Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Kings of Summer Teaser Trailer - Sundance Film Festival 2013 and a former vampirina observes and confronts her new found mortality... 5/31/13

We were able to post tonight's not-to-be-missed warm weather flick, THE KINGS OF SUMMER, at the top of the post. And I have no idea how that happened. All I did was close my eyes and flutter my fingers over the keys, like an arthritic exercising his knuckles. For real... (sigh). That's what I did and tonight it worked. That's why I MUST be channeling it all, because I have no idea how any of this digital stuff actually operates. Boy, would I LOVE to post photographs... my own.... But I just do not know how. I practice in front of the medicine cabinet all the time..... My 'writer' look... My 'humorist' look... My 'whacky' look... Well, that one covers a lot of bases... and even my 'walking through the curtains on Jimmy Fallon' look. But so far they're just etched into the space-time continuum of an old, decaying mirror, like Lincoln's voice and Honus Wagner's fast ball.

Anyway, make sure you watch the clip. And make sure you see the film. In my opinion, STAND BY ME meets RUSHMORE with a pixilated (my favorite word) dose of sylvan magic.

We got a little pixilated thing over at the 'wonderland.' A seven or eight year old, stringy haired, white girl named Annie. I don't know why we call her 'the white girl.' Mister Never-You-Mind, our most popular disembodied spirit narrator, started it and it's become like a tradition 'round here. 

The Pineys, along with other Jersey Woodland exotics, helped her shed 'the burden' (the vampire term for what they got) via arcane 'pow-wow' magic, derived from The Biblical 'Year of Jubilee.' See, you can't miss any of this, 'cause a lot happens. So now she's back in the Philadelphia townhouse with her vampire step family and yadda-yadda-yadda, she has to make sense of it all-----

Edith (the Piney housekeeper) sits watching rock girls on Jimmy Fallon (second mention tonight), as Annie studies the contents of her snot-rags...... Ewww - she says. Where's it come from? My brain? .... No, right under it. Like between that soft spot, back a your mouth and the shelf where they keep your head guts - says the Piney woman..... But how do you know? - goes the stringy haired little thing..... Learned it in Sunday school. You know the original 'manna' was Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes? Learned that too. And Salome was a thirty four 'B,' only they had different names for it back then...

The former vampirina shoots off four or five fast, little sneezes..... Shit! I can't s-s-stand this! - she goes. Where's them Flintstone Chewable Allergy pills!?..... 

Jonathon, her vampire step father, promised he'd bring them.  But this is his time a the month... the night he 'culls' somebody. And that always gets him all hot and bothered, so he slipped into an underground, never used subway line for a nice, cool sponge bath administered by his two 'mole-girl' sweeties, Sylvia and Aura, daughters of the Mole King himself. 

Sarah don't care. They driftin' apart. She still love him and all. But she don't care. Got a 'call' to search out secrets in Siberia. Vampires get that way sometime. You know that. So Jonathon settin' in an old wash tub, filled with drippy-drop water from a subterranean, rusty pipe, as two wide-eyed beauties chill him down with cold trickles wrung from semi-natural sea sponges boosted from a Locust Street drug store. They do occasionally get up to the surface. After that, they gonna play Betty Boop and Mussolini... Don't ask me. That's they name for it. Mole folks crazier than vampires.

So Annie leans against Edith's ample bosom and snorts the mucus back up into her brain pan. Vampire gals ain't gotta deal with crap like that. They most definitely do not. Sarah say she gonna give her a little booster shot a vampire blood... jus' a little drink. She still be mortal and all, only bye-bye to all them snot-rags. But she forgot, what with wanderin' through the dark, maze-like stacks of the Grand Central Library. That where she researchin' her trip. Much more atmospheric than some keyboard. Wonder what the no-home-guys, who hole up there at night, think when she come by?

Edith watchin' Hoda and Kathy-Lee. It a late night rerun. Annie sleepin.' This like her eight or ninth night a human sleep in two years. And she look so pretty... No, really. For Annie, she does....

Now this townhouse on a quiet street, one a them old-timey Philadelphia 'carriage ways' that got itself preserved into our time. Nobody walk down here. Not this late at night. It dark. Got little trees. But, still, they trees. Sometime a dog walker come through. They think that dog gonna save 'em. Sometime a hoodlum sneakin' away from a cop slide through. That how it is. Wonder if they ever think what goes on here. Wonder if they know how close they come to the mystery an' all?

But this place old. This Philadelphia. An' we got mystery up the wazoo...
thank you. for more, please click on~> STRANGE PEOPLE IN PHILADELPHIA .... and stick up one a your COMMENTS here too while you're at it... we got 700,000 words just waitin'...

2013 Summer Movie Preview: Iron Man, Superman, Wolverine & More! from CLEVVER...(great site) Plus some of our NEUROTIC NIGHT-FOLK STUFF TOO... 5/30/13

If you want it, here it is. come and get it. but you better hurry, 'cause it's goin' fast...... Movie clips and more from CLEVVER (great site) ... But we had to put them down at the bottom of this post, because <I don't know how to put it anywhere else...> ... ALSO ( we learned this from Brit Writer, Andrew Harding) just SHARING a worthy movie trailer, along with your blog, increases traffic by at least twentyfive percent. Only Mr. Harding doesn't need that, 'cause he already gets more than 30,000 hits a month. If YOU want to SHARE a MOVIE TRAILER on YOUR BLOG, do this ~> 1) Google hot new summer movie trailers on YOU TUBE 2) pick one and click on it 3) click on the SHARE word right below the trailer 4) click on that little 'arrow' thing to expand the list of sites you can SHARE on 5) click on the stylized BLOGGER icon.... and waa laa! You have it. Then proceed as usual. And I hope you're more web savvy than I am, because I REALLY DID want to feature that video up at the top. But no matter what I did, it just wouldn't go there... GOOD piece, though... Thank You, CLEVVER! (subscribe to them!)


Night-folk hate summer heat. It's not that they kill every evening. But when they do, the blood is hot and slow and heavy. Even the salty tang is subdued. Jonathon sits on the roof for hours. hiding in the shadow of a gable, as he silently watches the 'life-bladders' (us) down below. Sarah wants to leave. He doesn't want her to go. She craves exploration and self-discovery. He craves companionship... maybe more than he truly craves her. Leo says they have an open marriage. And everyone knows it, but them. 

She wants to go Russia and 'vampire' her way 'cross Siberia. She wants to curl up with slumbering bears on cold, icy nights and take gratuitous nips of their rich, ursine, gravy. Life-eaters do that, you know. Bear dens are safe and dark and secure. Vampires have been hiding there since the beginning... Whenever that was. She wants to meet up with the isolated Neanderthal remnants still roaming there.Some say Shangri-La truly exists. Others claim the Sambation still flows. Sarah wants to see for herself. Yes, Jonathon has found places and discovered things. But those quests were his quests... seen through his eyes. Sarah wants realities of her own. But she hasn't left yet, because the little girl, known as Annie, needs her now. Sarah understands that, so she waits. 

True, she and her trim, young, vampirino paramour still snuggle in the raw earth crypt beneath the town house. She likes the rose petal bedding. Dedicated 'familiars' renew it twice a week. And Jonathon (a.k.a. Tomas) practices old intimacies perfected by the sophisticated Moors of Old Spain. She likes that too. 

This night, Sarah sits among old tomes, deep within the stacks of the Great Central Library on the Parkway... the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. She reads handwritten diaries and journals, prepared by Radanites and others, as they penetrated the vast, unknown heartland of the storied, Eurasian Steppe. Some are in Latin. Some are in Arabic. Some are in French. She knows some French... a bit of Latin too. But the carefully, hand drawn illustrations, etched upon parchment (vellum being too delicate) by meticulous travelers  eager to share the truth, are breath taking.....

