our take on SHARK WEEK~~~> Ladies & Gentlemen.... LYCANTHRO-SHARK!!!...8/12/13

A crazy grandmother was the first one. She roll out of a camper in da middle of the night. Gotta go pee-pee. Got old lady bladder disease. And camper potty no good, 'cause it got da voo doo real bad. Give old huzzband monkey balls and now the dawg scared a go near him.

So she sneak behind a mangrove where them gators can't see her do it. And she pull up her shift and squat down real dainty-like, 'cause her mama got white gloves an' whole drawer full a clean underwear. an' dat make her a lady.

Old man huzzband yell - Where you gun what I got you for Christmas, you old bitch, you?.....She go - Trade it for my teef, you old shit-ass (cause he got like a fartin' hobby and she like a good set a choppers) ..... Old man cackle - Good bye! Good bye! No more that girl! You dead! You dead!.... Then he shut that door real hard an' lock it up tight. But she hear him dancin' 'round inside. Figure she gone let him have his fun, then bus' a window and get back in. Pissin' part a her outing all done. She on to part two now.. You know, one time she put two dead roaches in a biscuit batter and tell him it raisins. He say it good. Guess they mus' a been high quality roaches. I doan know. That how they do to each other. 

It dark out there. Big trees. Spiders you could make a mink coat out of... bobcats..... crazy, killer chimp what escape from a zoo.... eight hundred pound gator what got a knock-off Rolex on it's back foot.... Old lady got big bites on her ass. I doan know what bit her, but she doan care. She not fussy that way. 

Use a have problem wit werewolves. People gettin' theyselves all killed up all the time. Big turds all over. Deputy doan do nothin'. He say - Go to hell and drop dead.... Then he write out a citation, cause he very proud a his penmanship. But nobody ever pay 'em, 'cause that deputy jus' a big dumb nut. 

You see, werewolves do like to move around, run wit' the pack and all that, specially when the pretty people all killed up. But one werewolf woman stay behind. She smoke cigarette. She stink. She wear dirty brassiere . Swim 'round the swamp water all naked and stuff. She like a low-life werewolf woman. Not like the high class ones. No siree. Not like dem at all. 

Now bull shark like swamp water too. 'Voo doo shark they call 'em. Chomp on legs... Chomp on part a asses... whatever they like... It jus' what they do. An' them what's the man bull sharks full a pearl jam. Got more pearl jam than human beans. That for sure. That why they call 'em 'bulls.' 

Low-life werewolf women and bull shark start mushin' up wit each other. She love him. He love her. They say he a very caring bull shark. But I doan know, 'cause they doan talk or nothin'. Ten week latter she have a baby an' ten week after that she have another baby. Got werewolf arms and werewolf legs... werewolf ears and werewolf eyes. But muzzle and teef is all shark. Tail all shark too. Look like part of a mermaid growin' outta its butt.... Got real short fur... Horse fur, it look like. Gray on back and white on the belly, like what shark do. I know, 'cause I see one once. A little one. A baby one, killin' a duck.

It almost growed now. An' it up a tree.... all still.... all quiet.... jus' watchin'... jus' lookin'... jus' sniffin'.... maybe fifteen feet from the old lady's head. 

She doan know, 'cause she squeezin' real hard. Otherwise she be able to smell it. Stink from cigarette too, jus' like its ma..... an' now it creepin.... It creepin' real slow.... Soon the tail gone brush right on top a her head. Bet she go - What dat??... 

But then it gone be too late... and she never gonna know...
(more later)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
welcome to all what we got in our world at ~> MORE THAN JUST VAMPIRE WONDERLAND ... join me on Twitter at ~> @wilkravitz ... please COMMENT... a 'follow' would be real nice. thank you.

The Roman Vampire, Janus, makes plans.... 8/11/13

In such ways is the culture of the Earth transformed. Janus did tell Clan Nesso about the rediscovered, once lost baby. Most members of the fold weren't interested at all, preferring imperial honors and holidays at Tivoli (huge, imperial pleasure villa) to a long lost (at least three generations) rescued baby with a strange predeliction for human blood.  I mean even it's great niece, the illustrious Livia-Minerva is long dead. And as things go, the story, plus the resultant feud meant far more than the actual, unknown, physical toddler.

But Janus knew the baby, or at least he felt like he did. So one night soon after, he set out to liberate the tiny, gurgling, blood-glutton from it's gloomy (though carefully decorated) tomb beneath the Villa Romila. 

You should know that independent actions on the part of vampire bodyguards are very rare and indeed criminal. They are bound to a family and essentially considered a preternatural extension of the tribe. They do what the patriarch would do, provided he had fangs and the ability to sublimate through walls, doomed humans and other solid chunks of matter. 

