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Sarah strolled through the semi-arid parklands, so like the California she was used to. Jonathon's forebearers had tombs there. He showed her one once, a rough stone vault it was. No bodies. No bones. Centuries of jackals had taken care of that. But you could still see the indentations in the floor and along the raised ledge. Everyone thought people were shorter then. Well, some were. The average height was a bit less, but tall people managed to get born too. The 'bathtubs' (that's what the fresh, young vandals called them) in Jonathon's ancestors' dead-house measured just over four cubits long... big enough to accommodate a six footer. Now remember, he came from a priestly, noble family, so I guess they ate good. Not so much of the wheat and the chaff in their diet. More like partridge and fatted calf, if you know what I mean. Oh, yeah, here's another thing. Most folks who ain't Jews think them animal sacrifices they had back then were purely meant to send high priced appetizers up to God. But the Almighty must a already et. People knew that. Priests knew that. Them sides a beef and plump little doves just got cooked on the Holy Brazier, that's all. Underneath, on a lower level, were the Temple kitchens, where the charred victuals were used to feed families of functionaries, as well as the poor. Kind a like that yeller government cheese they toss out to hungry folk in America from time to time, only juicier and less likely to give ya the shits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....It's still me, your good, old Heebie-Geebie Man. So don't expect me to maintain that hoity-toity talkin style I had for most a the first paragraph. Damn, did I just say 'paragraph'? what the hell does that mean? Most I ever read was the back of a Post Toasties box, or them Bazooka Joe bubblegum jokes.. Still, dead folks do manage to learn themselves a lot. And I was cooked to death, just like them ancient sacrifices. So maybe I am special? Why else would 'they' have sent me to tell all this to you? Know how many heavenly dead folks they got? Shit, they got billions a dead folks from planets all over. Some a them got two malfs. Could tell it to ya twice as fast. But ya got me. So grab onto all ya jiggly bits, 'cause we taken off.....
Let's see. I was tellin' you 'bout Sarah. She just walkin' and thinkin'. Just walkin' and thinkin'. Culled herself a nasty son-a-bitch just sixteen minutes earlier. Caught up wiff him outside a hotel. A real champion bastid, if you know what I mean. Promised dumb, little gals from them Tobacco Road villages they got just a ways to the east that he'd get em high paying jobs over where the rich folks lived along the Persian Gulf. Only profession they ever wound up in was the world's oldest. Nobody cared. Families pretended they were dead anyway. One gal did manage to escape, made it all the way back home too. Know what happened to her? Shit, man! They lopped her head off! She a whore! She ruined. They can't make do wit that. What kind a husband she gonna get? Not even as a bargain basement priced, semi-ugly, slightly hunched over third wife. Damn, she better off without a head.
So Sarah coornered the bastid who caused it all. She made eyes at him over some 'highball' at the hotel bar. Probably thought she was some kind a hootchie. They got high priced ones in your better class a hotel, even in this town. Don't believe me? Go read the Bible. You'll find em. He follows her out behind the high dive by the pool. The lights they got pointed at the palms and bushes and all can't reach back there. He grabs her and starts gettin spit all over her face. She lets him do it too, like for a minute or two.. Then she whispers in his ear. Tells him she his angel of death. He think she crazy. No big deal. Crazy gals can be a lot a fun. But then she says it again. And her nails start cuttin into the back a his hairy neck. Her breath gets hot too. He tries to pull away. But she a vampire. She strong. He can't go no where. So he cries, only she squeezin onto his throat so hard nuthin comes out. Then he starts jerkin around, like he havin a coniption fit or something. Face goes all red. Eyes pop out like on that little sqeezy pink, rubber doll they sell. Starts gaspin for air. Big, fat, white-coated tongue comes right through his swelled up lips. And he lookin at her. He just lookin at her. He beggin. He really beggin. She can feel the words right there on his no good soul. Damn, do I know what that is like.
Then she does it. Then she takes him. Saw him in a vision, so she couldn't let him go. Just leans in a little bit closer, takes that dead lookin purple tongue in her mouth, sucks it back into her throat real good...and bites it off. Just slices it right off. Don't even spit it out. Just wads it over into her cheek and drinks up all his blood, right from the torn-up stump. Took her bout a hundred and forty four heartbeats to drain that sloppy bastid dry. Took just as long for the cool, blue flame (which miraculously consumes the remains) to finish him off. Some guy from the kitchen comes running out to douse the fire. But by the time he gets there it's all over. Just a thick, greasy smudge down on the cement, givin off a few, skinny wisps a smoke. Nobody there, but a couple little lizards ran out from the bushes to lick up all the mess...........
