LITTLE ANNIE AND HORSEY SKEEJUS

Annie was sittin' on a hard mound a dirt. She wanted somethin' to do. Already drunk up most a the blood in some old bitch squattin' in a old trailer. You found them, every once in a while, hidden in the Pines. I don't know what the leathery, wrinkle-puss did to warrant gettin' killed that way. But our stringy haired little freak had instincts about that sort a thing. She went after the 'Miss Hannigan' types, folks who tortures kids. So the knobby-chinned, hatchet face must a done somethin'. Maybe she pressed lit cigarettes up against  little kids' asses, or washed they mouths out with dried-up, hairy scraps a soap. Who the hell cares. Annie didn't.

Skeejus wanted to go with her. Oh, his little bat wings was shaken. He couldn't wait. Annie said that she'd take him, if after, he showed her the place where Jersey Devils stored all the souvenirs in they twisted off head colllection. That how them Jersey Devils do it. First they sneak in. Then they stand by the bed. Sometimes down by the foot. Other times along side. Depends how they got the room laid out. You know people got all different kinds a taste. Second thing they do is make a noise. They got this banshee thing they do. Wave they arms around. Kick over a lamp. Squeeze a puppy. Make horse farts. Then, when the dumb son-a-bitch wake up, they bug out they eyes and make 'emselves look real crazy. Now try to imagine how crazy they look normally, so this really must really be somethin'.Soon as the person finishes yodeling and all and shittin' the bed (lots of 'em does that), the J,D, grabs the sides a the skull, right in front a the ears, and twists the unfortunate head around and around til it just goes 'gook' and falls off. Do it right and what's left a the neck is all wound shut like an old fashioned sausage. They got a bone pit some wheres near here and Annie wants a see it. ......... Know how they navigate through the partially dead trees (what with no sunlight and all)? They looted a whole bunch a nine volt, key chain  flashlights from a  closed up CVS store down by the Black Horse Pike. Came with batteries and everything. Now being weird, little pseudo humans in their own right, night vision comes natural to 'em. But they like the little colorful plastic gadgets. Annie plays like they lazer beams. That how she woke up the old bastid in the trailer. Went 'woo-woo-woo,' jiggling the little light all 'round her face and eyes. Then, soon as they open, she says - Get ready to die,  you stinkin', old bitch you..... Old lady goes to slap her away, like she some low-life kid from that dirty muskrat eatin' family next door. But Annie too fast for her. Jumps up on her stomach. Grabs her face (jus like she gonna kiss her). Cracks it over to the side a little and chomps right into her neck. Old lady moanin' and groanin', tryin' to pull her off. But you can't do that to no vampire once they taste blood. Skeejus jumpin' up and down clapping his hands. Wings flyin' all around knockin' cheap, little knick knacks off a shelves. She did have a cat. But Skeejus squished it up real good soon as they broke in.

Then, when the show was mostly over, Annie lifts up a gray, stinkin' crusty foot and bites off a couple toes. Skeejus wanted one, but she wouldn't give it. Said he'd get it after he showed her the twisted-off heads..

But soon as they get outside, she notice somethin' funny. Sky not so pitch black no more. Oh, you or I would never a noticed. But she did. Vampires is sensitive to solar radiation. So she look up toward where Heaven used to be, 'spectin' to see the backside a the Great Sky Sea. And that Earth-shroudin' watery shell still there. Only it startin' to break up a little. Tiny baby droplets a brightness beginning to ooze down. Skinny, fuzzy cracks startin' to skate across the darkness. And she just stand there, all hypnotized by the show, til Skeejus ask her if she still  want a see the heads. She say - Huh?.... But then she remembers and runs off with him through the trees....... No foul-mouthed, little kid gonna pass up a free twisted-off head show, 'specially one what's also a vampire. It still dark enough....she got time.....

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generationwhynot-stupidgirl: Shameful Confession #2: "DJ Becky".....

generationwhynot-stupidgirl: Shameful Confession #2: "DJ Becky".....

TABLE-TALK UPON A FOREIGN WORLD

The former First Lady gestured for Jonathon to slide into the booth and she scootched in next to him after he did. Resurrected John Lennon took a seat opposite them, but immediately lost himself scanning through the choices on the small, table-top, juke box. He did love his music, after all. A young man in a well pressed white shirt and black trousers came by to take their order. Jonathon couldn't help but notice how much he favored 60's crooner Bobby Darrin. In fact, his little plastic name pin even said Bobby. Eleanor ordered half a Monte Cristo sandwich and a small Waldorf salad. Lennon got a grilled cheese and bacon. Jonathon giddily asked for a hamburger on a toasted bun topped with lettuce, tomato and raw onion. Bobby Darrin asked him how he wanted it. The inexperienced vampire said - Right away.

