This Is What's Out There THE VAMPIRE REVELS 1/29/13

I don't get a chance to come through much, but it's me. It's Annie. So you better listen, or I'll bite your toes off. And I like them crunchy, little toe bones. You know it. 

They announced us. We had to line up. 
Them naked, tongueless bastids went up and down givin' everybody little glasses of real cold vodka. Sarah didn't want me to take one, but another vampire kid (I think his name is Larry) took one, so I did too. Tomas gave me a look. Edith tried to grab it from me, but I pinched her real hard and she left me have it. That 'Larry' was dressed like Little Lord Fauntleroy. Looked like a girl outfit to me. Tomas told me what it was. I said - who am I again?... Sarah said - Puck, a magical forest creature from stories. My favorite stories are Berenstain Bears and real old copies of Confidential Magazine. Don't look at me like that. It helps with my reading.

The hall where we waited was real nice, like what a king, or Steven Spielberg, or maybe one a the Kardashians would have. Had this gray stone floor, but with a long rug runnin' down it. Tomas said it came from a Moorish palace near where he used to live. He looked at it and looked at it. I thought he was gonna cry, but he didn't. The vampires in front of us were from France.... the REAL France. I never knew there was a real France. I thought French people were just in stories, or like poodles, or something. They didn't look at us much, just smoked and messed with their clothes. He was Jean Val Jean, from Les Miserables. She was Baby June from Gypsy. I didn't know that. Edith did. She told me. 

Don't ask me who said the names. I think it just came out a the walls. wilkravitz thought it might be a ghost. But I can smell ghost stink and this didn't have it. Maybe it was a real rich ghost? The first vampires to go in glided down to the throne where 'King' Rafe sat. They said like - Hi, how you doin'? Nice to see you..... Think they kissed his ring. Then they took seats along the wall. Band stopped playing that Carousel music (Edith told me) and switched to Handel's Messiah. That I knew from Christmas shows on television. I like Christmas. Tomas does Hanukah, but that's OK, 'cause he gives me presents too and that's the main thing.

Some of the other vampires had regular human beans with 'em. They were all dressed up to, but you could tell, because they smell like salami. At least to me they do. But nobody tried to eat 'em, or do funny stuff to them, 'cause they were real rich and important. Sarah said they ate in that buffet room. I'd eat in there too, if they'd let me. I don't care if I throw it up later. I like the way some a that stuff tastes. But throw-up tastes like mustard mixed with whiskey. And after that, I really, really, really have to bite somebody.

The best one I saw was this lady. She was all nude. Tomas says ladies are nude. Men are naked. you can tell he was born somewhere's else, 'cause American people wouldn't care. Her hair was real nice, though, all long and wavy. Sarah said she was Eve. And the fat, little baby she carried was Cain. The way she was holding him, he was always kissin' one a her boobies. Real wet kisses too. But, ewww, he wasn't no baby, not even a 'cherub' baby. ' 'Cause his face was all weird. No eyes. No nose. No ears. No nothin'. Just a mouth. I don't know where the hell they got him. But a whole lot a the other ones thought that 'Eve' lady was real fancy, because they kept bowin' to her. But not before 'King' Rafe. Him they bowed to first. 

When it was our turn, the voice that might a been a ghost voice said - El Gran Hidalgo de Andalucia, Don Tomas de Macabea and Consort, Donna Sarah. At first I didn't see Baylah, 'cause she wasn't with us. She was still gettin' ready. But then she comes over, in that long hall, I mean. And she was beautiful. A centaurina. She was a centaurina, a horse lady... a pony girl. No clothes. No costume. Nothing fake like that. This was magic. She did it with magic. I could never do it. Sometimes I can, but I make mistakes a lot. But she can. Baylah knows how. They say she even knew in Africa. She was a Princess. Not like a Disney one, or them English ones who can't chop off no heads, or nothin'. She was a real one. A Princess of  Timbuctu. Think she even had like a cheetah. Look, I don't know if she ever cut nobody's head off, but she could of....... Edith was introduced as 'The Esteemed Edith of The Pines' and wilkravitz was called 'The Esteemed William of Philadelphia.' That's  how they do when mortal people go in. ... They called Baylah something like 'Grand Bat-Malik' and then they said 'Baylah.' She clip-clopped in real dainty, just like a lady who is also a horse. And she had flowers in her tail and flowers in her hair and a little belt a flowers 'round her waist, where the pony part started.  When it was my turn, the ghost guy said 'The Honorable Miss Ann Marie.'..... I never knew my middle name was Marie. But it sounded real nice. And it made me feel real good.

