Thursday, October 19, 2017

Vampirina Sarah Has a Secret Life 10/18/17 ..Panic! At The Disco: The Ballad Of Mona Lisa [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

 

Did you think I'd stay in the shadows forever? Did you think I was just the quiet one, content to save the mortals with tiny drams of my blood. How of-a-type you are. Oh, I keep silent, but I see things. You boring smelly things with your sebum stuffed pores are so alike, hypnotized by 'dominant' posers. Come on. What do you think I did in that book shop before all this? ... CLOSE YOUR MOUTHS! I read books. I sold them and I read them. .. The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew... A Tree Grows In Brooklyn... Everybody Who Hates Me Should Die... Little Women... Kings Row... Never Tickle A Stranger On The Bus... non-fiction too... Rabbits Are Lemurs With No Brains... Two Weeks In The Death Of A Corpse... How To Retrieve D.N.A. From Used Tampons And Adult Diapers... The How And Why Book Of Pimples Boils And Carbuncles For Children... and Everything Happens For A Reason So Embrace Your Outer Ugly..... God, this 'vampire memory.' I recall everything.



And now I'm 'cheating' on Jonathon with my mortal lover, Howard..... Baylah set it up.  She said - By the time we get bored they're either finished or dead..... (stares up into space) But I enjoy Howard. Baylah's mortal boyfriend knows him from the seashore. I think they both sued the same floor refinisher.... What's it been... five years... six years and I already think like a vampire...(thinks for a moment) Maybe that's a good thing.... Won't have to buy anti-wrinkle cream, or get big chunky dinner rings to camouflage my arthritic knuckles....



We know all your tricks... how you 'deal' with aging, I mean. The skin balms that don't work... but you all pretend they do.... The gym memberships... the cartoony lacquered fingernails... the temporarily paralyzed and puffed up faces... Few look younger. They look played around with... and not always for the better... Men do the same things... Less paint... More posturing... fake tans... more lies..... When I was still mortal, I didn't see things as clearly as I do now. That might have been a good thing.



Jonathon knows about Howard. He doesn't say anything about it. I certainly don't. It's like mortals don't count. Oh, Baylah has something very real with hers. And he idolizes her. I think gambling has a lot to do with it. They play black jack, usually at The Borgata, or Caesar's every night. She loves the beachfront house a few miles downbeach too. Even went so far as to hire a girl who looks like her so the neighbors can see her out and about in daylight.... having omelets for breakfast... buying flowers... giving little finger waves to people as she power walks along the beach or the impossibly well manicured streets. I think Baylah's mortal has sex with her too. At night she sits in a shuttered den watching HGTV.... I'm learning that other night-folk have mortal, daytime doubles too.... Some doubles wear special sunglasses with tiny cameras in them, so the actual vampire, deep in their darkened chamber, can 'live' the experience via their laptops. Digital sunlight has no effect. Avatars, like from that blue cat people movie.



And now I wait in a little coffee shop a couple blocks down from our townhouse. Howard drives a black Lincoln SUV. He's very conventional and reliable. We go to movies and stylish vodka bars across the river in the Jersey suburbs. Nobody knows us there. It's safer than Center City... There's a place, a house, but I can't tell you about that.



I hate how the media paints us. Don't you ever get tired of that?



Now let me finish my tea. We can tolerate broth-like, 'clear' liquids and this blend is rather enjoyable.....



With that the vampirina, Sarah, looks away, as we retreat from the coffee shop and move down the street...



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Friday, October 13, 2017

Jonathon Shares as yet Unknown Vampire History. Our thanks to You Tube 10/10/17

j 

What more can I tell you of violence? How many ways are there to destroy mortal or life-eater flesh? We have described all manner of death. People seem to like that. Most of what appears here is and always has been true. But occasionally and only occasionally I tell you lies, not because I want to. Because you want me to.

This time I speak with veracity. This time, he who you know as Jonathon ben Macabi, or Tomas de Macabea details actual realities and events. You've heard how vampires walk through the deep, dark, oceanic abyss. We  cross the cold and silent seafloor and climb mountains never privy to the sun. Some stay down there for years and years and years and years, drawing periodic blood gifts from the great and lesser whales. Thus we passed between continents in ages passed, before men first built ships. Some still travel that way. Others have reached their destination and stay there, down beneath the sea. They speak to the whales and understand the minds of forever hidden strains of wise, all knowing octopi and other cephalopods.

Vampires need not breathe. You know that. He who makes the universe (the job is never done) quickens us according to His will. Confuse them not with Merfolk. Our kind have no cetacean flanks or tails. But some of our kind have filled this subterranean niche for eons. We climbed up onto the beaches of Atlantis and in Lantima, the language of that realm, whispered secrets to the priests and priestesses in the Temple of El. We've seen the doomed from the Titanic rain down.

So I must ask ---- Do you really think that creatures such as we are only lurid horror villains? Look, as I've said (and we're both aware) there's a whole industry based on that. Believe their lies, if you like. We don't control you mortals. We just guide you.

Now I go out to enjoy the last hours of a cool, autumn evening. Damp, too, just the way I like it. If you know me, nod. I'll nod back. Look for the tall, trim vampirino with the vaguely Spanish features. Some know me by my long, lose, glossy black hair. Some by my well made, black bootkins, close tailored jeans, white shirt and rather form fitting leather jacket. Save the shirt, all dark as midnight. Others know my kiss, or my bite. I don't kill everyone.

I wander museums, haunting the dim, shadowy galleries. You see, I remember when Giotto painted that and knew the nobleman who wore that armor. I met enamoradas under cloisters much like those.... I remember and it comforts me.....

Then just before the dawn, I walk back to the townhouse and hide. Do I sleep?... On and off.... There are those who know how to contact me on line. Some leave comments here. A few know my secret place.

Hasta la proxima, mis amigos... Hasta la proxima...

(with that, he exits, as the great clock, atop Philadelphia's City Hall Tower...  much higher and wider than Big Ben.... chimes six).

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Saturday, September 16, 2017

A Letter from Lorenzo & Kadeema 9/14/17 Primitive Kiss (really cool vampire song)

 

We've met these two. Jonathon and Sarah came across them during a vampire pilgrimage, deep within the Carpathian Mountains. The old continent of Europe has many nooks and crannies. Some hide forgotten clans of Neanderthals. You know them as trolls and ogres. Others shelter various witch hybrids and shadow people. Who knows what else.

