51ST BINGO BOY episode 12/22/12

BINGO BOY - post 51

Welcome. Welcome, Oh, best beloved. Witness the first day of the New Beginning. Yes, I heard many of you saying we were wrong. But we of the Fifteen Kingdoms are not wrong. Palenque was right. Chitzen Itza was right. Ush Mal was right too. I do not recall the names of the rest, for I have been dead so long. What do they call me? You could not say it. Your tongue is crippled for such words. So do not sing our songs. Just call me Bayba.

And I have never so much as breathed the air of your land, for they brought me here as a mummy, dragged out from my tomb beneath the Temple of Kul Kul Can. Would they do the like today? I think not. But this was long ago, before machines learned to fly. Now I rest in a case deep within the Meso-American wing of a great Philadelphian museum. School children, barely into their first katun, go 'ewww' when they see me. But, oh, how I smile at them.

My spirit flits about the city like a hummingbird. I go north. I go south. Toward the dawn. Toward the dusk. The tale of 'The Ricky and The Little Chrissie' is quite known to me. So permit me to narrate what happened today.... In our hearts, The First Day... The Dawn of All Things New.... How I miss the piquant casseroles of my homeland. But I digress. So let me go on.....

Thing - the - First~~~ The people from the magic talking box (TV) cornered the one known as Marty as he ate a sausage stuffed with giant deer fat on the street. I believe you call it a hot dog. They beckoned him into a wheeled vehicle (truck) and regaled him with visions on a little box. He saw the bingo hall. He saw the games. He saw looks pass between hard, low-born women, as they pretended to win a game they had not. A woman who worked for the magic box spoke. She said - We have hours and hours of tape. And it gets so very much worse. What have you to say? ..... But Marty was silent. His eyes bulged out, but he was silent. And he pushed her aside, as he escaped the dark confines, and tumbled onto the street. 'Muscles' was there to help him to his feet. They ran back inside, raced down the center aisle, disappearing into the room behind the mirror, where they locked and barred the door.

But the thin, old man, known as Uncle Patsy, never missed a beat and the games, such as they were, went on, as he droned out the numbers to a mesmerized throng. 

That is how 'Thing - The - First' began....

Thing - The - Second, is less volatile. A woman on the cusp of her third and fourth katun (20 year period) rides in the back of a great, mechanical conveyance. I believe you call it a Lincoln Town Car Limousine. It has a silvery, metal skin. I do not know the provenance. And a well-stitched leather interior crafted from the hides of the same giant deer used to make the fatty, street-side sausages. She listens to music, escaping from discrete, little tambors (speakers) hidden throughout this special vehicle. She dreams of a rather trim old man, who awaits in a city by the sea. I believe you call it 'the Jersey Shore'?

They must talk and make decisions. Her heart beats, as the huge Lincoln thing rolls on. She gazes at the cold, evergreen woods racing passed the window. A strange, little, juvenile creature ( young Jersey Devil) gazes back. But she does not see him. Perhaps he is a northern variation of my homeland's chupacabra?

Thing - The - Third plays out quite near the smoky bingo hall. A stout, young woman, known as Big Chrissie, buys a meal at the counter of a pressed-giant-deer meat-pattie-vendor. The drowsy girl on the other side says - Hello. and how many pounds of food does the lady wanna eat today?.... But a manager runs over to correct her. He says - That ain't how it goes!.... The counter girl rolls her eyes. She goes - All right! I know! I forgot! Go to hell! Go to hell! (you know how much they love that phrase 'round here). Then she smiles at Big Chrissie (who appears to be in some sort of distress) and continues - How many pounds of food does the 'nice' lady wanna eat? And do you got any fuckin' coupons? You gotta tell me now, or else a lot a crappy shit is gonna happen, OK?....... Big Chrissie belches and responds. She goes - No coupons. And I think I'm gonna have the pound-a-food special....... Then, as the counter girl pushes ' Santa Claus Spicy French Fries'  on her (they get points), Big Chrissie's water breaks and gushes down all over the wood patterned, laminate floor. I think some splashed on a little boy eating a chicken skin nugget, but he don't care...... Without missing a beat, the counter girl yells - Baby water clean up on register one! Baby water clean up on register one!........ Somebody gives Big Chrissie a medicinal brew, known as a Diet Coke. 