Look, if Jersey Devils, Red Paint People and other wonders are found within the dense, dark confines of the expansive (in their own way) New Jersey Pine Barrens, imagine the lifeforms hiding there...

Fantastical encounters are almost a mathematical certainty...

Come back tomorrow night and see..... If you want to explore a lot more of our world (700,000plus words to be sure) click on this ~> EL MUNDO VAMPIRISMO ... please leave some COMMENTS too. thank you very much...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

SARAH, Jonathon's VAMPIRE CONSORT, speaks from a nice house at THE JERSEY SHORE ... 5/29/30

Baylah's boyfriend has little 'tablets' in every room. He's into technology. It's just something he does for his guests. Jonathon and Edith took Annie up to Ocean City's boardwalk, about fifteen minutes away. I stayed home. I'm afraid to put myself on display in a place like that. Somebody will recognize me. Not 'might'... but 'will.' I've only been like this for maybe a little more than two years. I still have magazines from before 'the change.' And although my eye teeth aren't all that different, they do stand out. They make me self-conscious. I'm afraid to laugh. That makes me look even more out of place, especially in Ocean City.... especially in 'happy town central.' Oh,  we see vampires at the shore all the time. Beings from other bands, I mean. They glide through casinos taking stock of the mortals as they imperiously chose their prey. Of course they 'try' to follow the dietary laws. Of course they attempt to 'cull' only the evil. But sometimes 'bacon' smells SO good. 

I don't like strange vampires. Maybe I'll get over it. Maybe it's just a thing we go through, but I don't. They make me sick. They throw it in my face. They say - This is what you are. This is what you do. This is how you look...... The Vampire Revels were torture to me. I hardly spoke to a soul. I'm NOT like them. Jonathon isn't like them. We're different. You know that. You know it. 

When it first happened, I saw myself as Wendy, from Peter Pan, sent by God (why not?) to 'mother' them. A family. I had a family. And I had Jonathon too. He used Tomas back then. He'll go back to it. You'll see. He will. And I loved the townhouses and the museum basements and all the other places we frequented. You know, I sent money to a cousin of mine. She's like a sister. Keeps calling and emailing. Keeps asking when I'm coming out to Denver to see everybody. A 'familiar' handles the correspondence. A copywriter for an ad agency I think he is. Knows Jonathon's 'voice.' Knows my 'voice.' Calls if he has any questions. My cousin talks to him now. They say it's better that way. But I hate it. 

Still give out the blood vials, though. Still heal people in hospitals or on street corners, or in laundromats. I don't tell them what it is. A few get a feeling. But most don't want to know..... Jonathon's periodic vampire flare ups, like the one that just ended, give this city, Philadelphia, I mean, quite a reputation. I've seen articles... 'An Old City With Ancient Magic'.... 'New Orleans, North'.... 'The Ghosts of Philadelphia.' Pow-wow magic has become the new voo-doo. So called practitioners even run ads in the back of PHILADELPHIA MAGAZINE. Edith laughs at them. But that's all she does. 

Jonathon and I drift apart. They tell me it's normal. I did talk to one vampirina at the Revels. She was all right. She told me. I liked her perfume. Moroccan, I think it was. A Berber, from high in the Atlas Mountains. Caught in an Ottoman slave raid and sold on the isle of Naxos to either a bey or a pasha. That part, I don't remember. But one of the eunuch's had a friend. He'd sneak out of the 'quarters' to meet him. One night he came back changed. Then one by one he passed 'the burden' on to all the rest, til theirs was a harem of life-eaters, even the four official wives. When the old dowager, the mother of the bey, or pasha found out, they sewed her into a weighted sack and tossed her into the harbor. They say it takes two hundred heartbeats to drown. But we're immune to that. Then they killed the master. Drained him of every bit of serum 'neath his skin. For a month they reigned as 'the vampire harpies of Naxos,' although, in truth, they were quite beautiful. But when the Emperor-Sultan himself , Akbar, I think she said, dispatched the great Barbarossa, First Admiral of the Realm to root them out and crush them into dust, they fled, too scared to test their own nascent abilities. And so she burned through many vampire romances. A few were still friends. Some were dead, others forgotten..... I told her I was different. I told her I loved him. She said she did not doubt it, but love and endurance are not the same.

And now I understand.

Let me stop now. I want to go out. I want to walk through almost deserted streets. I want to pass by the occasional mortal trying desperately to walk without a sound. Sometimes they cross the street at my approach. Sometimes they look down. But I pose no threat to them. And they sense it. It's dark and damp and quiet. I like that. It helps me think...
thank you. please bring your friends. click on ~>700,000 WORDS ...for more VAMPIRE WONDERLAND... your COMMENTS & LINKS are very important to us.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Kiss Of The Damned Official Trailer #2 (2013) - Vampire Movie HD...... Jonathon found this on line...intriguing film, but not the way it really is... 5/28/13

'Papa' never showed up. He wasn't there to see his little protegee regain her mortal form and Annie was glad. Children are resilient and she viewed her vampire sojourn as a dream. Not that she was completely untouched. A certain magical charge still tingled within her form. Edith says she's a seer...maybe a 'stone bouncer,' with telekinetic abilities too. They took her to a Chinese buffet in a town bordering the Pines. Let her play the claw machine. Annie won every time. Owner starts cursing at her. Says machine owner's gonna get real mad. But Annie just smiles. Then she gives him half her loot for his kid. Little girl wants a take it, but her daddy starts hollerin' something'. Sarah says it's Korean. She went to college. She knows.

Owner says he gonna get beat up. Machines is owned by skinny, crazy guy with big racketeer uncle. Skinny guy not official racketeer. But he just likes to play likes he is. Then he starts cryin'. Annie wants the toys, but she feels bad, so she gives 'em back. Guy grabs them up, unlocks the top of the machine and dumps 'em back. His little girl silently sucks back a tear or two and they leave. Magic folk and vampires are used to bein' 'last customers' in stores and stuff, 'cause they never know what could happen. Best not to have other people 'round. 

They gone back to the city soon. Jonathon gets word. He gets calls from 'familiars.' Use them 'no contract' phones you buy minute cards for. Harder to trace. They say most folks is settled down now. All the vampire stuff blowin' over. Just another 'thing,' like planking, or flash mobs. 'Mass hysteria'.... That's what they always say. ... People is so dumb.... A few still meet in that place under the bank building. But every night there's less and less of 'em. TV church folks start bad mouthin' 'blatant examples of unGodly vampire culture foisted upon an unsuspecting public by money worshiping Hollywood Hucksters.'.... Somebody stabs a screenwriter in L.A.. Everybody's happy. That's the way it is. Families puttin' up cheap, blue, plastic water bladder 'swimmin' pools' now anyway. Vampire time is October. Summertime for burger grillin' and tire slashin'... Some kids is partial to house robbin' too. You know... fun stuff. 

Sarah don't wanna go back to the city. She wants a stay in the country. Not necessarily the Pines, but some place small and quiet. Jonathon goes - How we gonna feed? Ain't gone be enough bad folks..... And he don't kill no other kind. 

Leo already back there. In the city, I mean. He like a loose canon. Conrad, his vampire 'step brother' say he not gone share no sleepin' chamber wit' him no more. And he wanna know if Annie still his 'mother,' now that she ain't night-folk no more.... He want Annie to say something, but she jus' a seven or eight year old stringy hair, little white girl now and truth is, she doan care. Pin-Head-Mel say she not no fun no more... But she jus' look at him. Guess her pin-head lovin' nights is over. 

