A VAMPIREWONDERLAND PRIMER..vamp 101

1) vampirism has existed on Earth since that period when Neanderthals disappeared and Cro Magnons became the norm. its source is not completely understood. the roots appear to be thoroughly spiritual. those with the 'life-eater' burden (as it is called) struggled to explain it. they broke into 2 strains, the noble vampires (angel-like beings who only 'cull the wicked') and the noxious vampires ( who suffer from no moral dilemmas).

EXPERIMENTS ON A CHILD

The dinner was a quiet affair. They ate in the petit salon, a favorite room of Franklin's, done up like a Parisian diningroom. Everything was cream and gilt. The ornate moldings were all first class. Some of the pieces had been in the city since the French Revolution. You know how it was. They looted the homes of the nobles and sold the booty to new world speculators. Practically ran in with axes right after Baron this and Comtesse that went sobbing off to the barber's chair (popular term for the guillotine). Rumor was that the old doctor himself made quite a tidy sum buying and selling the knick-knacks and what-nots of various recently extinguished courtiers. And he had to be quiet about it all, since most people, especially the nobodies, thought he was dead. But Zebulon digresses. Jonathon did not consume anything, but they did provide him with an assortment of lit aroma candles. Wild apple was still a favorite. Little Miss Doctorix tucked into her entree. I think it was some sort of crustacean. The old postmaster (a later title of his) finished off a nice steak. One of the countless 'Jamisons', he was still calling them that, stayed to serve and clear away. I think it had to be that way. I think the higher ups in the 'Agency' insisted. Franklin knew that Jonathon was anxious for the liberation of Sarah. And so they spoke. The doctor said - I'll show you some things when we're through, my boy. Give you a taste of what we can and cannot accomplish. Are you sure you would not like 'someone' to eat? Jamison here could fetch somebody. We have quite a well stocked cellar down below. You can have two if you want.....Thank you, sir, maybe tomorrow. The need is not accute just yet, said Jonathon.... The doctorix kept quiet. I think she was there solely because our young vampire enjoyed her presence. It calmed him and caused him to forget his quasi imprisonment. When they were done and the table cleared, Doctor Franklin was first to rise.... Come, follow me. We have places to go and sights to see, - said the doctor. So they all got up and left. He walked very well for a three hundred and four year old gent. That electric scooter he used was nowhere to be seen. Jonathon's blood must still be working. They progressed down a corridor and went into some sort of gallery. But this one did not have pictures. It had specimens. Beings, life-forms, monsters. Each displayed behind a thick, glass panel. What? You want to know about Bigfoot? Yes, they had a bigfoot. Looked a lot like that Chewbacca fellow in that other realm movie the children like. He occupied a mossy, piney glen. And he did not look to happy about it. I must tell you. But experience taught him patience and so he sat there, silent and morose. Another display featured a mermaid. She had a small pool and a tub of herring. Not a beauty, this one. Must have already been old when they got her. Lined face, boney shoulders, withered breasts. The scales on her fish-ass and fish tail looked dull and raggedy. Her hair was like Grandmama from The Addams Family (Zebulon has seen reruns). And she stuck out her tongue and made lewd gestures as they passed. A monster here. A nightmare in the flesh there. This place had it all. There was a horse-faced Jersey Devil. I saw him. He was leaning against a rock in a fake, little forest, reading a copy of The Atlantic City Press. I think he was trying to solve the crossword puzzle. One of the guards passed him a pack of smokes (there was a little slot). Doctor Franklin said - We allow them certain indulgences. And tobacco posses no problem since he is immune to its poisons. A cure for cancer might come out of that one.....Then he stopped and looked Jonathon in the eye.....But what you want is in there...... And he pointed toward another door. Someone on the other side opened it. I do not think it was artificially powered. They went in. The chamber was round, about twentyfive feet in diameter. And the ceiling arced overhead like a dome. A small platform occupied the center. It was made of some non-porous material, like that 'corian' they use for kitchen counters these days. On it rested a small toddler, bathed in a muted light raining down from no particular point at all. The child looked as if it had recently been crying. It hiccuped a bit. and blood tinged tear tracks ran down its chubby face. After a moment, Jonathon realized that it was one of the 'cherubs.' He almost passed out from shock. It hurt him to see one of those little innocent souls treated like this. And he  instinctively reached out to it. But six 'Jamisons' marched in to stop him.... The doctorix said nothing. Apparently she knew about this. She just turned away. The immortal child shuddered. It trembled. The tiny chin quivered, as its eyes looked for help. But its body from the hips down did not move, for that part was still made of stone......Doctor Franklin put his hand on Jonathon's shoulder and said - We are trying. We have made progress. The armonica, the Great Armonica, that is what we used. Each sound, each frequency has certain properties. And we can produce an infinite number of them. We can blend them to make chords. We can manipulate almost anything.......How did you do this to the child? - asked Jonathon......With the device, as I told you, - said Franklin.......No, I mean how could you do that to this child? - whispered Jonathon......But the old man did not answer..........

