SHIMMY KATE AND THE LORD OF THE FOREST.... hoochie dancer/killer meets a wolfman... 8/30/13

They got paths, little narrow routes forged by deer, or back in the days of Indians, maybe one cubit wide at the most. She find one. Kate find one and she run. Thorns scratch her legs. Leaves brush her face. Only in the dark they rat claws and spider-things. She wanna scream, but she don't. She wanna pee, but she a mammal and mammals know 'bout scent. Piss stink. An' she don't want leave no stink trail. Gotta slow down. Make it easier to hold her water. Then she hear running water. Little stream, like a brook or something. Sound real fresh and cool. Shoes wet. She in it, or at least her feet are. An' she can't hold it. She jus' can't hold it. Running water does that. Momma used to run the water at night before bed. Sit her on the toilet and go 'piss, piss, piss,' 'cause she don't want have to change them sheets so often. Kate stop. Drop her bloomers. Squat down and go 'ahhh.' Water wash it 'way. That a good thing. Dress stay dry 'cause she hike it up. Bloomers fall down and get soaked. Can't keep 'em, so she pull 'em off..... 'Sides, cooler that way. Maybe they 's a road? Maybe she can hook up wit' some bastid an' get away? Goofy bastids always lookin' for gals like her. Mus' be another county. This gotta be someplace else. But dark make little hike seem like long one. An' if you wanna know... they ain't no road.

Big ole centipede bite the back a her shoulder. They like tigers. They like bug tigers. Draw blood too. She feel it slide down her back... all they way... right between her butt cheeks. Make her shudder. Make her groan. She jump and dance an' pull her butt cheeks 'part til it gone. Hear it hit the leaves. Then she start to cry. But she can't stop, so she goes on.

After a ways she hear it... foot steps, but not crunchy like... Leaves don't crumble. Twigs don't break. Soft sound. Wild sound. Shoe-less sound. Kate listen. She listen real hard. Breathin'... She hear breathin'. 

Whatever it be listen back. It stop breathin' too. Now she wanna pee some more. But she don't. Maybe it a weasel? Maybe it a raccoon? Voice what talk in her head say it a ghost. She freeze. She tremble. She pee. What's-it pee too. But it different pee. Stronger pee. Sound different comin' out too.

Then it start breathin' again. Moves in a little. She pray. Please, God, don't let it be no ghost. Don't let it be no ghost a that trucker. God say - OK.... But jus' like in her head. She still. She real still. Like a lady in a Japanese fable what grow toe roots and become a tree.

Only her legs still legs, 'cause she feel it when a tongue start a kiss 'em...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
more assorted stuff... click ~>PARANORMAL UNIVERSE ... and tweet with me at ~>@wilkravitz ... thank you. thank you for your COMMENTS too...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Snug Little Porch in the Haunted New Jersey Pines

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: Snug Little Porch in the Haunted New Jersey Pines: Yoo hoo, it's me. It's Edith. We haven't talked much lately. All that parallel universe stuff gave me a headache. I'm glad ... This one first posted about a year and a half ago. Nice little nocturnal visit with Edith, out Jersey Pines, Pow-Wow Women. She's part of our 'core' group of characters who'll come back in the fall. This is a nice little episode, fill of ghosts, dark pines and homey stuff. And these red letters ain't it. Please click on the words ...' Snug Little Porch in the Haunted New Jersey Pines.... to see it. Couldn't put up new stuff last night. Will tonight. Thanks - Billy... and as you know, the whole thing (every episode) is up on ~>browse.feedreader.com/c/Billy_Kravitz_vampire_wonderland ....

LYCANTHRO-SHARK... this is the part where it gets bloody... 8/28/13

No fancy colors. Shark brains don't think that way. That is not how they process reality. Everything's black or white.... 'quick' or dead.... meat or not-meat. They see and they want and they eat, like power mowers what can't turn off. And now they rollin' toward the old folks' home. 

