LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE... a not so 'noble' noble Vampire

Papa tried to restrain him. So what if the English tutor was too familiar? So what if his inexpensive, artificial, chemically based cologne was offensive. That's no excuse. People (or slight variations on the breed) don't go around jamming other people's hands down the garbage disposal.  One would be bad enough, but two is positively excessive. And the poor boy was only trying to earn some extra money to pay his way through Dancing School. Now how's he supposed to do 'jazz hands'!? 


Papa jumped on him right away. Bit his lip real hard. Smeared the blood all over the shredded, pulpy stumps. Kid was crying. Kid was screaming, convulsing and all. Twenty three years old. That's all he is, twenty three years old. A good kid to. He didn't know he was dealing with vampires. Sure, he knew they were a little bit 'crazy.' The concierge told him that. But Papa seemed all right.


And now they got him strapped on a gurney in a treatment room down under the Navy Yard in one of Doctor Franklin's laboratories. But, actually, that's the best place he could be. The Anti-Enchantment-Bureau does wonderful work. I think they got an alien physician, or maybe he's a guy from some other dimension. I do not know all the details, only that he looks like Hugh Beaumont (Beaver's dad) and talks like Celine Dion. 


They're attempting to 'do something' using the Great Armonica ( a sound frequency/energy device based on a REAL prototype Franklin built in the eighteenth century). It's supposed to be able to stimulate healing. Papa wanted to make the kid a vampire. Not his first choice, but what could he do? The kid was so innocent. But Sarah was against it. She is SO much like a basic human. Not that she can't sublimate and all, but she still thinks like a real nice, sweet-smiling first grade teacher. So it's going to take a while, however the combination of vampire blood (little infusions) and Franklin's tricks should grow him back a nice set a monkey paws. No, I'm just kidding. They'll be normal. 


Papa made Grigori (the Russian, vampire, oligarch) drink a little Sarah-blood too. You know, like to buffer that rat-weasel crap he's got. Didn't want to do it at first. Spit in his face. Starts yelling at him in mile-a-minute Russian. Could be Ukrainian. I don't know. Then he starts vibrating, like he got a real big dildo inside him. Knick-knacks start vibrating. Fish tank starts vibrating. Big, heavy pieces of furniture go skittering over the hardwoods. Sarah's ears start bleeding. She's yelling - Stop! Stop! Stop!..... But he won't stop. Papa's ready to kill him right then and there. 'Friend' or no friend. You don't disfigure people like that.


Russian knows what's coming, so he goes ZIP! and sublimates right through the window...the BIG window, and you know they're up on the seventeenth floor. Papa breathing so hard. His face was purple. It was actually purple. Concierge starts banging on the door. He KNOWS they're nothing but a bunch a son-of-a-bitch vampires. But he's a familiar and they take care of him. Tells everybody a bunch a rowdy young guys at a bachelor party went a little bit berserk. God knows what people thought when they saw the bleeding, thrashing, handless kid rolled out on that stretcher...... Concierge gave out a lot a gourmet fruit baskets, champagne too. So that made it all right. Let 'em take the bathrobes too. You know, you gotta do what you gotta do.


Little Bastid Annie loves that Russian guy. She thinks he's wonderful. Wants a drink vodka infused human blood. First you have to get the victim almost to the brink of fatal, alcohol poisoning.


Sarah took her to this all night toy store she knows. Bought some  real, whorey outfits for the Barbies. Annie likes when they look that way. She throws kisses to hookers on the street.

And what? You just got done watching True blood tonight? FUCK True Blood! 


What I'm tellin' you is REAL! ------- signed, One a the Disembodied Spirits.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


please hit the SHARE BAR. be a friend. COMMENTS are nice too. much obliged...

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.... I AM A MAN OF WEALTH AND MEANS... Grigory Usipov speaks

I need no familiars to channel this for me. Such primitive devices are very easy to manipulate. I 'think' and it becomes manifest.


Do you know I can taste  you through the ether? I can observe your very body. And do not take me for a paragon. A Tomas, I am not. This one has taken no vows. This one does not kneel. A true Boyar of Old Muscovy commands. He savors life....and even death. 


I sat in the shadows watching Ivan the Terrible fry naked, shrieking victims in giant skillets. Some parts tend to stick you know. And the Czar so liked a clean pan. Do you know what he did? .....Well, I'll tell you. Starving prisoners from the deepest, rat-hole dungeons would be brought forth to crawl about on the still hot surface, peeling off the crisp, charred bits with their teeth. A few were reluctant . But a liberal application of iron-tipped 'cats' to scrawny, quivering fundaments can be very persuasive, although such measures did tend to soil the skillets even more.


