57TH BINGO BOY episode 1/11/13

Bingo Boy - post 57

Too-Many-Cookies sees everything. She's always either looking out the window, or dragging that little shit machine of hers all over the street. They ought to give her a P.H.D. in 'how to peek through curtains without getting caught'? I bet there's a college that would do it. Come on. For money? There has to be. What do you think? So you know she saw that limo take Little Chrissie and Ricky and the Baby away. And you know she scribbled down the license plate number. She's got an old pair of binoculars. Not really binoculars, more like opera glasses. You know those little ones, the kind you can snap shut into their own rectangular case? Think her mother boosted 'em from a show somewhere. 

So she calls Muscles. Got his cell phone number and everything. Says it's something big. Says she gotta talk to him. He says - What?.... She giggles. Well, you know she got the hots for him. He knows too. Used to rub her back and make like he didn't realize he's ticklin' her butt when she played bingo and all. Man is he an expert bingo-gigolo. 'Too' used to buy him shirts and give him tips and get him presents and everything. Now she has to see him. Wants a meet at the Red Robin Diner up on the nice part a Frankford Avenue, away from all the 'el' tracks. Mary, her mother (another 'case' if ever there was one) drove her up there, 'cause the don't want nobody on the street seein' her get into Muscle's car. That way, if he don't come, she can still get herself a nice stack a buttermilks and a good piece a grilled ham..... Boy, could I go for that. Too bad I'm just one a them disembodied, ghost-spirit narrators. Now I gotta eat ghost-ham. Some a the bastids 'round here like it, but I think it tastes like Weight Watchers crap.

But Muscles did come. He did show up. She sees him park the car and quick yanks the pig scraps out from between her teeth. You know it's been warm around here lately, like fifty or fifty five degrees. So he got this cool jacket on with the collar turned up and his blue jeans and all. Think he got new sneaks too. God knows where the money came from, less he cleaned the old ones with some a that sneaker shampoo shit.. 'Too' smiles when he walks in. Watches him walk down the aisle and all. Waitress eyes him too, but I think she knows him from the cop days. Maybe they used a mush up together. I don't know. But he used to come in for coconut-custard pie and coffee on a regular basis.

Too says - You want something to eat? My treat..... He gives her his best street corner shrug, like he don't care, or he don't know if he cares. But the waitress thinks he's noddin' to her, so she comes runnin' over anyway.... Muscles goes - Lemme have a ham and cheese omelet.... Waitress goes - Drink?.... He says - Coffee... She goes - Peh-tay-dehs?.... He says - Home fries..... She goes - Bread?.... He says - Whole wheat toast..... You know ex-cops like to stay in shape and all.....

Five minutes later they tuck into a good, diner style breakfast. Then he belches a little... like a quiet one. You could see it, more than actually hear it... 'Too' says - God bless you.... But he just goes on eatin'. She says - I got the license number from the car, from the limo 'he' sent for 'em..... He looks up. That's how he says 'yeah?'... So she takes out the paper (got it stuffed down her meaty cleavage.... you know she rehearsed that part) and gives it to him..... He reads it, nods and stuffs it in his shirt pocket....... 'Too' says - So, does it help you any?..... Muscles goes - Could be.....

But he knows. He knows he can trace it... find the company... find the driver.... find the pick-up point (and he already knows that)... find the drop-off point.... That's what he really wants. Bet it takes him fifteen minutes..... He got friends still 'servin'.' Cops got computers what can key into anything.

So our happy, little family down the shore ain't hid so good no more.

Eh... what can you do?....

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BINGO BOY - post 56

Marty sat all by himself. Nobody came to the house. Who'd he have? Wife left. Kids left. Neighbors all hated him. Sure, Muscles was there... but he didn't count. Crapped up the kitchen with all them take out Chinese food containers. Wants a bring one of his sticky whores in to spend the night, but Marty won't have it... not in his kids' house. 

Some nights he sits there listing to 'Fun' for hours. I think he's got it on a loop. 'Carry On, Carry On, Carry on'... Makes him feel a little better.. Gotta find a line. Gotta 'rep' something good. Maybe ride the train into Manhattan some morning. Fix himself up. Put on a suit. He could do it..... maybe.... But then, when he'd finally turn the music off and it got quiet, he knew he couldn't do it. Got no connections. ..... Gee, Bingo was a good racket. You know Steve Wynn and his father started that way? A lot a people started that way. But Marty was dumb. He was hungry. He couldn't wait. ...So now he had shit.