Miss Bootsie the head nurse. That not her real name. Fourteen years ago some crazy old bat start a call her that. Shrunken up thing claim she a dancer... a hoochie dancer at Injun Joe's. That a burlesque house... a real bad place far out on 'Dirt Road.' No, for real. That what they call it... 'Dirt Road.' It the end a the line, full a smack whores and johnny-johns what all poxed up. Hag woman was Shimmy-Kate. She a star. Wrassle a hopped up alligator and strip at the same time. But you know how show biz is? One day boss man say her tittie look funny. She say - No, it all right. That where the gator done me wrong. Mashed up all it is. It gone get better. He say he don't care, 'cause he got a gal what all fancy on both sides. Don't need no band-aids and alcohol. 'Sides, gator like her better. You can tell, 'cause some gators got real expressive eyes. Ain't got no eyelashes, but they don't need 'em. Shimmy Kate beg. She beg real hard. She beg him up real good. But boss man jus' laugh (though he do wait til after she finish all the beggin'). Then he kick her ass out a there wit' jus' three dollah and a dried up Mars Bar from the candy-sellin' place. She do freelance hoochie for truckers at truck stops. They buy her Kotex and scrambled eggs. But it ain't no good, 'cause she miss the big time. You know once you used to it, it hard a get that taste out a your malf. So she kill a guy to get money. Palm a knife from the kitchen. Think she also get a razor blade from machine in the men's room. Tell him he need a get some ticks pulled off... cooties too. Say she an expert... almos' like a nurse. She got the uniform, so he say - OK. Slip him some pills...'Nightie-Nights' from Penny Land. That like a five and dime store. He snore like a snot-nosed pig. But she don't care, 'cause they in the back a his cab, where he sleeps an' all. First she make like she shavin' him up real good, 'case he wake up an' start askin' questions. But he don't wake up, so she slit his throat. Only she not like a nurse an' don't do it right. He bleed. Oh, he bleed a lot... but he don't die. Shimmy Kate say - Shit... 'cause now she gone have to find another way to make him go 'guhk.' Since all his pants already pulled off, she go explorin'. Lot a blood down there. She know from when they 'fix' baby bulls on the farm. She do him up real good. Gotta saw some, 'cause kitchen knife no good and razor blade kind a puny. He go 'ahhh' and 'ewww' in his sleep. Grunt some too. But it OK 'cause Nightie-Nights good stuff. When it over, he like a bloody Kewpie doll... a dead bloody Kewpie doll. An' she got a wallet fill a sixteen dollah and twenty nine cent. 

Wash herself off in a stream. Toss in his 'leavin's' too. Crawfish make quick work out a them. Then she put on clothes what she got in a sack and walk in a the woods. Jus' keep walkin' and walkin' and walkin'. Figure she got a get away an' woods is dark and good for that kind a thing. Start hummin' to herself. Start hummin' 'Do the Dipsy Doodle, Do the Dipsy Doodle.'

But after while, somethin' start hummin' back..... She stop. Get real still... crouch down and listen....

That when the wolfman get her...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wander through all a the Vampire wonderland. click on ~>THIS ... and if you like us, click on ~>Craig ... and tell him. COMMENTS is always welcome. thank you.

The Lycanthro-Sharks HUNGER for Publicity & Want You to Tell Craig About them... 8/27/13

FLASH - The alien engineered creatures known as LYCANTHRO SHARKS now know we are watching them. They're threatening to expand beyond the bayou, unless we give them the publicity they crave. Please tell 'Craig' about us... That's what they say. Remember, the werewolf part of their brain is partly human. Have pity on these conflicted beings and click on ~> CRAIG ... The alien entity responsible for their existence thanks you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The girl who went home for a clean brassiere's name is Betty. It's an old fashioned name, but her mother liked The Flinstones. If she was a boy, they were gonna call her Scooby-Doo, 'cause they (her folks) also liked cartoon talking dogs too. Roger waited downstairs. Mrs. Ratner, the lady who owned the boarding house where Betty lived gave him the fish eye. She said - You pray, son? Maybe if you get down on your knees and squeeze out some Godly words them crazy bastids will go away?...... Roger said that he prayed all the time, because even Albert Einstein believed in an Everlasting Universal Force...... But Mrs. Ratner did not seem too impressed, since her take on the divine didn't stretch much beyond the Earth, so she gave him a judgmental sigh and went back to fixin' her toenails. Roger tried not to look. When Betty came down, she said she couldn't find no clean brassiere, so she brung an old bikini top, from the back a the underwear drawer, instead. He said that was OK. Mrs. Ratner pretended like she didn't hear, but when they left she hocked a real big wad a phlegm in an ash tray. 

Folks in town were getting desperate. 'Lectricity was out. Air conditioning was off. Whole place smelled like a big B.O. & Piss Festival. Flies all over. Dogs goin' crazy. Some a them run off tryin' a join up with the lycanthro-sharks on account they related through the lupine line. But these nasty critters like Nazis. Dogs got chomped up and everything. Smart pups noticed and stayed home to help 'the cause.'

Ladies Auxiliary made bombs out a wadded up, gasoline soaked pantyhose and cans a Aqua Net. Some guy find an old encyclopedia (internet out a reach) wit' article 'bout killin' sharks. But it a kiddie set fill a pictures a dead, cartoon sharks wit' little 'X's' where their eyes should be. They got tongues hangin' out too and three squiggly lines comin' up off their bellies to represent 'stink.' Roger say he take a look at it. 

Big chief a the lycanthro-sharks peek in the window an' see the whole thing. Ten heartbeats later he break a little piece a glass in the back door an' grab one a them ladies from the auxiliary. Do not know what she an auxiliary of, but who care? She gone... crunched up bones and all.