I guessin' they gone hole up in some nice, little shore town what ain't crowded yet. Put Annie on a merry-go-round. Stuff her up wit' pizza pie and funnel cake. Walk the boardwalk. Doan know who gone take her to the beach. Maybe Edith'll do that, if she had 'nuff a Mister Edith for a while... Or if he had too much a her. 

got a movie house comin' attraction on here someplace. Think it down at the bottom. Yeah, there it is. Not true, the way night-folk life really be... but you all go ahead and watch it anyway... Human beans don't like no real stuff. You know that...

This Mister Never-You-Mind what talkin' to you tonight.... your favorite disembodied spirit tale-teller of 'em all. 

now go read more a our stuff. click this~>MORE STUFF' make us all happy. an' leave a COMMENT for once too. that ain't no big thing to ask...

Sunday, May 26, 2013

WORLD WAR Z - United Kingdom trailer...see it at the bottom of this blog post.... 5/27/13..

You want to know why the media bombards us with so much paranormal stuff? They want to cloud the issue. They want to relegate it to frass (roach feces) seasoned popcorn in sticky floored multiplexes and sullen, big bellied twenty somethings who sit up front and slouch down real low. It's just 'simple minded' entertainment for video game addicts and fast food junkies.

They want to belittle the whistle blower. They want to scare people, but not like you think. They want to label people as misinformed, or mistaken, or troubled, or liars, or crazy. And even those with 'the right stuff'... even astronauts who've seen things up close, stay silent for decades. It's a horrible thing to be laughed at... It's torture. 

But sometimes things leak out. Sometimes facts escape. Somebody takes a photograph or maybe a video. Someone records a sound, or discovers a body. Only we live in the land of NEED TO KNOW. And if you ain't in the loop, you can go to hell.

Senior politicos get briefed. Those with power know. Their physicians are able to apply reverse engineered alien elixirs. Their children get algebra1 and algebra2 uploaded right into their brains.  And their enamoradas stay young a long, long, long, long time. The rich are different than you or me. And not because of the cash, but because of who, or what they know. 

We try to slip you the truth in our STORY ARCS. We try to learn you what's right. That old, old book the vampires refer to... LA CIENCIA VAMPIRISMO, really exists. Clerics have been burning it for centuries, along with loud mouthed cognoscenti too. Aliens were termed 'demons' or 'moth-men' or 'little folk' or 'elves.' Eighty four point five percent of all that JERSEY PINES crap we tell you is true. Folks in PHILADELPHIA have actually SEEN the HORRIFIC GHOUL known as Johnny Jump Up. And one of them 'fake' BEN FRANKLINS people shake hands and take pictures with on the streets of Old Philadelphia, ain't really fake at all. (can you spot the real one?).

There's a reason we had to show you the United Kingdom trailer. When you see the movie, you'll know.

And if you go back and skim through our posts, you'll see things too. Seven hundred thousand words is a lot. Arcane knowledge is hidden throughout. Putting it together and posting every night is work. We know they're watching. But we do it anyway. They make us pretend that it's fiction. They make people pretend a lot a things....

But now you know....

here's a bit of little known knowledge. human blood, due its iron content, has magnetic properties. want to try it out? then do this. get a hold of one of them light weight, small, plastic-faced, refrigerator magnets. Press it against your forehead, just above the middle of your brow ridge . you'll find a little 'hollow' spot. that's the place. blood flows near the surface there and after a few seconds the magnet should stick, caught by the tiny metallic particles in your veins... so we're all (or almost all) homo sapien magnetica..... electric, in a way... and science is just now beginning to understand how to utilize that capability....but don't mess with real electricity, because that can flick the eternal 'off' switch for good and kill you.

and then you'll never know how all this ends....
Please check out a whole lot of our stuff by clicking onto this~>A WHOLE LOT A COOL WEIRD STUFF .... And remember, if you leave a COMMENT, a whole lot a people will be able to see YOUR LINK too....

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Don Jon Collab RE: MY FAVORITE THINGS.. Another break from the paranormal BUT TONIGHT'S POST JUST MIGHT HELP YOU GET DISCOVERED...REALLY...GO SEE and send your friends ... 5/26/13

This is 'money' colored...well, sort of, because who knows? It could happen ...Right? We all want an 'in.' We all want Hollywood 'uncles.' (or aunts)....But until you get a chance to re-arrange your gene pool, watch this. Joseph Gordon Levitt has a site, in some ways like PROJECT GREEN LIGHT sponsored by Ben Affleck (excuse spelling) & Matt Damon a few years ago. Only this one offers instant gratification. Jump in. Become part of a major project. Collaborate... (not with the enemy...with FILM MAKERS!!) And the weird thing is... they WANT to see our work... No more 'who sent you?'..... No more fake recommendations, or self-created competition prizes..... I do so value my AMERICAN SYNOD of SCREENWRITERS award even IF people always ask me to explain the three letters on my t-shirt.

OK, no more 'jokes.' DREAM BIG. DREAM NOW. JUST DO IT. who cares if that's somebody else's line... As they say, 'it's all in the execution.' 

So go execute something... and post it to the site Joe talks about in the video below. I wanted to feature it up at the top, but BLOGGER just let me do it this way. I play by the rules...just don't know most of 'em... And if you'd like to do me a very small, though much appreciated favor, PLEASE peek at some of my STORY ARCS. All you have to do is click on this ~> BILLY'S STORY ARCS ..... Then leave a comment so WE can all see YOUR LINK and peek at YOUR SITES too!...OK, there's the video. WATCH IT!

Fast & Furious 6 - Official Movie Trailer - 24 May 2013 (USA)..... BRAND NEW TONIGHT!... then some more WEIRD JERSEY PINES CANNIBAL STUFF 5/24/13

All your favorites are back in this sharp, dose of movie satisfaction, plus maybe someone you won't expect. Just appeared on line. Only about 300 views. You know it's gonna be seen by millions...And now for the PINE BARRENS stuff...weird stuff (isn't it all?) Just heard, for real, I did not visualize this, that 'families' of seemingly regular humans, unconnected to any other Jersey Pines population, live on human flesh grabbed off the streets of Philadelphia, New York and other surrounding towns. These 'long pig' (look it up) addicts can impersonate any one... yuppies, nurses, food vendors (what are THEY selling?!) hipsters... Don't make no difference. Best not to get too close. Not if you don't want chloroform smacked 'cross your face and a fast ride deep to the middle of nowhere. Was told they prefer live food, just like oyster lovers. Strip off all the closes. Tie the morsel down. Maybe jam an apple or a gag in the mouth. I don't know. And chomp away. Bodies show up every once in a while. Bit up bodies. Must have a way to sharpen their teeth. Meat scooped out real neat... like oblong melon balls. Never hunt local. Don't want to trouble with the neighbors. Most folks (what got brains) leave 'em alone. But they out there. Live in shacks. Bathe with creek water. Must heat it over a fire in the winter. Must steal the clothes off their victims. Some what escaped tell 'bout a secret jargon... few hand gestures.... crazy words... fast, little 'psst!' noises. Don't get car trouble when you drive passed the Pines. Let me tell you that. Car people like fast food to them. Don't have to go far to get it. Wanna learn more weird Jersey stuff? Click on this ~>WeirdNJ .... We always back up what we say. If you wanna see more of our stuff, click on this~>MORE OF THEIR STUFF ... and leave a comment too, while you're at it. thank you very much...... NOW HERE COME THAT MOVIE STUFF, MORE THAN THREE MINUTES. Wanted to post it up top, but for some reason my blog site wouldn't let me do that. I'm basically digitally challenged. And I heard about that cannibal stuff tonight for the first time from one who knows. That part is true.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Andrew Harding in the EXTREME... for when 50 SHADES are just too monotone..Oh, and a lot of good cop stuff too. Then sublimate into our part of the forest as a little vampirina goes free... 5/23/13

Bathe in the macabre, criminal decadence confronting Harding's cadre of human, though vampiresque detectives, as they solve horrific murders, while indulging their own paranormal appetites... Nick and Nora Charles with a really kinky twist....