I suppose since night-folk had to make a conscious decision to emigrate and come to the New World, we have less noxious, animalistic types here. Compulsive, visceral specimens tend to stay where they are, rarely moving on till chased by a shrieking, murderous peasantry.... Lorenzo and Kadeema are noxious vampires. A condition usually caused by a hard, vampiric 'birth.' Maybe they were buried too deep, or the soil was excessively heavy and clay-like. Escaping the grave is horrific... Being trapped, or almost trapped is maddening in a very real, dark and damaging way. Some never heal.... Some never escape. God knows how many conscious souls lie bound within the earth.

Now our two were buried the same night, in a remote wooded, damp corner of Wallachia. Each had an opened Bible placed over their face. Each lay upon a hard, jagged bed of faith symbols.  That's what they did to suspected night-folk in those parts... Oh, some had their bottom jaw hacked out. The town butcher did it, thus mercifully killing the innocent and assuring them a place in the world to come.

Before we go on, allow me to clarify something. There is little room for movement in the grave. Think of the casket as an individual cigar case. The human remains are prepared and positioned. Survivors take a look... and then the heavy lid comes down, leaving perhaps two fingers worth of space between the nose and the interior surface. Should the occupant wake up, repositioning, or movement of any kind is futile. Stories of blood stains and frantic scratches on the inside of the lid are fiction. No one turns over. In the case of Lorenzo and Kadeema, they also had those thick Bibles resting on their faces, not to mention the sharp, pointy bed of religious charms under them.... And something else... the dirt packed down upon a coffin weighs more than one thousand pounds. The lids usually crack and cave in. Even the metal lids buckle. Exhumed bodies, for any reason, often have shattered faces. Corpses don't care. The soul's long gone. Newly made vampires, with all the left over fears of mortality are another story, for they're conscious through it all. They scream and shriek and rail like babbling fools in hell... Kadeema did.... She was a tavern girl, you know... and one night in a blizzard she slipped and cracked her head upon the icy cobbles of the town....and she lay there in the storm, half way between this world and the next. The rats never came to taste the feast. That's how cold a Wallachian winter can be.... But in the doorway to a small, shabby handful of flats crouched a 'noxious' vampire silently washing the blood from his face with handfuls of sleet and snow. He inhaled the rich, dense scent of the almost dead 'she meat' laying before him... thought for a moment then crept over. Noxious types are often gluttons, so he tore off her scarf and ripped into her throat. She barely moaned.... He pulled back from the font and thought for a moment, as the blood dripped down from his chin onto her smooth. white skin. Then he quietly chucked a bit before soundlessly dragging her into an alley...

True death never claimed her, but the dark burden did. Kadeema was a vampire now...

We'll witness her ordeal... Lorenzo's too, next time....

Ah, how the nights grow long. Autumnal Equinox is almost upon us. Night folk revere that event.   September twenty first is special to them, for after that date, the night overtakes the day and the pain of spring and summer temporarily ends.

A rich culture they have. The night-folk, I mean...

A whole other world...

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Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Jonathon Remembers Emotional 100,000 Attend Selichot at the Western Wall

 

Jonathon speaks -

In fiction we read about vampires who shun their mortal faith, replacing it with bleak distortions. In real life few actually do that. Most cling to their creed and desperately try to make sense of it all. We pray for divine understanding. We pray for acceptance and forgiveness, just like mortals do... And we search for 'reasons.' Why do we kill? Who do we kill? What purpose does it serve?

You know me. You know what I believe and what other life-eaters with other faith histories believe too. We 'cull' the wicked and help the worthy live... Not the Shepherd, but the sheepdog... That's what we say. I hope it's real. I think it is. I believe it is. What else can I do? And this time of year, with the advent of  Rosh Hashana (literally head or start of the year) I, along with many mortals, attend midnight penance services for forty days, culminating in the great spiritual rebirth on Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). The penance services always start at midnight, or perhaps a few hours later... for it's always darkest before the dawn. A perfect liturgy for vampires. I take advantage of it as often as I can. Some see me, sitting in the back, at an old Sephardic (Rite of Spain) synagogue in Society Hill, the ancient, red brick, Center City district in Philadelphia. There are little brass, rectangular frames, each holds the name of a family, mounted on the back of every pew. Mine says 'de Macabea.' That's my Spanish name. I represent a long line. From time to time I hear of a mortal kinsman. That makes me feel good. Life goes on in all its forms.

As the forty days go on, things begin to change in the sanctuary. The rabbi, cantor and choir wear white robes. The sacred Biblical scrolls in the Ark are dressed in new, white sleeves. Some congregants now dress in the symbolically new and pure color too. For it is not just the 'next' year that is coming, but a 'new' year that is coming. In Ezekiel 36:26 it says - I will create in you a new heart and a new spirit. Many feel that in a most personal and visceral way, especially those who know they receive those things via grace and not, strictly speaking, in return for their own thoughts or actions.

Why does this promise happen yearly? Why is it an annual renewal? Because God never forgets. A promise is a promise. A covenant is a covenant. And that's what I, Tomas de Macabea, or Jonathon ben Macabi, take your pick, experience at this time of year.... I'm sure other life-eaters with other faith histories experience similar things according to their own spiritual calendar.

I know sometimes we fudge a little and post blood drenched tales of death and horror, because according to the numbers that's what readers like. But this isn't fiction and sometimes (most times) the truth comes through.

Vampires are not all monsters. We're just people with a very particular collection of issues.

I hope you understand that.

__________________________

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Friday, August 25, 2017

Vampire Jonathon Shares Parts of His Life -Steely Dan - Dirty Work 8/21/17

 

The life-eater known as Jonathon ben Macabi and also known as Tomas de Macabea speaks ---

The nights grow longer... not by much, but a bit. Darkness comes at eight thirty... I mean the still, cool blackness. It used to be like that. Artificial light was rare. What did they have?... Candles?... Torches?.... Perhaps a nighttime auto de fe?... People stayed locked inside at night. Guests sheltered till dawn. All exterior noises were suspect. A lose shutter tapping in the breeze could be a thief, or something worse. Il Castillo de Moresci was once attacked by demons. I knew they were leprous bandits, though some were so frightful the mortals sheltering within saw demons and so the legend grew. Could I have killed them? I suppose it would have been possible for me to sublimate through the moldering, fetid bastards, though I did not want to 'blow my cover' as they say. Naples was special back then. So they carried off a duke's virginal daughter and a cask of jewels. I can only imagine the horrors she endured.  Four of de Moresci's men at arms fought valiantly. Six ran away and hid. The de Moresci nobleman ( I forgot his rank) had them welded into iron maidens, stored in the crypt and left to die naturally. The four stalwart warriors showed signs of the loathsome disease within months and were rightfully banished. An old nurse, charged with the care of the duke's daughter, also fell ill. They told her she was going to a nice, little cottage, on a picturesque off shore island, owned by the duke where she might live in seclusion with an afflicted nun. They told her she had to be transported in a small, bronze verdigris cage (carried on two, long poles) to prevent others from suffering. The cube afforded little room. The loyal old woman couldn't even stand up or straighten her legs. And they left her on said island (still locked within her prison) where the 'unclean' nun might find her. It seems the unclean nun had a key and was told she'd receive a companion as soon as one became available. She'd searched the beach every day for four years, till dying from a bee sting. No one came to free the old nurse, so she waited seven days in the middle of a tiny meadow right by the beach, then she died. The chickens went wild. The rabbits did too. Nuts went ungathered. The orchards were alone.