LOVERS AND ALLIES

Jonathon still did not know her name. She was simply the young doctorix, simply his little bed buddy. Did he have the same feelings for her as for Sarah? Zebulon does not think so. She was simply a ...how do they say it now?....a friend with benefits. Such things existed in my time, but we called them courtesans, or and I am not proud of this...handmaidens, serving girls taken into households as slaves or little better than slaves and almost always used for such purposes. But sometimes it was a way to gain allies and riches or even freedom. Who knows, maybe Jonathon was the handmaiden in this instance. Only male handmaidens were usually called cup bearers. He looked over at her. She was still sleeping. Her features were fine. Her hair a deep, rich russet. And did she find it strange to be physically involved with a vampire?  Had she done the like before? These people, this Anti-Enchantment-Bureau, had to be very powerful. How long have they been around? Jonathon guessed decades, maybe longer. If Doctor Franklin was truthful, they'd been there more than a century. And the Philadelphia vampires had never been able to detect them. Sometimes it seemed as if Edith and some of her Piney/Red Paint crowd sensed things. But still.They had to know something. The Anti-Enchantment crowd, I mean. Jonathon's thoughts matched my own. He wanted to know. So he slid his arm back under the sheet and tickled her. She purred. Her breath came more rapidly and her eyes fluttered and opened. She yawned. He smiled and kissed her. She snugglled up to him like a kitten. He put his arm around her and whispered in her ear. He said - You know I'd feel better if I knew what to call you. I mean other than one of those names from your box of identification tags.......There was silence. He felt her tension. He nibbled at her ear and said - Well?....She said - We're not supposed to share such information with our subjects..........He whispered - Is that what I am?.......More silence........He added - What am I saying? Of course I am.....And he retreated back to the other side of the bed. She flipped over so that she could face him, as she searched for words......Please, please, don't get me in trouble with those people.....Are they that dangerous? - he asked........Dangerous? They're beyond dangerous. They don't even look at it as being dangerous. It's just what they do. It's just what they 'can' do, - she pleaded.......But they let me know about Doctor Franklin and that one man who stayed in the room with us. Doctor Franklin called him Jamison, or something like that. I heard him, he said.......Yes, and next time he'll call him Smythe, or Ginsburg or Caruso, she explained..... Oh? Well then, I will give you a name. I will call you 'Bonita.' It is an old Spanish name. It means 'pretty' but in a cute and girlish way. You knew I spoke Spanish. didn't you?......Yes, she said, we know a lot of things........The silence returned. They layed there, intimate, yet far apart. And from somewhere else in Franklin's quarters, came the pure, clear dulcet notes of a small armonica. The master was composing a song....