Then slip into our part of the forest..... The dark, Jersey Pine Barrens, where a strange, little vampirina girl waits for something special...

They asked Annie if she really wanted it. They asked her if she wanted to be 'normal' again. But she just shrugged. Sarah whispered - Maybe she doesn't want to hurt us?.... So Jonathon said - We'll still take care of you.  You'll still be with us...... Will I get bigger? - she asked..... The Talk-To-God-Man said - If it works you will.... But what if it doesn't work? - asked the little girl...... No one said anything. They just looked at each other. ... Edith said - You want your rain slicker, honey? It's starting to spit..... Annie just shook her head. She liked the rain. 

So they stood there in the damp and waited. The Piney holy man said - Let's see. How many we got?..... Eighteen - Edith said. We got eighteen..... Is that enough? - asked Jonathon..... It's enough - answered the old man. Eighteen's a good number. The old scriptural symbol for 'life.' You know they had a lot of numerology back in them days. That 'Bible Code' stuff ain't just been invented. And what are we tryin' to do, but bring back the dead?..... Annie started to whimper.... Sarah hugged her. The Talk-To-God Man lowered his voice and said - Sorry, girl. You know how I mean..... Annie quickly nodded, but she still cried..... Jonathon said - We are not dead. How can we be dead? What quickens us? Am I a corpse? Is that how I look to you? It's like the Inquisition all over again. What a mistake this is! I am NOT a MONSTER! She is NOT a MONSTER!!..... Even Pin-Head-Mel started to cry..... Annie whined - Stop it. Please stop it.... Edith went - Don't pay no attention to the God-Man, honey. He just talks that way...... Then she pinched the grizzled, old shaman real hard, right on the back of his soft, flabby, upper arm..... He yelled - Go to hell, you bitch!!.... Pin-Head-Mel laughed..... Shaman said - Look, I know I don't talk right. This ain't no 'bubble, bubble' Shakespeare shit. But if you think I ain't got no powers. Or if you think I can't focus the powers them others got... you're wrong...... And with that, he reached out his old, knuckley hand to catch a red hot meteorite, just as it ripped through the scud.... Everyone heard the hiss, but his flesh wasn't burned. Seven heartbeats later, he tossed in onto the ground. And those assembled, especially the Pineys, thought it a most fortuitous sign.

Jonathon got all quiet. He and Sarah stood by the stringy haired little vampirina. Edith looked at him and said - Well?.... But he didn't answer. He looked at her but that's all he did. So she said - OK, lets's make this pony dance...

So seventeen people stepped out into the middle of The Meadow, a small, field of flowers in the midst of the great forest. Night gulls, blown in from the shore, wheeled overhead, taking in the show. Edith kissed Annie and went over to join them. Talk-To-God Man yells - Get them shoes off! And they did. A few kids, both human and Jersey Devil, ran out to retrieve them. Jersey Devil's a form a satyr. They don't wear shoes. Got goat feet. But that just a detail for them what just tuned in. Sky dried up. Drizzle stopped. Eighteen shoe-less people just waited. Grizzled old Shaman goes - Come set on my knee, child..... She don't wanna go, but Sarah whispers - It's all right. I'm  here.... Jonathon nods too. So she does.

Holy man starts sayin' stuff. Some sound like Old French. Some sound like Yiddish. Could be German. I don't know. Them Pennsylvania Dutch talk that way too. Them what ain't got no shoes mumble back to him.  Then he yell - DANCE!... Annie flinched, but she was all right.... The 'eighteen' hold hands and form a circle. They stomp, jump and skip around. First they go one way. Then they go another. Ain't never seen nobody hop so fast.... But this wern't regular dancin'. This was magic.

Old man chants - We come for a RESTORATION. We come for what we lost. We come for a restoration. We come for what we lost..... Few ghosts peekin' through the pines, move in close to see better. But nobody cared. They's people too, you know.

Dancers gone so fast, can't hardly see 'em. Look like folks on The Hell Hole. That a old Jersey Shore 'musement pier ride where they lock a bunch a kids in a big round room, like a inside of a drum. Drum start a spin. Kids go - Wheeeee!....  Go flyin', back against the wall (it covered in rug, so that part all right). Look like they glued on. Ain't no more gravity, just some other kind a physical force..... Ain't no gravity for them dancers either, 'cause they rise right up off that grass. Toes hangin' down, 'bout eight inches off the ground. Can only see they toes if you look real close. But I know they is, so I'm tellin' you.

Annie get real itchy. Start scratchin' all up and down her arms, just like a monkey what got too many fleas. Then she get the hives, all over. Big ones. Look like she bit by skeeters what think they shrimp. Old man laugh and laugh. Jonathon wanna help her. But Pin-Head-Mel's mama (she got a plain head) says 'no.' So he don't. 

Now she scratchin' her legs too... Then her face... Then her neck... Start jerkin' 'round like she gone crazy. Head tremble like it fixin' to go BOOM!... Talk-To-God Man yell - RESTORE! RESTORE! RESTORE!.....

Hives start a bust open. Fat bugs squeeze out. But they not 'bug' bugs. They moths and jus' look that way 'cause the fur all wet. Old man blow real hard and wind come out his mouth til they all dry. You can see 'em crawlin' out from under her shift. It like a slip. But Edith say it a sun dress. She start screamin'... Not Edith, Annie, I mean. Start slappin' at them things, tryin' a scrape 'em off. 

Then them dancers fall down in a hot, sweaty mess. Right when they hit the dirt, moths fly up and disappear.... high, high, high, up into the middle of the sky... jus' like they gone to a star.

Annie look up.... jus' like a wide-eyed child. Old man try somethin.' Put his big, ugly hands all over her mouth and nose. She slap at him. She twitch. She bounce around. But he doan let go. Everybody gettin' anxious. But folks know to stand back, 'cause they can tell how strong he is.....

Then, all of a sudden, he let go... Two second later she start gulpin' in big mouthfuls a air..... Soon she start smilin'... Then she start laughin'..... Old man say - Feel good, doan it, child?..... She nod her head 'cause it do. 

Edith jump up from the ground... run over an' hug her.... You breathin', Annie! You breathin'! Look, you breathin'!

An' she mean like a mortal human bean what really need it, not like no vampire that do it just because...

Annie start a cry..... Sarah cry too... They all do, even Jonathon.... You know, vampires and Pineys is very emotional people. Them Red Paints hides it better.

Then they take her in a cabin and give her lots a ice cream and cake. And that mornin' she see the sun...

'Restoration'...... What would you restore?
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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Elysium - Official Trailer (HD) Matt Damon ...Watch the unworthy storm the gates of Heaven.. This summer's 'thinker.' See it (trailer down below)... but first see one of 'ours' storm her own divinr barrier... 5/23/13

They took Annie to the Talk-to-God-Man, far toward the back of his cave, just above the narrow mine shaft. Jonathon went with her. Sarah stood right behind. Now, I don't know if the deep woods holy man is a Piney, or a Red Paint, or what. Could be he's mixed. Some claim Red Paint don't breed with other folks. Not 'cause they don't try, but because they can't. A biologist studying the Jersey Pine Barrens during the Great Depression called them the root stock of a new species. He took measurements. He made observations and codified behavior patterns and psychological reactions.  Who knows? All I can tell you is they still like Blue Bonnet margarine and Hellman's mayonnaise. Make a real good sweet potato pie too. But this thing ain't about them. It's about Annie.