But I digress... You know that by now....

(this is far from complete but I am tired and wanted ppl to know I am trying... political situation has me in knots..more tomorrow... appreciate everyone)

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Go see Arnold Schwarzenegger Twitter post.. Think about the last week.. check out the links.. Thank you 8/18/17

 

First link goes to Arnold Schwarzenegger's post.
You might have to scroll down a post  or two.
Twitter.com/Schwarzenegger

Second link goes to two paragraph's worth of
TwitLonger where I report actual experiences of
'free' German Christians who experienced life in
'The Reich' first hand  .. >> tl.gd/n_1sq4c2f

Not a regular episode tonight. Vampires weren't into it.
There are monsters...and then there are monsters.

Hate is not a toy.

Thank you ... Billy

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Bob Seger - 'Hollywood Nights' Live in San Diego 1978.but RESTORATION VAMPIRE STYLE 8/11/17



I fancied myself a rake and played the part very well. My digs were a discretely sized, though still impressive homage to Hampton Court, somewhat removed from public view, down a winding alley flanked by large, dense oak trees. Chelsea was quite the place in those days, filled with, jewel box estates for the well born and what the French would call the haute bourgeois ... le tre haute bourgeois... A Hollywood on the Thames two hundred and fifty years before that California enclave was born. But more about local atmosphere later.

We tore down dark suburban roads on the fine Arabians 'borrowed' from the Asgood stables. I led the way with a torch snatched from the entrance to some public pleasure ground (usually a park with fountains, a concert stand and beer garden). My mates fell in single file (aristocrats do know to ride), as we snaked down the path toward my place...[if anyone sees this now, please know that I don't have time to post the whole thing at once and am putting it up when I can.... clicked the wrong button... it should have remained a draft... but I ain't so button smart.... Jonathon (whose story this is) paces back and forth, lecturing me --- Don't I know how to do it right after all this time?!.... I say - Don't make me nervous... He gives me a look, takes an iced vodka and stomps off to his 'dark room.'.... We're in the cellar below the basement. .. no natural light here.... finished off little rooms and cubicles... juvenile vampirina, Annie, comes down to play Vampire Barbies and video games.... Jonathon cruises Google and listens to music... What?... you think they sleep all day?... they don't.... Sarah watches HGTV.... Conrad (the vampire who like Dockers 'slacks') is hooked on Game Show Network...It's a mental hospital.... Edith, our Jersey Pine Barrens, witchy woman, housekeeper is mortal like me (Billy)... She sits upstairs in the kitchen at the granite breakfast bar doing seek and find puzzles and eating tuna fish... Conrad says -- Jeez, what's with you? You're the tuna fish queen.... She goes -- Yeah, it's my 'blood.' Leave me alone...... Now I have to take a break and do some chores and errands. More posting later and #ff stuff too.... Wow... How'd I find enough time to post all this red stuff?]...

As we approached the entrance, I vaulted from the horse, threw the reigns to Mudo, my telepathic groom of indiscriminate background. The Brigands did the same. Mudo whistled. Their mounts froze till other stable boys appeared to lead them away. The torch, lying on the ground, instantaneously vanished (I can do that sometimes). Molecular manipulation is not that hard. Of course that term did not exist back then, but we managed.

My staff prepared everything for wee hour returns. The lights are low... a few candles here and there... bottles of gin left to chill in ice-filled silver buckets, placed where I can find them... dried apple blossom petals sprinkled onto the grate in the 'little' salon to scent the room... The 'little' salon was our place, a dim, octagonal, library-like space. Book shelves lined the walls, save for the expanse above the hearth. A portrait of some Tudor gentleman hung there. I think I culled him once. I can't remember.

We collapsed into the chairs, large, upholstered 'Roman' thrones. If you've seen what President Lincoln occupies in his memorial you know what I mean. Each 'Brigand' had his favorite place... five seats casually arranged around a small table. I found the bucket, grabbed the icy bottle of gin, a new distilled spirit, originally intended as a balm for the poor, but eagerly guzzled by the rich as well and poured five libations into the heavy, pale green glasses.

Sir Jeffrey downed a mouthful and began to laugh. His father, a baron, had no secondary title to give him, but managed to buy the young blood a baronetcy, thus the 'sir.'

He said - The noise. The chanting. I can't shake it. That sound. Is that how they do it? Just the sound? Just the vibrations? I saw a castrato shatter a goblet last season in Venice. Is that what it is?

I just shrugged......

Tantric magic - sighed Master Jeremy. Did you see the body? No, of course you did.... Then he retched and vomited all over the inlaid stone floor.

Two housemaids instantly appeared to clean up the mess, as we sat there in silence.....

 

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Wouldn't it be nice if benevolent vampires really could restore the sick & aged? Sweeney Todd - Not While I'm Around



 

The posts on this blog haven't been as frequent as before. Billy, the one who records the goings on around here, has been busy. His 93 year old uncle was sick. Then he was in hospital. For the last week he was in a hospice. Earlier tonight he passed.

He was the last of his generation on both sides of the family and now he has gone on.

I am one of the spirit narrators many of you know from this place, which one is not important. This is not about me. I just wanted you to know

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Friday, July 28, 2017

I Saw a Mortal Sublimate ..7/26/17 ..Tibetan Buddhist monks chanting in monastery in Nepal during a special puja

 

The life-eater Jonathon speaks ~

His name was Kahan, pronounced with a strong and somewhat lengthened second syllable. It means Lord Krishna, or Warrior's Son, or Beautiful. I never knew if he was born with the name. Perhaps it came when he disembarked at that seventeenth century London quayside? The City does that to people. Even then it was unique... theatres... coffee houses.... clubs... brotherhoods... cat houses and cathedrals. My God, it was wonderful. Urban manor houses in Chelsea were all the rage. Most were smaller representations of the palace of Saint James. Some not by much.