Jonathon looked out the window as a pod of those humongus, pumped-up, sausage organisms passed by. Their undulating movements resembled humpback whales on Earth and he became hypnotized by their dance. How do you find Saturn? - said Mrs. Roosevelt......... The well meaning vampire thought for a moment and said - Big.......... Mrs. Roosevelt said - I suppose in this star system it is. Now, tell me, young man, why do you oppose us?.................... Jonathon sucked in a lung-full of laundered, artificially cooled air, held it for a moment, quickly exhaled, and said - To protect our world. To save our people.And do you mind if I ask you what Josephine Baker, Ghengis Kahn and excuse me, is that Danny Kaye?....... His table mate nodded......have to do with all this? ...... We find them amusing - said the willowy old broad. That's why we brought him back - she added, gesturing toward the British Grammy winner. Sing us a song, Johnny-Boy..... The unofficial spokesman for the four mop-tops cleared his throat, slid out, stepped into the aisle, gestured toward the crowd, got their attention, composed himself for a moment and launched into a rousing performance of Back In the U.S.S.R., with Bobby Darrin and Janis Joplin providing back-up. George Harrison, reportedly, was attending a dinner for the Eighth Dalai Lama and unable to assist.And according to  the The Akoshic Records, King Shaka Zulu liked it very much.

A few thousand heartbeats later, after thoroughly savoring his juicy, flavorful patty of  perfectly seared chopped beef, Jonathon released his first anal toot in over ten hundred years. The dinner was quite a success. Nazimova slinked over, inviting him to a party, but he had to demure, for his Democratic Diva of a guide had much more to tell him. So they stepped 'outside,' hailed another trio of flying monkeys and were off. Lennon sang We All Live In A Yellow Submarine, as they swooped and swirled through the unbelievable immensity of the giant, ringed orb.

Meanwhile, back on a dark, cocooned Earth, Annie began to see fuzzy, pale cracks spidering their way across the under-side of the Great Sky Sea.. And her playmate, a juvenile Jersey Devil, looked up through the pines and whinnied in agreement.

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The former First Lady gestured for Jonathon to slide into the booth and she scootched in next to him after he did. Resurrected John Lennon took a seat opposite them, but immediately lost himself scanning through the choices on the small, table-top, juke box. He did love his music, after all. A young man in a well pressed white shirt and black trousers came by to take their order. Jonathon couldn't help but notice how much he favored 60's crooner Bobby Darrin. In fact, his little plastic name pin even said Bobby. Eleanor ordered half a Monte Cristo sandwich and a small Waldorf salad. Lennon got a grilled cheese and bacon. Jonathon giddily asked for a hamburger on a toasted bun topped with lettuce, tomato and raw onion. 

CAFE SOCIETY AMONG THE IMMORTALS

Beyond the monstrous cloud bank was a diner, a quaint, steel and neon, 1940's ersatz railroad car. Of course there was a bit of carefully applied red enamel trim. That's only to be expected. Jonathon could even detect the aroma of sizzling bacon-burgers wafting through the exhaust vent. The inviting oasis hung suspended in a bubble, a very big bubble. I'd say it rivaled one of the mid-sized Jovian moons. And each and every swirling tide and eddy in Saturn's horrifically vivid atmosphere could be seen doing their war dances up against its non-existent membrane.

The three sojourners stopped and floated about a bit, puzzled as to the best way to proceed. After all, the glass and chrome portal was quite far away, at least one hundred and fifty miles. Eyesight must improve in these environs, for the inviting eatery glittered like an emerald cut diamond lying supine in a melted creamsicle sky.

Shall we attempt sublimation? - said Jonathon. I am almost sure I could manage it. And I suspect you two have secret abilities of your own. Besides (sniff, sniff) the fried onion rings seem especially appetizing and I'd like to have some............ And then it hit him.... He no longer perceived things as a life-eater. The smells drifting across the void were pleasant, exceedingly so. He wanted that burger. He craved those batter dipped cibolas. Were the victuals offered up Scripturally pure? Of course they were not. But he felt sure God would forgive this isolated indiscretion .