Most of the rooms were empty. Some furniture jobber gave him eighteen hundred dollars for the lot. Dining room was separate. Pool table was separate. Piano was separate... Big deal. How far's ten thousand bucks gonna go? 

Muscles might help these crooked cops he knows shake down drug pushers., but Marty can't do that. Know what he does to save money? Early Bird Specials... He goes to early bird specials. Eight ninety nine... you get the whole deal..swiss steak, mashed potatoes, peas, a salad, cake, soda. OK, so he tips 'em two bucks. It's still worth it... Plus it gets him outta the house.

He tried calling his father-in-law's place, but after two rings he hung up. Too-Many-Cookies says she knows they're all at the shore. Jimmy and them shit-for-brains kids, I mean. Marty has this 'thing' he plays over and over in his head. It's like a play. It's like a movie. He sees it all. Corners them at the new place. He's got a gun. Muscles got a gun. Makes Jimmy turn over the money. But it's just a dream. Tony Soprano, he ain't.

Now his sneakers are wearing out. The refrigerator's makin' noise. And he thinks he's got the shingles.

Look, if you rode by the house, you wouldn't suspect nothin'. Lawn looks all right. It's winter time. Don't have to cut it now. Drive ain't got no cracks. Fake stucco still looks good..... Yeah, he's got some equity in the place. But you know Mrs. Marty and the 'puppies' gonna get that...... And you wanna hear a good one?..... Big Chrissie and her Hitler-Groupie pop-pop still want money for the new baby.

'New baby'.... What a joke that is..... but it's his....

Marty stays up real late every night now. Watches them Hoda-Kathy-Lee reruns at two a.m...... Then he watches that Kramer guy go nuts on MAD MONEY...

Too bad he ain't got nothin' to invest.....

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55TH Bingo Boy episode 1/8/13

Bingo Boy - post 55

So the first couple days in Margate went pretty good. They walked all around town, took the Baby to see 'Lucy the Elephant,' a hundred and thirty year old six story, iron-clad building shaped like some maha-raja's howda topped, oriental fantasy. She's got a porthole right where an anus should be  and a cute, little souvenir cottage filled with seashore sofa-throws, kitchy pillows and pachyderm shaped refrigerator magnets.  Marge dropped sixty dollars on a couple gee-gaws... The zeal of the new convert and all that. 

Little Chrissie quietly took it all in. You know she watches Charlie Rose. That girl thinks.  She studied the million dollar homes on the parkway, a wide, landscaped, six block stretch more akin to Beverly Hills than the shore.  OK, so they don't have any palm trees, but the holly trees and maples look real good too. Besides, if you look close, a few of the properties have carefully sheltered, sturdy specimens (palms, I mean) peeking out from sunny, side yards and wind-free, little nooks. This town knows how to live......

Jimmy wasn't saying, but he sensed it too. They needed something, like a goose to lay the golden eggs. You know, he's shrewd. He picks up this stuff.  Gotta find a business.... some sure thing, maybe like one a the shops on Ventnor Avenue, or a share in some, trendy, bayside eatery. Some guys lost plenty in the hurricane. But the damage was spotty. Gotta ask around. Gotta talk to people. Smile a lot. Be friendly. He can do that... turn on the old 'how it was done in Odessa' charm. Partners aren't that hard find. Look what he did with Marty.......

Ugh... poor Marty. He's gonna have a heart attack. I'm telling you. Sits in the house all by himself. Sure, Mrs. Marty would love to come back and kick him out. Kids wanna come back too. But how long could they stay? He don't have any money. How long would they manage? Who'd pay the bills? So she and the kids bunk with her folks (I think we told you her dad has some money.) and he pawns Henredon diningroom furniture. Jewelry's all gone. What did he have?... A watch?... A ring?... Can't watch cable. That's gone... Plays solitaire in the kitchen... Listens to all the crazies on talk radio.... and plots with Muscles....

Yeah, they talk about revenge. Empty safe deposit boxes will do that to people. Plus, Big Chrissie's pressuring him to pay toward the baby. He knows Jimmy's down the shore somewhere. He knows that's where the money is. And Muscles knows guys on the force. Not just in Philly. In Jersey too.