And thus did Marty's third child begin it's trip into our world.

Now please allow me to drift back toward my sarcophagus. I yearn for my desiccated cadaver. But pay attention, oh best beloveds. The world is new now and things will begin to change.....

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50TH BINGO BOY episode 12/21/12

BINGO BOY - post 50

Too-Many-Cookies gotta run home. She take two slices of american cheese for her bagel and she lactose intolerant. That mean she get the milk-shits. Doan wanna stink up no neighbor toilet so she run back across the street to her house. Got all them Target catalogs she like in there anyway. You know she do plan to re-do the place.

Little Chrissie and Ricky run upstairs. Baby in his play pen. He watchin' Kelly Rippa an' that new guy playin' her 'husband' wit' them David Letterman teeth he got. Marge still talkin' a Jimmy. She smilin'. She twistin' the cord. This a old phone an' it still gotta cord. I doan like them, 'cause you could hang a baby wit' it. But Marge ain't got that much money an' it still work and all. Ricky jus' stand there lookin'. Little Chrissie sit on the bed. She wanna hear, but Marge keep pushin' her away. Old folks, or almost old folks look sickening talkin' lovey-dovey like that. Wanna kick 'em in the stomach an' make 'em shut up. Then Marge go - Mwah!.... like she kissin' him and all. Then she go - Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, ok. Bye. Mwah! Mwah!..... an' she hang up. Little Chrissie go - What the hell did that bastid want!?..... She mad, 'cause he run away and leave 'em in a parking lot. But he only do it to get back at 'em for almost killin' him. 'Sides, wanna see what in the next safe deposit box all by himself.

Marge still smilin' and all. She say - He want me to meet him...... Little Chrissie go - Where?..... Marge go - Down the shore. Say he gone send a car for me. I say, 'OK. I be ready tomorrow. Say he wanna talk wit' me. You all invited, but not the first day. Say he not mean a run away from both a you. It jus' happen. He go, 'You know how it is?' I go, 'Uh huh.'... You know, I think he really love me.

So they help her get ready. Little Chrissie wax her up real good, her mustache, her legs and all. Ricky drive 'em to a mall what got a Target AND a Kohl's, 'cause she wanna look real nice. This gone be like a honeymoon, maybe. Buy new underwear, couple twelve ninety nine brassieres. Doan get no dresses, 'cause shore get cold in winter. It nice. People go. Air feel good, but it cold. An' she doan even know what shore he talkin' 'bout. Jersey got a lot a towns. So it gone be like a surprise. Baby hungry. Lucky they by a Chinese buffet. Not that baby gone eat all that stuff. But you do get you money worth.

An' all the while this gone on, TV truck pullin' up to the bingo hall. It doan look like no TV truck. This one plain. It like a secret TV truck made for sneakin up on folks. They gone put Marty on the news. They gone ask him how come he cheat so much? They gone grab Diane an' the other one. I think that what they named. You know. The shills. Place gone be all lit up. Marty gone shove his hand up at that camera. He gone say - Please leave. I have nothing to say...... Muscles gone get fresh wit' TV gal. He gone push her. But she talk real fas'. She talk real tough. She gone shut him up right away. 'Sides, she got her own 'Muscles.' It gone be like Mardi Gras. I doan wanna miss it. But that not happen yet. An' back at the shoppin' center, they still buyin' Marge her 'maybe' trousseau. Little Chrissie get her a nice tube a lipstick too.

Everybody happy Jimmy call. He the one wit' the money. An' now it look like he DO wanna share. Little Chrissie say they gotta buy some clothes for when they go down too. But she wanna go to H&M. Ricky jus' say - Uh huh....'cause he still thinkin' 'bout the money.