Eleanor Roosevelt turned, bathing him in a big,  toothy grin. The Resurrected John Lennon tumbled playfully about, as from off in the distance, their chariots approached. Except these had nothing to do with the single axle conveyances of antiquity, resembling nothing so much as the winged monkeys from Oz.. After about eighty six human heartbeats the simian mounts drew near.. In truth, they were approximately two and a half times larger that the hissing, screeching beasts in the movie. But they sported the same, spiffy bellboy suits (from the waist up anyway) and had vast feathered wings matching those of only the most regal, super-sized cygnets. The President's Lady said - Hop on......... And so they did, gingerly perching on the shoulders of the giant macaques. Jonathon took hold of his monkey's collar. The other two, obviously frequent fliers, adopted a more relaxed posture, as they sliced through the vacuum on strong dove-gray wings..... Distances seemed to contract, for soon they were there, landing upon a small asphalt parking lot. Each passenger slid off (best he or she could... these were monkeys after all) and thanked their rides profusely. Mrs. Roosevelt fished down deep in the bodice of her cheerleader's uniform, retrieving three gold banana tokens, which she distributed to the monkeys who were very glad to get them. One did manage a discrete little bite, meant to disclose the genuineness of his stipend, but he was new to this place, so what could you expect.

Jonathon quickly fell behind the other two, as they scampered up four very well pointed brick steps lined with a phalanx of robust, potted geraniums and entered the obviously very lucrative establishment. Oh! Now he wanted pancakes, for they smelled real good too. All the other customers certainly seemed happy, chomping away on mid to late twentieth century comfort food. And the coffee smelled rich and hot. They'd begun to experiment with it in Old Andalucia, so at least he was familiar with that.A neat, young waitress, chewing a big pink wad of bubblegum led them to a booth. As they perused the extensive menu, Jonathon looked up only to discover that the clientele represented almost every eon of human history. Rosie the Riveter winked at him Marcus Aurelius simply stared, while The Inca Atuhualpah, Lord of The Four Quadrants, favored him with an  aristocratic salute (more like a wave, actually), before returning to his lox and onion omelet.......

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FLASH!!! BREAKING NEWS FROM SOURCES SCATTERED ABOUT THE COSMOS

This will have to be done quickly. News is coming in from all over. I can't keep it all straight in my head. Some comes from Circus Towne City, on Mars. Another stream seems to originate with Jonathon, deep within the Saturnian atmosphere. The third one has a lot of static. I think it's a kid telling dirty jokes on a 'ham' radio. Now his father's calling him a 'lousy, little bastid.' Now the kid is wailing.Wait, wait, wait...Mars is back. Scientists on the Red Planet detect an incremental, but steady rise in gravitational level. It's as if the center of the 4,000 mile wide orb suddenly accumulated more mass. And the barely there Mars magnetic field is regenerating. A team of explorers reconnoitering remote areas report spotting a six foot tall, vaguely human looking person exiting a narrow, crack-like cave opening. His uniform failed to match any currently in use among the refugee/colonists. A small 'breathing apparatus' mounted on a ring around his collar bone and rising up to a point approximately two inches in front of his mouth enabled 'him' to breathe the inadequate atmosphere. A hastily made video of the encounter is currently being evaluated by Dr. Franklin and his team, who've christened the mystery man 'Squanto' in honor of  the Pilgrims first 'Indian' contact.

