LEGENDS, STORIES and WHISPERS IN THE NIGHT......... 5/10/13

The s.u.v. turned off the narrow, county road and onto an easy to miss dirt track created to grant access to water cannons in the advent of fire. Normal cars never came down here. Nobody did. Just moonlight and magic and mystery. Annie thought she seen a ghost... a man with an ax, crossin' the road up ahead. Half a the dome of his skull was missing. But once you got passed that he looked mostly all right. Guess he was used to it. 

Edith start talkin' in tongues. She goes - Scottosh beedosh. Beedosh boposht. Boposht skeedosht.... Annie goes - What you sayin', you crazy, fat-assed, old bitch, you?...  Annie says - How the hell do I know, you foul, little skinny weasel. Did it sound like I did?... Annie goes - Yeah... Edith whispers - Good. Everybody else just kept quiet. Sarah wern't listenin' to no music. Conrad make like he sleepin', but he ain't. wilkravitz is sleepin'. An' Jonathon just stared at the darkness. Driver drove til he can't drive no more. Then he say - We gone in by the river..... So that's what they do. 

Five yards into the brush they got a stream... a calm, dark, brackish estuary snakin' its way through the trees.  And there, waitin' by a little, rickety dock, they got three skiffs. No boatmen. Just the boats.  Driver totes out all their stuff and put it in the third one. Night-folk and they friends scramble into the first two.  Edith sit up front, 'cause this her territory. Then she start chucklin', like she talkin' a somebody. Conrad start prayin'. Sarah grab Jonathon's hand. She whisper - We never came this way before.... But Jonathon just shush her..... Skiffs pull 'way from the dock and glide out onto the dark, glassy water. Muskrat crack the surface, lookin' at 'em. Well, I jus' callin' it a muskrat, 'cause it got a nice, little, round head.... No tellin' what it really be.

Eyes shine orange on the bank. Not a lot. But enough. Annie go - Who they?... Edith go - Mine you business.... Sarah whisper - Where are we going?.... But 'fore anybody can answer, a voice in the dark breathes - Jubilee..... 

So now they know.

And tiny, little fingers tickle over them. Conrad flinches and laughs, til all the ticklin' stops... and them what done it turn to sparks and disappear...

Whole lot a secrets in The Pines.... 'Quiet stories' they call 'em..... Legends.... Some, you want to know...

Some you don't.....
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: BURIAL AT SEA~~~~~~ A Vampirina Takes The Plunge

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: BURIAL AT SEA~~~~~~ A Vampirina Takes The Plunge: I  heard the sound of crashing waves and felt them lift me up. They spoke to each other in a language I could not understand. Now I know it...A lot of you know this is a good one. Imagine being sealed in a casket and buried at sea..only you're alive... As you know, these red words are not the post. You have to click on the words BURIAL AT SEA up above to read that. Excuse me for being so obvious, but some people (myself among them) are not too digitally savvy. That's why I do it. If you want to read more, click on NEWER POST somewhere down near the bottom. Thank you and please leave a COMMENT. It's a good way to spread your link around too. Also, (just remembered) if you want to see more episodes, click on ~> THIS ... Hasta la proxima!

WELCOME TO THE VERY REAL, VERY MAGICAL & VERY MYSTERIOUS JERSEY PINES... 5/09/13

Bet you don't even know we here. Think it all shoppin' malls, P.J. Changs and goofy-golf. Well, who the hell care what you think? We like bein' invisible. We like settin' out on cool dark night talkin' to ghosts.  Legally dead folks can be mighty friendly.  Y'all jus' gotta give 'em a chance. I am Mister Edith. don't talk much. Not at all like the missus. But I got lots to say too, even if you do not know my first or last name. 

My folks been here since the beginning. Saw that 'devil' get born. The first one, I mean. And that was seventeen thirty five. Ain't been farmers. Can't grow no crops in these here woods. Lot a fish though... fresh water.... sorta kinda salt water. Some look like what you seen. Some look like what you ain't. Some got scales like copper. Some got teeth like nails. Whole lot a funny stuff get borned here. Thick trees... pines... oaks.... real old primeval type, ain't never been put in books. Dense like fur on a beaver belly. Got lot a little baby rivers in here too. Mos' got finger-eatin' snappin' turtles. Other stuff too, if you go skinny dippin'. 

Got that secret cave where the Talk-to-God man sleep... and the 'livin' grave' down below. It really a deep cave.... a hidey-hole down a long, skinny old volcanic chute. But nobody ever come back up. Ever once in a while, them Red Paint folks go crazy and have a 'throwin' 'o the bones. They say they had one a few years back. But it very horrible, so they not likely to do it any time soon. If you wanna know what it like, go read what they used to do to folks in 'the brazen bull.' Red Paint folks ain't regular 'Pineys.' They something else. They even older.... like the first Indians.  I do not know who these individuals are, but them that do say most Red Paint men favor Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the star ship Enterprise. And most of the women folk look like famed United States, Olympic  skier, Peekaboo Street. 'Cept Red Paints tend to be quiet-like and reticent. Call 'em 'Red Paints' 'cause early burials got lot a red powder throwed in. Professor types say they come from Europe. But I don't know where that is. 

