IT TAKES A LITTLE WORK TO SET UP A NEW VAMPIRE

They all sat around the big granite island in the kitchen. All five of them, Tomas, Sarah, Conrad, Annie and Baylah. The new one, Larry stayed in the living room. Not the family room. That would be too close. This was a little, formal space at the front of the house. Didn't even have a TV, just some 'good' coffee table books and a small, silver music box that played 'Come On, Baby. Let's Do The Twist.

He knew they were talking about him. Vampires can hear everything. But they pretended and he pretended. Right now, he feigned interest in a big, colorful tome about Mexico before the Spaniards. Edith brought him a hot toddy.He liked that. 

Back in the kitchen, Baylah said - Sarah, what made you do this? You think we need him?.... Tomas just studied his reflection in the sunburst mirror over the buffet. You know how vain that vampirino is. He mumbled a few words in Spanish, but I couldn't tell you what they were. Annie giggled. She always giggles. Edith said - Stop kickin' the side a the cabinet. (the island rested on these cabinets.) You're gonna get it all scuffed up...... But that only made her kick harder, til Sarah said - Please, no, don't....... Annie sort a liked Sarah, a little bit, so she stopped, laid her head down on her folded arms and listened.

Sarah said - I know him. We talked. He was sick. He was gonna die. He's like twenty four years old, for God's sake. He's younger that I was. And then I went to that Selichot service with him (nodded toward Tomas) the other night. I felt I HAD to d o it. Okay? I had to. 

It's all right - whispered Conrad. He can share with me. I have two closets. There's plenty of room...... Tomas just smiled. Edith said - Yeah, no shit? Where else we gonna keep him? Tell him, Tomas. Tell him. Tell him....

Tomas cleared his throat and said - The contractors will be here in a day or so. We'll bunk in the Pines. Edith wants to visit her people anyway, so that's what we're going to do. The big closet will be his cabinet. He'll sleep in there. Is that all right with you, Conrad?

Yeah. Sure. Of course it is  - the second newest, addicted to pleated Dockers vampire said. But they all knew he was thinking about his comics. Bought a whole, ready-made collection from a guy on Pine Street. Had every Jug- Head and Archie from nineteen fifty eight to nineteen seventy four and in mint condition too. Go know what a guy's gonna do when he comes into real vampire money.

Annie said - It's gonna be just like Step Brothers. I know it. 'Cept Step Brothers can't hiss like cats and move shit with their brains.

No it will not. - said Sarah. It won't. It won't. I'm sure of it........ She raised her voice a bit, directing her words to the stranger in the living room..... Larry, dear, did you have any siblings? Ever share your room, or anything like that?

No. I was an only child. Shared with my pop-pop for a while - he said....... For how long? - asked Sarah....... Til he died. Til he suffocated. I mean til he just stopped breathing. You know how old farts get......

Annie picked her head up and smirked. Yeah, they just go 'guhk'- she said. Hey, Larry, you 'guhk' him?

Stop it. Stop it - said Baylah. Just keep  your mouth shut....... Tomas sighed deeply. He knew better. Edith said - Conrad, I'll make some room in the closet by the wet bar. In the den, I mean. Is that all right?......... Conrad lowered his head and went - Uh huh.

Okay, on to the next thing. And what about his name? - said Baylah. Look, Conrad is bad enough, but we're not gonna have a 'Larry.' We are vampires, for God's sake, not a bunch of Amway salesmen. No 'Larry.' I'm telling you. No 'Larry.'

He  likes 'Gary,' or 'Barry.' - Edith said. I know. He told me...... But the others didn't seem too impressed....... Sarah said - I'll handle this.... She got up and went into the classically Philadelphia, cherry wood retreat..... Listen, sweetie, what do you want us to call you? You know, like for a nick-name, like for a vampire name?......... He swallowed, eyed her innocently and said - 'Larry.' What's wrong with 'Larry'?

The way things transpired that night, they didn't push it. Soon he'd have to feed. Tomas would take him. And you know what a big deal that's gonna be?

So for the time being, Philadelphia's first family of night-folk had 'Larry.' Edith bought him a whole new drawer full of underwear. He likes Hanes. Tomas got him some outfits, sharp stuff, like he wears. Larry wanted Wranglers, but the fastidious Andalician pretended not to hear. Though even he almost lost it when the elderly salesman asked Larry if the new pants were a 'little too tight in the pee-pee.'

Remember a few weeks ago, when we told you vampire life really ain't so different from what you got?

Well, wake up and smell the coffee. 'Cause I'm sure you feel like ripping somebody's throat out every once in a while too...