STRANGE SIGHTS

Certain things are just true. They are not open to discussion. Mathematics just makes them so. One of them is the inter-relatedness of humanity. Everyone alive today is descended from one person who lived fourthousand years ago. So, Abraham the Patriarch...he your pop-pop. Cheops who built the Great Pyramid..he your pop-pop too. And that warrior queen from up in Albion (Britian) who commisioned a little chapel known as Stonehenge..she your mom-mom. This does not mean that we are all exactly the same. Ethnic differences still exist. God knows, I was not even that much like my brother. If he was in fact my full brother. How can I tell? Untill the great scientist, Maury Povich, invented the paternity test, those things were better left unsaid. But Papa is over twenty eight thousand years old. Did he have mortal children before he passed over? Yes, he did. And for that reason he cares greatly about the future of his children, when he is in his right mind. Who would have thought one skinny, 'six' year old vampire brat would be the one to cure him. Oh, but Annie was hard to take. She'd mess with the mummies too much. Those 'familiars' on the night crew went crazy getting everything back the right way before opening time. Quenn Hep-Hep posed as if she was locked in carnal union with General Tothrama (whom she hated in real life). The royal toddlers of Princess Ka-Ka smoking cigaretttes and reading 'busom' magazines. While Ka-Ka's mother was posed laying on a sofa in the mid-century furniture exhibit, eatin' piles of Twinkies from the snack shop. May the wrath of Horus fall upon her. Oh, but that Zebulon was a pagan and able to throw such curses. Papa took to leaving the tiny wretch alone for longer and longer periods of time. The familiars hated that. But what could they do? Oh, he made it up to them. Everybody got baubles from jewelry shops in the diamond district. If you come to town, don't miss it, branching off from Eighth and Sansom Streets. But Zebulon sometimes wanders.....Papa floated around the perimeters of the buildings in the old navy yard district.. He'd sublimate into the air and become more or less invisible. Then he'd listen to what went on inside. He knew about Jonathon and how he played cowboys and bath-house whores with the young doctorix. It made him smile. He knew about Sarah and the little 'elves and cherubs.' And he felt sorry for them. But he was just coming 'round to his sanity and could not yet remember how to bring them back. Let Franklin do it. Let him use that Great Armonica of his. Papa was curious about that. He had not seen anything like it since the court of Radimar the Magnificent, Warlord of Old Delmun. That one had his toys. But drunken revels were the norm back then and all the toys got broken. And when the necromancers couldn't build them back up fast enough, they got broken too. Anybody care for a wizard's leg?? Ha ha ha, it was actually funny. But I guess you had to be there. ......Now, where was I? Oh yes, Papa's wanerings. He knew what Sarah saw, for he could see it too. She walked across an infinite plain made of thick glass. The sky above was featureless and gray. The air, misty and cool. Below the glass stretched a vast lake of fire. And every once in an eternity a stringy demon would manage to pop through the surface, only to be roughly yanked back by his angry brethren. For who was he to deserve such blessings? The glass plain was warm and sometimes Sarah would lie down on it. She could see the demons on the other side rapping on the glass and making faces at her. But little of the sound came through. And she had no way of knowing how long this numbing torment would go on........or what the elves and cherubs saw through their eyes........

TICKLISH TRUTHS

So they went back to Doctor Franklin's quarters. One other man joined them. He didn't say much. The doctor said he represented the government in Washington. From what Zebulon knows about the courts of your imperial presidents, he was quite the proper functionary, tall. fit. trim black suit, severe bone structure, yada. yada. yada (Zebulon likes that term).The pretty, young doctorix, the one who kept Jonathon company when he hung naked and suspended in the mmagnetic field, as well as other more private places peeked in to. But the representative of the imperial president gave her a look and sent her away. I'm telling you, that individual would have been right at home as one of the Ten Thousand Immortals in the ancient Persian court. Times change. Things don't. Doctor Franklin poured a glass of hard cider for himself. He offered one to the man in black. But he just shook his head. Jonathon, of course, took no drink. He was quite content with his small aromma candle, held in one of the doctor's antique cut glass holders. Wild apple, I think it was. The old founding father spoke first. He said - I know certain people, those who know, speak of the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau. But it's not that we're truly anti enchantment. We just want to learn about it. We just want to monitor it and guide it. Not control. You'll notice I did not say control. I know that's what they think. But that's not what we are......The court functionarty smirked. The other two pretended not to notice.......Jonathon asked - Then why am I here? Why did you take me into custody?........To study you, my boy. To run some scans. said the doctor. Oh, we knew about you. We just never had a close look.......Franklin turned to the man in black and added - He was already on the streets of this city when I came.......Ah, so we are in the city. I thought so. But where? -asked Jonathon..........The Naval Shipyards, or what used to be the Naval Shipyards. Now we have room for private concerns as well. But we're still primarily a shipyard. You heard if the Philadelphia Experiment, haven't you? - said Franklin.........The experiment? You mean the experiment they did during the Second War of All the World? - whispered Jonathon. The one where they dematerialized a great ship and caused it to recondense upon the far, western sea? Are you talking about that!?........The functionary stiffled a laugh. But Franklin quietly added - Yes, and that was one of mine. You saw the Great Armonica. You saw what that can do. And I only showed you a tiny bit...........So? - said Jonathon........So don't  question me, - stated Franklin. What do you think would have happened if the police picked you up? Their action in the tunnels was quite independent. Some 'higher-ups' fixed things so we could go along too. Am I not right, Jameson?......Jameson, the ersatz 'Persian Immortal,' just nodded.........Jonathon could not help it. If all this was true, If all this power was real, how long would it take to free Sarah and the others? And did the government really care about doing that?........The long haired, old reprobate seemed to sense his thoughts. He just looked at him and shook his head......Obviously, this was not the place to talk about that. Maybe there were different factions. Maybe it was just an equation. A matter of pluses and minuses. Maybe one vampire was enough. Did they know about Baylah? Did the old man catch that thought? Think about something else. Think about something else........Jonathon said - Please, sir, may I sleep in a proper bed 'tonight', or whenever it is that I sleep?............The doctor looked down and nodded. But the trim man in the black suit was quick to add - If you allow that, he has to wear the collar........So Jonathon slept in a proper bed. And he did wear the 'control collar' (sublimation proof, of couse). But about two hundred heartbeats after the lights went out, the sweet, young doctorix snuck inside and joined him.......

