R-really? How'd you do that?..... She says - It was early, when I was takin' my kid to the pediatrician's office. Boy, ain't it a small world? Ain't that funny?.... He keeps on makin' like he's busy and goes - W-where's your pediatrician's?..... She goes - You know them offices they got right by Woodlyn Crossing?...... He goes - Y-yeah?........ She says - Right in there. He's right there. But I had a few minutes, so I drove through the development, 'cause the fountain was on and I like the way it looks. Baby likes it too. (boy, can she lie.)....... Marty goes - Oh! That was a friend's place. I just had a run in to pick something up for a minute...... Little Chrissie goes - Yeah? Funny, both your cars were in the driveway....... He makes like he don't hear..... She goes - Hey, Marty?..... He says - What?.... She says - Ya do any more thinkin' 'bout our offer?.......

But he just makes like he's countin' buns.....


32ND BINGO BOY episode 11/30/12

BINGO BOY - post 32

Meanwhile, that night, back in the windowless, basement prison, Marge and Jimmy finish their dinner. And the other ghost narrators told me we never mentioned the chain. His foot is chained to the wall. It's a long one, attached to a ring, manacle, I guess they call it, 'round his ankle. That's so he can't run away. He can sit on the commode and mush up with Marge. But it never comes off, even when she 'helps' him take his sponge baths. Fits under his sock (he likes plain, cotton, crew socks from Kohl's). But Marge gets 'em from Kmart though. It's closer. He don't know. They had Ukrainian food, or almost Ukrainian food. She cooked it herself. Everything she makes is 'almost' what it's supposed to be. But at least she tries. Chinese food tastes like sweet and sour meatballs. But who knows? Maybe Chinese people would like it? An' ain't that the most important thing? Don't ask me what it was. I died in eighteen forty six. Never had no Ukrainian food in this city back then. Hell, German Jews and Irish Catholics were hot stuff to us. I had sour cream once. Threw up for two days. That's what killed me. So don't ask what Moo-Goo-Gai-Pan would a done. Probably would a taken out a whole side a the street.

Marge goes - Was it good?... Jimmy says - Very good... Marge says - So you liked it?..... Jimmy goes - I liked it... Marge says - I'm glad. I got the recipe from the library. The woman said it was real Ukrainian food. Still got the book. So tell me. What do you want for tomorrow?... He gestures for her to come closer. She sit-hops her chair over toward the cell and puts her face between the bars. He kisses her. She kisses him back. They pull apart. She catches her breath and goes - You want cabbage rolls? You want holubtsi?...... He goes - I give you cabbage roll... They kiss again.... She catches her breath and says - So, you like your new commode?..... Jimmy says - Yes, thank you very much. How much time til shit-for-brainses get home?..... Marge goes - Plenty a time. Don't worry...... Jimmy goes - Baby sleepink?...... She nods. They embrace through the bars and begin unfastening snaps and buckles...

'Bout a mile away, at the bingo hall, the evening shift is in full swing. Supper time's over (hot dog and mac and cheese casserole) and some a the big night games are startin'. Little Chrissie corners Marty by the doughnuts and coffee and says - You make up your mind yet?..... He goes - What?... Like he didn't hear, so she says it again. And Marty goes (as he stuffs a powdered doughnut into his mouth) - I'm thinkin'. I'm still thinkin..... Then he runs up and down the aisles, makin' like he's countin' all the cards for the record books. But it's just a show. Who the hell needs records when you can make 'em up yourself?... Little Chrissie looks over at Ricky (he's pickin' up quarters). He looks over at her. This ain't goin' too good...

And Too-Many-Cookies been askin' questions. Wants a know what's in all the bags. Seen Marge come back from Kohl's an' Kmart and all. Marge says - Christmas presents.... 'Too' says - Yeah? Then who's the little toilet for? I guess she ain't never heard nobody say 'commode.'  But Marge goes - Little toilet? I ain't never bought no little toilet..... 'Too' goes - Ohhh...... But you know she don't believe her... You know this is a real narrow street they live on. Secrets are like an endangered species.