But I still didn't know what my last name was....

Later, when everyone was dancing, I ran around with Larry, pinchin' people's asses. But I liked when they did The Stompanada. Sparks jumped up off the floor and everything. The ones that were bare foot put on these special, little dancin' shoes with metal heels and soles. They were gonna give me a pair, but I was embarrassed. I said - That's OK. I'll watch... And Larry watched with me. Baylah didn't need no special shoes. Her horse shoes were good enough. And she danced twice as good, 'cause she had four feet instead a two...

Doves flew around (I almost caught one). Cherubs darted in and out a the crowd, givin' people real fast kisses with their sharp, pointy tongues.

It was like a real party. It was like a wedding. And it was nice. It was real nice... And I felt special just for being there...

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please nominate me for a SHORTY AWARD... Tweet ---I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his stories and narratives....thank you.

Supper Time THE VAMPIRE REVELS 1/28/13

Of course you understand the Philadelphia contingent is a very moral group. Not because they're from Philadelphia. It has to do with Tomas...... Tomas de Macabea, also known as Jonathon ben Macabi, a one thousand year old life eater sealed within his eighteen year old body..... So you know how good he looks in that fourteenth century Romeo outfit..... More like a naughty Romeo actually. Annie says he looks cute. She's a fresh kid. what could she be now, eight? Maybe eight tops. Only been a vampirina for eighteen months. And let me tell you, THAT was a big mistake. But I digress.  Mister Never-You-Mind ain't here tonight. Think he's at a jazz club in London. He likes jazz. Whispers in people's ears. The musicians, I mean. Talks scat talk. Makes 'em go fast. Makes 'em go slow. But they don't know it's him. Think they all geniuses or something. 

Tonight you got Zebulon, the thirteen year old disembodied spirit who got stoned to death two thousand years ago. But I ain't angry. If I was just dead, layin' in a box I might be angry, but this 'after-life' thing they got going on is all right. I see people gettin' dressed and everything. I see a lot a really good stuff too, like what's going on down in the dungeons. 

They got a big room. Stone floor. Stone walls. No light, just a few torches. All real rough and old. Think they used to rip the guts outta Scottish kilt guys in there. Ripped the guts outta lot a people. But tonight they're just killin' 'em. Drugged all the human beans. Put some powdery crap in the gruel. Call it gruel here, but I seen the cans. It's just Hormel beef stew. Like dog food for cattle-people. They eat it like zombies. Give 'em wooden spoons...old clay bowls. Just shovel it in, hunched over, silent. All a them wearin' 'birthday' suits.

Somebody drowns the lights. Must be magic, 'cause they ain't 'lectric like folks got now. Cattle-people moan a little, real quiet. They 're ascared a the dark. guess it comes from being locked up with vampires all around. 

Five heartbeats later, torches all lit again. Don't look no different. Bunch a naked people eatin' canned stew. Must be cold sittin' with their bare butts on them stones, but they don't know. The just eat. They don't see. Or they pretend not to see. Lot more people in there than there was before. But the new ones ain't eatin'. They're just sittin'. They're just lookin'. They CAN see. 

One of 'em gets up and goes over to a fat man. Squeezes in between the fat man and a stringy haired woman with a goiter. Don't see many a them these days. That's where one side a her neck look like she growin' another tittie, 'cept it ain't got no nipple on it. I know. I know. Thirteen year old disembodied spirit shouldn't talk like this. But I seen too much stuff all these years. What are you gonna do, kill me? 

'Fat Neck' got bulgy eyes too. It's mostly dark in there. Orange flickers all they got. She try pressin' close to some other lady. But other lady like a professional crazy woman. She wants a scrunch away, 'cept there ain't no room. So she just go 'Eww! Eww! and bats at her with her hands.