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ONCE AGAIN, THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS POSSIBILITY

They retreated into a cellar and there the deed was done. The blood went out. The blood came back. And after a time the young man died. But that is such a limiting term. His soul went on. His lungs and every other part of his body survived, yet in a preserved state, free from change and corruption. It was the entropy, leading to death, that died. He existed in a perfect, blemish-free incarnation..... an angel on Earth, but with fangs. 


Fourteen hundred heartbeats later he shed his skin. It came off in long, hot, soapy strips. Then she bathed him with cool water drawn from a sink in a nearby washroom and dried him with rough paper towels. He looked in the mirror and smiled, admiring the really rather small, sharp, feral teeth. They gave him such a rakish look. He stepped back and posed. So admirably thin. Illness can do that. But the sores were gone, thank God. And his musculature now had a brand new, finely drawn aspect, like an old illustration in a nineteenth century book. 

Someone approached, a custodian waxing the halls. He felt it all over his body. Each tiny nerve quivered with a frequency known only to night-folk. Sharks have a sense like this. But I don't know if that means anything. 

Sarah whispered. She said - It's time to leave. So they soundlessly ran up some polished concrete steps, pushed open a metal door and went back to the dark, little niche with the others. 

Bum Number 2 sat up and said - Larry, you're all naked?..... Bum Number 3 just stared. ....... Larry (the new vampirino) smiled sheepishly. He didn't know what to tell them. They were his friends, after all. Vampire verbal skills are not a given. They take time. So Sarah stepped in. She pulled a few garments out of her shoulder bag (a t-shirt, briefs, jeans, even flip-flops) and said - Here, get dressed....... And he did...... The others said nothing. I supposed they sensed the magic.  When he was done they leaned back against the cool, stone wall. 

Bum Number 3 cleared his throat and said - Hey, lady, anybody ever tell you, you look just like Susan Sarandon? From when she was young, I mean........ I get that all the time - said Sarah....... You gonna do any magic to us? - said the first bum......... What do you mean? - said Sarah............ Come on - he said. I know you did something. Look at him. He ain't sick. I can tell. I know magic. I know what magic is. My mother used to read head bumps at the carnival, OK?..... Sarah raised her eyebrows. Such a true connoisseur....... What would you like me to do? - she asked....... Nothing - he said. Just make me a porn star. Just a porn star. And give him back his false teeth. He lost 'em and they was almost brand new. Guy at the mortuary gets 'em for him. OK?.......... Sarah smiled and said - Here, drink this...... Then she passed each a small glass vial filled with her own rare elixir. Bums, not being too fastidious where drink is concerned, quickly downed the enchanted blood. Then they giggled. Bum Number 2 looked down his pants and said - Wow! So what? Now I'm a porn star?....... If you want to be - Sarah said....... Bum Number 3 ran his tongue along his smooth, bald gums and added - My teef gonna grow back?....... Uh, huh - she said. But you'll have to be patient. That may take a week or two...... Bum Number 3 nodded. I guess he understood.

Then, as things played out. She gave them money, five hundred dollars each.  They thanked her, gathered up their kit and scampered off to find safer digs, whispering good-byes to Larry as they did.

Forty nine heartbeats later, Sarah turned to Larry and said - Shall we?..... So they got up, walked out of the niche and proceeded through the city...... He quietly asked - Did he get his wish? So what? Now he's gonna a porn star now?........ I don't know - she said. I gave him health. What he does is up  to him. Look, it's not what we get, but what we do with it. The purpose of life is possibility. Lesson number one from La Ciencia Vampirismo. Remember that. OK? 

Larry, the new-born vampire nodded. Then they waited for the light, crossed the street and went home...

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AN INVITATION TO THE DARK TIME PROMENADE

She made no noise. Vampires can do that. It has nothing to do with any type of magic. It's just a physical ability. Dogs may or may not pick up a scent. Certain preternaturally tuned in mortals occasionally detect a little something. But to most of the great, wide world, she was invisible. Sarah liked that. Nighttime walks were special. She saw places few souls see, hidden pockets of depravity and wonder. The older districts of Philadelphia harbor human sized rabbit warrens, tucked away among the cobbles. 'Shadow Lands,' she called them. Tiny, little domiciles sheltering every form of eccentricity. A self-described 'witch' tosses handfuls of white feathers (freed from an old pillow) out into the breeze from the second story window of her narrow, red brick house. She sees Sarah. She nods and smiles. Sarah nods in return, but keeps going . A fat, wheezing, old man carefully paints his front door by candlelight. He wears boxers and a tube top. On his head rests a Burger King crown. When she passes, he says - The green looks nice. Don't you think?..... He also gets a smile. Then she's gone. 

The great Benjamin Franklin Parkway is almost empty. Few people funnel into Center City at this hour and the natives are mostly asleep, or engaged in other private activities. She crosses the wide, straight thoroughfare, built to mirror the grand avenues of Paris. If you saw the Jay-Z, Made In America concert on Labor Day, then you've seen it. Rocky Balboa surveys it after his heroic ascent. 

