A FAMILY GATHERS 'ROUND THE HEARTH

A few nights after the death of the cherub known as Little Mary French, Papa/Jimmy called everybody together in the warm, safe den. There was a fire on the hearth, filling the space with a rich, warm, woodsy fragrance. You know how the vampires feel about scents. Papa sat on the floor near the flames. And he called the little ones to gather 'round him. I believe there were about four or five of them. The elves sat just beyond, leaning against the front of a sofa, in their quiet, reserved, though all seeing manner. Adult vampires occupied the big, club chairs casually placed around the room. The humans among them sat in the kitchen playing cards. But they could hear, for only a breakfast bar divided the two spaces.

And then Papa spoke. He smiled at the little ones and said - Now, let us discover your names. You have gone unlabeled too long. EDITH!!.....She put down her cards and quickstepped into the den.....What, sir? - she said........What do you feel? What itches your brain? What do you think we should call them?- Papa demanded....The human Piney woman took a few heartbeats to catch her breath. He motioned for her to take a seat on a low ottoman in the midst of the cherubs, who contentedly played with their dolls and toys. She huffed and puffed and lowered herself down onto the tuffet. Then she looked and studied and thought.......Well? - asked Papa..........I'm not sure, but I'm gettin' something, - answered the seer. I think the little one, the girl in the pale green outfit is Dutch. No, I'm sure of it. She's Dutch and her name is Margaret...Yeah, she's Margaret.....Papa yelled out - MARGARET!....And wilkravitz typed it into the computer. They went on to the next one, a chubby boy. And he became Lawrence. Though they actually wound up calling him Laurie, in the archaic, English manner. Another  boy became Louis (pronounced loo-wee). The red-headed babbling one they named Michele. And the last boy was called David. Five rosy cheeked, adorable toddlers. Eternally innocent children, but with a some special gifts. They would never die, at least not naturally. And under most circumstances they could fly......Oh, yes, and they were vampires. Remember that part too. They were vampires.

Papa hugged them and kissed them. wilkravitz made sure everything was properly inscribed into the computer. He even made a traditional copy on the creamy, new fly-leaf of a recently purchased Bible. What denomination, I do not know. But isn't that a little bit beside the point? The quietly dignified elves, who had names, nodded in acceptance. So it was done. The little ones had identities. They were 'inscribed' and so anonymous vagabonds no more. Papa clapped his hands. Luna and Sarah passed lit aroma candles to the adult life-eaters. Baylah gave some to the pre-pubescent elves as well. The humans made do with a cinnamon, raisin babka (a Russian style coffee cake) and fresh mugs of hot tea. Such a cozy scene. A family together. Each lovingly named child received a carefully wrapped toy, which they proceeded to immediately tear open. When the festivities died down, after the kissing and hugging and singing, Jonathon stepped forward to say a prayer for the peaceful repose of the murdered one, for little Mary French.

Now most of you would never suppose vampires capable of such an inner life. Most of you understand them to be drooling monsters or posing catalog models. But that's what they want you to believe. Not the vampires, other people, they who seek to control the hearts and minds of humanity. Today, Papa will have quite vivid dreams, recollections of times long gone. Shhh, stay quiet. Allow me to wander through your mind. And Zebulon will see that you are made privy to the secrets floating there too...........

