Tuesday, December 11, 2012

41ST BINGO BOY episode 12/11/12

BINGO BOY - post 41

The baby was about to take his first steps. Marge could tell. She remembered when her Chrissie was little. She knows. Jimmy hears her clappin' and laughin'. He starts screamin' - What you doin', old lady? What you doin'?.....She runs to the cellar door in the kitchen and yells down. She says - The baby's gonna walk! He's tryin'! He's tryin'!......... Then she races back to the front room. But Jimmy hollers. He goes - I wanna see! I wanna see!...... Marge don't know what to do. She's lookin' for her cell phone. She wants a take pictures. And Jimmy starts cryin'. It's like he's gone crazy down there. She scoops up the baby, plops him in his playpen, runs down the stairs and goes - Jimmy, are you OK? What's a matter?....... He rubs his eyes and says - I wanna see...... And he looks so pathetic, she lets him out. She gets the key, frees his foot and lets him out. You can only keep somebody locked up so long, you know? Especially if he's your secret honey bunch. So the two of 'em go upstairs, get the baby and teach him to walk. 

Yeah, it's late. He should a been sleepin' upstairs in his crib. But Marge wanted a hear what Marty said. And sometimes the baby won't go to sleep unless she's in the room. So she covered him up real good and let him doze off in the playpen. It is sort a like a port-a-crib, you know. But he opens his eyes during Jay Leno, kicks off the blankets and pulls himself up. Then he starts boppin' up and down, up and down. So that's how it happened. And now his one-time-dominatrix, great grandmother plus the Ukrainian prisoner from the basement are teachin' him to walk. He stands. He falls on his padded, little tushie. He sways from side  to side. The two old (or older) folks are down on the floor encouraging him. Gonna be a cripped up race for the Advil bottle when this is done, I'll tell ya..... Jimmy goes - Da, manchik! Da manchik!....... Marge beams - Come on, big boy! Come on big boy! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!....... 

But then it happens. One a the window shades SNAPS and flies all the way up to the top. Last thing you wanna do in a neighborhood like this is leave a room so open to the street that late at night. So Jimmy, without thinkin', jumps up to pull it down..... And Too-Many-Cookies (already suspicious from all the packages and the commode and all) sees. It's crazy how shit happens. She was takin' Julius Caesar, her little chihuahua for his last turd drop. Walkin' him back and forth in front a the Gypsy's house. She don't like the Gypsies. But now she's runnin' in to call her mama.....

Five minutes later Little Chrissie and Ricky walk in. They don't even notice Jimmy's upstairs now. Marge says - Well?.... Jimmy looks... Baby goes - Da-da, Da-da.... as he opens and closes his little hands real fast in that gimme-gimme move...... Ricky picks him up.... Little Chrissie gives the old folks a thumbs down... Marge exhales.... Jimmy goes - That friggin' bastid........ You know he don't curse around babies, don't ya?......So they all sit there, bathed in the light from the television (think Jimmy Fallon was on) and the little red, porcelain lamp by the sofa.

Too-Many-Cookies is still on the phone talkin' to Mary. That's her mother. And she don't even notice when Julius Caesar takes a big dump all over the brand new living room rug...


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