Now they eyein' the old folks' home...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

for lots more of this pixilated universe click on to this ~>BOBALOO MAU MAU, BOBALOO MAU MAU ... or join us on Twitter at ~> @wilkravitz .... COMMENTS anyone??? 

'ROGER'... THE WEIRD SCIENCE GEEK FROM THE JUNIOR COLLEGE... LYCANTHRO-SHARK... 8/26/13

Please excuse any typos. But the entity (Ok, OK, it's a person) typing this found an old bottle of wine in the refrigerator and drank it because there wasn't any cold soda. Warm soda is no good, 'cause all the dirty bastids 'round here stick their hands in the ice from the ice machine and that makes it into sticky, throw-up ice.

The 'entity' is dizzy. The entity need a CLIFF bar for purely medicinal reasons. So please wait a few minutes while 'the entity' dig one out a the cupboard. (this the time while you waiting) OK, I got one. No wait. No wait. No, not me... The 'entity.' Black, cherry almond... soooo good. (hope it absorb some a the alcohol)

Now we walking down a lane on the campus a the junior college. It look nice, even if most a the buildings assembled from factory made components.... No red bricks... No gray stone... Just stamped out vinyl, cedar shakes. Like what Harvard would a been if them pilgrims shopped at Lowes. And since it a low cost, county, junior college (that a polite way to say 'community college') ain't got no dorms either. You wanna sleep? You go to the library.... which got a really nice collection a vending machines the administration is very proud of.

Place mostly empty. Kids gone. Refugeed out a town on account a them lycanthro-sharks. Campus cops guard all the entrances.... But I don't think them werewolf-sharks got too much 'spect for authority, so that just a bunch a shit. Mall cops done all got 'et,' if that any indication. Town cops mostly squeezed in the back a their Dodge Chargers fartin' in the plastic seats.  (You know you can play songs that way?) 

But one guy workin' in a lab. He givin' a parrot radiation treatments, or tryin' a cook a chicken. It hard to tell.

He the one wit' all them pens in his pocket. He got like six a them. That mean he smart. He a six pen geek... the highest kind and they call him 'Roger.' Government keep record a six pen geeks an' he on it. Got two alien abductions...maybe three. But had diarrhea during last one and they make him go back home. Kick him out at place what sell shitty pizza wit' two dollar an' eighty-nine cent shove down his pants. But he don't care. He buy piece anyway. Guy what sell it say - Hey, buddy, who them ugly bastids brung you here? Roger don't say, 'cause Roger don't know. One alien lady got a pocketbook, but he never look inside it. Roger want a coke too. But guy say- Not from fountain. From a can, 'cause lazy kid what got night shift last night not wash it out real good an' now it like a cockroach swimmin' pool.... Roger say - OK, 'cause he understand biological crap like that. 

Dat how he gone kill them werewolf-sharks. Ask dopey girl at cash register if she wanna go wit' him...ask if she wanna help.... She say - Yeah, but first gotta go home for clean brassiere, since this gone be real adventure an' she say she gonna sweat too much.

Thus is born 'The Resistance.'  Crazy, abnormal shrunken head what live wit' the Old Woman know it. an' he laugh and laugh and laugh.... Old Woman say - If you doan stop, I gonna throw you in the freezer. He doan like cold, bein' from The South Seas and all, so he stop...

But he snicker to hisself just the same...
(more next time)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
see what all we got at ~> WHAT ALL WE GOT ... and join us on Twitter at ~> @wilkravitz .... Your self-promotional COMMENTS very welcome too.  

SOME MORE FACTS ABOUT THE GHOSTLY TALKATIVE SHRUNKEN HEAD... 8/25/13

Late at night the crickets come out. All over town you can hear them scraping the comb-like plates of their carapaces together to make songs. Tom crickets call to hen crickets. Insect fornication hangs heavy in the warm steamy air. Some kind a little biting things are flying 'round, but I do not know what they are. Them what got air conditioners runs 'em. Them what don't make due with fans..... Bed bug weather... itchy, thick and sweaty. 

Lot a folks refugee up to the highlands. Ain't got no lycanthro-sharks up there. Sneak out in dribs and drabs, maybe one car at a time. Drive real slow so's not to make no noise. Them monsters are tired, like fat bastids at a buffet what ate too much cheap, gummy cheesecake. You can smell 'em sleepin' in the shadows.... ammonia smell.... wolf smell... dog smell actually, like sour milk and stale Doritos. Three of 'em holed up behind the inflatable bed store. Big suckers too... Long and thick and strong. I do not know exactly what breed a shark them God damn werewolves were messin' with. Must a been like huge ones. Tiger sharks, maybe, 'cause guy from the junior college find teeth embedded in some a the remains. And he say they the kind they are. Seed a mean f#!kin' what's-it standin' by a street light. Tall son-a-bitch. Look like eight feet. Big wolf head. Big shark muzzle. Massive neck. Werewolf arms. Shark torso. Werewolf legs. Shark tail. Two loud-mouthed tramp girls seen it slice off a head wit' the tail. Shark tails is sharp... real sharp. Not sure whose head it was, 'cause big bastid chewed it up real good. Didn't eat it, though. But that understandable considerin' the abundance of nourishment they got 'round here. 