Her quarry resides on the other side, tucked into a gray stone niche bordering one of the many curiosity palaces  fronting this urbane processional. The Museum Mile.... that's the name.

She hums a little song, a habit picked up from Tomas. She hums Teddy Bears' Picnic..... When you go out in the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprize......

A sleek, brown rat scurries 'cross her path. But someone's obviously been feeding it. You can tell by the coat, plus the tiny, light wool sweater it wears like a shrug. Sarah giggles. The things people do. 

Then she hears the whistling. The young man, her quarry, does it. Knock, Knock, Knocking On Heaven's Door. Sarah's always liked that song. 

Three heartbeats later he steps out of the shadows...... I knew it was you. I felt it - he says. But she sees the sores and his weak, tired eyes. She offers a vial. He shakes his head and says - You know what I want. You know...... 

They've had this talk before. He drank tiny, little vials of her blood. But for some reason that magic no longer works and she doesn't want to lose him.

Do it - he whispers.... Do it. Do it.

So she takes his hand and they walk back into the shadows. Another bum snorts, farts and says - Hey, who's your girlfriend?...... But the young man barks - Shut up!... And he does.....

An artist, he is..... A poet.... A bard. His songs deserve to live..... And after this fleeting bit of magic they will..... But so will he...

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May He Who made the universe, make us forever one...... the Vampires' Creed
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SOMETIMES DEAD VAMPIRES BECOME MESSENGERS

There is no day and there is no night. The sun always shines. Sometimes the light falls upon us and sometimes it does not. We call the 'yes' time day and the 'no' time night. Sometimes we face the radiance and sometimes we face the darkness. Fire and shadow. Hot and cold. Life and death. 

I am of death, an expired life-eater. My name and my place are immaterial to the tale. But I may yet include them, for they add to the poetry inscribed here. 

'This  One' haunted the docks of a great city. Whether Mumbai or Rome, I do not know. I taste morsels of Caesarea Maritima, but that might be an illusion. 

But the voices of others, life-eaters I mean, are not illusions. I hear them in the ether. Some babble away in the tongues of mad men, terrified and buried by the burden they bear. Others make almost no sound, slicing through humanity like razors. They sleep. They wake. They walk. They kill. I know you have heard it said that the magic settles differently on each and every one of us. But that's not important, for I do not judge. 

Now I hear Jonathon, known also as Tomas. I hear Sarah and other souls too. The 'All Philadelphia Vampire Choir,' I call them. My companions laugh. But two of them are off to be reborn. So let them joke. They'll learn. They'll see. Life is not easy, nor sometimes death, as well.

And a certain friend, a dear fellow sojourner, went back two dozen years ago. 'Years'... that's another thing we don't really have. It's just a thin circle inscribed in the 'sky.' 

This incarnation has not been easy. Is he homeless? No, the place where he is, is his home. But the gray stone wall of a great museum gives little comfort. Though a small niche built into thick walls hides him. He shelters there with his mates, sharing crusts and stories all through the hungry night. 

And now Sarah approaches. She walks down The Parkway. A night bird hears and chirps... Or was that a rodent? 

My friend hears her too. Perhaps 'senses' would be a better word. They've spoken in the past. He sits up and listens. But the pain comes back, though hopefully not for long...

While over head, a certain point in the vast, dark sky is readied to accommodate a brand new, yellow star....

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Angry Management: Dealing With Aggressive Managers: Annoying Spammy Referral Links

Angry Management: Dealing With Aggressive Managers: Annoying Spammy Referral Links: I don't often go off topic with this blog but feel the need to name and shame a new form of spam that seems to be on the rise: referral link...AND IF YOU SEE TRAFFIC FROM blog-zug.com or something like that out of Germany, it is a NEW REFERRER SPAMMER. NEVER click onto links on your stats page. AND PASS ALONG ANY AND ALL REFERRER SPAM INFORMATION YOU HAVE. plus, some legitimate sites from respectable companies HAVE BEEN infected by REFERRER SPAMMERS and now sometimes operate in that manner............ OK, I'm done...WHEW! Wish the big blog providers would put in some kind of a simple blocking mechanism so WE COULD ERASE THEM.......Now, if you like, PLEASE scroll down, poke around and take a look at what I write about. And if you know SIMPLE ways to handle photos and post them on sites like Twitter, Facebook and HERE, kindly leave a COMMENT and tell me in DUMMY language. I suffer from DIGITAL PICTURE BLINDNESS and HUNGER for a cure.....THANK YOU...........but I do see pretty colors...Ooooo! Look!...... 