That's where I had my adventures with The Brigands, an informal group comprising curious risk takers with, at times, more gold than sense. Spoiled sons from the landed class were like that. We saw live pigs fed to alligators imported from Spanish Florida. We sampled magical mushrooms from God knows where. I liked the moonlit cat hunt. Where they got genuine Arabians, I don't know and I know genuine Arabians. Those horses were fast. We pounded 'cross the moors after a beautiful matched pair of black panthers brought over from what used to be The Inca Empire (rightly called Tee-wan-tan-su-yu). I'm sure they were jaguars. Certain specimens exhibit extreme pigmentation, thus the rich, glossy black coats. I led the charge, being vampire and all, I could see in the dark..... Did we get the panthers?.... No, I told you, I led the charge. Night-folk have a feel for nature. But we had a good gallop and I paid for ale and meat pies at the inn, so everyone was happy... Did they notice I abstained?... Well... 'vampire eyes' can cloud the keenest mind.

One night we went to a stylish salon at the petit palace of a newly minted baronet. They had a reputation for the finest meals and entertainments of the first rank.... so eager to make their mark. But who doesn't like good drink and a savory grill? So people went... and after meeting that Nepalese monk I mentioned earlier... they went again.

Tantric magic will do that to people...

It's an early form of enchantment that made its way into the world of dharma. Hindus and Buddhists know it... many avoid it due to its bad reputation... a slight tinge of black magic, though true adepts know better. You see, magic of the tantric variety accepts all facets of the human organism. It recognizes our hungers and addictions, but looks for benign ways to satisfy them. Will social distinction, public acclaim and casks filled with silver ducats keep you from becoming a cruel, perverse autocrat? Well, this form of wizardry plays to the 'need,' for a craving sated is a crime forestalled.

The monk in the manor house did this ...

Tantrics manipulate the universe with sound. They chant. They repeat mantras. They create vibrations and thus cajole the universe.... Look at the video up above. You'll see....

The baronet and his consort ,who hosted that salon, were known as Sir Henry and Lady Asgood. He wore curled shoulder wigs of the finest Persian lamb and the fabric for her gowns came from the looms of the fabled Silent Nuns of Wallonia.  Many tried to learn their secrets, but as they never spoke, all one could hope for was a very dirty look. The thing took place in Asgood House, a Palladian masterpiece at the end of a long, crushed gravel drive. They say it was bought on the backs of slaves. Asgood owned majority shares in three ships well know on the Cameroon - Jamaica run. Oh, it was all supposed to be hush-hush, but this was London... and people talk.

The night of the sublimation (passing through solid matter) the place was festooned with great names of the nobility and gentry.  As cognoscenti know, a fair share of gentry families actually out rank many peers.. They have more land... more money.... longer histories... comelier daughters and finer stables. Everyone makes way for a Redmond, or a Castile. Shakespeare, if he were more than one hundred and ten years in the flesh, would dedicate plays to them.

Ladies in sumptuous attire and gentlemen in rich brocades graciously acknowledged each other across the wide, candlelit, parquet expanse, as they fed tiny mouthfuls  of smoked eel to the pedigreed 'toy' spaniels on their laps. Some brought little monkeys. I told you about the monkeys. (Remember, this is vampirino Jonathon speaking) But simians are not as regular in their toilet habits as canines and most were left home where any shite balls they might fling at shrieking maids really didn't matter.

Social niceties went on for perhaps thirty minutes, then the monk appeared. They all went silent. A shaved head, coppery skin and a well formed body in a rough silk toga had that effect in these parts. Four disciples in lesser weaves took up compass points 'round their leader and began to chant in that low, rolling, vibrating fashion peculiar to their homeland. The 'ingles' (Jonathon often lapses into Spanish) were transfixed. Footman discreetly padded about the hall extinguishing three candles in five, lowering the illumination to an appropriate and mysterious level. Then the monk gracefully snatched a small songbird out of the ether and sent it flying up to the ornate, crown molding...In quick succession he conjured and released five more... People began to applaud.. The monk known as Kahan, who never opened his eyes, issued a low, guttural command and all went silent. A white lamb bleated as it tapped its way across the glossy, carefully fashioned wood floor. The monk scooped it up and hugged it to his chest. His disciples altered their resonating chant and it burst into flames.  The monk's arms, shoulders, neck and jawline disappeared behind the fire. This went on for at lease twenty heartbeats, till the chant changed just a bit and the flames vanished. Man and beast were whole, unblemished and unharmed. .. The monk bent down, released the little ewe and listened to it tap its way into the shadows.

Those in attendance refrained from any type of reaction...
The hall was silent, save for the pants of a few small dogs.
Footman bearing wooden parts to some type of apparatus, filed out and assembled what looked like a large, seven foot tall, polished wooden table right by the monk and his four disciples. The supports seemed spindly and unable to truly hold up the platform, but the monk emanated a deep, rolling mantra and all was secure.

A trim, compact young man appeared. Whether he walked out, or was brought forth by some other means was hard to tell... Tantric chanting can cloud the mind. He might have been from what was called Hindustan, or Burma, or The Great Horn of Africa. He wore a seventeenth century, British representation of a crisp, Egyptian, linen kilt with the pelt of a young leopard tied around his waist. A medium, rich brown he was. Long dark, curly, glossy tresses reached his shoulders. How perfect he looked in the low glowing light.

Kahan, the tantric master, his eyes still closed, gestured toward a spot on the floor under the wooden platform. The brown skinned young man lay down. For a while nothing happened. Here and there a few ladies began to titter.

The monk clapped his hands. His brethren did the same, till they produced a fast, intricate rhythm, coupled with an harmonic, almost electric (if seventeenth century people recognized it as such) hum. The large 'table' thing began to vibrate. Little dogs held fast on their mistresses' laps howled. Steam rose from the man in the Egyptian kilt, as he slowly left the floor and began to levitate. The aristocrats crowded 'round the hall saw him bounce against the bottom of the table and stop.

A hissing sound filled the space. The wife of a Scots laird fainted dead away when blood spurted out from a throbbing red vein in the white of her bulging left eye. Two peers spontaneously voided their bladders. Atonal chanting can do that to people.

Ten heartbeats later the form of the man in the Egyptian kilt began to pass through the platform. First the tip of his nose ... then his face... his chest... the shoulders... his toes... his groin. The skin pulled back on his face. He slowed. The walls began to shake. A huge crack ran across the high ceiling, down the richly paneled wall. Heavy slabs of plaster rained down on the crowd, as the remainder of the poor man's body, devoid of face, pectoral muscles, toes, groin, plus almost every bit of flesh on the ventral side of his being fell down onto the floor with a sickening, bloody thud.

People raced for the doors, trampling the weak and elderly. Rafters crashed down from above. Sixty one people died. One hundred and thirty five  of the survivors were questioned by Anglican authorities. Twelve were hung for witchcraft. Nineteen spent the rest of their days 'buried alive' in the foul dungeons beneath The Tower. Dead little King Charles Cavalier Spaniels were everywhere.

