26TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/25/12

Bingo Boy - post 26

The four a them were sittin' in Marty's car talkin'. Big Chrissie and Marty were in front. Ricky and Little Chrissie were in back. It was cold. It was drizzling. They were parked outside some Kmart. Marty needed Christmas candy to feed the women in the bingo parlor. Big Chrissie wasn't supposed to go too, but she ran out and jumped in. Rainy nights are slow. They already had enough kids on the floor and she knew it. Besides, Big Chrissie had something to say....

She goes - I do not think he's comin' back. I got a feelin'. I got a feelin'. I know it...... She digs through her handbag and says - Look, look, look, here, I'll show you. I can get it on the phone. I'll show you..... Then she taps something on the screen with her fingernails..... John saw it. He saw it first. He told me - she says.... Here, here, here it is. Look, read it. Read it. Read it. - and she thrusts the phone to Marty..... The other two just sit there. They don't say a word. Marty takes the phone. He looks. He reads and goes - Jesus Christ....... Big Chrissie goes - Didn't I tell you. Whoever writes that is talkin' 'bout us. John tried to find his name, but he couldn't...... Marty stammers a reply - B-b-but how's he talkin' about us? This guy's talkin' 'bout a murder. We ain't murdered nobody......... Yeah, but the people. The place. The way it looks. My God, even some a the customers - goes Big Chrissie. Shit, it's like the Twilight Zone. I wanna talk to Jimmy. There must be a way I can call him. You don't get it. He's like an uncle to me. It's a sign! It's a sign! It's a sign! Who's gonna help with the baby!!?....... Marty don't say a word. Then she starts punchin' him and slappin' him and cryin'.......... He fights her off. He goes - Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You know I'm gonna help you. You know I will. Stop it!..... Like about a minute goes by. And you know how long a minute can be when nobody talks.... Then Big Chrissie goes - Look, I know he's a creep. I know he's a loudmouth. I know he's a 'hater.' I know all that... And I know you don't like givin' him money. So what'd you do, Marty, kill 'im? What, did they do it?...... Ricky clears his throat and goes - You're crazy. You know that?....... She goes - Yeah? So, I'm crazy. Big deal. I'm crazy. But that don't mean I can't be right...... They just sit there in the car withy the windows all fogged up..... Ricky goes - We didn't kill him. We didn't kill him. And I swear it on my mother and father's graves....... She sniffs back a few tears... Marty goes - And I did not kill him either. Look, he'll be back. Don't worry. You know how he gets. He does this. My God! Don't worry...... Big Chrissie goes - OK, you don't want me to worry?...... Marty says - No. My God....... And she adds - Then gimme money. Gimme money from your pocket. I don't wanna wait for no envelope from Jimmy. You gimme. You! You! Start now. Do it now. Don't wait. Not after the baby comes. Now. Do it now....... Marty goes - Do you have to start this in front a them?...... But she goes - Who the hell do you think doesn't know already... your wife? You want me to tell your wife?..... He just slumps..... She looks in the rear view mirror and tells the two in the back - You know, I don't even know where he lives. I know it's in Bucks County. I know that much. But that's about it..... Ricky and Little Chrissie don't say a word..... Finally, Marty goes - How much you want?.... She goes - It's NOT what I want. It's what I NEED! Don't gimme that 'want' shit, you creep..... Marty goes - Twelve hundred a week. I'll give you twelve hundred a week...... And that's how it ended..... Ricky and Little Chrissie ran into the Kmart for the candy and all and  then they rode back to work.

But the blog went on. She never stopped. Christ, sixty five people saw it last night. Guy on Twitter said it ought a be a book.... Little Chrissie didn't know how to do that... But she could learn.