'Fat Neck' starts cryin'. Not really cryin'...keening like peasant women did at old time funerals. New naked one pressin' in on her leans closer. She sees he got teeth. Vampire teeth, I mean. She goes - No. No. No. But that powder stuff makes them all weak-like. She can't hardly talk. Then the new naked guy sticks his fangs up against her skin and bites down. Bottom teeth cut in too. She's floppin' around like a fish, tryin' to get away. but she's not goin' no where. Vampire guy bites out a chunk a flesh. Spits it out on the stone floor. Some vampires would just masticate it to get all the blood and then spit it out. But he don't do that. Got a be circulating blood, fresh blood. That's what he wants. 

'Fat Neck' disfigured real bad. Goiter ain't nothin' now. Vampire guy hug her all up and down. Sit her on his lap and go to town. He slice his teeth right into a vein. Might be an artery, but I don't know. She goes - Oh! Oh! Oh!. Few heartbeats later, the 'oh's' get real quiet. She twitches for a little bit. Then she dies. Other cattle-people make like they don't see, 'cause they're too scared to admit they do. Few start shittin'.  Some start babblin'. He push her down on the stones. Two heartbeats later, her dead body goes 'poof!' and crackles with a cold, blue flame. That makes 'em all go crazy. Start hollerin' and spittin'. Other naked vampires wake up then too. Start rippin' into folks. Some bite necks. Some bite stomachs. Some bite parts I know you don't want me talkin' 'bout. Blood all over. Cold, blue flames all over. Vampires don't burn, though. Only dead, cattle-folks go poof. 

Five minutes later flames go out. Cattle-folks bodies all gone. Vampires all greasy. Bloody too. Then they look at each other and laugh. One gets up and does a little dance. But he slips and falls in the dead cattle-folks grease smeared all over the floor. Clumsy vampirino smack his ass on them stones and goes - Uh oh!... Other vamperinos and vamperinas laugh some more. Then they get up and file out through the door. One goes - Ouch! I just cut my foot on a sharp piece of bone!..... And then they're gone. Big dungeon room's empty. Tongue-less functionaries shuffle in an' clean up. Rest a the cattle-folk locked up where we can't see, start moanin'. But nobody pays them no mind.

Half hour later them vampires all washed off and fixed up.

Then it's time to dance...

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please nominate me for a SHORTY AWARD. Just tweet this ~~~> I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his stories and narratives...... And if you want to see something else that's good, click on this ALEXIOS ... thank you for these heartbeats of your time.

Let The Grand Procession Begin! THE VAMPIRE REVELS 1/27/13

Everything smelled different. The functionaries lit all the torches. They had these special ones, like the wrought iron wall hands in the Jacque Renoir version of Beauty and the Beast. The whole place smelled like a whole lot a musk mixed with the roast beef carvery station at Golden Corral. Vampires love that meaty, bloody smell...that and green apple aroma candles from Target. I don't know where they got so many of them over here in England, but they did. 

Tomas sat us all down. Told us what to expect. Everybody gonna go through a big door... walk down them steps (can't fall. vampires never fall. humans make like a hobby out a it). Edith's real nervous. She got this nice pants suit from Lane Bryant and all. Look like a lady version of a Mad Men suit if it come in size sixteen and a half. Sarah want her to wear this gown she got. Velvet...black velvet...real slimming. Bought it special for Edith at a trunk show off Washington Square. Edith say she like thew pants suit, but Tomas say she gonna wear the velvet thing.

He got like a bad-boy Medici Prince look goin'. Got like a black leather vest thing...silver chain belt. Leotards all black too. Don't think they call 'em that, but I do not know the right word for 'em. This Mister Never-You-Mind. I the disembodied spirit narratin' for y'all tonight. Long time no see. How you all doin'? Tomas' joint come wit' a Eye-talian, Renaissance jock strap. Call it a cod-piece, 'cept you wear it on the outside.... like crotch jewelry  wit' them black sequins and all. Annie say he look like a Romeo-and-Juliet Adam Levine. Sarah say he do too. But he not sure who that is, 'cause you know, he out tom-catin' 'round when The Voice come on. 