A MOURNER SPEAKS

I saw a tiny bit of illumination in the sky. The clouds were pale and somber. Fitting..... It is I. It is Jonathon. wilkravitz is not enscribing my words. I am. I said the prayers. I said The Kaddish Prayer for the little one. What creed was she born into? I don't know. Who cares. But I said the words, the ancient Hebrew and Aramaic poetry, the prayer affirming believe in The World To Come. You want the basics? My God is near. I know not fear....That's it. I hope they are right. But how can it be any different for such a pure and innocent soul. I looked at her things. We all did, the little blankets, the lovingly knit outfits (although it is sometimes a chore keeping clothes on them), her fuzzy bear, her tiny dolly......And the other cherubs are that much dearer to us. Not that they were less before...But you know what I mean. The care taker picked up her body. It did not burn. It did not spontaneously ignite and dissappear. I don't know. I've never seen the death of a cherub. I don't know. I hope I never see that. Sarah's really torn up about this too. She was like Wendy. She was like their mother. I remember when they met. I remember when they hovered about her taking the tiny blood-kisses ,  so they could know her. She laughed. It tickled..... But they knew she was a good soul. And she loved them......The corpse will be buried in a special section of Laurel Hill set aside for children, orphans actually, with no family to rest beside them. It used to be a Philadelphia tradition. Wealthy families paid for it. And the tiny headstones are just as fine as any other childs'. Her name? We never really used one. Edith has a feeling that is was Mary. Now Baylah remembers certain things. She remembers 'Mary' from when she (Baylah, I mean)  first came here. And she is sure the little thing must have been French, for she wore a finely made dress, done up and trimmed in the French manner. Baylah knows. Her creator was French. So she is a child of that culture too..... Please, let me catch my breath.......Mary French.....Mary French.....That's what it will say....beloved daughter......beloved sister......Look, I don't want to talk about that part anymore. Baylah said she'd take care of the inscription. I am sure she will do things correctly. Papa sits quietly. Always with his aroma candle. He doctors them and puts in other things to change the smell. Sarah says he's trying to bring back something of his mortal world. Maybe a hearth fire from some time in the last ice age? Imagine the book he could write. So a big, check will be cut for an unnamed children's fund. And we will go on. Oh, I know I will continue to say the Kaddish Prayer for the next thirty days. How could I not. And I'll probably frequent the children's wards of certain hospitals, shedding drops of my blood so that they might live. I'll mix it in some sweet beverage. They won't know. I'm skilled at evading the nurses. And no mercenary doctor's bill will be forthcoming. Although I'm sure they will take the credit. Who knows. Perhaps they'll bill for it after all?........Now do you know why we take our vows? Now do  you know why we only cull the wicked? How could we do otherwise? How could we sink that low? True, true, true, there have been digressions. But let us pray that there shall be no more.............