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LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: Pescetarian Thanksgiving

LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: Pescetarian Thanksgiving: It's been so long since I blogged that I forgot how to do it!  It's a few days after Thanksgiving and I'm feeling grateful for everythi...and I can't eat the whole baby octopus at all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets, because no matter how you look at it... they're still dead babies......enjoy the wit humor and wisdom of comedian WENDY LIEBMAN  a pleasant refreshing break before our next installment (a bit later tonight...maybe after SNL)

25TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/24/12

Bingo Boy - post 25

They all go out for a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Little Chrissie, Ricky, the baby, Marge and a neighbor lady, named Mary, that Marge is friends with. He drives them up to a shiny, new all-you-can-eat Chinese style buffet by the multiplex on Grant Avenue. It's in a part of the Northeast that's still a little bit suburban-middle class. Thirteen dollars and ninety nine cents... that's how much it cost, per person, I mean. Beverages extra. But they had nicely browned whole turkeys up there and candied sweet potatoes, roast beef and baby octopus.... just like the Pilgrims. The baby really liked all the sights... the lights... the smells... the other children... the mashed sweet potatoes. He had a good time. They all did. Little Chrissie took out her new iPad, or tablet, or whatever it is. Sure she tried to be discreet. But what could she do? She was hooked. Had a blog now. Wrote stories. OK, so only twenty seven hits so far. But it's only been two weeks. Trouble is, she writes from life, just like that writer on Charlie Rose said. An artist now, don't you know. Wants to check her stats, see if she got any more page views. Marge goes - Jesus Christ! Put that thing the hell away!..... Little Chrissie goes - All right, all right..... And she does. This is a holiday... a pleasant occasion.... baby's first night out in a 'real' restaurant. She understands. She gets it. But what she don't get is that her writing is a little too close to real life..... a little too revealing. John, that other kid from the bingo hall has seen it. He's pretty savvy with computers. And Little Chrissie tweeted about it at a site called #PHILLYSTORIES. That's how it happened. Oh, he didn't know she was the author. But he recognized the bingo hall (she moved it to Torresdale Avenue.. a very slight improvement). And the 'Marty' character was still Marty, only now he answered to 'Sid.' Even he was in it. But instead of 'John' they called him 'Tom.' And in the story, Jimmy wasn't wearin' printed sheet togas down her basement. He was dead and cold and buried in a swampy, Jersey, Pine Barrens grave.

Believe me, Big Chrissie was very upset when she found out. True, she thought it was a coincidence. But she believed in 'signs.' 

And this one wasn't good. 

Oh, yeah, one more thing..... this Thanksgiving outing  marked the first time they let Jimmy stay home by himself. Not that he was awake. Marge slipped him a double shot of Benadryl, or whatever you call it and he was sawin' wood in Old Ukraine..... Plus the cage was still locked. She felt bad... No, she really did. Ricky said they'd bring him back a take-out order of barbecued spare ribs and fried shrimp, maybe a couple other things too, so that made her feel a little better. Mary didn't know what they were talkin' about..... I don't know. Maybe she did.....

And I ain't a ghost from Frankford Avenue, or any other part a Philly... I'm just a ghost from Seattle, so don't ask me how I got here. This 'bein' dead' shit is all new to me.... I either fell out a window, or got hit by a train. But gimme some time. I'll remember.....

Maybe it's because I like Chinese food?

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24TH NaNoWriMo BINGO BOY episode for 11/23/12

BINGO BOY - post 23

And the ripples in the ether come from me. It is I, Pennyfeather, the actor from The Walnut Street Theater. What brought me back? Relationships... alliances.... romantic dalliances. We of the stage relish such things. For what is a play, save an intricately woven piece of emotional conceit? Bodies come together... and then they pull apart. Some do so repeatedly, while others maintain the seal. 

Ricky has his Chrissie, the little one, I mean. And she her Ricky-boy. What will become of it? How will the pudding set? And let us not forget the older lovers here. They also grow entangled, like ivy on a wall. And will the tendrils always climb, or will the trellis fall?