Damn! I was gonna tell you what went on inside that house tonight. Only I gotta sublimate back up to the Baton Rouge part a heaven now, 'cause.......I hear my mama callin.........
So we gotta leave things off for now.....until we meet again.......
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
REMEMBER, scroll down to the bottom of yesterday's post for some really interesting blogs (other people's, I mean). Just click on the links. You'll be there in a jiffy.......Got a good free music site too...... If you want to follow all the craziness on Twitter, just link onto me at @wilkravitz.....And please tell others about all that goes on at http://vampirewonderland.blogspot.com/ THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....It's still me, your good, old Heebie-Geebie Man. So don't expect me to maintain that hoity-toity talkin style I had for most a the first paragraph. Damn, did I just say 'paragraph'? what the hell does that mean? Most I ever read was the back of a Post Toasties box, or them Bazooka Joe bubblegum jokes.. Still, dead folks do manage to learn themselves a lot. And I was cooked to death, just like them ancient sacrifices. So maybe I am special? Why else would 'they' have sent me to tell all this to you? Know how many heavenly dead folks they got? Shit, they got billions a dead folks from planets all over. Some a them got two malfs. Could tell it to ya twice as fast. But ya got me. So grab onto all ya jiggly bits, 'cause we taken off.....
Let's see. I was tellin' you 'bout Sarah. She just walkin' and thinkin'. Just walkin' and thinkin'. Culled herself a nasty son-a-bitch just sixteen minutes earlier. Caught up wiff him outside a hotel. A real champion bastid, if you know what I mean. Promised dumb, little gals from them Tobacco Road villages they got just a ways to the east that he'd get em high paying jobs over where the rich folks lived along the Persian Gulf. Only profession they ever wound up in was the world's oldest. Nobody cared. Families pretended they were dead anyway. One gal did manage to escape, made it all the way back home too. Know what happened to her? Shit, man! They lopped her head off! She a whore! She ruined. They can't make do wit that. What kind a husband she gonna get? Not even as a bargain basement priced, semi-ugly, slightly hunched over third wife. Damn, she better off without a head.
So Sarah coornered the bastid who caused it all. She made eyes at him over some 'highball' at the hotel bar. Probably thought she was some kind a hootchie. They got high priced ones in your better class a hotel, even in this town. Don't believe me? Go read the Bible. You'll find em. He follows her out behind the high dive by the pool. The lights they got pointed at the palms and bushes and all can't reach back there. He grabs her and starts gettin spit all over her face. She lets him do it too, like for a minute or two.. Then she whispers in his ear. Tells him she his angel of death. He think she crazy. No big deal. Crazy gals can be a lot a fun. But then she says it again. And her nails start cuttin into the back a his hairy neck. Her breath gets hot too. He tries to pull away. But she a vampire. She strong. He can't go no where. So he cries, only she squeezin onto his throat so hard nuthin comes out. Then he starts jerkin around, like he havin a coniption fit or something. Face goes all red. Eyes pop out like on that little sqeezy pink, rubber doll they sell. Starts gaspin for air. Big, fat, white-coated tongue comes right through his swelled up lips. And he lookin at her. He just lookin at her. He beggin. He really beggin. She can feel the words right there on his no good soul. Damn, do I know what that is like.
Then she does it. Then she takes him. Saw him in a vision, so she couldn't let him go. Just leans in a little bit closer, takes that dead lookin purple tongue in her mouth, sucks it back into her throat real good...and bites it off. Just slices it right off. Don't even spit it out. Just wads it over into her cheek and drinks up all his blood, right from the torn-up stump. Took her bout a hundred and forty four heartbeats to drain that sloppy bastid dry. Took just as long for the cool, blue flame (which miraculously consumes the remains) to finish him off. Some guy from the kitchen comes running out to douse the fire. But by the time he gets there it's all over. Just a thick, greasy smudge down on the cement, givin off a few, skinny wisps a smoke. Nobody there, but a couple little lizards ran out from the bushes to lick up all the mess...........
Damn! I was gonna tell you what went on inside that house tonight. Only I gotta sublimate back up to the Baton Rouge part a heaven now, 'cause.......I hear my mama callin.........
So we gotta leave things off for now.....until we meet again.......
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
REMEMBER, scroll down to the bottom of yesterday's post for some really interesting blogs (other people's, I mean). Just click on the links. You'll be there in a jiffy.......Got a good free music site too...... If you want to follow all the craziness on Twitter, just link onto me at @wilkravitz.....And please tell others about all that goes on at http://vampirewonderland.blogspot.com/ THANK YOU VERY MUCH