Yet Janus was different, probably because he was not originally Roman at all, but a Celt-Iberian interloper, thus more free-wheeling and mercurial than the taciturn, tradition-bound Central Italians. So he was willing to take the chance. Besides, he missed the rhythms and nuances of the Celtic year. That's why he picked Britania. Unlike his native Galicia in the northwest quadrant of Hispania, the nature cult of his people still ran true on the far off isle. On a superficial level it all looked Latin enough. Londinium was Baby Rome, after all, though the meals in the triclinia of the place featured local produce and Celtic methodology. Old gods hid under cumbersome togas and traditional magic peppered the stew of this northernmost redout where beer and mead trumped wine and bards were loved like champions. 

Before severing all ties and burning his bridges, Janus sought counsel with a certain, more experienced female vampire. I believe you've met her before. A Diana, or Persephone type. Wanders about in the nude, if memory serves me right. Established night-folk are forgiven their eccentricities. And what's one more naked demi-goddess to a nation that breeds them like flies?...
(more next time)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
examine our entire repertoire at ~>PARANORMAL TOTALITY ...and join me on Twitter at ~> @wilkravitz ... please leave a COMMENT. thank you...    

SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS: IMPERIAL ROMAN VAMPIRE BODYGUARD, JANUS, tells us ...

SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS: IMPERIAL ROMAN VAMPIRE BODYGUARD, JANUS, tells us ...: I like yellow. All vampires like yellow. Reminds us of the sun we never see. Oh, I know some peek out during the last moments of twilight. ...

OK...think I might be able to move blog over here to its true site. Click on that SCHMOOZING WITH ALIENS site up above and it should appear...waa-laa!...SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS is a little seen, secret site I had two years ago, but the 'men in black' ...did something.. If you want to see it, GOOGLE Schmoozingwithaliens by Billy Kravitz and ... well, I'm not supposed to say. But for the REAL VAMPIRE WONDERLAND post, click on that title up above. For more, as always ... click on YADDA YADDA YADDA .... and , psst!...(join me on TWITTER at ~> @wilkravitz ...  If I CAN successfully move it, it should appear  right above this...

janus GOES A little bit 'vampire crazy'.. (BUT BLOG APPEARED ON OUR 'SECRET 'schmoozingwithaliens SITE BY MISTAKE..TRYING TO GET IT BACK...8/10/13'

 LOTS GOING ON BETWEEN HERE AND L.A......  Can barely think straight. Trying to move post over here. sorry for any inconvenience. If you want, you can GOOGLE SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS by Billy Kravitz...click on it and scroll to most recent post... Wishing all a spiritually rewarding SHARK WEEK.

Blue Jasmine Official Trailer #1 (2013) - Woody Allen Movie HD .. even the paranormal world bows to Woody... (he gets our rarefied angst ) .. 8/8/13

We told Janus, the Imperial Roman Bodyguard vampire, we couldn't channel him tonight on account of a new Woody. He had no idea what we were talking about and started to frantically bite his cuticles and curse us out in Latin, Celt-Iberian and Koine . Tsk, some people are just so God damned neurotic...If you want to see THOUSANDS of earlier episodes, click on `>THE MOTHER LOAD ... join me on TWITTER too at ~>@wilkravitz ... thank you and please leave COMMENTS...on my stuff, or Woody's.

BABY NESSO HAS A SHARP TONGUE.. 8/7/13

My vampire guide and erstwhile opponent looked at me and said - Now do you understand? The child never died. The nursemaid was not negligent. The woman did no wrong. She was waylaid by 'familiars,' vampire helpers hunting food for a lazy master. And she did put up a fight. Indeed, they blinded her in one eye and would have put out the other if the hounds had not arrived. Huge mastiffs they are. Bred by the infantry to rip open the guts, the genitals...anywhere. And they chased the loathsome familiars out across the fields, lacerating their weak, flabby buttocks in the process. But the baby was gone and Clan Romila was afraid. Canes belli ate the baby! Canes belli ate the baby! - she went on. But the only war dogs there that day were ours... and they eat other things.

We offered money. We offered plenty... a first tier box at the Coliseum. A month by the seaside in a villa recently purchased from some spurned imperial doxy. Good luck charms wrought by the hands of a top 'cassandra.' But your mortals would have none of it. And so the fight began. A killing here. A killing there. Geld a first cousin. Cripple some old, bastard uncle whose name I forget. Disgusting... truly disgusting. 

And now they sent you. But I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. So I did it. I showed you. You see him. You know. That other life-eater did not kill him. I can't tell you why, but he didn't. And so he sits here in the dark, contentedly drawing blood from other babies. Rome has a plethora of unwanted sucklings. Mama sows part with them quickly enough. A few coppers. Perhaps a bottle of scent. That's all it takes. Life by the river is tough. Thank Jove we're here in the heights. Do you know how my vampire nose would suffer in the miasma down there? Vampire, please! I'd vomit on a regular basis. These babies come from Shitsville. They'd die there just the same.