Ah, breakfast time in our secluded, basement dungeon. Abelard and Heloise had not a better spot. Marge fiddles with the vittles upon her Jimmy's tray and slides it to him through the iron bars... He drinks in her every move. And sees the pains she's taken to make her features glow...... He takes the and begins to eat. Then he says - Hey, old lady, how long the two shit-for-brainses gonna keep me here?..... Marge goes - I don't know. They don't tell me nothin'. I'm just her grandmom. And you know that little bundle we got upstairs?..... Jimmy goes - Yeahhh?..... Marge goes - I'm his (makes 'eyes') great grandmom... Jimmy says - No? For real?...... She nods playfully... He goes - I don't believe it. Tell me, old lady, how many years you got?..... She quietly ponders her response - You mean you wanna know how old am I?.... This time he nods..... She goes - I'm fifty five... No, I'm sixty. I'm sixty. I'm sixty. You know how it is... But that's not so old. Is it?....... He beckons her toward the bars. She comes closer. He reaches out, caresses her cheek and kisses her on the lips.... She sighs.... And he whispers - thank you for last night......... She wants to respond, but the baby begins to cry upstairs, so she pulls away, then turns and says - Tonight, for dinner, you want some take-out crab cakes from the taproom down the street?..... He nods and says - And get some for yourself. Why should we eat alone?

Later that day, as she takes the chubby bundle for his airing in a stroller, neighbor women can't help but notice how radiant she looks. Some of them whisper to each other.They say - What the hell she done to herself?....... But only her basement house guest knows for sure.

When dinner comes 'round, they sit together, though separated by the bars and quietly eat their meaty seafood treats, while watching Wheel of Fortune on the little TV. He's wearing the sweater from Kohl's. And except for his printed sheet kilt, plus the unusual surroundings, they appear to be an old, married couple.

Weeks go by. And that's the way it is......

But Little Chrissie wants some 'toys'. She buys herself a magic, little screen...an I-Pad, or a tablet, or some such thing. Wants to write, perhaps a blog. So she reads them, to better understand the form. And becomes enamored of one such daily epistle penned by a Shropshire lad known as David James. One day she responds, leaving a comment at http://davejameswriting.blogspot.com that leads to certain troubling complications.....

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23RD NaNoWriMo BINGO BOY episode for 11/22/12

Bingo Boy - post 23

It's cold. It's dark. The kids are out in the alley, taking a break, behind the bingo hall. They got long sleeved t-shirts under their 'polo shirt' uniforms now. Hands are thrust into pockets. Breath clouds form in the air, illuminated by a security light mounted high on the worn, brick wall...... Ricky, Little Chrissie, Big Chrissie and John sit on the little dumpster. It's like their outdoor furniture....... Big Chrissie says - You think I'm startin' a 'show'?......... Little Chrissie says - I don't know. A little, maybe..... John goes - I don't see nothin'. You always look husky to me.......... She pokes him with her elbow..... Ricky says - You gonna keep it? I don't mean get rid of it. I don't mean have an abortion. I know how you feel about that. I mean like give it up for adoption or something......... Big Chrissie goes - Fuck no. No way. We keep our kids in my family, all of 'em. And Jimmy said he'd help out. He said he'd pay for stuff. You know how he is with my grandpop........ John says - Yeah, they watch the All-Hitler channel together. We know....... She sucks her teeth and nudges him with her shoulder. Then she goes - Just wish he'd get back soon. You know how much a stroller costs? Damn... What the hell's takin' him so long?........... Ricky and Little Chrissie just look at each other.

And later, at closing time, after everybody else is gone and Muscles and the new guy are waiting outside, just as they're about to leave, Marty turns to Ricky and says - What's gone on?....... Ricky gets all flustered and goes - What do you mean? Nothin'. Nothin's gone on..... Little Chrissie just looks.... Marty says - I know you want day work.  But it's gotta be like this. You gotta keep workin' your regular shifts. You gotta keep workin' your regular job. Don't change nothin'. Don't act different. Don't. Just don't. We don't want nobody askin' no questions, 'specially that 'Big Chrissie' thing. You got that? You understand what I'm sayin'?......... Ricky goes - Yeah. Sure....... But Little Chrissie just stretches the sleeve down on her shirt to hide her new designer wristwatch.....