It funny how things go. Marge actin' all young an' all. You doan even see that tooth she got missin'. 'Sides, it not up front, so who care.

Baby see a not so little plastic piano he wanna bang on. He like that. It shape like a dinosaur what got piano in its ribs. Cost like thirty dollar, but they so happy they buy that too.

It like a four-day-early Christmas present. Then they fall in a car an' go home.

Marge start singin' a song. She go - Fairy tale can come true. It can happen to you. If you young at heart.

But Little Chrissie turn on the radio. It got 'That What Christmas Mean To Me, My Love.'.... You know, the dum da dum da dump dump da dump song? 

Everybody like that better....

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49TH BINGO BOY episode 12/20/12

BINGO BOY - post 49

Back at Marge's place they all eatin' breakfast. She don't make no pancakes, 'cause she don't feel like it. So they havin' spongy supermarket bagels wit' cream cheese and American cheese on top a that. Ricky break it up into real little pieces for the baby, 'cause he don't want no Cherrios when everybody else got spongy cinnamon-raisin bagels. You know how babies get.

Little Chrissie say they gone go get jobs at the I.R.A.. Be clerks for the tax season. Marge say - You don't know what I.R.A. gone do when you tell 'em you work for a crooked bingo hall.....  So maybe they go do stock work instead. You know Home Depot get ready for spring right after New Year. Whole lot a 'flats' need pushin' 'round. This just gone be til they go to Jersey. Jus' til they fix up the houses enough to get rid of 'em. Too-Many-Cookies tell Marge she told Marty 'bout seein' Jimmy. But she doan know if he really believed her. He always look shifty like that. Marge tells her to go to hell. ... 'Go to hell' the most popular phrase they got on this street. Everybody say - Go to hell... It like the national anthem or somethin'. You know, I wanna go back and be a disembodied, spirit narrator where I come from. I wanna go to Louisiana. But every time I ask, they tell me to go to hell too. Look, what can I do? Not like we got a union or somethin'..... But 'Too' don't care. She just take a bagel and sit down. Little Chrissie doan like her. She put the cream cheese away before 'Too' can get it. Make her eat margarine. Who the hell cares? Ricky drinkin' soda. He doan say nothin.' He thinkin' 'bout New Year parties his folks used a make. Cousins come over. Eat peanuts, cashew nuts, cold cuts, potato salad, rye bread. And these the good cold cuts. These Jewish cold cuts. Ain't got no little olives sliced up in 'em. I doan think they even say 'cold cuts.' Think they say 'delicatessen.' Drink Screwdrivers, Seagram's 7, high balls, stuff like that. But not a lot, 'cause they mostly Jews and all.... Only now things is all different. Jew drunk like everybody else. Got that Grey Goose Vodka, if you know what I mean. But I do like the danish pastry an' sticky buns they have after..... Ricky miss them days. Used a set upstairs poppin' balloons wit' his cousins. Come downstairs. Say hello to everybody. Do a little dance. You know how kids always dance around for company. Used a let the kids eat all they want. But then 'after' grown-ups play cards. Put on real raunchy comedy album too. Old ones. Real old ones from nineteen fifties. Belle Barth, Redd Fox. They say 'screw.' They say 'tittie.' Kids can't hear that, so they go back upstairs an' watch scary movie on TV...... Ricky wanna get away from here. He wanna get away real bad. Not from Little Chrissie, the baby and all, jus' from here. Baby burp. He burp real cute. Everybody laugh. Baby laugh too......

Then the phone ring. Little Chrissie get it. She go - Hello?... Hello?...... First nobody say nothin'. She ready to hang up. Ricky whisper - Who is it?.... She jus' shrug.....But then she hear him. Hear him go - Chrissie, that you? (he sound nervous. he sound real nervous)..... She go - Y-yeah?...... Marge go - Who is it?.....But Little Chrissie doan wanna say 'cause Too-Many-Cookies is sittin' there and all. So she jus' give her grandma a look. Marge know..... It Jimmy...... Littlle Chrissie go - Gram, it's for you. you wanna go take it upstairs?....... Marge go - Sure. Tell 'em to hold on..... And she squeeze out the kitchen and run up. Ricky know. He seed their faces. But he wanna put on a show for 'Too,' so he go - Who was it?..... Little Chrissie go - Nobody. Jus' her cousin from Fairless Hills.... (that a neat, little suburb up in Bucks County.) Then she hear Marge get on, so she hang up.....