PROBLEMS AND PROGRESS AMONG THE LIFE-EATERS

Baylah made a kill. She hated the guy. He was a real human piece of shit. A 'diet' doctor. But his prime motivation was shrinking bank accounts. Few customers, excuse me, they get threatened if we don't say 'patients' actually lost any weight. He sold, packaged food. He sponsored weigh-ins. He rubbed their backs and squealed over how 'wonderful' they were doing. Everybody was 'honey bunch' and 'sweetie-pie.' And for a few months they'd drop a few pounds. But most of them gained it all back. Most of them ended up sicker and fatter than before. He lived right next door to her banker boy friend. They'd nod to each other, talk about their wins and loses in the casinos. Superficial crap like that. The wife was a skinny, little, mousy thing. As long as she grabbed a few baubles, rode around in a decent sized BMW and had a 'girl' (translate as 'housekeeper') to brow beat, she was happy as a clam. Had about the same muscle tone as one too.So one night he sees them coming back from a bracing, clear, winter night walk on Ocean City's boardwalk (classic shore town just south of Atlantic City area). And he says - How 'bout if the four of us go out for a drink or something?......They were stuck. They had to go. The four of them got into the boyfriend's sporty, little thing. I don't know that model. Zebulon doesn't 'do' cars. But it was nice and shiny. Enough said. Baylah knew it was easier for her to fake eating ice cream, so she suggests some little parlor over in Somers Point (where Eddie and the Cruisers was filmed). And they go. Now even in the winter places 'down the shore' are still crowded. So they had to wait for a few minutes before they sat down. And he's going on about how great Baylah looks. And don't people alway mistake her for Vanessa Williams? And don't they always mistake her for Beyonce? Anybody who was black and glamorous, she looked like. He didn't know the difference. Then they sit down in a booth. Each couple shared the same side. But she was right across from Doctor Greasy. And she couldn't stand it. That was no accident. He was rubbing his foot against her leg on purpose. Up and down. Up and down. The weasle wife was oblivious to everything. Actually, 'we' (the vampires, myself and some of the telepathic humans) don't even think she really cared. He was just a glorified meal ticket to her. Give her the house. Give her enough money.
Give her some space. And then he can go knock himself the hell out. It's not like he was gonna go anywhere. Her people paid for all the schooling. The houses were in her name. When he was living, her father insisted  on it. Devoted they were not. Baylah couldn't take it anymore. She said she couldn't find her cell phone and wanted to go outside to check in the car. So she got up and left. The doc says he has to go to the toilet. But he follows her out to where they were parked in the back. It was dark. There was no one else around. So he sneaks up on her. Look, she knew he was there, but he thought he snuck up on her. He croons - You didn't lose no cell phone, did ya?.....And then he's all over her. It's sickening. She can't take it. She tries to push him away. But he don't wanna stop. He goes to grab her, probably reaching for her hair. But one of his fat fingers gets hooked in her earring and he accidently pulls it through the ear lobe. He goes 'Ooh! Christ!'...But then he notices that it don't bleed much. She shoves him away. Her hand flies to the wound. He says - No, lemme help. Lemme do something.....She says - Get away from me. Go to hell.....And then he sees it. He gets a real clear look, 'cause a car goes buy and the headlights shoot right at it. There ain't no wound. It's gone....He goes - What the fuck???....And he starts backing away from her. But she can see from the look in his eyes that he knows something's wrong. He knows somethin's strange......Sure, maybe she could have lead him on a bit. Swapped spit a little. Taken a tiny bite (on her tongue, I mean) and passed him a few drops. You know, make him a 'familiar. Only she hated the guy. And she over reacted. Two heartbeats later, and we're talking about fast heartbeats, she grabs his head, twists it around and ripes into his neck. I don't even think he yelled that much. He must have had a heart attack at exactly the same moment he was being 'culled.' And a moment later it was over. The body was laying dead on the gravel. She looked around. Nobody was there. Lucky they always tried to park in secluded areas. 'cause her honey didn't want to get 'dings' in his doors So she drags the flabby bastid back behind a dumpster, dusts herself off and walks back just as he goes 'woof' and disappears into the cold, blue flames.......Boy did she have to think fast. But she ain't no vampire for nothing. Cold as ice, that one was. Nobody even knew they were together. Baylah came back with the cell phone...But the 'good doctor'...'the dedicated healer' never made it back from the toilet. And it took 'em eleven hours till the cops unsealed the place and let 'em go home......Sure they're gonna find that greasy residue back by the dumpster. They're gonna test it. They're gonna find out what it is.....But hopefully, our toffee colored beauty will be gone before they did...........