So go. Run and tell your master that the Nesso Baby lives. Well, after a fashion he does. Tell him what he is. Tell him what he does. See if they want him back. We found him, or rather he was left with us. And we provide the succor. 

Look how he gurgles. Look how he chews that leg. You know, 'cherubs' rarely kill a victim outright. They gnaw and they drink and they babble. Quite cute in their own way. No teeth. They have no teeth. Do it all with a sharp tipped tongue. A little, callused point they have. Twirl it around like a drill. And the poor, tiny urchins really suffer very little, for we drug them first. After all, we are not monsters.

Soon I'll take them out and end it in the fish ponds. That's why our crabs are so sweet... or so they tell me. 

But I took a tiny chain from off the 'cherub's' ankle... a talisman left by some long dead Nesso kinsman, and kept it with me when I left that place. 

The truth, as it is, troubles me. And I'm afraid to tell the master, for I've never failed him yet.

A vampire's nights are quite complex. Though I did kill two souls on my way home...an addle brained tramp and a waylaid sailor. The blood lust is quite simple. And I needed to forget.

Perhaps I'll say a prayer for those ruined babies, if I knew just what to say...
(more next time)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
click here~> HERE ... for more..... join me on TWITTER at ~> @wilkravitz ... please leave a COMMENT. thank you.

THE IMPERIAL ROMAN VAMPIRE BODYGUARD, JANUS, sees another facet of his breed... 8/6/13

This is why I could not do it. This is why the leader of Clan Ramila still lives. I saw something there...something at once so innocent and terrible... and it scared me. Guess I haven't been a life-eater too long. 

They lived in a villa, a regular Roman style villa, square with an atrium in the middle. But it was big, all marble and tile. One way in through the front and another smaller, less ornate portal out back. Fortress mansions they are. Mortal guardsmen kept watch out front. Though a vampire knows how to beguile people. It's instinctive to us and I am no exception. So they stared off into the middle distance and let me pass. 

Inside all was silent. A small, votive flame dedicated to Vesta flickered on an altar near the entrance. I went into a reception chamber all done up in the simple, classic manner native to the Greeks. The Romila, being Calabrasi from deep down in the 'toe,' had strong ties to 'Old Hellas' and maintained many of the ancient traditions. Tiny oil lamps scattered about the interior provided dim illumination...'night lights' so to speak. Juvenile slaves charged with tending them were supposed to stay up all night. Most wealthy homes had perhaps two. An easy job usually given to the offspring of long-time family retainers. But in practice, kids will be kids... even slave kids. And these two were back in the kitchen filching olive paste and flat bread. They knew the routine. One or two passes a night was enough. Everyone else was asleep, holed up in tiny, windowless, bed chambers toward the back. Were there mice? Well, a few, but the cats took care of that. And all the other slaves were penned up for the night.

I did smell the vampire though... stale blood... not strong... very subtle... barely there. Some say vampires have no scent, but they are wrong. A lot of what they say about us is wrong. 

He was sitting in a chair outside a bedroom. Now please know that the light was exceedingly low. But vampire eyes can see even in pitch darkness. Like cats we are... Like sleek, hungry, feral cats. He sipped wine. Our kind can tolerate fermented nectars. And he slowly smiled at my approach. I'd rarely faced one of my own before. He seemed strong in a sly and clever way, while I relied on a more 'muscular' visceral type of life-eater strength. 

Then he spoke, barely audible to mortal ears and difficult even for me. He said - Come for revenge, have you?.... I nodded.... He chuckled and said - They've sent others before. Oh, we've lost people from time to time. Stolen away in the night... Poof, cold blue flame and all that... (and then his eyes bore through me) but not tonight... come with me. I've something to show you.... He got up and led me through dark passages, out through the loggia and across the roofless atrium, where he unlocked an old, rough door revealing a narrow stone stairway snaking down into the earth. I followed. At the bottom was another door. He fumbled for a key and opened it as well, uttering one word...'come.'

Inside was a room lit by candlelight. Not too bright, but brighter than above. The walls were fine, smooth plaster... old and veined with tiny cracks. They floor, smooth slates covered by many silken pillows and colorful, wooden toys. Mythological heroes stared out from the walls, old murals, carefully painted by long dead artists. And there in a corner, behind a disheveled child's bed sat a baby... a plump, little boy who went 'uh, oh' at my approach. For scattered 'round him were the almost dead, cold, gray carcasses of other babies, mortal babies. The Nesso Child had not died. He was here, right before me and he was a vampire, an innocent, lethal vampire, disturbed during dinner, yet curious just the same.....

(more next time)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
see more at ~>browse.feedreader.com/c/Billy_Kravitz_vampire_wonderland .... join me on TWITTER at ~>@wilkravitz .... and if it's not too much, please leave a COMMENT. thanks.