A BABY KILLER

That Johnny Jump Up thing grabbed one of the cherubs. It happened in the old Laurel Hill Cemetery. We didn't see it, none of the vampires I mean. But one of the caretakers saw it. They know. They know about us. Are they familiars? I don't know. Not really. But they've been 'friends' I'd guess you'd call them for decades. The little ones, the cherubs, like to go up there so they can fly around and play their games without anybody seeing. They gurgle. They flit around. It looks like they're playing tag, but I don't know. Sometimmes they hide behind the ornate stones and obelisks and surprize each other. Look, they're babies. They are just babies. This thing happened to them. They're vampires. But they're babies. And they never kill anybody. What do they take, a few drops? Most people don't even know. It happens when they're sleeping. They think it was a dream. And they're always willing to let the older ones, the elves, and the adult vampires too I mean,  take tiny draughts of their blood for those little glass vials. You know, what they give to sick people. So that poor, little thing didn't deserve this. The caretakers wive makes outfits for them. She knits them out of special thick, warm yarn. Pull-overs, sweaters, little sweat pants, heavier ones to be like coats. Even those snugg, little hats that babies wear. They fly home all smiles in their new outfits. Sarah would make a big fuss. She'd hug them and tuck them into their snugg, little sleeping baskets. You should see how cute the walls of their tiny chambers were painted. They were happy when Sarah came. Oh, Baylah was good to them too. She'd give her life for them. But Sarah lived with them. She was like their mother. You should have heard her when she found out. We thought she'd go crazy. Edith is with her now. She's singing to her. She hugs her. She rocks her. At least she's quiet. Papa feels bad. Look, this is not the night to make me call him  'Jimmy.' OK? Jonathon feels bad too. He's in there with Sarah now. Even Little Bastard Annie is quiet. She wanted to give them some of her coloring books. Luna's still new. She don't know what to make of all this. And you want to know the truth? I'm not sure what to make of her either. 'Luna.' Who needs her? Yeah, Papa wanted a bed partner. Somebody here. Somebody handy. But beyond that...the hell with her.......This is how they said it happened. One of the chubby ones, a girl I think it was, went tearing away, gurgling with delight, because she didn't want the other ones to catch her. And she makes to fly over the roof of a private mausoleum. Almost clears it too. But that creep was up there. He blends in with the dark. It's hard to see him. I think that's one of his talents. He reaches out real fast, like a snake he is. And he grabs her by the leg. You know what I mean, the lower leg. The calf, the calf, I think they call it. The poor little thing starts crying. She's struggling to get away. The other ones, the cherubs, I mean, try diving in close to him, trying to make him fall. But he swats them off like cock-a-roaches. What can they do? None of the elves were around. The caretaker's wife runs out and starts screaming! Her husband grabs her and shuts her up. He don't want nobody running in here and seeing this. But he does manage to pop off a few rounds from a little twenty-two he's got. Won't kill no vampire. But who knows what it'll do to the Johnny Jump Up creep. Only now we do know. It does nothing. The bullets go in. The bullets go out. And he laughs. Then he starts cradling the little thing and stroking her downy head like he loves her or something. The caretaker and his wife just stood there watching and crying. The woman reaches out for her. She thought like maybe he was gonna hand the cherub down to her. And he smiles. He nods. He makes like he's gonna do that. The other cherubs, hiding in the bare, cold trees calm down a little. You could see it. They're not vibrating as much. They're not breathing as hard. ......But then he does it. Like a snake he opens his mouth. So wide, you'd never believe it. And he real fast sticks the head...the whole head!...the whole head! right down in there and bites it off. Oh, the wife fainted. She almost had a stroke. And the other little ones rose up and tore off in a million directions.....Then he just smiles, with his cheeks all puffed out and everything and begins to chew it up. Crunches through the bones and everything.....You know, no vampire can live without its head. The care taker saw it all. He's the one did most of the talking. None of the others, the adult vampires, I mean, came close to tracking him. You wanna know how they spent most of the night? You wanna know what they did? They bought shoes. They went shopping. Why not? Those little places in hotels stay open late. And now they're crying. And now he's still out there. And that poor, little, innocent thing is gone...........