My wife, Edith, comin' tonight. An' she bringin' them life-eaters in with her. They all right. Think we got some a what they call elferinos and elferinas wrigglin' through the woods already. 'Wood sprites' we call 'em.

Got a little hamlet, where we live. Not all of us. Jus' our band. It called Jubilee. Few cabins... Not made wit' logs, though... They plank built. We jus' call 'em that. Got a meetin' house, for talk-to-God stuff. Got a store for syrup and possum grease and, I don't know, all kinds a crap. One day they had 'magic beans.' But they was just dried up, human pituitary glands. Undertaker taught us that word. 

Root cellars all swept out for them life-eaters. Got tables down there. Got cots. Got quilts. Little lanterns... kind you gotta light. Old squeeze box. I cannot recollect if they like music. But I thought I'd be prepared. 

Piney kids all hepped up over it. They like life-eaters. Go wood-runnin' with 'em in the dark. Pin Head Mel all excited. Horsey Skeezix whinny all over the place. He a mostly tame, Jersey Devil kid. They not like what you see in books. More like old Greek satyrs or fauns, 'cept the fur not jus' down below. It go all over. But startin' maybe two or three inches below the navel it get real soft and short, like what a horse got. Look like they got gold skin. Some got auburn 'skin' too. Faces look wild, though. Little bit horsey, but not that much. Mane run down the spine. They mighty proud a that. Mighty proud a they tails too,

Come back tomorrow night, after they get here and settle in. I'll show you to the ghosts.

I do not know how these words appear on your screen. All I do is think 'em. 

Some other goomer mus' be tappin' 'em in...

Nitey night. I like it out here on the porch...... Shhhhh, lemme listen to the trees...
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Like a Genii In a Bottle...... a vampirina's priso...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Like a Genii In a Bottle...... a vampirina's priso...: I felt completely alone. The master was gone. The dominee was ashes. And do you know what they did with those ashes? They carefully swept t...Yo, claustrophobics, this one's for you. Imagine being locked in such a place and yes, they did do this to people. Click on the words LIKE A GENII IN A BOTTLE and read... If you want more, click on NEWER POST at the bottom and go on ... your COMMENTS are very welcome...

MOST EVERYBODY YOU SEE IN SHOWBIZ HAD THEIR NECKS REUPHOLSTERED ... 5/08/13

One of their mortal 'familiars arranged for a van... not a truck. Like one of those passenger vans that take people to the airport, or low rollers to the casinos. Clothes, supplies and all went separate. they had like an s.u.v.. I don't know who drove that. Jonathon took his books to the bank. Not to a safe deposit box. The old, vellum copies of La Ciencia Vampirismo and his journal were far too rare and valuable for that. One of the directors (Edith jokingly refers to him as 'Mr. Drysdale') keeps them in a special vault, with cryogenic preserved celebrity heads and never-seen photographs of a certain First Lady.

So they set off... Sarah and Jonathon..... Edith and Annie... Conrad and Leo (yes, Leo came back). Baylah went with her boyfriend. She was going to stay at the shore. But the rest of them would only be eighteen miles away.... maybe a little more. 'Papa' said he'd meet them there. He managed to mumble that. Jonathon shrugged and said - As you wish...... Look, what in the world could possibly happen to a twenty eight thousand year old, all powerful, young-Richard-Gere look-alike? Sometimes you gotta let these eccentric vampires just have their way.

Night rides over the bridge and into Jersey are fun. Annie loves them. Driver takes little secondary roads, so they avoid all the suburbs and commercial stretches. Narrow, little two lane highways cocooned in over-arching trees. No lights. No people. Hardly any cars. Edith tells ghost stories. Sarah listens to old classics on her iPod. Think now she's got 'I'm Being Followed By A Moon Shadow.' The rest were mostly quiet. Occasionally Jonathon says something in Spanish to the driver. They chuckle. It's cozy. 

They go by a little farm market, all shuttered for the night. It's like a landmark to the vampires. Edith says - Good bye, Philadelphia. Hello, Pines..... every time they pass it. And the trees get even thicker. Jonathon says - Turn off the headlights..... The driver looks at him..... Jonathon says - It's all right. I'll keep us on course..... So the driver does. And they slice through a darkness complete and absolute. Every so often there's a break in the overhead foliage and stars shine through.... much more than you see in the city, but that only adds to the effect.... Jonathon begins to whistle his favorite 'hunting' song ----- When you go out in the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprise.... Sometimes it's the last thing his victims ever hear.

And that's when they start to appear.... The creatures, I mean... Small scraps of life with very reflective eyes. Some shine yellow, others orange, or red. They dash 'cross the road and dive into thick, ancient hedgerows.... The driver says - Want me to put on the lights?..... But Jonathon goes - No, don't disturb them..... One is not so small and according to the height of the eyes must be at least seven and a half feet tall. But that's all they can see. Then they hear hoof beats (somewhat muffled by the carapace of the van), as it takes to the air and disappears...... A full grown Jersey Devil - Jonathon whispers.... The driver goes - Uh, huh..... He's scared..... 