'Too' doan know if she believe that 'cousin' story. But that jus' how she is

Marge heart poundin' real fast. She wanna hear what he gotta say. First she hear last part a Nicki Minaj record playin' in the background. Then she hear Taylor Swift. That how long it take him to talk.

An' she wanna hear what all he gotta say....

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48TH BINGO BOY episode 12/19/12

BINGO BOY - post 48

At first Jimmy stayed in a motel, a nice one. You know how they are. The big ones, I mean. Really like hotels, but you can park right there, so they call them motels. Or they call them nothing, but you know what they are. This one was on Route 73, the main drag exiting Philadelphia, cutting through the suburbs and off to the shore. 'Cept they call it something else when you get near the water. Merges with the Black Horse Pike, I think. Nice stretch. Neat, little 'truck' farms, produce stands, closed for the season custard places, decent roadhouse restaurants and all that. But Jimmy wasn't holed up in that part. He was only maybe ten miles out of Philly. This is the BIG suburbs, like you see close in to New York and Philadelphia. Glossy malls. More glossy malls. High priced theme chain restaurants with waterfalls and mass produced delectables and stuccoed walls and huge, squishy booths. Serious jewelry stores built like thick walled Mayan temples, or Los Angeles movie houses. 

Wasn't hard gettin' there either. You see, he didn't know there was another safe deposit box til he found the slip in the first one. Marty probably don't know about the note either. Must a dropped it in there months ago. Maybe it fell out of a pocket, or envelope and he just kept loadin' money on top of it. And that was it. You know he 'knocked down' on Jimmy. You know he skimmed. Well, this was fate. This was pay back. Now he's makin' it right. 

At first Jimmy was gonna run right out to the car and tell the kids all about it. But then he starts thinkin'. You know ex-cons are always thinkin'. Russia and Ukrainian ones even more. What's in the box? Is it money? How much money? Was Ricky really gonna kill him. Sure, they had that conversation a few weeks ago, but 'treasure maps' erase shit like that. That stuff gets erased real fast. Thought about the baby. Felt bad about the baby. But he couldn't help it. So he sneaks out the rear entrance, crosses over to a Motel 6. Not one a the fancy, big hotels. This was just a Motel 6. Goes in the office, slips the desk guy a twenty and asks him to call for a cab. Could a used his cell phone, but he don't want no records. 

Ninety minutes later he got a room. Nice place. Steakhouse off the lobby. Indoor pool. Coffee shop. Wi-fi lounge. The works. But then he's thinkin'. He's layin' 'on the bed and he's thinkin'. Shades are drawn. TV's off. He can hear the hum of the little fridge in the mini bar, but that's about it. Maid pushes cart down the hall. He can hear that. But she's talkin' Spanish, so he don't know what she's sayin'. Only now he got like a big, fat butt pack fill a money. Bought it when he got to The Cherry Hill Mall, 'cause he don't like totin' all that cash around in a big plastic bag from the bank. Came with a whole mess a cheap bank swag, pocket mirror, calender/notebook, calculator and I don't know what else. Girl behind the counter give it to him when he say he gotta go empty out the box. She think he Marty. That what his I.D.'s say. You know, them Russian, Ukrainians can copy anything. Skin look too old a be Marty. But he pretty fit, so that make up for a lot.