I gathered up my fellows, my 'Brigands,' stole four horses from the elite Asgood stables and spirited them away to my own manor near by.

When next the sun went down again I showed them what I was.

The vampire, Jonathon stops....

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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Vampire Comedy Web Series Seed&Spark Crowdfunding Our Jonathon stumbled upon it .. 7/19/17

 

Jonathon ben Macabi a.k.a. Tomas de Macabea speaks --- I enjoy satire. Indeed, the very idea that vampires actually exist is a grand satire.... We magnify and focus every fault and strength of humanity. The very drama of our lives echoes the truth of yours.

But sometimes I like to laugh. This blend of comedy and satire lets me do that. Oh, I know we have Little Bastid Annie and Pin Head Mel and Horsey Skezzix ( did I spell it right? strange, after centuries the English language still trips me up... you know how much it relaxes me to fall into the old Mozarabic , Spanish - Arabic salsa of Al Andalus). Though the focus of this tale is me and I am not Pagliacci .....

Laughter amidst pathos is a very special thing. The vampirino known as 'Seymour' is an intriguing specimen. Where I have a 'family' of sorts... my beloved consort, Sarah, the , well, if I have to describe her, I'd say 'BeyoncĂ©-like' Baylah.... Billy, our scrivener, 'Papa,'.... and the one who comes and goes, the vampirino who likes Dockers pants... O Jalla! I forget his name. But you know all the rest.

It seems Seymour has a circle of nearest and dearest too. He relies on them for support... a fish out of water... just like White Boy Rick.. I do so savor unusual situations. What night-folk wouldn't ?...

Perhaps we of El Mundo Vampirido can learn from this newborn life-eater?... I suspect he is real, even if they claim he is not.

Many vampires crave attention, yet maintain that their truth is fiction.... Makes things oh so simple.... Like real magicians who claim to be merely illusionists. Mortals like it like that.

Now, permit me my pre-dawn ramble. I do so hate these short summer nights. Still, the air is hot and sultry. Stinks and scents and perfumes rise like mist.... a buffet, of sorts, arranged in the shadows of wee-hour Philadelphia... I sport trim, black jeans, a well tailored tee shirt (also black) and my signature (ditto the color) soft, leather bootkins. It's a good hair night too.  I'm a vampire. It's always a good hair night. My long, dark, wavy tresses subtly dance in the breeze.

How I enjoy these Center City streets. The 'downtown' neighborhoods of Philadelphia are second in size and population only to Manhattan, but with a history, grace and attitude all our own. How glad I am The Lord Protector (William Penn) brought me here.

I whistle my song... The Teddy Bears' Picnic... When you go out on the streets tonight, you're in for a big surprise...

So happy I am to have discovered 'Seymour' and his 'familiars.'

Please click on the video up above and discover him too. Then tell your friends...

Hasta la proxima.....

<more of our usual tale next time>

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Saturday, July 15, 2017

Old Vampires Like Jonathon Love To Do This... 7/15/17... Jethro Tull - Living In The Past 1969

 

The vampirino known as either Tomas de Macabea or Jonathon ben Macabi speaks ---

What shall I speak of? You know that Lawrence Edgerton saga (or the beginning of it) detailing Illuminati life in Regency England, was my idea. Billy had nothing to do with that one. I spoke. He typed. And all of it was true, yet it didn't pull you in. Still have hopes for that one. I will revisit it one night.  Perhaps you will indulge me.

Night-folk love to revisit the past, especially moderately long lived specimens, like me. While I possess not the multi-millennia of  'Papa,' a thousand years still makes a fine collection. My favorite era, as regulars know, is Restoration London. To my way of thinking, that was the first, purely 'modern' time in the world. The son of a former (beheaded) king reclaimed the throne and if that piece of furniture was a bit truncated by an ever more democratic populace, life within the royal circle was never merrier. We had monkeys in London. For the first time, they were all the rage. Small, quicksilver, chattering things dressed up like Tudor gentlemen. Each trained to doff his cap to a lady. I think all the semi-exposed bosoms tipped them off. They doffed their little caps with such rapidity during the candlelit balls at St. James, it was almost like an early form of air conditioning.

I was Don Tomas de Macabea, grandee of Spain. That, as old friends know is my Catholic name. Jonathon ben Macabi is my Hebrew appellation. Vampires at the various European courts needed to pass as members of the majority faith. Muslim night-folk adopted patents of Sicilian nobility. Christians of Eastern Rites feigned Western orientation. Protestants passed as Catholic and those loyal to Rome played the part of Lutherans. That's how it was.

The freest court was The Purple Throne of the Emperor-Sultan of the Ottomans, the New Byzantium and the Third Incarnation of Imperial Rome. Some of you via your explorations of this site know of the venerable palace school, where likely young vampires were trained to be functionaries and assassins to the royal house. Ah, Topkapi was quite the place, Muslim in faith, but as I see it now, largely western in the superficialities. All roads led to Istanbul. Dissenters were welcome there. Indeed, the House of Osman championed the Protestant and even the Jewish cause, seeing them as more attuned to their own Sunni denomination. Look, you've seen the Renaissance and Baroque paintings. Granted, the rulers wore turbans. But consider the paintings of western gentlemen. Many of them wore turbans, or turban-like head gear too. Such was the age. It stood for opulence. It stood for wealth. But if I told you the portraits of the Osman royals were renderings of English, or Holy Roman or French royals you'd believe me. The doublets were the same, as were the pantaloons, hose and foot gear.

Henry the Eighth and his red headed daughter, what's her name, were pen pals with The Purple Throne, addressing each other as 'brother king' and 'sister queen' and all that. It's why they had so many coffee houses in Europe during those times. The Arabs discovered the drink in the Horn of Africa and brought it back to their territories. Turkish beys and pashas learned about it and soon there were coffee houses throughout Anatolia and the Balkans. Thus the world changes. Thus cultures grow. And I have seen a lot of adaptation.

I had a little monkey, Jacque.... The English always gave their monkeys French names. The French gave theirs English names. We fed them exotic vegetables from the Isles of Scilly off the tip of Cornwall, Britain's only semi-tropical territory. Jacque drank wine, when I'd let him and even rode 'horseback' on a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. Everyone at court loved him.

That's how I fell in with the Brigands, a group of fellows addicted to fine Aztec tobaccos and aromatic Turkish hashish. They also experimented with Tibetan magic of the tantric variety. Did they know I was a vampire? Not at first. But I was curious to see what this tantric knowledge might achieve, so I accompanied them on their evening sessions with a being as foreign to seventeenth century London, as denizens of Andromeda might be in my current city, Philadelphia, today. He was a Nepalese monk, studying at a Mumbai ashram when some British traders met him and he was just as curious about Europeans, as they were of him. So he agreed to sail with them, thus he reached England, where he quickly acquired a late night salon dedicated to the pursuit of all things arcane and mysterious.