Edith goes - Ray!!! We're home!...... But they still have a way to go.

Annie turns on her little phone thing. Leo goes - Turn that the hell off!.... He likes the dark. Most vampires do. But she says - No. Shut up! Leave me alone! ... as she continues to surf. He goes - What the hell you readin' that's so important?..... Little Annie says - I'm readin' 'bout all the bastids in TV and movies what got their necks reupholstered......Who? - says Leo.... She shows him. And they quietly sit, head to head, reading the juicy gossip (though out of consideration,  he shades the light with his hand), as they glide through the nighttime magic.

Edith begins to laugh suggestively. Mister Edith knows she's coming. And he begins to tickle her telepathically. 

The Pine Barrens are real, oh best beloveds... (of course you know we pronounce it 'be-lov-eds?) 

And everything we tell you here is true.
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Hot Pitch Makes Burning So Much More Humane

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Hot Pitch Makes Burning So Much More Humane: Roland went outside for a walk. He hates to hear this part of the story. It's like what he went through and after hundreds of years he ...An 'Auto da Fe' for a #VAMPIRE ... Going to the stake in the 'black fortress'...... People actually saw things like this. Last Inqusitional burning was mid eighteen hundreds!... If you like this episode, please click on newer posts and continue. comments are always welcome. BUT REMEMBER... this is NOT the post. To see that, click on the HOT PITCH words up above.

BAYLAH SAYS WE SHOULD GO TO THE JERSEY SHORE..... 5/07/13

Baylah is very philosophical about this. She says centuries are as nothing to us.... Well, at least potentially. She wants us to go to the Jersey Shore. Maybe wander through the Pine Barrens. Pass through a few ghosts. I do like talking to Red Paint people though. You've met then here before. Edith knows them. Not traditional 'Pineys,' but something else... the last remnants of an ancient North Atlantic culture going back, perhaps, to the last days of the Neanderthals. And they had settlements on both sides of the ocean.  Annie likes running through the dark woods with Pin Head Mel (a mico-cephalic kid) and Horsey Skeezix, a real nice, little Jersey Devil boy. So she's all up for this. Conrad, our new, forty year old vampire who wears Dockers pants and store brand sneakers won't like it. But, you know what? I don't care. I just want to get out of here. 

wilkravitz is still sick. Edith tried to 'pow-wow' him. But that doesn't always work. Sarah says he should take some blood. And I will tell you what's going to happen. He'll wait to just before the end, or what he imagines to be the end. Then he'll say ,' OK, alright. Give me some of the blood. But just a little bit.'..... And we will. .......(sigh) Mortals......

It was pleasant walking back from that place under the bank building, though. The night sky was clear and crisp.  And those stars able to make it through all the Center City light pollution really did look like diamonds, rather than the huge, terrifying, nuclear quagmires they truly are.  Imagine, those monstrous, hellish orbs are the font of all life. 

Not as many homeless people on the street as there used to be. At least my work did that. But, I will tell you, the hotels are going to start throwing them out, unless we come up with more money. Might have to break into The Oak Island treasury. You've heard of it, that old deep, booby-trapped, log-lined, supposedly pirate created hidey-hole for buried gold, jewels and moolah off the coast of Maine. Well, I'm here to tell you none of them 'arrrggghhh' guys had anything to do with it. Vampires did it. And it's been there since Saint Brendan the Navigator. But I won't tell you what's down at the bottom.... I mean below the regular treasure...

Anyway, I had some high quality, Australian opals. not from Oak Island, just from a box in the cellar. The little ghost boy, who died from polio, likes to play with them. I don't mind. He's a good kid. But I gave them away to people on the street. I love doing that.  These were big ones. Like smooth, Russian, Faberge eggs they were. Each would go for at least seventy five hundred dollars. And I told them that. The people, I mean. I said - Be care where you sell them, because you can get a lot of money for these..... I hope they listened. One young couple with limited finances got three.... I have to tell you, vampires, at least the good ones, love doing things like that. That's the best. 

I also passed a blood vial to a young woman searching for over-the-counter pain killers in an all night CVS store. She was desperate. I could tell. And quite near death too.... Now, she's not.... Another night-folk dividend.

I'm ready for the Pines. We're gonna go. And wilkravitz gonna accidentally on purpose get a little bit of vampire blood mixed in to those strawberry preserves he likes.  It's a thing with him. Wassa crisp bread... Philadelphia cream cheese... and Smuckers strawberry preserves..... Edith knows how much he likes it, so we never run out.

I'm going back in now. I've been sitting outside in the little back garden, talking to a raven. Ravens like night-people. I feed him cherries. He swallows them almost whole. Chickens store pits and stones in their gizzards to masticate food. Perhaps his kind does that too? Such shiny, black eyes he has. And so smart.

I miss hearing Old Castillian and classical Arabic, Sephardic Hebrew and our beloved Vahmperigo. Two of the Red Paint people know Vahmperigo.  It will be nice, sitting out in the dark, damp pines and conversing.

Tomas de Macabea..... Jonathon ben Macabi.... We both crave some peace.

I'll preach when we get back....
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