CRIES IN THE NIGHT

L'il Bastid Annie was in a funk. She sat on a chair. I think it was one of the ancient Roman ones from storage. She kicked her feet back and forth, as she yelled - I wanna go kill a lion! I wanna go kill a lion! Take me to the zoo! Take me to the zoo!....Papa leaned over one of his favorite aroma candles, trying to breathe in the vapor and calm down. Usually it worked. But tonight was different. He could not stand that skinny, little quasi-dead brat. The honeymoon (or whatever you'd call the kissy period between a 'thirty eight year old' vampire and his 'six' year old companion) was over. And he really did not know what to do with her. If there was a wood chipper nearby, she'd be takin' a bath in it real fast. That'd teach her a lesson. If there was anything left over to teach. One of the museum guard 'familiars' knocked and stuck his head into the door. He said - You want me to take her upstairs to play with the mummies some more, boss?....Papa shook his head and moaned - No, forget that. She put sunglasses and brassieres on all the female mummies. And we forgot to take them off when we went to bed in the morning.....They looked nice!-blared Annie. Real sexy!....And she stuck her tongue out at the guard..........You know, the administrator saw that and he's starting to suspect things, you little bitch! - yelled Papa.........No, no. - said the guard. Zeke, one of the morning guys covered up real good. And now some wild ass, too smart, fifth grader is spendin' a week in detention for actin' up on a class trip........Papa chuckled - Humans, what assholes.......Well? - said Annie.....Well, what? - answered Papa......Are yeh takin' me to the zoo????.......He just shot her a look. And she flew back off that chair, slammed into the wall and slid up to the ceiling, where her head banged real hard, right against a bumpy piece of old-fashioned, carved molding. Like one of them carnival games where you pound the little see-saw and send some wooden ball bouncin' up to ring the bell. ...She fell down real fast, smackin' her boney ass against the bare, cold hardwood floor. Boy, was she mad. You could see her trembling. Not in fear. But with rage... Papa said - You better learn how to control yourself, or you know what I'll do......She spit at him. Lungered up a huge wad from the back of her throat and fired it right at his face...Caught him on the cheek. And a little bit dribbled down along his chin...He didn't say a word. He just smiled. A real nice, evil smile. And the next thing you know, that little shit ass' mouth went 'POP' and disappeared, like it was never there. Just skin from her witchy, little nose to her pointy, ratty chin. Her hands flew to her face. Her eyes were wild with fright. You could see her tongue pushin' against the other side of her flesh lookin' for a way out.....Papa said - You like that?.....She quickly shook her head 'no.'.......Papa sighed, lifted his arm and waved his hand towards her head. There was a painfull ripping sound as the meat split apart and the mouth reappeared....Boy did those lips look bloody and sore.  She took a few fast quick breaths, banged her fists on the floor and started to wail......Oh, God. She's gonna kill us all - moaned Papa.....You want me to look in some a them old scrolls we got and see if anybody ever wrote anything about the right way to kill a rotten, little vampire bitch,like her? - whispered the guard.....No, - said Papa, what good would that do? I'm over twenty eight thousand years old. You think I don't know how to do that? I wrote them God damned scrolls. Painted a lot of them stoneage cave murals too, if you wanna know the truth.....Boy were kids different back then. Even the vampire ones.. You do something like this and BAM! crushed by the cave bear. Damn, I wish we had a bear pit......He glared at Annie and said - If you shut your mouth, lick that blood off your lips and act like a civilized little demon, I'll have Gus take you upstairs to the live specimens and let you rip the legs off a few tarantulas. Would you like that?......She sniffed, belched and nodded her head......Papa gestured toward the guard and he lead her away......Such was life deep within the basement storage rooms of the great museum....And the venerable, Cro-Magnon night lord leaned back over the aroma candle and let it do its work........Oh, how he hungered for the others...... For Jonathon.....For Sarah....For the nice, little children....The troubles of a vampire.......And sixty eight miles away, in the movie-set beach town of Margate, New  Jersey, Baylah (the one vampire he hadn't met) was about to confront some problems of her own.........