That was where I saw my first mortal sublimate...
But Billy's tired and wants to go to sleep and I find typing quite tedious, So permit me to retire to my sleeping cabinet before the sun gets me..

Hasta la proxima y buenas dias.

<more next time>

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Friday, July 14, 2017

How Vampires Rescue Folks from Southern Chain Gangs... 7/14/17

Jonathon speaks -

I enjoyed saving those two young men last time. Such acts enrich me. I feel it's why I came to be.  And I've done similar things before and I remember them all. There was a time almost one hundred years ago, I visited a prison camp in Mississippi, a miserable collection of ticky tacky worn plank barracks and heavy, iron chains. The souls were shackled together at the ankle. They slept that way, every one on their back in hard, mean, little coffin-like beds, bitten by all manner of loathsome insects... greasy, unwashed faces in the night .... attached to a big chain running through each filthy nest... broken bulbs on a long line of Christmas lights.  A 'trustee' sat on an old cane back chair, making sure nobody got 'antsy.' He didn't have a gun, being a prisoner himself and all, but they gave him a starter pistol. Somebody commence to dance around too much he just squeeze off a shot and guards come running. Trustees work two hour shifts. They sleep in the trustees' bunk. No ankle chains. They're like slaves to the guards, though. Some say chains would be better.

You see, I like variety. Certain nights I just sublimate up into the air and see where it takes me. The ether moves faster than the actual air molecules you are used to. One night I went to Bermuda. Trips down south are easy. Got to hole up somewhere during the day, because I can't go there and back in one night. But vampires have a talent for finding hidey-holes. Every town has an old, boarded up 'haunted' house. Some days the place really is haunted... by me.... But this stories about that night at the prison camp.

I'd pass through the flimsy walls just above bunk height. They call them 'bunks,' but there's only one level. Then I'd slide over my intended subject. I can tell who needs saving, always could. Don't make no noise. Prisoners sleep through anything. Road work tires them out real good. In the middle of the night the trustee rings a little bell and whispers - Piss pot. Piss pot. Who gotta use the piss pot? He has a hurricane lamp screwed into the wall right by his chair. Gives off a little light. Them what gotta pass water raise their hand. Trustee take 'em one or two at a time down the other end to use the piss pot. Got a rule ... if you twin-pissin' you keep your head down and follow your own stream. Nobody want the trustee to call the guards. Guards allowed to kill a prisoner. It say so in the book. They got a little instruction book. On page seven it say --- Y'all can kill a fella what get hisself all worked up. 'cause sometime that the only thing what work...... But you gotta have a good reason  to write down in the 'reason' ledger, or Old Mister Big Man, the warden gonna fart in your face. That's what they call it --- fart in your face. ... Means he gonna do something to you, like fire your brother-in-law. Next time it happen, he fire you. Everybody got family 'round here.

So I slide over fella I'm gonna help, put my arms around him, like we gonna dance and sublimate out through the wall. Them what's close to me gets carried along in my aura. Pass through anything what ain't lead.... When we outside, I do like I did with them two kids last night. I set 'em down out back of a nice shuttered general store and pass inside for some proper clothes. They tend to be awake by then and start asking questions. I motion for them to be quiet, 'cause I'm a guardian angel and The Lord don't want no trouble. Most cooperate, 'cause they like that bein' free part. Sometimes I bring out a soaking wet towel so they can clean up a little. Then, when they all dressed in new dungarees and work shirts, I slip off a ring, or something and say -- Here, you can pawn this.... They don't ask no questions. Figure we got lots a rings in Heaven.

I can't tell you who I saved that night, 'cause he has children and grandchildren and they're real high level these days. Go to The Kentucky Derby and everything. Have a house in Dustin, Florida. Don't want no convict pop-pop, so I oblige them.

Look how easy I slip into this Southern Talk. That's a vampire talent too.

You see, we fit in real good.....

<more next time>

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Monday, July 10, 2017

JONATHON GOT A BIG PIMPIN' PAPA - Meat Loaf - You Took The Word's Right Out Of My Mouth (Hot Summer Night)

 

(click OLDER POST and then click OLDER POST at the bottom of what comes up to see the last episode in this thread... The night-folk I blog for claim its worth it...)

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Jonathon speaks -

The manipulation of reality can be a very iffy thing. Some adepts are, in a sense, natural illusionists. You might live in a crystal palace and spend your days amidst cool, bubbling fountains, surrounded by a lush, fragrant garden. Winged nymphs might flit through the air and the kitchens give forth the most succulent and savory delights. Celebrities and aristocrats glide through the pool like dolphins, as dead rock legends serenade. Yet after a time that varies with the practitioner it all begins to fade.... The film people disappear from 'round the pool... The savory delights seem markedly less succulent... And there's a nebulous cloud where the Louis XV salon used to be, that sometimes smells from rancid tuna fish.... Nebulous clouds become the norm. They fill the void. They fade away and there you are, just as you were before it all started.

That's what Pow Wow magic is like. Oh, a few of them can do better, but most conjure things of a transient nature, sometimes for a year and a day, sometimes for a flickering instant. Believe me. I'm familiar with all types of enchantment. Yes, I did panic when the Talks-To-God man first ensnared me. The initial sense of floating in nothingness was terrifying. 'Papa,' my creator, the one who brought me over and made me a vampirino is a virtuoso of nothingness conjuring. His favorite is an endless, perfectly flat and featureless, completely dark metallic plain... no sound... no light... no sensory input of any kind. The victim walks and walks and walks ... hoping for a change... praying for a change... but it never happens. They lie down. It's difficult to lie down and get comfortable on a hard, metallic plain with absolutely no 'give.' It's even more difficult to get up. Knee bones grind against bare metal.

'Papa's' magic never fades away. You see, he doesn't just manipulate perceptions of matter. He changes the basic truth of it. Sometimes he has pity and makes it stop. Other times he forgets. A few unfortunate victims have been suffering for millennia, unless they find a way to shatter their skulls against that hard eternal surface.