Talk-To-God-Man sets in an old, nylon webbed folding chair, like a soccer mom would a used circa nineteen sixty seven. Maybe a little league mom, considering the era. I don't know where they get 'em. but Piney folk sure got a lot a Sterno lamps, 'cause that's what they use to light this place.  Come to think of it, the Mole-Folk livin' in them deep, never used extra Philadelphia subway tunnels use 'em too. Maybe they's all related?  Lot a funny stuff in THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND. I tell you that.  I remember the first line. I remember what they had me type, all those seven hundred and sixty five thousand words ago... 'First of all, we must agree that what comes next is fiction.'..... Yeah, right.  Still I ain't gonna tell you what to think. Not my place to do that. But, you know, gorillas were considered like African yetis up to less than two hundred years ago. Nobody seen 'em. Not up close. Live deep in the woods. Pack trains of traders gone from one African kingdom to another never saw 'em. Heard tales from the pygmies. Just like we hear tales from the Sherpa  and all. Look, you make up your own mind. Now let me get back to Annie...

Old guy has wispy white hair. Got a clean, but tattle-tale gray ' I Won The Big One At Caesar's In Atlantic City' t-shirt. Got an old stack a People Magazine in there too. I don't know what he does with them. He says - Come here, child...... Annie looks at Jonathon. He mouths - It's all right.... and ushers her forward. Sarah nods in encouragement. The skinny, little girl with the stringy hair takes a few steps. She stops, hiccups and smiles. Yeah, vampires can hiccup. It's just a spasm of the diaphragm. And they got the same body parts as you and me. So shut up. Poor, little thing is nervous. That's all. 

Holy man takes her by the arms. She comes closer. He smiles and says - What is it you want, child? Do you know what you want? You have to say it, if you do..... She sniffs and nods.... He goes - Well?... She goes - I don't wanna be no life-eater no more.  I don't wanna be no vampire..... The Talk-To-God man says - Why?.... She shrugs. He chuckles and asks - What would you do, if you could take it off like a coat and throw it away?.... The little think whispers - A lot a stuff.... He goes - Like what?.... She stands there... Sarah goes - Tell him, baby..... Annie says - I want to go to school... and eat hot dogs...  I wanna see zoo animals in the daytime. I wanna see what all they doin' when I'm sleepin.' ..... Do you like the blood? - he said...... I don't know - she whispered. Maybe I just got used to it? That's all. When I was little, before all this shit, excuse me, I used to take bites out a sticks a butter. But I stopped doin' that.... Do you remember your first mother? - he said.... I think so - she whispered. Then she trembled and cried.. Sarah cried too... Is there anything else you want to say? - he asked.... She nodded - I wanna tell jokes. I wanna be on TV. I wanna be on S.N.L.... Saturday Night Live, I think it is. Me and Edith watch it at home, back in Philly, when the other ones is still out. She says I'm Gilly..... The holy man goes - Are you?.... She smiles and shrugs..... Jonathon chuckles..... The holy man goes - Who's Gilly?

But he decides to take the next step. Prayers will be said. Petition will be made. This is the time of Jubilee and sometimes miracles happen. He'll wait with her in The Meadow.  Some of the Pineys and Red Paints will wait with them. They're mortals. They can.  Night will end. The sun will rise... And they will know.

 Could be like, fifteen years from now, the eternal Lorne what's-his-name (what kind a magic he got?) will hear a new girl and maybe Annie will get her wish? That ain't gonna happen tonight. But we gettin' there. We tryin.'

Sometime, when I'm old and gray. And the world turns cold. I will get a thrill just thinking of you. And the way you look tonight...... That's just an old song. But if you had your druthers, which would you be?

The Sterno  pops and sputters. Orange shadows leap and dance.

Remember, we only pretend this is fiction.
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Tuesday, May 21, 2013


Sarah likes stories like this. She watches every episode of DOWNTON ABBEY endlessly. When the future earl died in the car crash, she cried. But here's where he went. Look down below at the end of this entry. It's there, a wonderful trailer for you to watch and share with your friends. Please be sure to see the film... And now, back to the rustic, Piney settlement of Jubilee. Annie is going to be human again.  That's the plan. Will it work? Probably. The Red Paint and Piney people claim to have accomplished similar things. It all a part of Jubilee, or at least the way they observe that old Biblical practice. The actual method has yet to be decided. They can attempt to transfer the 'burden' (vampirism) onto another, or perhaps dissolve it altogether. The Talk-To-God-Man is still thinking. 

Edith sits on her small, rickety porch, talking to Jonathon and Sarah. The night is warm, a taste of summer evenings yet to come. Mister Edith passes 'round glasses of his latest, homemade intoxicant. Yes, the Scooby-Doo set is still in use. Vampires can tolerate alcohol, you know. Some, in fact, dote on it. Edith says - You know she'll still be immortal, but in a different way. Sure, the flesh gonna fail her, but the good part ain't gone no where. Annie still gonna be Annie, 'cept in a spirit form....... Sarah looks sad. So does Jonathon.... Their Pow-Wow woman friend adds - Oh, but that's not gonna be for a long time.... She takes a sip of the really, quite, fine bourbon-like distillation and savors it. Mister Edith just nods. He don't talk much.

Jonathon says - You don't know how short a life is... a mortal life, I mean. You think you do, but you don't. I still vividly remember midnight supers in Vaux Hall, from the nights when Vaux Hall really WAS Vaux Hall. Did I actually eat? Well, you know how adept I am at making nibbling look like something. We dined in the gardens by torch light. All the rage back then. Turbaned, juvenile, 'Moorish' attendants brought 'round the platters. Peacocks and peahens were a big thing too. They'd wander about like extras in a modern day film. I don't know what they did to stop the squawking.  Some irritated the voice box, if that's the correct term when birds are involved, with a liquid caustic. Cruel? Of course. But the attendants were slaves. And choirboys were castrated to preserve the high notes. What would you expect?....All I mean to say is, I can reference that, like you remember, let's say, twenty years ago. And a human life span is to me as dog's lives are to you. Even less. Perhaps a guinea pig's..... Then he laughed.... Sarah said - Why did you do that?.... He said - Will she still live with us? I assume so. Unless we can find one of her relatives in California. And I don't think that's going to happen. We'll raise her. The best private schools.... Summer homes.... travel... The theater. Edith, you'll still help. Won't you?..... The Piney woman said - Yep..... Mister Edith just kept drinking..... Sarah repeated - But what's so funny? Why did you laugh?..... I was thinking about The Munsters. It's on late at night on TVLand sometimes. A pretty, young girl, named Marilyn, lives with her, shall we say 'strange' relations. (points to Sarah) You Lily. Me Herman...... Edith smacks his arm and says - Oh, it's not gonna be like that! Stop it...... but who knows how it will be?

Right now, Annie is off capering about with Horsey Skeezix and his family. Jersey Devils can be quite hospitable. The big Daddy lifts her up and takes her flying. She loves it, safe in the arms of this faun or satyr-like being. They sail above the Pines and rise toward the sky, singing 'Buffalo gals won't you come out tonight.. come out tonight.. come out tonight.. Buffalo gals won't you come out tonight.. And dance by the light of the moon.... Then they dine on delectable mussels and clams, fresh from the nearby estuaries. Annie, still a vampirina, eats anyway. She can throw up later. 

'Papa' hasn't made his entrance yet. I suppose he's still in Philadelphia. He likes exploring on his own. He likes finding ladies. He likes making love. Does he kill them? Not often. Not too much. But he may resent Annie's defection. You can never tell with him. He walks the narrow, cobbled lanes, without a sound. He sublimates into museums. Sometimes he sits by Prometheus Bound for hours. The guards know him. They pretend not to see. He leaves them gifts... gold coins.... baroque pearls.... blood red rubies. One got a tooth belonging to Hammurabi, but that was a mistake. 