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PEEK INTO THE FIRST NIGHTS OF OUR TALE..as it wa...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PEEK INTO THE FIRST NIGHTS OF OUR TALE..as it wa...: Revisit the nights when Sarah was still mortal and her strange, little, hidden bookshop, known as PHILADELPHIA AFTER DARK, catered to 'the ...

A MESSAGE THROUGH THE ETHER FROM THE VAMPIRE KNOWN AS PAPA

The townhouse looked nice during the day. Edith 'Swiffered' the hardwood floors. She vacuumed the fine, wool area rugs, polished the furniture, played with the knick-knacks (good stuff. mostly antiques and collectibles) and Lysol-wiped the kitchen. I don't know who was gonna get sick. Vampires don't carry any germs. OK, from time to time one of her friends from the Pines came to stay for a night or two. Even Mister Edith poked his head in every so often. Pin Head Mel, the mini-skulled kid who played with Horsey Skeezix, liked the city. She took him for ice-cream, rode him around on the subway, got him new shoes. Tomas said he'd pay for a doctor. You know, to try and do something for the kid's brain and all. But Edith told him not to. Mel was happy and everyone in the Pines loved him. So what were they gonna accomplish? Hell, Horsey Skeezix (the Jersey Devil kid) thought he was a genius. Them Jersey Devil kids are real feral when they're young.  Annie played with 'em too sometimes, but once she tried to take a bite out a Pin Head's ass, so Edith told her to stay the hell away. 

Lately she has a thing for human urine. Annie, I mean. She's fascinated by it. Wants to know if it's the same as chicken soup. Loves goin' into ladies' rooms and findin' some. You know, not everybody flushes. Scoops it out into a twist-top, plastic, sippy cup she got from the dollar store. Matron says - What is wrong with you, you stringy haired, little bitch?..... But Annie just tells her to go to hell and runs out. Experiments with it back home. Kills goldfish in it...sea-monkeys in it... roses in it. Once she cut up a whole flank steak (you know Edith and her human guests gotta eat) into little cubes and simmered 'em in it. Thank God she didn't ruin the good, Rachel Ray set. Then she fed it to the night-pigeons sleepin' in the branches at Washington Square Park. But they wouldn't eat it. Well, one of 'em did, but it already had a crazy eye anyway.

Conrad went to the movies. Guy he knows, sort a like a familiar, but not really, gets him into The Ritz Five up by the old Second Bank of The United States. Beautiful building. Round. Federalist, I think. He wants a be a critic. Get his name in The City Paper and all that. Tomas doesn't think that's such a good idea, but Baylah takes up for him. Vampire gotta have other outlet than blood, you know. 'Sides, ain't like he gone on Oprah or nothin'.

Sarah givin' out little vials of her blood to poor, sick folks. Perfume sample girl from Macy's give 'em to her. She got about a whole gross of 'em, I think. Fills 'em down the cellar (where the polio, ghost boy lives). Edith don't want no mess. Polio ghost boy say - What you doin'?..... But Sarah say - Mind you business....... 'cause she gotta concentrate. Then she shut 'em up real tight, stick 'em in her pocketbook and go on her rounds..... Ding-dong! Avon calling! ..... 'Cept what she got gonna make 'em feel a whole lot better. Sick, poor folks know she somethin' special. Don't never let on what it is. I don't think they want to. They just grateful for the help.

Then, 'fore she come home, always stop in some hotel lobby coffee shop for  vodka on the rocks. Bars is closed by then. But you can booze it up real good in hotel coffee shop. She a big tipper too. Keeps a little ledger with all the names a people she help..... what she give and when they get it. Don't know what she gonna do with it, but she do it just the same. Vampires can be very obsessive. Look how Tomas get wit' them black, leather bootkins. What kind a word is 'bootkins'? That how you know he from back in the day. 

Edith say Papa tellin her stuff. Say a thousand legger run out from behind the sofa. Say it go - psst! psst! (which must be difficult, seein' as how no thousand legger got a human tongue) She say- What you want?...... Thousand legger smile (also difficult)  and go - Woo! Woo! Woo! I can see you, but you can't see me......... Edith go - What are you, crazy? I lookin' right at you........ Thousand legger say - No, you ain't. Alls you see is a bug, but you don't see me...... Then she recognize the voice. Little bit tinny, considerin' the size and all, but it Papa. She know. It Papa. He tell her he riddin' 'round what look like heaven, but only the cheap part, wit' the Chinese lady. She say - Yeah? What it like?....... But 'fore he can answer, bug go 'guhk' and curl up dead. Guess them 'sterminator fellas sprayed too much bug juice last week. Sarah don't like no creepy-crawlies in wit' her while she sleepin'. This is the city, after all.

And I Mister Never-You-Mind, your obedient, ole, New Orleans, dead guy (kind a look like Leon Redbone while I 'live) signin' off.

Edith do try talkin' to a spider she see later out back. But it don't tell her nothin'...

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