A MONSTER HUNT

Now, I'm talking about the new house. They had sleeping quarters in the basement, small, but comfortable. You know, meant to be dark during the day. The bedrooms up stairs were regular bedrooms, opulent and commodious. Let's see. Are you familiar with the decorating shows on HGTV? Because if you are, you know the look. The floors were polished hardwoods covered in fine, thick wool area rugs. Upholstered pieces were neat and tailored. Tables tended to be very dark and simple. Ceramic lamp there. A glass lamp here. Doo-dad, doo-dad. chachki, chachki. You get the idea. And the kitchen was like the ones on cooking shows. Only few people ever bothered here. The mortals cooked once in a while. But even they went out or ordered in most of the time. A formal fireplace graced the living room and a not so formal fireplace held court in the wood paneled den. Now I'm not talking about 'big box store' wood panelling. I'm talking about country club or college library wood panelling, with molding. Like the kind Ward Cleaver had. Gee, I wonder if he was related to Eldridge? Zebulon tends to get contemporary cultural references all mixed up. And 'mixed up' is an understatement. Things were in chaos around here. Not because of the move. Vampires are adaptable. They can handle that. No, I mean because all that Johnny Jump Up business. Sure, they knew he was around, just like they know the Jersey Devil is really out there. But no one went near him. They stayed away and kept their distance. Did they know what he was? No. They're not even sure what they truly are. You think 'Jimmy' knows? He's old. He's been around a long time. That's it. But do you think he grasps any of the philosophy or meaning behind it? Please, don't make me laugh. Vampires invent belief systems like school girls make up styles. Oh, they last a bit longer, maybe for centuries. Maybe for five thousand years. But they die out sooner or later. Only this time was different. The Johnny Jump Up business I mean. They know about mass media. Remember those religious visions people had a while back? Remember 'Our Lady of the Olive Garden Restaurant' and 'Elijah comes to Rodeph Sholom'? Boy was that a mess. They don't want that anymore. True, the media wants to keep the killing quiet. But people hear things. The landlord saw it. He threw up right on the spot, for God's sake. Her face was chewed off. The flesh on her hands was chewed off. The bones were sticking out. Good bone structure though, I must say. Yet that is beside the point. Is she in Heaven? I  don 't know. If I can exist like this, why not? But the landlord told his wife. The cops made him swear he would not. Yeah, right. And the wife called her sister. And the sister called all the other women in the family. Everybody had to be warned , after all. Some of them had kids. Kids got those little, push-button 'talking phones.' After a few hundred heartbeats half the world knows. You wanna see whats going on on the twitter? Justin Bieber wishes he had as many hits. Oooh, how modern Zebulon is. So all the not-really-dead are out looking for another type of animated corpse. Edith and her two Red Paint buddies are doing some kind of ceremony in the kitchen. They mumble prayers. They touch their foreheads. It's supposed to help them see things. But so far all they've seen is that container of butter pecan in the freezer (left by the real estate woman, along with the other groceries) 'cause boy has that gone down. So Jonathon/Tomas and Sarah and Jimmy/Papa and Luna and Baylah (she don't have no monster-hunting date. her mortal boyfriend has to get up early) are out on a snipe hunt. Like a real live Scream Movie it is. The streets are deserted. Everybody's afraid. Our vampires (who should be home protecting their valuable familiars) are out playing college kids in a fright flick. And according to some hysterical girl on Facebook, the monster, the skinny bastard, has been seen again. I don't know where. But don't go near a window. And if you have to go pee in the middle of the night, pay attention to who or what you hear running across the roof. Better make sure that skylight's locked tight too.......

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM.....

this is not a post. We will bring you more news concerning the vampires later this evening.

Etherial Philadelphia spectre, Johnny Jump Up made an appearance last night. Authorities report the death of a young woman somewhere in the Northern Liberties section of Center City. It appears that the killer gained access through a third story, bedroom window. There were no balconies, ledges or other exterior protuberances providing support. According to the akoshic records, the painfully thin, tall being lept up to the window, clung to the rough brick wall with both feet and one hand, while the other was used to etch some lines into one of the pains and thus gain entry. No blade or tool of any kind was used. Forensic experts detected tiny particles of keratin along the 'break' lines, indicating that they were scratched onto the surface with a long, sharp, pointy human fingernail. Residents immediately formed watch groups to help prevent any further attacks. The 'creature' sports a tight, black, late nineteenth century suit and a string tie. His black hair is long and lank. Survivors of past attacks report a greasy feel and fetid aroma. The skin is gray-white. The eyes black. Tiny, triangular teeth fill a wide mouth surrounded by thin, grinning lips. He isHEIGHT reputed to be able to jump from roof top to roof top. In effect, he can bridge the gap seperating one block from another. Please make sure all windows are shut and locked. Double pained glass is believed to provide the best protection.. Sleep with a friend. Turn on the lights (both inside and out) .Say your prayers and hope for the best. Johnny Jump Up leaves little trace and reportedly produces absolutely no sound. Specially trained dogs were unable to follow the scent, as it appeared to trail out in many directions. One urban legend claims he is a victim of premature burial, a frequent occurance in the eighteen hundreds. Cemeteries and graveyards are being inspected, with no findings to date. Isolated outbreaks like this have been reported for the last one hundred and fifty years. Details concerning the killing remain private at the request of the family. Please tune in to this site for any additional information......HEIGHT - 7'3"....WEIGHT - 155 lbs....RACE - cadaver....