The lady one, Sarah, look real mysteriously delicious too. She not old like a lot a them, but she do wanna fit in. That why she dress like Napoleon Bonaparte's sister. You know, that Pauline bitch what always posin' mos' naked in them 'oh-I-ain't-got-no-panties-under-dis-see-through-gown! old time, rich lady, hootchie outfit shit. ...(I know this hard to read. You gotta slide through it two or three times, 'fore you get the same rhythm I got)....

Finally got Edith to put on that black, velvet dress. She look like Morticia, if the Addams mansion next door to a Dairy Queen. I jus' tellin' the truth. You know how it is?

Annie wearin' a flesh color body suit what got green, silk leaves sewed on it. She like Puck. That not a dirty word. It a character from Shakespeare. All the way over, she doan wanna wear no body suit. But Tomas say - No. An' she listen to him, 'cause Papa not here an' she know Tomas gonna tell. 

wilkravitz got one a those skinny-boy- cut black suits, like what Jimmy Fallon wear on TV, wit' a white shirt and skinny black tie. Not the same black, leather bootkins as Tomas, but close enough. They look like a nice family, if nice families was vampires, blogger-guys and Piney-ladies. I can't say what Baylah got on, 'cause she say she gonna seal me in a bottle if I do. So you gotta wait for that one. 

Musicians startin' a play. Tomas say it The Carousel Waltz from the Broadway show, 'cept they do it with back in the day funny pianos and a whole bunch a fucked-up lookin' fiddles. Powdered wigs on they heads look like dead little Frenchie-dogs too. 

Got real dogs wanderin' 'round. Big ones. Nice ones. Harlequin Great Danes.... Irish Wolf Hounds.... One got like a human face, but I doan like to stare. 

Light all low, from them torches, I mean. Whole bunch a au natural functionaries standin' round like statues what got trays full a ice cold vodka. They got other kind a rot gut too, but vodka big wit' this crowd.

And it warm in there. Can't be them big fireplaces. They suck out the warm. Edith say they got lot a magic floatin' 'round this place. Maybe that how they do it?

Ooh! Look! 'King' Rafe just combusted on that big throne he got. Dressed like a Roman emperor... Like battle dress, not them baggy ghost outfits.. An' lemme tell you. This place really special. They do put on quite a show. Got smoky, gray doves flyin' up by them huge rafters..... Black and gold butterflies. Tomas say they gonna have cherubs too, like what we got back in Philadelphia, 'cept we only got four and here they gonna have more.

'Case you doan know, cherub a little sucker (toddler) what got 'accidentally' vampire-ized. Not supposed a happen, but when it do, it very, very, very sad.....

Cattle-people startin' a moan. Guess it slaughter time. Lot a night-folk like to eat 'fore they dance. You know, like pre-gamin' it. 'Cept cocktail weenies they got still movin'...

Come back tomorrow. I tell you more. And another thing, I'm gettin' 'mind tickled' by 'nother vampirino in ole, sweet home Chicago. Click on ALEXIOS and go see what that bot gotta say...

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please, if you're willing, nominate me for a SHORTY AWARD...just tweet this ~~~> I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his stories and narratives..... much thanks and I mean it....

This and That about the 'Guests' ~~ The Vampire Revels 1/26/13

I believe some people arrived during the day, while we slept. Sealed vehicles brought them into a discreet underground passageway and silent functionaries led them to their rooms. Some of the 'food' was delivered then too. Edith said. She felt it. Trucks came in. She doesn't know how many. But they were plain, big, flat-panel vans. Tomas says there'll be at least three hundred night-folk in attendance. I don't know how often they feed. Some of the religious types might not feed at all while they're here. A few of the other types might be like real drunks, with blood, I mean. Who knows...not just with blood. They can have alcohol too, you know. This... is gonna be a real madhouse. 

It's funny thinking about the 'food' though. Baylah went down to look. Dungeons, like regular dungeons, that's where they keep them. Just cattle. That's all it is. Nobody talks. No eye contact. Very quiet. They have some kind of heat down there. Keep it pretty warm. Have to 'cause they're naked. She noticed that a few of them have symbols painted on their flanks. Asked one of the functionaries what they were for. He tried to mumble something. She couldn't understand what he was saying. They have their tongues cut out. Saw the little purple stump and everything. The suppliers in Eastern Europe drug them. That's what they say. 