Tell me, if you had the chance, which would you choose, vampire or mortal? Would you miss your family? Would you take them along for the ride? Decisions.. Decisions.. Decisions...

(Sigh) Who am I? I'm just another Piney ghost. Don't pay me no mind...
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Monday, May 20, 2013


A few hours later, when we returned to the root cellar to sleep and wait out the day, Jonathon took Annie aside. They sat in a corner. She leafed through some old copies of Highlights magazine. Everything shows up in the Pines, but she listened to all he said. Jonathon spoke to her in that almost undetectable vampire way. The other life-eaters knew what was happening, though they pretended not to notice. Conrad 'slept.' Sarah reread a much loved, worn copy of The Age of Innocence, from her nights at the bookshop. Leo was still off on his own, sleeping in deep abandoned mines with comely Piney bed partners. 

Jonathon whispered - You like it here, don't you, Annie?.... She nodded and went - Uh huh... You like the others. The children, I mean. And even Horsey Sleezix - he said..... Annie quietly responded - He's a kid too. Just a different kind..... Jonathon kissed her head.... The Pines made Annie human. They all saw that.

The Spanish vampirino continued - Would you like to see the sunshine? Safely, I mean..... She thought for a moment and shrugged.... Would you like to be a big girl, a teenager and drive cars and go to college? - he said.... She nodded vigorously, then asked - What do you mean, like have babies and brassieres and a husband and all?.... He smiled and nodded too...... She sighed and went - I don't know. But three heartbeats later, looked up into his eyes, searching for the truth.

In rare instances when child life-eaters are involved, the restoration of complete, human mortality can be achieved. Not so much where elferino or elferina types are concerned, nor cherubs too, for that matter. But those in the middle, like Annie, lost in eternal childhood, though smart enough to know things, sometimes are redeemed. 

There's a passage about it in La Ciencia Vampirismo. Jonathon has a copy, though not with him here. But the people of the Jersey Pine Forests have knowledge too, plus their own ethereal capabilities. They believe in the truth of Jubilee, not just the place, but the practice. And Edith, the Piney, housekeeper-helpmate to the vampires, readies an attempt. 'What God has wrought, let no man put asunder.' It comes from that. And occasionally, it works. 

'Repair the universe'..... Make things right..... There's no guarantee. But who knows?

So the beings in the root cellar switch off the tiny 'camping' lamps and settle in. I am the only human among them, yet even I can feel their apprehension and fear. 

- wilkravitz
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Sunday, May 19, 2013


And then the air, already damp and misty, began to sparkle, as if strewn with tiny diamonds. We sat there, transfixed by this really quite impressive bit of Pow-Wow magic, a heady brew of Celtic, Gallic, Indian lore, carelessly thrown together at the time of America's beginnings and midwifed by Red Paint holy men. They chanted... a bit of archaic French... some Welsh... Absegami, and other completely unknown dialects, accompanied by six Red Paint women on pre-Revolutionary dulcimers. You may know them as auto-harps. The children threw their hands up and danced. Annie and her two unusual friends joined right in. 

Edith said - This is why we call it 'Jubilee.' Tomas (also known as Jonathon) you know, 'Jubilee' from the Bible?.... And he did know. That spiritual time of truth and rapture when all things are made whole, when slaves are freed and burdens are put down. 

Edith whispered - I know what you're thinking. You want to know if it's the same for night folks too..... He didn't answer at first, but then said - I've attended Jubilees in the past. Berber Jews observed them in Old Spain, exotics even then.  They sang. They danced. The feasted... A time of joy. Slaves went free. Debts forgiven. Property returned. A quaint custom. I wish it were true....... Edith answered - It is. Ordained by God, seven times seven years... a time of reckoning. And answer me this... Do vampires have souls?.... He whispered - Yes, you know that.... She patted his arm and smiled.... But you don't want to go, do you? - she said...... He shook his head.... And the others, Sarah and the rest, I mean, don't know - she added. But the little one might want it. Look at her dancing. She's happy. She claps. She laughs. When do we see her so happy? When do we see her so human. She wants to grow. You know she talks to me.... about what kind of house she'll have... about what kind of husband she wants. And she isn't talking about a night-marriage. not like what you and Sarah have... whatever that is. One night we watched Say Yes To The Dress on television. And she sat there, all curled up against me, wide eyed and quiet. Then she said - That's the kind that I want...... Sure, she knows she's a vampire. She knows that... But I don't think she knows what it means.

Then the dancers all sat down and sang. A few of the women passed out little cakes. Each child got one. There were cups of new wine too. Not strong, but bracing, just the same. Annie took  one and drank. She laughed with all the others and even nibbled a bit of crumbs. A little vampirina can always throw up later. That's what she always does...Jonathon nodded..... She said - I'll tell her there may be a way.

Twelve heartbeats later, the Talk To God man struggled to his feet ( two of the Red Paints helped him) and he led those assembled in a prayer. I think in a Pow-Wow patois.... The Pineys knew it. So did the Red Paints. They all did. Jonathon understood a few of the words from earlier visits. 

And the air took on a crystalline shimmer, as the 'diamonds' disappeared, along with old grudges and past wrongs.  Then the people all drank the wine and said that it was good. 

Jonathon looked at Little Annie. She smiled. He smiled back. Sarah came over and sat down next to him. He kissed her. 

Dawn was still a few hours away, so they went for a walk in the woods...
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Saturday, May 18, 2013


Before I start channeling them paranoid.. I mean paranormal goomers (it's me, Mister Never You Mind), jus' know you can always slip into THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND by clickin' on ~> wilkravitz' TWITTER account and seein' our link up on top a that page there... two of 'em in fact, 'cause we fancy.


The three weird, juvenile specimens stare at the decomposin' body in the car. Annie goes  'Ewww' a few times, 'cause vampires is very fast-tittie-iss about such things. Pin Head Mel wants a touch it, 'cause he like to touch everything. That why he doan have to go to school no more.  Horsey Skeezix say - You on any specially prescribed supplements or drugs, 'cause there a little pill bottle layin' right next to that exposed femur over there?..... Disgruntled Dead Writer Guy say - Yo, nightmare Alfalfa ('cause he like a Jersey Devil and all) I a ghost. I doan even drink Kool Aid..... Horsey go - No, I mean when you not a ghost. I mean when you still breevin'..... Ghost go - Why you know so much?..... Horsey go - My people are very wise..... Annie nods. She know it true. So ghost tell 'em how he want a sue or kill a guy he know in New York. Not really 'New York' New York. More like Brooklyn, but they not know that. Say the guy stole his idea and with the help of a camp buddy who got a well connected daddy, toined it into a movin' picture show. Got invited to Sundance. Met Goldie Hawn and Eli Roth, punched a cop and everything.  

Annie say - Get me up to New York City. I kill him for you..... Ghost say - How I goan do that? (gestures toward his moldering leavings) I ain't exactly in no position a drive..... She go - Oh..... But they take him back to the root cellar and introduce him to everybody else. Everybody else say 'hi.' Night-folk ain't scared a no ghost, specially after the one they met. An' wilkravitz and him get along real good. They set in a corner whisperin' and all. Seein' as how it so crowded in that root cellar, ghost shrink hisself down to like G.I. Joe doll size. Not one a them cheap, little ones. Like a velvet-hair size, I mean. That make everybody more comfy. 