Wanna know how much he got? OK, now I'll tell you. First bank give him three hundred thousand dollar. Second bank give him nine hundred and ten thousand dollar. So that one million, two hundred and ten thousand dollar. You do the math..... No, wait. I just did the math...... He real happy. Not smilin' happy, jus' fas' heatbeat happy. See another bank in the mall, so he go in, get another box and stash most of it there. But keep like two hundred thousand for lunch, clean underwear and emergencies. Got it in one a them butt packs. It big. It like a fat ass butt pack. An' he got that butt pack under a jacket, a leather jacket. Think a black, leather jacket like a religious thing with his people.

Then he go in a hot dog place. Get two wit' the works. Sweet potato fries and everything. Set hisself down in the back. It a nice place. Look like a Five Guys Burgers. We been there before. But this not burgers. This hot dogs. This different. He eatin'. He thinkin'. Maybe he gone let them bastids sweat for a few day. Kep' him in a cage and all. Fed him good. Bought him a nice, all modern, luxury style commode. You could use it for fishin', or tail-gatin'. Nobody'd know. But it still jus' a shit bucket. 

That when he see the baby. Nice chunky, little fella. Mama shovelin' in a mashed up sweet potato. He go 'ahm-ahm-ahm' jus' like the one back 'home.' You know he do think a Marge house as home. Mama smile. He smile. Baby laugh. He laugh.... Mama say - Look, he like you!..... Jimmy say - You sure got one baby-deluxe over there. What his name?...... Mama say - Jesus... Only she go - Hay-Zoose... But he know that mean 'Jesus.' An' although Jimmy tryin' to be all Jew and everything, it still put him in mind a God..... So he finish up, bus his table real nice, slip the Mama twenty to go but a toy for the baby (she doan want it, but he say 'please.' so she take it) and go out to the stores. 

Half hour later he got a ring. It big. It round. It diamond. It got baby diamonds all 'round the mama diamond. An' it for Marge. Next day he get the car. Not like a Cadillac or a Buick. This a Bentley. Sure it a few years old. But still cost like a hundred thousand dollar. Had a give the guy his social security number. Used Marty's number for that. But not like he ever gone know 'bout it. Bentley's what you drive when you can tell folks to go to hell an' they can't do nothin' 'bout it. It blue, real dark blue and shiny. Wit' brown leather inside and everything. I once floated through Beyonce (you know I am a disembodied spirit, jus' like all them other professional narrators) and she got a real good leather pocketbook smell the same way.

Now he down the shore. That 'bout ninety minutes away. Less if you speed. But Jimmy don't do that. Cops like a stop a Bentley. He know it. Place mostly cleaned up after the big storm. Least this part is. Everything all cozy and twinkled up for The Holidays. He lookin' for a house. He lookin' for a nice house. 'Cause you know.... he got money a his own too.....

Real estate lady like a cousin or somethin'. She doan wanna leave him alone for nothin'....

He like this place. It like Mayberry, if Mayberry had fancy houses an' a beach... plus a few good hoagie/submarine stores too...

Imagine, them what still in Philly think he never comin' back....

But Marty due for money trouble and jail trouble  an' everythin'. Skinny school teacher an' his TV station girl cousin got a whole big thing comin'. They been settin' in that bingo hall for days. They been lookin'. They been watchin'. Not the teacher, jus' the TV folks. 

An' soon it gone be showtime.....

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47TH BINGO BOY episode 12/17/12

Bingo Boy - post 47

The next day they went over to Ricky's house. Brought a whole mess a big plastic bags. The kind you use for leaves and grass and all. Gonna bag up all the shit and toss it, use some a the 'Marty' money they already had to fix it up and sell it. Could be they'd get maybe one fifteen, one twenty. Little Chrissie wanted a go to Jersey. She likes the shore. Says it's a good place for kids to grow up. Figures her grand-mom's house might add another sixty nine, if they dressed it up a little. Best case, they'd have like a little over two hundred thousand. Ricky said - Can't buy no shore house for two hundred. And what are we gonna do for money once we get there. What, am I gonna push a rolling chair? You gonna be a cocktail waitress?..... But they clean out the house anyway, 'cause sometimes there ain't no sense to what you want, but you want it just the same...