I can hear an opera singer practicing. Tomas says it's a famous castrato. Sounds like a lady to me. You know, there was a vampire grapevine in the old days. Used to 'change' wealthy clerics and nobles and merchants...Anyone who could pay for it. Made 'em vampires. But most didn't survive long, though.. Nothing in the agreement 'bout killing them. New ones don't know shit. They're easy to kill. A few are still around. The ones that paid, I mean. 

Some of them want to go down into London for a 'day' trip. Tomas says we might stop there for a few nights when this is all over. Originally, it was supposed to be in London. But they changed it. Don't ask me. Vampires do that. They got a foursome playing mah-jong in this little parlor off the great hall. Three males and a female. Jabbering away to each other in, I don't know what it is, Finnish, Hungarian? I don't know. One smiled at me. But I quick flashed this pendant they gave me to wear and he looked away real contrite like... Should all be here in another night or two. Whales are fast, but not that fast. Imagine... all the oceans in the world are like big lakes to them. They swim all over. They see it all. Seventy percent, I mean. We see, and that's only if we travel a lot, maybe thirty percent. They must think we're just dumb shits. But I'd like to see a whale go to Mars though....

Don't see too many 'night-servants' anymore. I'm talking about the strange wraiths spun from ashes and moonbeams. Now it's the functionaries. Look like crazy humans to me. Annie likes to run up behind them and give a sharp pinch, right in the ass. But they just stand there like nothing happened and wait till she's done squeezing. She runs 'round the place with a little Romanian bastid named Carol. That's a boy. In Romania, that's a boy's name.

They got a real nice buffet set up in a 'hunt' room for the humans...people like Edith and me...guests...ones they're not gonna eat, I hope. Got Chinese stuff...Mexican stuff... seafood... roast beef...chicken... everything. You just walk up and serve yourself.  Can eat all night, if you like. Some of the vampires like to watch. They stand against the wall looking. Most wear modern clothes, more or less. A few wear things from their mortal life. We got too 'Robin Hoods.' I'll tell you that. And a handful of Celt-Iberians what won't wear nothin'. Edith calls the Robin Hoods 'Peter Pans.' Calls the Celt-Iberians 'nudists.'

They got musicians getting ready. Like a whole orchestra. Maybe it's a chamber orchestra. I don't know. Sarah went out to explore the hills. Say they got some big, feral cats out there, probably runaways from circuses, or private zoos. You read about them in the tabloids...'beasts of the moors' and all that.

Baylah calls her boyfriend like every forty five minutes. You know, the one with the house down the shore? Tomas says this whole place is gonna change, once everybody's here and they get it all set up. Staged 'fang fights.' Wagering. Drinking...blood and alcohol. Romantic entanglements. Music... dancing. He don't like it. Tomas, I mean. But he said we can watch when they kill the cattle-people from Eastern Europe. Might not all be from Eastern Europe. That's just where they gather them in for shipment. 

You know, some famous humans come here too? World leaders...everybody. They break up into groups...meet in little salons...discuss world problems...kick around solutions. Like that Bilderburg thing the Clintons go to. Only the Clintons don't come to this one. Not every time anyway...

I'm gonna go for a massage. There's a spa downstairs. Relax a little. Loosen up. Feel a little funny, though, 'cause the masseuses are all vampire girls. I seen 'em. I looked in when I walked by. They laugh. They roll their eyes..... I'd let 'em bite me a little bit, just a little bit. No more than that. Like a kiss, that's all. It's just like a kiss.

Edith laughs when I tell her. She goes - To Serve Man... it's...it's a COOKBOOK!!! 

She likes Rod Sterling. What can I tell you?  

The castrato opera guy is singin' again'. And the mah-jong people are clappin'...

Candlelight makes everything look like magic...