I have two of those skillets and I use them, deep beneath the vast assembly hall of my palace/fortress in the Urals. K.G.B. used to send 'clients.' And I played with them til they broke.... Then, they'd send me new toys.


Oh, do you know how we got victims to lay still upon the searing bed?..... Muscle relaxers. We would inject them with chemicals. A type of passive paralysis would ensue making all movement impossible. How the tears would sizzle.


Sometimes I'd order the kitchen serfs to make sausages from the soft, cooked meat. Then I'd stuff the sizzling delicacies  down into the fat, greasy mouths of my most sensual 'love dolls.'...... No, they really weren't dolls. They were females, live ones. We'd strip them down and truss them up like giant marionettes. The shows were quite famous. Magnates came from far and wide to see such rarified beauty. I'd vault to the stage and frolic with them. A Russian noble is proud of his body. A Russian vampire, doubly so.


Some legendary performances culminated in huge, drunken sacrificial orgies. I say 'sacrificial' because deaths did occur. Not among the aristocrats. No, never the aristocrats. But some  girls did die, either from my kiss, or  due to the indiscriminate  rough handling. 


God bless the serfs and their large families...always plenty to go around.


Pity we can't enslave them anymore....... at least not in the overt sense of the word.


You will leave now... It's time for my English lesson...


+*++*+*+*+*+*+*+*****+*+*+*+*+*++*+*+*+***+*+*+*+++**+


please hit the SHARE BAR. please leave a comment. thank you.

SOMETIMES THIS IS REALLY DANGEROUS

They landed. The plane came down at Atlantic City International Airport, a state of the art place, but ever so slightly more discreet, especially for those seeking the shadows. Papa's glad to get back. He's arranged for a mega-suite at The Ritz Carlton Hotel, west of Broad Street. Cases of the finest vodkas are being delivered as we speak. And the 'Natashas' will be quite pleased to see the high style assortment sent over from the best boutiques and salons along Rittenhouse Row.

Although Mr. Usipov is able to communicate telepathically, he wishes to acquire a certain proficiency with the English language and the hotel will supply him with a personal concierge conversant in Russian, Ukrainian and Old Slavonic, not to mention accomplished handlers for Vladimir and Olga, his supremely aristocratic, blue ribbon, magnificent Borzois.

Look, you must be patient. He is a very private individual and I do not wish to wind up a preserved specimen in a triple Nebuchadnezzar of top shelf vodka...

So allow me to retreat a bit. Permit me to observe. 

Come back tomorrow evening. God willing, I'll tell you more...

Oh, and the 'old bones'?  Well, let's just say he's making memories with the 'Natashas.'

****************************************

please hit the SHARE BAR. COMMENTS are welcome. thank you

SOME INSIGHTS INTO SURVIVING, OLD WORLD, VAMPIRE-HUMAN INTERACTIONS

First of all, we must agree that what comes next is fiction.... Some of you obviously remember that sentence. We used to begin each early post with it, in an effort to obfuscate the truth from those who'd do us harm. 


In light of what we are about to tell you now, we must return to that practice. Your understanding and cooperation is greatly appreciated. 


Old World power brokers have formed alliances with life-eaters since ancient times. Cheops, first historically recorded king of Kemet (Coptic for Egypt) imported vampire functionaries from Sumer, in far off Mesopotamia. Indeed, one such blood drinker even followed him into the tomb in an effort to revive his mummy. But the chemical and surgical mutilation of the body prevented that. So the vampire in question rallied all her powers of sublimation and 'resonated' through many tons of sandstone. I believe she exists to this very day, operating a small string of boutiques in Palm Beach, Heritage Park and The Philadelphia Main Line.


We've touched on it before, but Hitler understood the value of paranormal assistance. He maintained a select stable of vampires, stolen from ranking families throughout the Continent. Their blood helped him and his ghouls survive many trials. Who knows what would have happened if The Red Army hadn't 'liberated' them in the last weeks of the war.


Stalin made use of them. Some say he never died, but rather passed over into the night world rather than succumb to an inconvenient 'romantic' malady. Aparatchniks (well connected, Soviet 'nobles') nurtured this exotic band, spoiling them with fine bijoux and  lavish quarters in meticulously maintained Czarist palaces, in return for timely infusions of  life-enhancing blood.