I think he even sleeps there now (Muscles, I mean). Not Jersey, Marty's house. They eat eggs and five dollar, take-out pizzas from Little Ceasar. They get nervous. They drum on the counter..... Muscles says - What do you think they'd do if we kidnapped the Baby? Like if we found him and we grabbed him?...... Marty just looks at him and goes - Yo, shit for brains, I got kids. We ain't kidnapping nobody.....  Muscles just shrugs. He acts real casual, but he's thinking too. If you ask me, he's gonna go rogue and try something on his own. Maybe hook up with Big Chrissie's pop-pop. That Nazi bastid would love an excuse to shoot somebody....

The Baby's having a good time, though. Goes -'Woof! Woof! Ya, Ya, Ya' to all the cute, little doggies. And they got lots a pretty doggies at the shore. He likes his new stroller. He likes getting bundled up and rolled around on all the bright, chill days. Marge got him some outfits at Kidrageous. What a baby-deluxe he is!

Listen, before I stop, lemme tell you what Ricky wants to do. I might a said something before. I don't know. Being a disembodied spirit don't mean you think straight. I can vouch for that..... He wants a sell real estate and maybe flip some a those neat, little duplex condos back by the bay.

Jimmy don't say nothing, but he might let him do it. Still  they gotta make sure they got the money laundered right.

Guy at a bank said he'd handle it, but Jimmy don't trust him. That's just the way he is...

Gee, it's nice around here in the winter time. You can hear the waves and everything...so quiet and clean and nice... I never get tired of it...

This is 'Headless Tommy' (Google Vampire Wonderland by Billy Kravitz, Headless Tommy... if you forgot, or never knew who I was), drifing off to wander the dark, cold byways  at the world famous Jersey Shore...

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54TH BINGO BOY episode 1/6/13

Bingo Boy - post 54

Ricky, Little Chrissie and the Baby pulled up in the middle of a perfect, seashore, winter afternoon. The sky was deep blue and crisp as only a coastal sky can be. Jimmy was out on the patio beaming and nodding as they got out....... 'I did good?' he said...... They both agreed, since neither had ever lived in surroundings such as these. Bare maples lined the curbside. Small, mauicured flower gardens lead up to the very well maintained domiciles. Here and there designer canines yelped and barked. Each driveway featured somewhat costly representatives of contemporaty automotive arts.

Ricky said, 'So, Jimmy, how much?'...... 'For me to know,' came the reply. ....Little Chrissie said' ' Where's Mommy?'.... But just then Marge came outside too. They all simply grinned and smiled. Dreams occasionally do come true.

They saw all the highpoints... the exterior niceties, the multi-paned windows, the flagstone paving and inside everybody 'oohed' and 'aahed' over the gleaming hardwords and requisite granite finishes. Marge served iced tea and snacks in the kitchen... mostly just cubes of Velveeta cheese and supermarket pepperoni, but she'll learn.

My name is Gloria. I'm the 'ghost' telling this part. Their house used to be mine. My husband bought it in nineteen fifty six. We were newlyweds. He was a lawyer. Worked for all ther big hotels in Atlantic City. Back then we had The Chalfont-Haddon Hall and the Dennis. Fine, old places that the Downton Abbey crowd would have felt right at home in. Each town had a certain profile. Cape May was upperclass Protestant. The Wildwoods (new in those days) attracted Catholics. Atlantic City's inlet section was for the Jews. The neighborhood surrounding Convention Hall (Boardwalk Hall, now) housed mostly Italian Catholics. Ocean City began as middle class Protestant, but quickly gentrified, augmented by a sprinkling of new money Irish, such as Philadelphia's Kelly Family..... the progentitors of Princess Grace, incase you don't know.

My new roommates, the older couple, the younger ones and the baby, have some work to do. People around here are accepting... to a point. Some will ask polite questions. Oh, the days of religious segregation are gone, but people still like to know where the money comes from.

Ricky senses this. He's worried. Not that he doesn't like what he sees, but he thinks... He's concerned. What will he do? How will he present himself? What will he say?

The others haven't gotten to that point yet, but they will. Hope none of the old retired gentleman around here recognise the grandmother, or whatever she is. That would be so sad. You do know she 'serviced' a rather select clientele?

Money changes everything.... Now it's time to learn some brand new rules...