A CASTLE ON A HILL

The directors of the museum were adamant. The vampires (and their hangers-on) would have to vacate their quarters in the basement and find shelters elsewhere. One suffered a minor stroke over the whole affair and lost most of the sight in his left eye. The other developed a nervous stutter causing him to lose his upper plate during an after dinner speech which in his circlles constituted a serious faux pas. So the undead were un-housed. Temporary diigs were haistily arranged at a local hotel. The Ritz Carlton, I think it was. Familiars took care of everything. All our crew had to do was show up. And show they did. Each sported a finely cut, well made get-up. Not because of the occasion, but because it just came natural to them. The vampire nature and all that. Papa, no, excuse me, 'Jimmy' was obviously the leader, so he dealt out the rooms. One for Jonathon and Sarah. One for he and Luna. Another for Baylah. Her mortal financier beau was a frequent visitor. The human contingent, wilkravitz, Edith and all the rest, were given cash cards and brokered their own rooms. Jimmy said it was more natural that way. They shouldn't travel with such a large entourage. So they settled down and relaxed for a bit. A chamber group was sent for and they arrived, providing classical accompaniment for 'Jimmy's' meeting with the real estate woman. Jonathon sat in on it too. But there was no doubt that the steely-haired, Richard Gere - eldest Baldwin Brother combo was the founder of the  feast. I would guess Miss Housey-poo though Jonathon to be the pampered son, or favorite nephew. The ladies hovered in the background, like over-indulged Persian Gulf wives. Believe me. They knew they were just playing a part. But they did it to pacify Jimmy. And who was Annie in all this? She was the Jane Withers. Zebulon always thinks of her as that. Have you ever seen those old Shirley Temple movies, the ones where she had to confront a rather large, overbearing, loud-mouthed, little thing? Well that was Jane Withers. And Annie (though skinny and boney) fit the role to a 'T.' So the woman sets up her magic-talking-box (excuse me, her 'laptop') and proceeds to scroll down a selection of properties. We saw townhouse after townhouse. Beautiful they were. But Center City was too lively. True, Jonathon had resided in a small townhouse once. Although, that was tucked away on a tiny, dead-end street and perfect for a vampire-gentleman. Nothing even remotely similar was available now. So they settled on Chestnut Hill, a city neighborhood, but with a decidedly old-money, country mmansionette (NOT 'McMansion' there IS a VAST difference) feel. The lots  were spacious and private. The lanes were quite leafy. And the neighbors made their society with 'friends.' The nearness of shelter had nothing to do with it. In short, the perfect locale for a refined, though unusual 'family.' A married couple (Papa-Jimmy and Luna), their favorite nephew and his partner (Jonathon and Sarah) plus an assortment of valued retainers (Edith, wilkravitz and one or two others). Oh yes, Annie...She was passed off as Papa's daughter. And it all worked out. Baylah went back to operating her little, jewelbox, piano bar ( the one with the equally jewel-like apartment upstairs). So that gave them a pied-a-terre in Center City. Her familiar didn't appreciate giving up power. But he kept his mouth shut. He was only an emplyee after all. And the boss was possitively inhuman.....Ha Ha Ha.... Not really. She was not cruel. Zebulon makes a little joke...Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Workmen came in to make whatever changes were necessary in order to make the new house suitable for our life-eaters. You know, comfortable, dark rooms in the cellar and all that. Maybe a secret passage or two as well. Although a secret passage was there since Underground Railroad days. So that one was already in place. After about two weeks, you would have thought they'd been there for centuries. Not the passageways. The vampires, I mean. And that was it. A new family seat. A fit home for our steely-haired patron.......And 'Jimmy' truly enjoyed it....... Life, or the 'after-life' was good........