You see, ghosts is everywhere. Some spooky places make 'em more noticeable. That why they called 'spooky.' But they ooze out the air like dust in a sunbeam.  Doan mean folks don't go to Heaven. But Heaven ain't no jailhouse. It like a big hotel... like a 'finity sized Fountainbleu Hotel in Miami Beach, Florida. You can sleep there an' swim there an' everything. But they do let you exit the premises to see jai-alai  every once in a while. 

An' that writer ghost fella on shaky ground, 'cause if he do bad while walkin' 'round live folks (some a them live).... he gone be transferred to 'the other side.' Death is eternal, not countin' the physical Resurrection, or them what get re-carnie-ated. But addresses over there ain't. I not supposed to tell you that, but I did.  don't tell nobody, 'kay?

Edith settin' on porch up above wit' Mister Edith. It drizzlin'. She like that. Forest ain't but ten steps away. She see me glide by a few times. Says - Howdy do.... I doan answer, jus' slowly tip my hat an' nod.  Mister Edith drinkin' hard cider. Only reason he not drink more is it make him pee too much. They eatin' Lorna Doones too. Piney folk love they shortbread. 

So goes night in the woods... a strange place where 'worlds' collide.

Lemme go see who layin' in the mud...
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: en ... NOBODY DO PARANORMAL LIKE THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND ... 5/18/13

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: en: OK...this is new to us. we HAD to do it this way. PLEASE watch the trailer or click on ~> YOU TUBE STUFF    We gonna polish things up an...We had to set this post up like this, because they said it would help off set the traffic we lost. StumbleUpon banned THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND because I just posted each episode and didn't engage much with the other kids. I didn't know. I thought I was being 'home blogged.' But i'll tell you a little about what happened in the Pines tonight anyway.

The juvenile weird and wonderful set (I'm talking about Little Bastid Annie, Pin Head Mel and Horsey Skeezix) found their own ghost too. He was a young one, only de-body-ized for like six months. Some guy from North Jersey. Found him sitting on a rock, like a macabre tableau in a fun house. Had a big gash in his chest... right down the middle. Looked like he was takin' a break from getting his heart operated on. Just sat there, with his head cocked to the side. You know. The way dogs sit. Annie didn't know he was a ghost at first. But seeing as how he was so mangled up, there really weren't too many other alternatives.

And it was dark. I don't know where the light came from. But there's always a little bit of silvery shadow bouncing around in them woods. Like magic what got trapped, or life without no body. See a lot a that 'round there.  Annie goes over. She runs her hand through his midsection. She pulls it out, smells her fingers and goes - Ewww. Horsey Skeezix whispers - Dead, right?... The stringy haired, little vampirina nods. Pin Head Mel don't say much. He just sits down on the ground and starts pickin' a scab. He got a lot a scabs, 'cause he ain't careful.  Once he ate a light bulb. Think it's still in him. Mama called the doctor. The doctor said -  Shit, that kid gone wind up dead.... But so far, he ain't wound up that way. 

Annie wants the ghost to talk. She shows him her fangs. She tries to sublimate up off the dirt. Sometimes she's good at that. Sometimes she can fly. But only sometimes. This ain't one a them times, so she crashes back down, butt first on the ground. Pin Head Mel likes that. He laughs. She tells him to go to hell. Horsey Skeezix stands off to the side with a studied equine grace... quite the figure with his faun-like body and folded dragon wings (he prefers 'dragon wings' to bat wings). The young Jersey Devil studies the ghost. Then he says - Look, he's moving his eyes..... Pin Head Mel goes - Yeah, movin'...  Annie waves her arms in front of his face and yells - Hey! Dead bastid! What's wrong with you? Who the hell are you?!.... Horsey Skeezix doesn't like when she talks like that. He and his kind have higher standards.  The young spirit on the rock reaches into his chest and pulls out his heart. It's still shiny. But that's only a ghostly illusion... Then he quietly says - Here, you want it?..... Annie shakes her head 'no.' ..... So he shrugs , wrings it out and puts it back... That's OK - he says. Nobody did..... The little vampirina girl, who knows a bit of paranormal chicanery, says - Your chest really torn up, or is that just like one a them pictures, like a sacred heart a Jesus thing?.... Ghost says - Like that. I think, therefore, I am..... Pin Head Mel says - I think I gotta pee.... Annie (she gettin' real antsy by now, 'cause she wanna find out things) yells - Then get in them bushes and pee, you putrid son of a bitch!.... So he does. Then can hear the water patter on the grass.

Horsey Skeezix  steps in closer and whispers - Why you here?..... The ghost mimics him--- Why'm I here!? Why'm I here!? Because I died here, you dumb, shit..... How? - said Annie..... I don't wanna talk about it - says the ghost. But lemme ask you a question. You, you, vampire girl. You from here, or from outside?..... From outside. From Philly - says Annie..... Yeah, she just a 'shoobie' - says the Pin Head. Who by now was back from his mission..... Ghost seems interested. Says - you ever go to the movies?..... She goes - Yeah, Sarah takes me. Why? You in one?..... But he just smiles, 'cause he had a story what got away from him.... and now it's makin' money for somebody else.....

That's why he drove the way he did. Didn't mean to smash hisself up. But didn't mean not to either. Tells Annie what he wrote. Asks her if she seen it..... She goes - Yeah, 'round Christmas time. Why? But he just sets there cryin'. Sound mighty strange when a ghost cry..... like a tired banshee keening in the night. Then he sniff back all his spirit tears (real to him) and whispers - Wanna go see the car? It's wrecked and all crapped up, but I can show you..... She nods. The others are interested too..... So he gets up. Who knows how long he been sittin' there. And leads them into the thick, sharp brush. You know, ghost don't mind no brambles. But even little vampirinas feel pain. Still, they wanna see what he gonna show 'em, so they go...makin' faces and wincing the whole way...

A hundred and forty four heartbeats later it's there, down in a ditch and wrapped around a tree. Slide off one a them fire access roads. He must a got lost. Ghost motions them over. Taps on the window and says - Look..... The three unusual, juvenile specimens press in, peering through the near absolute darkness.... Ghost goes - Don't be scared. That's just me.... And they see the desiccated, mildewed corpse smiling back at them. But it ain't happy. Them what dead a long time always look like that. Pin Head Mel starts to cry. Jersey Devil kid puts his arm around him.... But Annie just looks... And the spirit does too.

I can't tell you more tonight. Dawn comin' up. Maybe forty minutes.. Maybe forty five minutes. I myself am a disembodied spirit too. We been narratin' a lot a these episodes. Some a you know that. An' we lose energy in the light.

So come back tomorrow. I'll still be here.

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Thursday, May 16, 2013


OK...this is new to us. we HAD to do it this way. PLEASE watch the trailer or click on ~>YOU TUBE STUFF   We gonna polish things up and be a book one day soon. But you can wander the mines right here. 1,000 episodes up now and more will continue appearing nightly. The trailer is...well, the trailer, like at the movies. After you see it...PLEASE SCROLL to the never before seen episode below. We're going for an Eli Roth vibe. Thank you for your support. If you'd like a one or two click route to ALL of our episodes, click on this ~> THIS .. and kindly favor us with a COMMENT... your LINKS will appear with it too. We're trying to get new and modern...BOY are we trying.... OK, now remember...1st the video, then scroll down to the episode (or click on OLDER POST down at the bottom. It was supposed to go up last night, but we accidentally broke a STUMBLEUPON rule and almost died.. No, really. We depend on them for traffic and almost had a heart attack.... I am not kidding. Now, the pixilazted night-folk of Philadelphia... currently in the mysterious Jersey Pines... await....