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LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: I FUCKING LOVE SODA BUT I WON'T DRINK ANY TODAY

LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: I FUCKING LOVE SODA BUT I WON'T DRINK ANY TODAY: Happy New Year if you're reading this! New things for my blog: I will post shorter pieces, more often and without pictures, and my  inte... Only on for maybe 45 minutes...No time to post, BUT here's a real funny piece by noted comic/writer WENDY LIEBMAN ( @WendyLiebman on TWITTER ) on the new year, resolutions and beverage addictions.....( if you like. GOOGLE Vampire Wonderland by Billy Kravitz after and wander around... EL RANCHO TEXACO by Billy Kravitz or BINGO BOY by Billy Kravitz would be all right too. Hope to be back up by early next week. A JOYOUS Fin de SEMANA to all!

The Loneliest Vampire blog: Bilbo Baggins versus the Undead

The Loneliest Vampire blog: Bilbo Baggins versus the Undead: Those of you who have seen the The Hobbit over the holidays are now familiar with the adventures of Bilbo Baggins. However even if you bec... HOBBITS, ZOMBIES & MORE... can't post BINGO BOY tonight. only have 1 hr on library comp till I can replace all my stolen stuff and get a new hook up. Strange world! lemme tell you. But click on the link to our neat 'guest blog' and discover a very worthy site. GREAT WEEKEND TO ALL!~~~> Billy

53RD BINGO BOY episode 1/3/13

BINGO BOY - post 53

People around the street knew something was gone on. They saw Marge leave in the big limo. Too-Many-Cookies was better than twitter. And Marty Knew too. He was holed up with his lawyer, tryin' to stay outta jail. Plus, he sort of believed what 'Too' told him. He felt it. Jimmy wasn't dead. Well, actually he had to believe it, 'cause the safe deposit boxes were all empty. Been living on store brand Zantac for two days. Lucky the lawyer is a cousin. Went ballistic in the banks when he found out. Started cursing and spitting and stomping around. Then he curled up in a ball next to the free memo book display and rocked back and forth moaning 'mommy... mommy... mommy. Some kid working behind the counter got a hold of the security tape and put it on You Tube. Marty's famous now --- 'Crazy poor guy in bank.'

Big Chrissie's grandpop wants to have him messed up, 'cause how he gonna be able to pay for that baby now. Yeah, she had it... a real nice chubby, boy. Still got some a the money from before. Jimmy funneled her some. Marty did too. Trouble is, Atlantic City had most a that. Grandpop rode the bus to the casinos. Played craps. Played video poker. Never won. Big Chrissie can't do nothin' wit' him. He drinks too much. You know how he is. Sits in front a the TV lookin' at The All Hitler Station and all. She does got the stroller and the crib, though. Got a whole lotta diapers too. Bought baby clothes at Walmart, so her little sucker fixed up real nice, provided he stay baby-size and stick to a regular pee-pee schedule.

Ricky, Little Chrissie and the baby ridin' down the shore right now. Same limo. Jimmy sent it for them too. Both houses in the city all locked up. But that don't matter. Them what robs 'em jus' breaks windows. Ricky don't care. He gonna junk the place wit' one a them house flippers. Let them low-life crooks clean it out. Probably doin' that right now. Baby likes the ride. He lookin' at all the little farms in Jersey. It sunny. Everything look all postcard-like. Driver tells 'em a little about the new house. Chrissie's heart beatin' real fast. Sound like just the kind a place she likes... Ricky's heart beatin' fast too, but he thinkin' how he gonna make money once he get there.

I one a them ghost narrators you know from before. I told some a the Vampire Wonderland stories. I Mister Never-You-Mind. Yeah, I see you wavin'. Hello to you all too. I narratin' this part 'cause I like the sea shore, so them what decide it all let me do this. We goin' to a big place for dinner when we get there. Marge pick the place. Actually, place not big, just real hard to find and get into. Called Chef Vola, on a bitsy street in Atlantic City. Frank Sinatra used to eat there... when he was alive, I mean.  Do not know where he go since dyin' and all. Some folks get picky when they dead... It a cozy, finished basement (but wit' out no jail cell like Marge got in her basement). Best home made Italian food. Just set down and they keep bringin it...

Sorry I can't tell you no more right now. But wilkravitz what channel and type all this, got his computers ripped off. He rushin' a get it all in on a public computer at the library, squeezed in wit' a lot a sloppy folks what got more mucus than they know what to do wit' an' a lot a rough trade kids what think talkin' loud is livin' large.....

Will try to channel more tomorrow... maybe get new laptop too....maybe...

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