Though the Talks-To-God man was not that powerful. So, I pulled myself together (vampires can focus and more or less 'tighten' the atoms of our bodies) and saw through the illusion to the reality of his dimly lit cave. My eyes cleared. He noticed. I could see the surprise in his eyes. Then I wiggled my toes. He knew I no longer thought they were held fast in the clay floor. He knew I was free. I smiled and gestured for him to lean in. Talks-To-God was scared, but he did. I pulled him toward me and bit a nice, little schnitzel out of his right cheek. He screamed. How the blood poured. His molars were exposed. I spit the flesh into the small fire. Vampires only take 'live' circulating blood. He held his face and watched it sizzle.... Then I stepped passed him and slid down that narrow greasy tunnel into the death pit, splat, right into the mud. The two condemned young men shrieked and pressed back against the inward sloping walls. I dropped down from a hole up above. Place was shaped like a big, hollow, chocolate kiss. They couldn't tell what happened. The darkness down there was no illusion. It was real. Everything wet and warm... all clay and mud and big, slimy slugs. They didn't know what I was. Now I went into the Pines to rescue one of the young men.... 'Young men'..... Everybody says 'young men.' They were boys. I hate when the army calls some poor eighteen or nineteen year old kid, even the one's in their twenties 'men.' They're dead. They were kids and they're not supposed to be dead..... I clicked on this little ninety nine cent l.e.d. flashlight from the dollar store... They both shrieked again.... I said - Who's Fred?.... One said - Me. I'm Fred. I am.... He trembled. It was too warm down there to shiver.... I said - Your dad sent me to get you..... Take me too? - went the other one.... I go - All right. Get up. Stand up... No way I was going to leave him. I grab one in each arm, say - Close your eyes and hold on tight... Then I vaulted up and sublimated through the mud and rocks and dirt to the surface. When vampires sublimate the aura radiates out from our bodies. The boys would be safe. If I solidified in a grove of trees, they'd be dead. But I knew there was a clearing by the entrance... all pounded down dirt where Pineys and Red Paint People dance sometimes, so I angled up that way. Once our atoms all settled down the boys coughed and wheezed a bit, but that didn't last too long.... The one called Fred asked if I was a vampire. His dad was a 'familiar' of mine... handled money, investments and finances. Maybe his son heard something? I don't know.... I smiled and said - What do you think?..... He saw the fangs, but then he was OK. The other one never said a word... I went - Look, I'm going to sublimate again..... What's 'sublimate?' - asked Fred..... What we just did. Are you two all right with that?.....They nodded..... So WHOOSH, we were off again. I can sublimate through air molecules. It's like flying.... Took them to the roof of a Target store on the Black Horse Pike closed for the night. Told them to wait here, as if they were going to go somewhere. Then I sublimated through the roof and came back with a bag full of fresh clothes and underwear... even a pair of  'Chuckies' for each. I'm a good judge of shoe size. You know how particular I am about my trim leather bootkins?.... Gave them each a few twenties and called for an Uber to pick them up and take them back to Philadelphia. Guy met them at a little diner. Most cell phones get all screwed up after a couple sublimations, but Samsung, I think it is, makes a special one for the vampire trade. Works great.

It felt good to use my powers. I haven't really let go in a long time.....

Hey, I'm not 'Papa's' son for nothing.

Jonathon ben Macabi a.k.a. Tomas de Macabea says goodnight.....

<more to come>

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Friday, June 30, 2017

THE RED ROOM... SLAVERY IN THE USA .. 6/30/17

What if we still had elections and kids still went to schools with crossing guards? But what if every school was a charter and all the children were segregated by faith, race and income? What if everyone knew the elections were arranged, gerrymandered affairs, but no one dared say a word?

How bout if the food available in supermarkets was keyed to neighborhood income and the government put tracking and surveillance chips in every car?... What if the government went 'melting pot' with a vengeance, only there were a few pots and if you didn't fit their idea of what your reality should be they simply made you disappear. No one notified your family. No one listened to their concerns. No one cared.

did they kill the non conformists?... No, they enslaved them.

The North American plains contain huge slave farms. Agribusiness thrives. Fossil fuel thrives too. Safety features are non existent. You fall in the fire... you die.... You lose your balance and slide into the processing machine... you die. The cheap, common grade 'food' has a little more bone meal and protein, that's all.

Should an innocent 'subject' wander into the vicinity and see the ''farms,' they vanish too. If a citizen gets a peak, nothing happens. Who cares about the helots?

Obviously, no 'subject' gets a car. Some are covertly 'treated' with fertility drugs. After all, the nation needs workers. Merit means nothing. Your whelps do what you do. Look, there are enough well connected, plugged in citizens and they have a whole lot of sons, daughters, nieces and nephews. What do they need your crap for?

You know who the worst are?... the first level, front line white collar, clerical types. After all, they take lunch in Arby's. Subjects eat at the trough.... You make a face. You disappear. You fail to smile and cheer when they want you to smile and cheer, you go bye bye.

Subjects take vacations at sex camps in the country. Got to keep up the herd.

And then there's THE RED ROOM a place where slaves fight to the death for big wigs in luxury boxes... a place where drug companies choose test specimens and surgeons and biologists pick 'lab rats' so they can play Mister Potato Head with men, women and children to their hearts' delight.

Well fixed citizens have domestics. Never human servants. That would be too dangerous. They might steal weapons, or escape, or learn things. Android home aides are the norm.

You know The Stepford Wives?.... Well, everyone's a 'Wife.' Even rich folks know not to see, or think too much. Those that do, for social crusaders crop up from time to time, suddenly lose their sight, or maybe a limb. They never wind up on the farms. Slaves might learn something.

And the population of the nation?... a nice comfortable sixty five million..

Everything's quiet. Silent, self driving electric cars ply the cantonments where the citizens live. Subjects crowd into non airconditioned, or heated buses. Don't want to encourage too much mobility.

No one votes. The Party controls everything. No one knows who's in The Party. No one knows if newcomers are ever recruited. Rulers remain anonymous. Things seem to happen in and of themselves.

That's how it is.

Legions pray for salvation...

But it's hard to hope too much, when no one knows who even 'winds' the machinery.

THE RED ROOM ... on (one day, I hope) NETFLIX.

<back to Jonathon's Tale next time, unless you want more of THE RED ROOM?>

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Monday, June 26, 2017

Jonathon In the Cave.. and World's Oldest Motion Picture (1865) and Oldest Sound Recording (1857)

 

As a vampire, I am usually immune to mortal magic, but the Talk-To-God man had me. He was adept at some sort of matter-temporal manipulation, or alteration, which is even more difficult to achieve. I was locked in place, my feet secure within the beaten clay floor of his cave, as if held in cement. Nothing moved. The small, reddish flame between us hung quiet and still, illuminating the evil smile on the face of my adversary... a tableau vivant in Le Grand Guignol ...

If you too are caught out of time. If you've missed our last get together, kindly click on OLDER POST at the bottom of this offering to see what previously transpired. Sound seemed frozen too. The crackle of the fire... the low, resonant echo of the shaman's voice... my own basically useless breath (vampires need no oxygen, but breathe out of habit) all ran together in a sort of 'hum.'