They took us to this place. It's a real old place. Piney folks didn't do it. Red Paint folks don't say, but they must a done it. Just a little clearing, maybe thirty feet across, edged by a neat circle of sharp leafed holly trees. Each one's about fifteen feet tall. Some 'tree races' (as our hosts call them) don't grow that much. Had to step through these bushes at the bottom. You could tell the place was carefully tended. Edith says it's a talk to the dead place. We had this guy with us, a Red Paint guy. Looked a little like Captain Jean Luc Picard of the star ship Enterprise, but not that much. Red Paint guys show some variation. Women too. They don't all look like famed Olympic skier Peekabo Street. Maybe in the dark they do. But I don't know. 

We sat on old dried up stumps. They made like a smaller circle inside the trees. Red Paint guy don't say nothin'. Just gestures and we all sit down. Little Annie ain't with us. She monkeyin' around somewhere with Pin-Head-Mel  and that little Jersey Devil boy. Remember Mister Tumnus, that faun guy from Narnia? Well, he looks like him, 'cept his naked parts is covered in real short gold-sandy hairs... like velvet. Don't make him look hairy...just velvety, even his face. 'Case you missed a few episodes, head hair all normal and wavy. Runs down his spine like a mane. Never seen him fly, but he do got the bat wings. Daddy Devil flies though. Him I seen.

Nobody say nothin'. We just sit. Conrad whispers that he's bored. Jonathon give him a look and he shut up. He ain't bored. He jus' don't like this, 'cause of originally bein' almost a monk 'fore he got the 'night-fever.' That boy one strange vampire. I tell you that. Me, Edith and the driver guy can't see no ghost yet, 'cause we jus' human beans. Even though Edith, bein' a 'pow-wow' woman does have a certain sensitivity. But she say the rough stump make her ass itch, so she mostly concentratin' on that. 

Then the first one come. No noise. Leaves don't rustle. No nothing. Jus' all of a sudden, whole mess a big, shiny, roachy things come runnin' up from the brush. We could see 'em in the torch light. Run up legs. Run up arms. Dash cross faces. Nibble at ears. Sarah twitch a little, but just a little. Red Paint folks don't do nothin.' ..... Conrad go - Ewww!.... Somebody yell - Shut up!.... But I don't know who it was..... Then we hear laughter... real quiet and tinny like. One by one the roachy things go pfft! and disappear into small, rising tendrils of smoke. Little nebulous  ropes meet in the middle, up above our heads, where they slowly weave together, before cascading down toward the grass and taking the shape of a girl. She laughs some more. Her dress all moldy and torn. First it look like she got her hands clasped behind her back. But then I see she ain't got no arms. They all ripped off.  Look like a chain saw did it, just below her little puffy sleeves. She say somethin' in a language I do not know. Jonathon say it French-Canadian. Say she got snatched off the Boardwalk in Atlantic City back in nineteen fifty six. Her tiny arms, bones now, still buried in the sand under the great, wooden promenade right by Caesar's casino. Nobody ever go back that far. Him what done it hide her body in the Pines. That why she here.  Him what done it put tourniquet 'round her stumps so she don't bleed out. Then he bury her in the dirt. No box. No nothin'. Just dirt. That how come she so friendly wit' the bugs.

Wants us to help her. Wants us to go get her arms back. Say she can't eat no spaghetti without 'em. Say she can't bounce no ball. Walks over. Starts sniffin' everybody settin' down here. Red Paint guy quietly says - Do not move. So we don't. I can see the rot on her almost transparent skin when she comes close. Then she snaps her teeth real fast, like she gonna bite my nose off, but she don't. Plays wit' Sarah's earrings. Jonathon whispers - Can you feel it?... Sarah mouths - Yes..... This continues for quite a while. She plays with the driver guy's hair. Runs her putrid fingers through it. And them ain't nails on the end. Ain't got no finger tips, jus' sharp, little, pointy white bones. Driver guy shudders. Then he laughs. She don't like that.... so she grabs the sides of his head and rips it off. His arms fly up. But what good they gonna do? Ain't got no brain to tell 'em how. Blood spurtin' up jus' like a chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral. We all sit and watch til it all over. Then Conrad go - Hey! Where her arms come from!? .... Red Paint guy say - She got 'em when she need 'em. Some ghosts is liars. Don't you know that?...... Conrad don't say nothin'. French-Canadian spirit girl all gone now. But we still gotta get rid a her leavings. I mean like the head and all. 

Red Paint woman say she gone sew it back on so it look better when we give it to the family. Jonathon say - He ain't got no family..... She say she gonna do it anyway...... Red Paint guy what led us here say - Thus speak the spirits....... Conrad says - Are they gonna say more?

Red Paint guy grin and go - What you think?

And that's it. That's what happened. Like a tourist thing. Like a luau in the Pines. 'Cept nobody cook no pig.

This is wilkravitz, the 'familiar' what blog this. Forgive me all the 'Piney' talk, but I am quite impressionable. Next time you'll see more...

How long we gonna sit here in the dark? I gettin' all itchy. Edith say that's cause a the body and the gnats and all. I go - Oh..... But that don't make it no better. 
thank you. for more weird and wondrous stuff, click on ~>MORE WEIRD AND WONDROUS STUFF ...

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE DON'T want to wind...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE DON'T want to wind...: Before Papa left the Mer-folk, he took Luna to see a certain place, an undersea cave, actually, but somehow filled by a vast bubble of air....Another peek into an 'end of the road' spot 'Papa' (our POWERFUL, though sometimes catatonic, ancient vampire) likes to visit. You don't want to wind up there.... To see what it's like, click on the words A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES up above all this almost red stuff. If you want to wander through more weird tales, click on ~>MORE WEIRD TALES ... Your COMMENTS & LINKS are very important. Thank you. The story arc about our Philadelphia vampires 'relaxing' in the Jersey Pine Barrens resumes late tonight.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


These things must be said. A new era is soon to unfold across the heavens. And so we commandeer this time from your mundane life-eaters, in  order that you may know. 

The time of the San Xing Emperor approaches. The 'Son of Heaven,' known in the TRUE TONGUE as the Tian will rule the orbs from the celestial NEW CAPITAL of Cinnibar, rising up upon the ocher sands of Huoxing (fire star), known to barbarians as Mars.

You who do not speak correctly, would be wise to learn. Keep your Spanish and your English and your Hindi and your French, or whatever jargon you regurgitate amongst yourselves. Save it for your hobbled old ones who feed with knives and forks. We do not want it here. 

But the Sheng Shang (another imperial title) is benevolent. Reeducation Centers are open to all. This you will know, for notifications are pending. And through hard, diligent study, you may (or may not) earn a place among the CLERICAL ORDERS.

A unified Taiyangxi (Sun System), imagine it, best beloveds. The Han Home World, known to us as Diqiu and it's bone-white smaller sister, called Yueliang (Earth & Moon) were but the first. Join us, as we roll across the cosmos, bringing Zhongguo (Chinese) cultivation to bare benighted orbs.

May Taiyang rain warmth and light upon us eternally..

Shhhhh... Earth has never seen the like. Welcome to THE EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB... brought to you by Billy Kravitz, creator of THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND, THE LITTLE MATCH BOY, EL RANCHO TEXACO, BINGO BOY and the well received story arc known as MARIANNE IN BRITCHES.

Be a part of things to come. He who bears the MANDATE OF HEAVEN commands it...


we pull back for a shot of the Imperial Dragon Fleet, gliding in toward the Huoxing (Martian) capital of Cinnibar... and ZOOM IN for a CLOSE SHOT of the Tian (emperor), seen through an opened portal seated amidst the tasteful splendor of a huge, imposing AUDIENCE HALL..., dressed in a trim, gray, Mao meets Dolce & Gabana suit , with a haircut to die for...He stares into the camera with the vertical pupils of a cat.

thank you. for more of our 700,000 word universe, click ~> MORE ... we greatly value your COMMENTS & LINKS...