Monday, April 20, 2015

Old People can be So Nasty.... 4/20/15

This is Billy talking. Sarah's grandfather is still with us. He sleeps in a basement room. Our basement is quite well fixed. Lower level in no way signifies laundry rooms and places like that. The old man bunks in what used to be a gentlemen's card room. Being downstairs, it was cooler and the perfect atmosphere for high stakes wagering. The paneling's very special. From the same stock used by Pedro the First, emperor of Brazil when he built his palace in Rio. Petropolis, I think it was called... City of Peter... Or maybe that was the second Pedro? When you live with cultivated beings, as I do, you absorb certain things.

The ghost in the basement, the little polio victim, won't go near him. Annie keeps her distance too. He has a history, that one does. We can feel it. Jonathon says he makes his mastoids hurt. I don't even know what mastoids are.

Vampires pick up vibrations. Some via the mandible. Others through the coccyx. With Jonathon it's the mastoid. I'll have to look that up.

Last night he shared a tale. Just goes off on a tangent. Powerful people are like that. It's not about what anyone else wants to hear. I think they talk to entertain themselves.  Any benefit provided the listener is just ancillary. 

He knows a gentleman... an extremely well fixed gentleman, who had an enemy... and this is how he dealt with that irksome individual. 

You must understand that Sarah's grandfather has quite the artistic soul. No mundane 'hit' for him, or orchestrated business reversal. None of that old crappy stuff.

He abducted the guy... right off the street, just in front of his club. Pulled up in his limousine, or rather had his driver, Dickenson, pull up. Said - Get in, Newland, I'll give you a lift to the train. (it was that time of day)..... Newland said - What 'train?' I take the J.S.J. (Jersey Shore Jitney)...... Sarah's grandfather said - Same difference. Get in..... The 'frienemy' did. Five heartbeats later, the strange old man jabbed him in his skinny, white thigh (right through the worsted wool) with what looked like an insulin pen. But the chemical inside was radically different. Sugar had nothing to do with it.

Newland wasn't poisoned, nothing like that. When he awoke, he was flat on his back, staring up at an incredibly vivid night sky. No light pollution here. And The Milky Way, when seen in such detail, can be quite intimidating. So can being stranded on a flat, almost featureless plain, stretching off to infinity in all directions. The eighty two year old sat up, silently studied the sky and moaned. A few hours later they found what was left of him lying dead under a scorpion swarm. I don't think he was anywhere near the beach.

When he finished, Sarah said - I don't get it. Why did you tell us this? You think I don't already know how rotten you are?

The old man just shrugged. But he smiled menacingly, chuckled and waved.

Edith said - You are one crazy, old, son of a bitch. Do you know that?...

The evil, ancient tale teller nodded and smiled. Then he whispered - Where's that little girl?....... Guess he meant Annie.

Maybe he wants more blood?

Jonathon clicked on THE VOICE <~~~ (yeah, it's clickable) and pretended like he didn't hear......

<more next time>

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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: SLIDE 'EM DOWN THE CHUTE.. like being buried alive...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: SLIDE 'EM DOWN THE CHUTE.. like being buried alive...: They found Matilda's killer. Bear trap got him. Just some guy lookin' for meat. Don't know how he got the money for them arrows...Mister Never You Mind, our disembodied, spirit narrator and a Creole Man from the Bayou what got hisself all killed up, relates a tale of a Jersey Pine Barrens little-girl-killer and what happen when the locals offer some much needed 'correction.' 



Primitive and visceral in a juicy, backwoods way.



Please click on that 'slide 'em down the chute' line up above to see the whole thing and scroll to NEWER POST or OLDER POST to get more.



Strange things happen in the Jersey Pine Barrens... a very real, expansive, deep, dark, pine forest in the middle of where such places ain't supposed to be..... Go see.



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Friday, April 17, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: VAMPIRE LIFE IS QUITE LIKE YOURS

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: VAMPIRE LIFE IS QUITE LIKE YOURS: Those of you familiar with our milieu know vampires do not effect a kill very often. Most of the 'noble' breed feed but once every ...Cool, April rainy night here. Thought a taste of summer might feel good. Besides, the allergy heebie-geegies got me. Can't hardly breathe. Mold spores... pollen... unidentified alien microbes... they all got me. Burn off when temperatures top eighty degrees. They say we can expect more bees this year... Exceptionally lethal , lethal bug juice was killin' 'em. Farmers used it to fritz ugly, deadbeat bugs. Shame it got the cute, furry, industrious ones too. Poor little Buzz-Buzz. I don't know what color bees' blood is. And the queen ain't so much a queen, as she is a lay-about, always pregnant, domineering mama. Think she drinks fermented honey. Drunk all the time. Poppin' out babies like gumballs. No wonder the daddies don't stay around.