I came to The Pines to do a good deed, but fell into this nightmare instead. Let me see. How can I explain it?... Do you know those dreams mortals have? You're walking down a dark, street... maybe even your own street. No one else is around. There are no automobiles. No one comes and goes. Front doors are locked. Maybe the leaves on the trees produce a low, menacing hiss. But you keep going... Then you hear, or barely hear a mumble behind you. Somehow you manage to summon up a bit of courage and turn around. There in the even deeper shadows under a tree you pick out a shape. Someone stands there. Someone faces you. They don't move. You don't move. The dark shape takes a step. You turn  and do the same. The thing is, your body slows down. Every particle of your being seems heavier. Forward momentum is almost impossible. The foot steps behind you keep coming. You want to run, but you can't run. You try to scream. You can't scream. The footsteps get closer.... There's your house, just up ahead. There's your walkway. You turn. The footsteps stop. You fumble for your keys. The thing behind you just stands there, maybe thirty feet away, watching. You fumble some more and manage to get the key into the lock, but it sticks. It won't turn. The thing comes closer. Still no face. Just a thing... You and 'the thing' and the hissing of the leaves... The key turns. The door opens. You rush inside. No lights! No lights! The timer didn't work! You slam the door. You turn the deadbolt. But then, in the dark, the shape from the street begins to descend the stairs.

When 'magic' has you, magic has you. Nothing means anything. Either you find a way to fight it, or you're gone.

Then ever so slowly, almost imperceptibly, the Talks-To-God man raised his hand and blew a gritty powder in my face. Each tiny particle danced through the light, as a wraith-like shape moved forth from a black, side passage, (the cave had many) stopped by the man and whispered in his ear.

I couldn't hear a word... but the message was very clear...

I was to be locked in time... like a fly in amber... No hope of escape... No hope at all...

Do you realize the man in that impossibly ancient 'video' up above was born during The War of 1812?... and what are the garbled 'words' on that even older recording?

<more to come>

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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

James Carr - The dark end of the street..Our Vampire, Jonathon, Loves this song.. 6/20/17



Jonathon speaks ~

I need this song. Every so often I listen to it. It soothes me. Night-folk spend a lot of time in the dark. And I mean to make no moral judgments. 'Dark' is an ambiguous thing.... basically just an empty void. It takes all comers. It hides everything. Some are eventually discovered. Others never are.... Darkness is magic.

The storms were severe. Four houses were struck by lightning. One home in the Delaware countryside suffered tornado damage. Vampires fear lightning. We seem to attract it. The most famished life-eater will not go out when it's near. A mortal might, under certain circumstances, survive a hit. Vampires never do. We explode. Suicidal vampires run screaming and laughing maniacally into the tempest searching for the final cataclysm. I am not suicidal. Suicide is a sin.....

So I waited till it was over, went out into the dark, raised my arms and ascended into the cloudy night sky. Sublimation calms me. Some vampires fear it, but 'Papa's' blood is almost without equal. I revel in it. I move through the air and the air moves through me. I like that... and headed for a secret place, deep within the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Ah, The Pines... one of the largest, old growth, original forests east of the Mississippi and right in the middle of Philadelphia and New York City.... Some folks don't even know it's there... but night-folk know... and 'witchy' folk and Red Paint People and strange, mysterious species of human-ish beings know too. ... Secrets live along its dark streams. Orange eyes peer out from black shadows..... Careless people have been devoured by the huge snapping turtles and certain spider bites can take an eye out.

There's an ivy shrouded cave deep in a dense stand of tall, Southern Pines. South Jersey is the last stand of them what thrives in the South.... Got muskrats and bobcats and coy-wolves... a cougar or two... and that's just the documented varieties.... It's the undocumented specimens I mush up with.

Came down and condensed right outside that cave. Two, little dead-fish-white imp things tittered and scurried out of my way. I stood there, barely discernible in the weak moonlight dripping down through the trees and listened to what was going on in that cave.... Talks-To-God man lives in it. He's a shaman... a non-denominational shaman. Line started with the Red Paint People more than eight thousand years ago, but he does hoo-doo's for everybody now. Acts as court of last resort too. Real bad types get dragged in there. Then he shoves them down a near endless, round, narrow tunnel... more like a chute, sliding into the dirt, gravel and mud... a one way ride you don't want to take. Some folks try to straighten their legs and wedge them against the opposite side. That works for a bit, but sooner or later they get a cramp, or get tired and the race is on... sliding and careening down that greasy tunnel till they pop out the end, fifteen feet above an oozing, muddy, clay-like floor of a Hershey's Kiss shaped chamber...

I can hear them moaning.....

If they break a few bones, they break a few bones. It's not like anyone comes back up.

I step into the cave and quietly make my way 'round a bend, toward a low burnished glow about sixty feet up ahead... a four hundred pound black bear snorts and wakes up to check me out. Animals don't bother night-folk. He just sniffs and goes back to sleep.... Then the Talks-To-God-Man speaks. He says - His eyes are my eyes. Why are you hear, vampirino?.... I enter the small, round room where he sits staring into a compact, reddish fire. It's hard to tell where his shaggy hair and beard leaves off and his tattered, shredded up animal skin cloak begins. I sit down, nod... he talks again - Can you hear them moaning? There's two of them down there. One's got a broken shoulder and a broken leg. The other's got a shattered femur. Razor sharp piece jammed up into his bladder. He might have a few more fractures too, but that's the big one. They don't die right away. Water seeps up through the clay. Got fat slugs crawlin' around down there. Live off the mold. When them two get hungry enough, fat mold eatin' slugs gonna be like candy. Last bastard what rode the chute lived nine months. Well, existed nine months. When he dies, slugs ate him. They got a slime turns bone into soft, rubbery gristle. Slugs got rough tongues. They like gristle. They like everything. Mold just for tough times. Now, why you here, life-eater?

No reason for me to tell him. He knows. Talks-To-God-Men have their ways. I want to rescue one. You see, Edith, my housekeeper is a Piney-Witchy-Woman. She picks up things, even forty or fifty miles away in Philadelphia and one of them poor bastards is like a nephew to her.

Did he do anything horrible?

Don't ask me that. It's not what you do. It's all who you know... I say - I want one of them back.....

He laughs and says - Which one?

I say - The one with the punctured bladder. You know who that is. I'm thinking the slugs are your eyes too.

He nods and says something in Red Paint People talk. Then adds - Do your best, vampirino...

I attempt to get up, but my legs are all sucked into the damp, clay floor and no matter how I try, nothing changes. Even with all my abilities, I'm not going anywhere.

And the two, poor souls, three hundred feet into the earth begin to scream...

<more next time>

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