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thank you for visiting. please tweet - I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his narratives and stories.... If you don't want to, I'll understand... I will... :0)

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: MUGGS ROLLIN' OUT. JIMMY ROLLIN' IN

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: MUGGS ROLLIN' OUT. JIMMY ROLLIN' IN: Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in damages. They said we were lucky. I don't know who the day crew thought we were. A few of them k...This is from almost two years ago...when Mister Muggs, the accidentally created vampire chimp, was tearing up the exhibits at THE PHILADELPHIA ACADEMY OF NATURAL SCIENCES and humpin' all the stuffed cavemen in the diaramas. (hope we get it in a movie someday)... More VAMPIRE REVELS later tonight..... Please click onto this one. It's worth it... Thanks and as always, we take special delight in your COMMENTS...

THE CROWS FLY IN~~ The Vampire Revels 1/25/13

No one talks to 'King' Rafe, or addresses him in any way. They sublimate into the castle and are taken to suitable quarters by the night wraiths, the haunting beings spun from ashes and moonbeams. Most imagine them to be etherial extensions of the 'king,' but he doesn't say and they never do, so the whole thing is moot. Best not to look too closely during The Revels. That's not what they're all here for. 

They gave us quarters in the North Tower, the darkest spot. You see, the castle is shaped like a huge diamond, each corner occupying a different compass point. Best part is, no real windows. Just small, narrow slits originally constructed to accommodate archers. Smoked glass seals them now. And the beds...oh, you have to see the beds. Huge medieval fortresses brought over by the Normans. One slept in by The Conqueror, himself. All dark wood. 'Ebonized' I think they call it.  With gargoyles and allegorical allusions carved into the thick, lofty bedposts. Silk, quilted canopies, sent from a Chinese, court vampire seven hundred years ago, span the heights above firm, hand-stuffed, horse hair mattresses.  I can't tell how old they are. Still look pretty good. I know. I peeked under the sheets. No vampire sent them. They came from Williams-Sonoma.

An animated, preserved, headless corpse (female, I think) sat on a small slipper chair in the shadows, dressed in a dark, velvet gown. She was a harp player and regaled us with madrigals and mass songs plucked from the genuine, cat-gut strings of a large, free standing Celtic harp. Tomas remembered her from the old days... the really, really, really, really old days. I think she had her head back then. Fortunately, someone had seen fit to close the wound with coarse, black stitches. And I must say, the needle work was of a very high order. A large, walk-in fireplace held down the northernmost position. Jamb statues, filched from a Gothic cathedral, support a black, granite slab of a mantle, topped by the complete, articulated skeleton of a snarling wolf. Annie thought it beautiful. And I must say, her child-like, awe-struck face did reflect a certain predatory charm when viewed in the orange glow from the hearth.

Naturally, Tomas and Sarah slept there. The rest of us made do with smaller cells one floor below, each like a pie wedge sliced from the whole. The furnishings were similar, though. A bit scaled down, but still impressive. None had a headless musician. That part, I did not miss. 

Edith went around blessing the rooms. Pineys believe in that sort of thing. And if I'm going to be honest, I do too. So we said our good nights (dawn comes late this far north) and settled in for a deep, winter's nap, snug in our dark, and strangely commodious cocoons. There was a warm, glowing coal fire in a small, simple hearth across from the foot of my bed. That part I liked. So I burrowed under the luxurious tester (pulled up around my head) and drifted off. 

Was I frightened? A bit, though no one disturbed me but the ghosts....

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thank you for visiting. if you like, please help. please nominate me for a SHORTY AWARD. Just tweet this- I nominate #BLOGGER @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD based on his narratives and stories......... Also, more links to intriguing writers tomorrow. PLEASE COMMENT......Good night...

SOME WRITERS TO PERUSE ON A COLD WINTER NIGHT ~~ 1/24/13

This jus' a short subject between acts, but the subject matter is very major, indeed. What we got here are links to four really good web sites overseen by four entertaining and stimulating writers. Some, household names, but the others are certainly comin' up the walk.

So why don't y'all open the door and let 'em in?

Erin Morgenstern ....... Neil Gaiman ...... Joe Hill ...... Andrew Harding

Click on them names and say - howdy do~~~
Might put up some more later. But what we got now are real paranormal and just right.
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