Soon after, they go right home, grab a few rolled up slices of processed American cheese, maybe a few slices a salty, cheap ham, watch the baby in his crib for a while and hop into bed. They lay there whispering in the dim, blue light from the small TV...... Little Chrissie goes - Told you there'd be enough room for your stuff in here...... Ricky says - Yeah, there is...... She goes - And why does that surprise you?...... He goes - No, that doesn't surprise me...... She goes - Yes it does. You think I'm just like them other bingo girls. You think I spend all my money on crap. Don't ya? You think I go to Slutty McSlut's Slut Parlor for big, hoop earrings and all. Don't you?.... He just exhales and says - You wanna watch Jimmy Kimmel?..... She goes - No. Charlie Rose. Put on Charlie Rose...... He does and they lay there, watching him announce some dry, starchy Washington insider and a guy who used to give pedicures to the pope.

But ten seconds later she impatiently yanks out her hoop earrings and slams 'em down on the night table.

Ricky pretends not to notice.......

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22ND NaNoWriMo BINGO BOY episode for 11/20/12

Bingo Boy - post 22

Now we're back in the cellar. Days and nights run together down there, so it doesn't really matter. What's important is who's home. And right now, Little Chrissie and Ricky are at work.... Jimmy lays on the cot reading a copy of GOURMET magazine. He eyes the delectable creations. Seared, glazed, Scotch Salmon for The Holidays... Crisp edged, Bohemian Potato Latkes (pancakes) with caramelized apple-chutney topping for Hanukah Time (yeah, they got that too). And he's hungry. And he's impatient. so he glares up at the ceiling and yells ---- Where the hell's my tuna fish sandwich!? I want my tuns fish sandwich!!...... We hear some noise up in the kitchen. Ten seconds later, Marge clip-clops down the cellar stairs carrying a cold can of Diet Coke and a nicely plated, all white meat, tuna sandwich on thickly sliced, whole wheat bread.... She goes - Hold your horses, you old fart, you!..... But she looks and sees that he's angry. And we all know she got a weakness for a flushed faced, not so bad lookin' old man in a sixty/forth blend, printed sheet toga. I don't know. Maybe the bright red, Phillies, baseball cap adds something too? So she passes the plate through a horizontal slot in the bars, takes a seat on the wooden, folding chair and watches, as he slowly savors the food. Then she gives him the can of Diet Coke. Their hands brush. She gasps, as he responds with an equally aroused and breathy 'thank you.' I think she jumped a little when he popped the top. But then she watches him guzzle the cold drink too. And when he's done, he says -  Bring my what I need to bathe... I want to wash my body.... She nods, takes back the plate (topped by an empty, crushed can and goes upstairs. 

While out in the street, a car speeds by, headed for a low, yellow, cheesy moon..... And inside, just a little bit later, we see a plastic basin filled with soapy, gray water. A washcloth floats on the surface..... Jimmy and Marge are making love, standing up, right through the bars of the cage. His lower body is covered by yet another patterned sheet, carefully knotted 'round his hips. And his partner wears a crisp, fresh, yellow housecoat (from when she spent time in the hospital with her gall stones), completely unbuttoned down the front.... The brand new, Phillies cap is still on his head...... Later, as they watch TV (a nineteen inch flat screen brought from her room upstairs), still attired in their 'whoopee' clothes, only now discreetly buttoned and arranged (I think it's an ANTIQUES ROADSHOW episode), She says - You like that little beach chair I got you?.... Jimmy goes - It's ok, but why you not get a pad?....... Marge says - Tomorrow..... Jimmy goes, as he points to the screen - And the sweater we seen on the Kohl's commercial?.... Marge sighs and goes - Yeah, that too.... But then she thinks for a second and adds - Where the hell am I 'spposed a find a Kohl's Department Store 'round here?.....