I can't stand meat on the bone. Looks like a chopped up, greasy corps. Camouflaged  meat is better... Ewww, you ever think each and every one of us got a fully articulated skeleton inside our bodies. Teacher told us that in third grade. Kids yelled, groaned and put their hands over their ears. Teacher goes - Well what do you think holds us up?... God does - they say... Actually only one did, but other kids jumped on it. You should smell how they all fart after lunch period on a hot day... too much milk... When they gonna learn? Not the kids... the schools.



I got a twenty fifth anniversary edition of THE ALCHEMIST by Paulo Coelho. Think he's Brazilian. Jonathon (our main vampire) likes that book. Just about 4AMedt here. Gonna to to bed and read it... Sorry bout not posting a new vampire blog and all. But allergy heebie-geebies ....



TV guy says this is PROSTATE AWARENESS MONTH... Crap, another thing we gotta buy gifts for.



I'm gone to sleep... If you want (and I pray to God who holds up our boneless bodies that you do) click on the title up above and look at a good post from two or three years ago.



You ain't missin' no new stuff. Sarah's grandfather slept over yesterday. Showed us some magic. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. 



(yawns... trembles) 



Good night.



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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

DEALING WITH A VAMPIRE IN THE FAMILY ... 4/14/15

<more on the confrontation between the Vampirina, Sarah, and her mortal grandfather>


Sarah couldn't bear to watch the old man cry, so she said something. She asked - How did you find me? How did you find this place?..... Her grandfather sniffed and said - I have people. You're not the only ones. They followed you... you and that strange little girl. Is she, in any way, yours?.....

Sarah said - No. Do you mean did I make her?... No. 

Did 'he' make you? - he said.

Jonathon said - If you mean me, my name is Jonathon ben Macabi, or Tomas de Macabea and your granddaughter creates herself. I merely opened a door.

The old man chuckled. Not a happy chuckle, but a judgmental, hard chuckle. He said - You, low-life, demonic bastard. You, Spanish-Jew son of a bitch. You can kill me. I know you can do that. At my age and with what I've been through, that doesn't scare me, but what did you do to my granddaughter?

Jonathon moved to respond, but Sarah stopped him - No, you don't have to say anything to him. (to old man) What do you call me 'granddaughter' for? You were never like a grandfather to me. You hated us. You hated all of us. My father couldn't stand you. (to Jonathon) My mother needed medical help. She was being eaten up alive and had only the most basic 'health' coverage. The 'concerned' medical doctors suggested treatment after treatment that 'might' help, provided we could pay. Compassion isn't free, you know. We asked him. He turned us down....

I had my reasons - whispered the old man.

I'll bet you did - said his granddaughter as she burned him with her eyes.

The 'grandfather' didn't say a thing. 

Jonathon said - Why did you come here...to torment her?... to disrespect me? She helped you. She didn't have to but she did. You were an object lesson to a little girl. She took Annie with her to teach her how to show compassion.

The old man was not moved.

Sarah said - You may need more... blood, I mean. Not a lot. Just a drop, here and there. Would you take it?

The old man said - You're a vampire... You're a vampire. You're a vampire. You're a vampire.

You're not answering my question - said Sarah. But the old man just sat there. No one spoke. Edith peeked out from the kitchen then quickly hurried back. Sarah inhaled and said - Why is it, if I'm the 'vampire' I feel all the life sucked out of me just being around you?

He looked at her, then quietly said - I came here to help you. Don't you think I want to make things right? (to Jonathon) And please forgive my inexcusable and unwarranted attack on your faith and background, but I'm an old man and the product of a questionable age.

Jonathon nodded.

Now tell that witchy-woman in the kitchen to bring me more wine.

Edith did... but she was nervous and at the last moment tripped on the edge of the fine, hand knotted 'Turkey' carpet under the cocktail table, sending the bottle cartwheeling through the air, til the old man, in a smooth gesture, steadied the vintage and brought it securely within his liver spotted grasp.

They all looked. The old man refilled glasses all around and said - Well, now you know...

<more next time>

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Monday, April 13, 2015

Vampire Sarah And Her Mortal Grandfather Have It Out... 4/13/15

<continuation of 4/9/15 episode>

They were watching television... Game of Thrones. Jonathon liked that show. Had lots of ideas... A vampire dynasty ruling from a great, somber, mountain redoubt.... Icy, grey stones... echoing halls spanned by giant timbers. And they spoke only Vahmpergahn, the night-folk dialect  roughly equivalent to German and related tongues. 