Some guys from the Veterans a Foreign Wars Post engage a few in street fights. They got guns. Freaky bastids don't. So now we got Veterans a Foreign Wars body parts all over Calais Street and to be truthful, some a them shark-things now DO got guns. 'Cause you got a remember that the werewolf part a them kind a like regular people, so they know how to shoot, since it like a natural, human instinct.

Folks is scared... real scared. Not all the refugees makes it. Most don't. Shark bastids ain't got no cars yet, 'cause they too big to get in 'em. But out by the football field is an old Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile and some a them evil-eyed bastids been eyein' it real funny. 

Don't know if Wiener Mobile drivin' be like a natural, human instinct though.... But one a the Veterans a Foreign Wars guys what survived them street fights 'spects  it is. Guy from the junior college not talkin'. But he smart. Hell, you can see that from all the pens he got stuck in his pocket. Shirt stained up real good. That a sign. Everybody know that....

Guy wit' the pens name is 'Roger.' Next time we tell you 'bout him.

Oh.... Old Woman's weird, gruesome ghostie, shrunken head been floatin' 'round town too. Sometime it do that when Jimmy Fallon got lousy guests. Shrunken head fussy. Eye level... always eye level.... 'cept when it crotch level. Shrunken head crazy too. It not like one a them regular shrunken heads. It not normal. This one definitely not normal.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
more weird stuff at ~>STUFF WHAT AIN'T NORMAL ... and on Twitter at @wilkravitz too. we still waitin' for more a your FAME FACTORY self-promotion COMMENTS. til next time...

MORE LYCANTHRO-SHARK TIDBITS~~~> 8/24/13

They try to come into town, the lycanthro-sharks, but it's hard because they stand out. You know, vampires don't have that problem. Neither do plain, old werewolves, 'cause they can always morph back into humans...probably naked humans, but these days that ain't always so strange. And it's not like they can't hide behind a bush or a tombstone. Shark-werewolves can't do that. People start coming over. They ask a lot a questions, like 'What the hell are you?' and 'Wow! Two claspers!' (when referring to the males)... And that's gonna cost them an arm and a leg, at least. Sometimes they wait just outside the revolving door at the hospital and pick 'em off one by one. Or when they come out of FAMOUS DAVE'S BARBECUE ...already all sauced up and everything.  Manager don't like it. He tries to chase 'em away. Got like a tazer gun, but he gotta get real close and he seen what happened to the first manager, so mostly he just yells out the window and screams a lot 'bout how he gonna call the cops. Can you imagine what would happen if they threw one a them lycanthro-sharks in the holding pen? Parents comin' in to pick up their little graffiti bastids won't like it. I can tell you that.

Guess you got the picture. Them hellish crossbreeds is gettin' numerous. Don't know if normal werewolves is still jumpin' on regular shark wimmen, or if we got a stable reproducing hybridized population.

Film crew come in from DISCOVER TV. They got chomped on. 'Nother crew come in from HISTORY2 and you can see the gorey results on You-Tube. Look like @eliroth did it. Schools is closed. Nobody dare come out to a Weight-Watchers' meetin'.

Them what gotta go out take to carryin' opened up canned hams to throw at the sons a bitches, so they can run away. But mostly it just serve as an appetizer, 'cause werewolve-sharks run fast too.

Sheriff do send for help, though. Got a man from The National Aquarium in Baltimore and an' a fifteen year old kid what knows a lot 'bout aliens. Don't know who learned him, but guy on Craig's List say he real good.

Kid's from the high school formin' vigilante groups. But mostly they just set off cherry bombs and hump each other back the Tasty-Freeze, 'cause that like a tradition wit' them.

I gotta stop now, 'cause we on batteries. 'Lectric wires all chomped up. Japanese guy what manage the Beni-Hana say he got a cousin what lease us a Godzilla real cheap, only President say we can't bring no Godzilla in the country, 'cause even a tame one gonna shit all over the place. An' a crazy one gone step on too many cars.

wilkravitz ain't typin' this.... just me Some Guy From The Bayou... signing off...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
see all 1,238 posts at ~>I READ TOO MUCH INTERNET CRAP .... join the fight on Twitter too at ~> @wilkravitz ....thank you and so long...