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AND NOW FROM SATURN----- In all honesty, Jonathon expected to be completely crushed by the monstrous, coppery ball bearing. He and his companion, the Resurrected John Lennon, were forced to lie flat on their backs, as the huge metallic globe bore down upon them. The one thousand year old (though in his eighteen year old 'human' body) vampire believed destruction was imminent, since no 'life-eater' has ever survived such complete devastation, You can't build Mr. Peanut out of peanut butter, if you know what I mean. Yet the Resurrected John Lennon remained cool during the whole ordeal. At the point when the giant metal ball was about to literally pulverize their bones, he simply giggled with delight, raised  his head and kissed it.Approximately one six thousandth of a heartbeat later, it crackled out of existence and was instantaneously replaced by an elderly white woman bearing a striking resemblance to the Late Eleanor Roosevelt., though incongruently sporting a PENN STATE cheerleader's uniform, which did nothing for her, if you want to know the truth. The one-time First Lady said something to the former Beatle in a language unknown to our still unnerved vampire. Then she rolled off the long-haired Brit and laboriously rose to her feet, tooting out a few wet, slimy farts in the bargain. To Jonathon, they smelled like rancid meat balls. Our traveling duo followed the ancient cheerleader, as she led them into a thick, swirling, pale orange cloud bank rising five hundred miles above their heads. Remember, we're not in Kansas anymore {footnote - although the aliens do sometimes refer to our sun as 'Kansas,' since it is the only name ever given it in all of human culture via the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz }. The unbelievably vast golden platter (upon which they were walking) disappeared as soon as they entered into the gaseous, orange malestrom ...........wilkravitz (our Earth-bound channeler, currently residing deep in the Jersey Pines) was unable to 'hear' anything after that, but is prepared to speculate that the First Lady knows secrets relating to altered conditions on Mars and perhaps on Earth, as well....... Please forgive me for jumping from first person to third person, but it's freezing here. And YES, we have begun cooking cock roaches, though no one has actually eaten any yet. A few packets of Old Bay crab seasoning discovered in a kitchen cabinet promises to make the meal somewhat palatable. Our 'cooks' notice the flesh swells up a bit when boiled attaining a white, opaque look, close to that of shrimp. And the carapaces take on a dark, red, translucent appearance. Mr. Edith thinks he knows where there might be some old potatoes.......Oh, and one more thing. There's an ominous low rumbling noise, like thunder, but deeper, from far up above the sky...

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TANGERINE MOUNTAINS AND MARMALADE SKIES

It happened this way. Jonathon was walking through the maze-like corridors. The lights were turned down low. Almost everyone else, vampire and human, was asleep. Sunlight didn't matter much out here, even to the vampires. It was weak, producing illumination levels equal to those on Earth during the gloaming, that magical  time after sunset, yet before true nightfall. Look through a portfolio of Maxfield Parrish prints. You'll know what I mean.

He stopped at one of the quartz portholes, gazing out at a round shadow, caused by a Saturnian moon, as it drifted across the custard hued clouds. No human would have been able to detect any motion, but a vampire could. That's when he caught the reflection of someone standing behind him. He turned to face the Resurrected John Lennon. They stood like that for perhaps five heartbeats. Then he nodded in polite acknowledgement. The multi-Grammy Award winning performer and composer did the same.

Jonathon said - I thought you were still in Jerusalem?..... The Beatle said - I am...... Then he unfastened a button on his chambray work shirt, fished around in a nicely healed bullet wound and pulled out a tiny capsule. He offered it to Jonathon. The vampire said - Am I supposed to take this? I'm a life-eater. It probably won't effect me..... Let's try said the singer......Jonathon held the gelatinous orb up to a wall mounted fixture, examining the contents. Tiny, almost microscopic, human-like figures tumbled and swam through the viscous fluid...... The Brit put his hand on the vampire's shoulder and whispered - swallow it......And Jonathon did.

At first nothing happened. He still heard the low volume 'muzak' wafting out from the discreetly mounted fixtures. The score to Gypsy, I think it was. Then the platform seemed to evaporate, as they floated through space, two young gentleman adrift in a Peter Max universe. The 'muzak' was different now. I think it was Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds. After approximately twenty three heartbeats, our two travelers descended down to the cloud tops, piercing the thick, cloying mists, as they entered the Sovereign Principality of Saturn.

Colossal, gas filled, translucent, sausage organisms slowly rose up to meet them. They settled down upon the 'back' of one of the creatures (roughly four times the size of a great blue whale) and accompanied it down into  the unknown....The Resurrected John Lennon tapped Jonathon on the back and said - Told you it'd work. The vampire wanted to say something, but all that came out was one long, beautiful note. Yet the Beatle understood it and he smiled in agreement.

Jonathon knew they were about to meet some extremely important personage, so he straightened his clothes and tried to look composed. The Beatle leaned close and whispered in his ear - We gave you the moon. And our reverent life-eater was not quite sure what he meant, as their steed alighted on a vast golden platter, vanishing down into the surface, until they were quite alone. Then, from far off in the distance came the sound of a huge ball-bearing rolling toward them. How large was it? Oh, I don't know. Perhaps as tall as the Chrysler Building. but it stopped just prior to crushing them. Jonathon reached up and touched the warm, coppery surface. He could see his own troubled reflection.  But the Resurrected John Lennon merely stood there playing air guitar.

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