Sarah said - Are they noble vampires or noxious? Which breed? ..... Neither - He said. They're practical. And you know how my type reveres La Ciencia Vampirismo? Well, their kind look to Die Alt Buch..... So, they're like another version of you, but with the details changed and less moral? - she said.... Jonathon just shrugged. He did contact the shows producers by Email, though I don't know what came of it. 

Then he said - You know, I was in Washington all through April of nineteen forty five, Roosevelt's last days. We knew he was sick. You could see it. A few of us went down... myself... another vampirino from Albany and a young, idealistic vampirina from Havana. We conversed in Spanish. I liked that. But the government said 'no.' Not the whole government. We didn't address congress or anything like that. My God, half of them wanted him dead. But certain allies and family members reluctantly turned down our offer, fearful, lest the nation reject a leader preserved by vampire blood. Were the three of us disappointed? Of course we were. Mortals can be so 'dumb.' There's no other word for it.

Then there was a knock at the door. They looked at each other. Unexpected guests are rare. Even the man who reads the water meter knows when not to come. Edith bustled in from the kitchen. She was surprised too. Jonathon whispered - Go see who it is, but be careful...... You know how the world is today. anything could happen.

Edith quietly made her way through the central entrance hall and peeked through the viewer..... Some old man - she whispered. Should I let him in?

Sarah looked at Jonathon like she knew what was going on, but didn't want to be the one to say.... He said - Let him in.

Edith opened the door. She said - Yes?..... The old man said - Excuse me. does Sarah Davenport live here?..... Edith said - Give me a minute... Then she closed the door right in his face, went into the den and said - Is that you, Sarah? I forget. What should I do?..... 

The vampirina looked down at her hands and said - Let him in.....

Edith hustled back to the door and opened it. The old man waited for an answer.... She said - Come on in.... He nodded and followed her back through the black and white checkered hallway lit by the little, porcelain, 'China trade' lamp, through the kitchen and into the den. 

The old man looked at Sarah and she looked at him. Then he broke down and cried and it's a terrible thing when old folks cry. Jonathon clicked off the TV out of respect. Edith got the old man a little wine. He drank it down.

Sarah said - Why'd you come here? I don't have anything to say to you. I saved you. I pulled you through the other night. Now get out of here.

But the old man didn't leave. He just looked at her and said - All I want you to do is tell me how it happened. Tell me why you did it.

Sarah said - I don't have to tell you anything.

The old man slowly looked around... at Jonathon... at Edith... at the place. He knew. He had sense. His granddaughter didn't have to say a word....

But after a few heartbeats she did... and they began to talk...

< more next time>

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Sunday, April 12, 2015

I HAD AN ACTUAL FIRE...for real... couldn't post.. 4/12/15

This is not part of #vampirewonderland. We had a fire. No injuries. An 'in the wall' or more correctly the exterior frame around the backdoor. It was in my 91 yr old uncle's house. We live on the same block. Luckily, he noticed smoke and went outside. A neighbor saw smoke around backdoor and called fire department. I was picking up things at the market when my cell phone rang----- the police telling me about the fire. Came right back. 

'Adjusters' and repair guys swooped down immediately. They must listen to police and fire calls. We followed insurance directions and waited for their crew to come. Took hours though. Windows sealed with plywood now. They break so much and drown the rest. 

So now it's about a week til real work starts and a few more to get it all done...maybe less.
Believe me. I would have rather been on Blogger and Twitter.... plus that 'live tweet' #SNL4fun thing we do during SNL. 

Still... everything has a 'mysterious' aspect. Fire department said there was no apparent cause... and they LOOKED... No flammable items or substances near by. No frayed or questionable electric wires... Nothing....

Around here, in the city, people think about EVERYTHING. Who knows what it really could have been?

Now they'll come back tomorrow ( so far) to do more preliminary clean-up and stuff. Hope I get some sleep. God, do I need it. Uncle tucked away comfy for the night (or a few nights). So he's OK. 

This really shook my nerves and rattled my brain. Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.

Forgive the levity.

I'm high on the fumes.

It all started around 10PMedt.
Signing off ... 4:30PMedt.

Be careful, folks...

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Saturday, April 11, 2015

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A TALKATIVE SHRUNKEN HEAD TELLS HOW LYCANTHRO-SHAR...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A TALKATIVE SHRUNKEN HEAD TELLS HOW LYCANTHRO-SHAR...: Shrunken head like to watch Drew Carey. He like The Price Is Right, 'cause he got lot in common wiff a plinko chip. Old Woman set him u...



This is how aliens mess around with human kind. Old lady once bought a souvenir shrunken head. Turned out to be an unusual shrunken head... and it talks to her... It tells her things... and us to.



Go see~~~> Some shrunken heads know a whole lot a crap... This one knows the truth. Click on the title up above to see the actual episode.



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