But he just gives her a defiant look... and she nods...... Modern romance..... Ain't life grand?

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21TH NaNoWriMo BINGO BOY episode for 11/19/12

Bingo Boy - post 21

But at work, nothing changes. Every little movement has a meaning all its own and people notice. The routine must remain the same. Ricky and Chrissie race up the long narrow aisles between the players picking up the change and keeping count just like the other bingo kids. They just work here. Nobody's suddenly rich. Nothing is different. And the hall still reeks of smoke. 

A few Mountain Dews. Some quick breaths out in the alley. Throw back a slice or two of pizza and the night's over. Smile at the Gravel Gerties as they waddle out. Ridicule 'em once their gone. Wait for the 'bingo slatterns' (shills) to get their share. Run the vacuums. Clean the tables (they use spray bottles filled with bleach and water). Straighten the cards. Then they walk out with the other bingo kids, go to the car and drive off. Only Ricky and Chrissie don't go home. They circle back through the streets the cops call 'the vampire wonderland,' pull into the alley and quietly go inside. Marty's there. So it Muscles, along with another younger guy who's supposed to be still on the force. But they sit out front, in the hall, near the entrance, just in case any a the blood suckers runnin' 'round the avenue get ideas. Ricky thinks they know something. Chrissie can't tell. Marty swears they don't. But sometimes Muscles turns around and looks into that big mirror like he can see right through it. Marty counts out a stack a 'c' notes, puts it into an envelope and slides it across the desk. Ricky takes it. They silently get up to leave. Marty holds open the big, heavy, metal back door. They exit. He closes it, jams in into places and secures the locks. Then he joins Muscles and the new young guy out front, activates the alarm, snaps off the lights and they're gone. The red, neon 'BINGO' light in the window goes dark. Shift's over.

The next day, he takes Chrissie to run errands. Go to the market. See what's on sale at Marshall's. Stuff like that. Marge and Jimmy are on their own. The baby sits in his play pen holding big plastic blocks and going ya-ya-ya. Boy is he cute. 

Jimmy's in his cage. The patterned sheet is now a hip-hugger sarong. He sits on the cot watching the tiny, tropical fish dart back and forth in the little aquarium. Marge switches on a vacuum cleaner. He looks up, seemingly right through the ceiling, as she pushes it back and forth. And he's thinking.... he's thinking... he's thinking...... Two seconds later he gets up and executes a few fast 'old man' push-ups with his palms against the wall. Then he lays back on the cot with his hands behind his head... and smiles, just the way a fox does in them old black and white cartoons.....

A little later, Ricky and Chrissie come back to pick up the baby before going out to a nice, cheery, deli restaurant for dinner. Marge don't wanna go. I don't know. I guess Jimmy's sendin' vibes up through the floor. 

See, the baby's at that stage now where he'll eat table food if it's mashed up or broken into little tiny pieces and Chrissie likes to show him off. So she and Ricky sit facing each other, with the little guy in a clip on highchair at her side. The waitress wanted to put him on the end of the table, but Ricky said no, 'cause people walk by carryin' hot coffee and soup and all. He's thinks about things like that. 

Ricky says - I think the baby should go to one of those kiddie-Gymboree classes or something. They need it. They're supposed to do that........ Little Chrissie eats her medium rare chopped sirloin with mushroom gravy. They got good food here. Lemme tell you. She says - He don't need it. He's alright..... and she gives him a taste of 'old fashioned' mashed potatoes with gravy. Look...look at him. He loves it. Then he makes with his 'happy baby' ya-ya-ya routine and waits for more.......... Ricky goes - No, really. They need it.......... Little Chrissie goes - How you know so much? (she likes her platter)...... The baby watches another young family in the next booth. He hears their rosy bundle babble 'daa-dee, daa-dee, daa-dee' to the smiling breadwinner. Then he turns toward Ricky and does the same.......... And Ricky says - 'Cause I know... as he leans across and wipes some food from the baby's little cheek.

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