They survived the fall of  The Communist Dynasty very much intact. A few fell in with the new Russian 'nobles,' the Oligarchs... but an even smaller number grabbed power in their own right. 


One such illustrious gentleman goes by the name of Grigori Usipov...... He has billions, controlling vast seams of iron ore throughout the frigid wastes of Sibir (Siberia), plus (it is rumored) a majority interest in a huge, North American entertainment/communications complex. Perhaps you've been to his parks?


Papa and the 'old bones' are streaking 'cross the ocean in Usipov's newest toy, a wide bodied, custom finished Airbus A340 reported to cost five hundred million American Dollars. Jules Verne never dreamt of such sky-borne opulence. Don't believe me? Ask him. The venerable Frenchman, always queer  for something new, converted to the night world ages ago. I believe he works for George Lucas now. He's very proud of Star Wars.


The 'old bones' just sits there, staring out into the night. Papa, pretty much at home just about anyplace, frolics with a squadron of nubile, though statuesque 'Natashas,' as they bathe, groom and pamper every part of his body in a gyroscopically stabilized, amber-lined spa.


It's good to be a vampire...............


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


please click on the SHARE BAR. we're growing. help us grow even more. your COMMENTS are welcome too. seal  your name upon this tale and join us. thank you

EDITH 'FORESEES' A VAMPIRIC VISITOR

Annie was playin' with her BARBIE'S DREAM HOUSE. Looked like a crib for little, plastic whores, the way she had it all done up. She still wanna go to California. Made Conrad, her brand new, 'bout forty year old, vampire-baby-man go out and boost her a copy a LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE. Seein' as she only seven years old, he gotta help her wit the words. But that California book doan use no big words anyway. Now she know who got the bes' bars an' what it like to see some bastid throw theyself under a train. 


But Edith say she better put that trip off a while. Papa comin' back an' he bringin' company. Annie say - Who he bringin'? Can't bring no mermaid. Can't bring no merman, 'cause we ain't got no baff tub. And I seed how they gotta use a wheelchair from a old, lady, red-haired-singer movie......... Edith know a lot. She a real good Piney-Witchy-Woman, but she doan know who it is...or what it is.


They stayin'  in Baylah's place, up on top a the piano bar. An' she ain't got too many 'resting cubicles.' Actually, they closets, but ain't no vampire gonna say he sleep in a closet. So what they  do is push all the clothes over to the side and curl up on the shoes. Tomas (when he there) doan like it. But Sarah say - Oh, why can't you jus' shet up!? You got a quilt, don't you!?....... Sometime they go sleep in a hotel. He got friends what let him in. But he not like to be no pig about it. Vampires got manners, don't 'chu know...


Baylah still in Atlantic City wit' her rich boyfriend. They waitin' for a big poker tournament. She like poker. I think some a the casino hosts know she vampire, but that ain't nuttin' big to them. Can't comp her wit' no food or nothin' (he eats. she don't), so they give her han'bags. She got all them fancy, disgustin' over-priced, twenty-two-hundred dollar han'bags. Ain't like she gotta put Kotex in 'em or nuthin'........ She used to look jus' like Beyonce, but now Beyonce a little, very much too curve-acious, so now she look like a skinny Beyonce. Not real skinny, but you know what I mean. 


Papa not wanna  come home plastered on a back a no whale (no offense, whales), so he 'rrange for a vampire buddy in Moscow to fly 'em over in a air plane. Wonder what that 'old bones' goomer gonna think 'bout that. Prob'ly gonna piss himself, that is if Neanderthal vampires still can piss themself.


I tellin' you. You gotta keep up ev'ry night, or you gonna miss a lot. Vampire doan sit still for nothin'.


This is Zebulon, your two thousand year old disembodied spirit of a thirteen year old Judean boy what got stoned to death, signing off. I wanna go look through that LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE, if Edith ain't got it all stunk up from the toilet... So, yadda, yadda, yadda...That's all. Good night.


~_~          ~_~          ~_~          ~_~          ~_~


please hit the SHARE BAR. help us out a little, OK? COMMENTS welcome too. thank you.

"OGz Write Away": #4 The Hyperlink

"OGz Write Away": #4 The Hyperlink: Tip #4  Today, ladies and gents, I will be explaining how to make a regular word into a link that takes your reader to an extended exp...

CLICK ON THE SAVORY, VIOLENT 4/11 EPISODE RIGHT BELOW THIS

BERSERK KILLER CHIMPS....... REPULSIVE CARNIVOROUS GHOULS..... WELCOME TO THE WONDERLAND!