Too-Many-Cookies did go to the bingo. She told Marty what she saw. He sort a believed her. Figured Marge had some guy in there. Not that he can really say. But he's seen her around. He got an idea what she was. Look, not like he got high expectations for people 'round here. But he calls Muscles over. Whispers to him. Says - What do you think the odds are that Jimmy-bastid's still alive? ...... Muscles blinks. He don't know what to say. What, he's gonna analyse something?... But Marty keeps pressin'. Big Chrissie runs over. She goes - What are you talkin' about Jimmy? What, he come back already?...... She really showin' now. Sweatin' too. Even though it winter, she damp-like. And the place all fill a smoke. And her baby breathin' it in through her belly button. I think that where the baby-air come from. But I ain't no scientist. So don't hold me to it....... John, the other bingo-boy have lunch wit' Big Chrissie. It really supper. But they call it lunch, 'cause it come like in the middle a their shift. She eatin' chicken nuggets an' a salad. Dressing all trans-fatted-up, but she don't know that. It not beef. It not potatoes. She eatin' healthy. John grab shit off the dollar menu, 'cause he never got no money. She say - I think Jimmy back..... He go - Yeah? That ought a make you happy. Then you get the money right from him, wit'out that Marty stickin' his shit in. Why he gotta know anyway? He ain't part a this?...... She give him a look. She go - What you mean?.... He say - Come on. We know who the daddy is. We know who poke you up and all...... She keep lookin'. And he whisper - Jimmy. .... Then he go - Girl, what'chu got, a grand-pop fixation, or somethin'?....... But she just tell him to drop dead. Then they have the ice cream....

Now, nobody know where Jimmy is. But that don't mean he ain't someplace. Right now he in Jersey. Everybody like Jersey. You know it the richest state in the whole country? Got horse farms. Got shore towns (nice ones too). Got real fancy shoppin' joints. Why you think they got all them Cheesecake Factories? An' I talkin' 'bout them restaurants. Even got Jersey Devil too. Not that team. No, not them. I talkin' 'bout them creatures. What, you never seed 'em drivin' back from the shore? You never seed 'em runnin' back and forth, all naked, through the woods? Come on! What'chu doin' in that car? You must be blind. I knowed one by name, kid Jersey Devil. Called him Horsey Skeezix. Used a throw him salt water taffy. He like that......

But lemme get back to Jimmy. Yeah, he feel real bad doin' Marge and Little Chrissie and the baby and Ricky like he do. But two a them was gonna kill 'im. So he figure it right and proper if they shit theyselves a little. Not the baby. He shit hisself a lot anyway. Still, it not like Jimmy wastin' time. He in Margate (Google it). He lookin' at houses. Just a little bit a them got smashed up in the big storm. The rest a them's OK. An' he got money. An' he shoppin'. 

Know how much he find in that second safe deposit box?.... I ain't tellin'. Not now, anyway.

But it a lot......

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THE MIDNIGHT WALKER 12/17/12

No Bingo Boy tonight, just a true recollection of something that happened to me a few winters back. And apparently, others claim the same thing's happened to them too. It ain't up on here. I TWEETED in on TWITTER. TwitLonger lets you do that. Look for it on my page ( @wilkravitz ). It's the one near the top that begins with @joe_hill . If you've had a similar experience, please leave a comment here, or a tweet there. Go to #midnightwalker if you like too. Dark winter nights hide cold, dead things...

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B.E. Scully: Fire Devils

B.E. Scully: Fire Devils: Let it be cleansed, let it be reborn anew.  Let creation come from destruction, as all life must come from death. Let it b...A mesmerizing look into the eyes of compulsion.... plus, if you're a writer, study this post. B.E. Scully has hit on something. The perfect mix of entertainment and enticement ...And the STORY IS REAL GOOD TOO! Then when you're done, wander around our part of the forest. Scroll down for some BINGO BOY......And remember...THIS IS NOT THE POST! You gotta click on this to see the REAL THING.... OK? MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!!!