MUGGS ROLLIN' OUT. JIMMY ROLLIN' IN

Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in damages. They said we were lucky. I don't know who the day crew thought we were. A few of them knew, but most had no idea. And a few bus loads of kids were due in later, so we were sweating. The monkey broke those special glass windows up where the diaramas were. He tried to get blood from the stuffed Cro Magnons and a family of low land gorillas. But when all he got was dust, that only made him more berserk. Then he went after two of the guards. You should have seen it. It was like one of them Three Stooges movies, running in and out of about a million doors. Slamming. Hollering. Pissing on the floor. Things breaking. All the vampires were home by then, so they're trying to corner him by the canoe exhibit in the Native American Gallery. Papa tries to 'throw' another one of his force bubbles around him, but the monkey's got a different sort of mind, or maybe he's just got a screw loose and it won't work. It just won't work. Jonathon tells the guards to shoot him, but only in the head, 'cause they figure even a vampire chimp must need a little time to regenerate. Well the first guy's hand starts shakin' so he winds up hittin' him in the ass. Monkey don't like no bullet up his ass, so you know HE becomes a target. And he runs screamin' just like a girl. Shriekin' and yelling. The monkey almost got him too. But Sarah grabbed the gun off the floor and squeezed off a few. Two of 'em hit that Mister Muggs square in the noggin'. Stopped him right in his tracks. He got this surprized look on his ugly face and he made a few sounds like a bird chirpin'. Then he keels over on his side, with his arms and legs twitchin' just like he was havin' a stroke. Which I guess, in a sense, he was. I mean some of them neurons had to get scrabbled up. But at least all the smashin' stopped. And none of the stuffed, fake, dead people in the diaramas were gettin' molested anymore. So, all in all, everybody was satisfied. Papa peels off a few more big checks for the museum directors. And Luna calls Doctor Franklin on her cell. She tells him she's got a vampire for him. One they can keep. One they can study. What she don't tell him is that it's a chimpanzee vampire. So the bureau speeds over in a special armored truck. They go to this garage in the back, where it's always dark and pull in. Muggs is sorta walkin' by then, so they throw a coat over his head and lead him into the back of the truck. Doctor Franklin had one of his 'criminal' sacrificial victims chained up in there too, incase the new vampire was hungry. You know the guys. The ones he gets from the prisons. No family. Nobody to ask questions. All nice and convenient. Well, they kick Muggs in and slam the door. Then the truck peals off and races back to the Bureau. From what we heard, when they got there and opened  the heavy door, the guy inside was nothing but a fleshy, bloody smear all over the interior walls. He didn't burn up in the blue flame, 'cause the monkey tore him apart first and THEN sucked the blood out of all the shredded pieces. I don't know how they handled that simian son-of-a-bitch. Who cares? But I know the vampires were glad to be done with him. Annie cried and kicked the walls and all. But Papa threatened to send her back to hang over the surface of the Sun, so she shut up. Then everybody just took a breath and settled down with one a their calming aroma candles. Smelled like an Istanbul whore house, but the vampires liked it. Jonathon shows Papa the paperback baby name book and asks him what he wants to be called. But the twentyeight thousand year old whatsis just laughs a little, grabs the book, opens it up to any page and looks. Then he says - Jimmy. That's it. I want them to call me Jimmy.....Baylah thinks that's hysterical. She says - Are you sure you don't want something a little fancier, like say Charlemagne, or 'Dook' or something?.......But he just shoots her a real dirty look, so she shuts up real fast. And that's it. He was Jimmy. All the familiars found out about it. They got him new checks and everything. When he went to meet with the real estate woman about gettin' us a new townhouse or something, he just shakes her hand and says - Hi, call me Jimmy.....So, now we got 'Jimmy'. Edith don't like it. She had something else in mind. Or maybe it was on somebody else's mind and she just picked it up. I don't know. Zebulon does not pay attention ALL the time. A dissembodied spirit can only do so much.....