AN EXPLANATION OF MER-FOLK EVOLUTION

this is an addendum to our narrative. we will attempt to provide a thumbnail sketch focusing on  the biological development of Homo-aquaticus.


Two million years ago the genus called homo consisted of various species. there was australopithecus, homo-erectus, certain little known 'dwarf' varieties as well as types yet undiscovered.


each strain was shaped by their environment. grassland specimens grew long legs, the better to lope through the dense foliage. northern clans developed thick, robust torsos in order to conserve heat.


some isolated populations inhabited coastal estuaries, existing on a diet of bivalves and arthropods. in many ways their lives paralleled that of early cetaceans (whales). subsequent generations became even more suited to their environment. tailbones reappeared, continuing to lengthen and gain strength as the years passed. primitive examples used the appendage in a rather reptilian manner, much like modern day alligators. legs degenerated and ultimately vanished, although some contemporary examples still bear vestigial leg bones buried deep in the muscular hind sections.


after a time, nature produced a creature rather like a marine centaur. at first, the skin on the lower parts favored that found on dolphins and porpoises, however a fortuitous mutation, thought to have originated among a 'bottleneck' population scattered among what became the Indonesian Islands, produced a series of atavistic traits unseen since the age of amphibians, providing those so endowed with the ability to absorb oxygen through their skins. thus the aquatic form became truly marine. lungs continued to function, but were clearly secondary to dermal respiration.


fossil evidence place this transition at approximately 750,000 years before the present. since then the species known as homo-aquaticus (though homo-marinarus would be more like it) has continued to evolve and develop. Early admixtures of Cro-Magnon blood are found in their DNA record as well.


at one time populations frequented wide spread coastal areas scattered around the tropical and subtropical regions of our planet. but terrestrial human incursions forced these groups to abandon the shallows for the depths. 


today they are found chiefly along the Mid Atlantic Ridge and certain trenches in the Western Pacific. 


now you know.....


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DOCTOR FRANKLIN MAKES A PROPOSITION TO THE VAMPIRES

Shadowy, artificial moonlight reflected up off the tiny wavelets, gilding the vampires in shimmering, silvery radiance. Tomas felt the doctor approach. He turned and nodded, but the others continued watching the grotesque, old, aquatic, she-thing make faces at them through the glass. Finally, the doctor said - She knows all the words to I'm Popeye the Sailor Man and Don't Dunk a Doughnut If You Don't Know How to Dunk....... He waved at Sarah. She waved back. Annie stuck her tongue out. Doctor Franklin gave her the finger. Conrad smiled nervously....... The doctor continued - Wants me to get her some baby penguins, or puffins, maybe. Apparently they're great delicacies among the mer-folk. Funny, she's never mentioned them before. But I suppose in her dotage she remembers things from the past........ Then he whispered something into his smart phone. Five heartbeats later an attendant entered the marine enclosure through a small side door and gave the sea hag a small bucket filled with sliced, raw fish (salmon, from the look of it) and sweet, freshly shucked scallops. She gurgled impatiently, grabbed the bucket and started to eat.

Manners are not a strong point among her kind. Yet I must admire the way she slurps it all up with such relish. Rather like certain uncouth elements in the First Continental Congress I had to deal with. I'm sure you remember, Tomas. Am I right? ......... That you are, Doctor Franklin. That you are - said the attractive vampirino........... Where is our graceful, Ashanti princess? - asked the doctor......... Baylah did not accompany us - said Tomas. She waits for her upholsterer. Natuzzi leather sofas are all the rage; don't you know?......... Don't be impertinent, my unusual 'young' man. I know everything and you know that - smiled the doctor...... Then please sir - said Sarah. Share a bit of your all encompassing knowledge and tell us why we were brought here?......... You knew that? - whispered the doctor........ Sarah's expression indicated that she did....... Smart girl - said the venerable patriot.

There's trouble out along the Mid-Atlantic Ridge - said Franklin. Agitation among the mer-folk. It seems they miss their traditional, seasonal treks to the shore. Haven't been able to do so for almost two hundred years. Not since humans took up bathing. Ocean bathing, I mean. Prior to that, except for occasional fishing villages, coastlines used to be deserted places. Run ins with mer-folk were rare. But then we encroached upon their territory. Children were snatched. Mer-children, I mean. I believe they still have two skeletons on display On the Boardwalk In Atlantic City? Funny, she knows that song too. Don't you, old girl!- he yelled, as he rapped on the glass........ The aquatic crone responded with a series of rude noises made with her left fist and her right arm-pit. Then she absentmindedly began playing with her cloaca, as the scientist/alchemist continued.........

We want to send people out to observe. Mer-folk are extremely intelligent. Can't afford to antagonize them. They might be useful. Divers are no good. Can't withstand the pressure. Deep water, submergeable ships are no better. You vampires seem to be the ticket. Oxygen means nothing to you. Pressure is just an immaterial variable. I know your history. I know how you traverse the sea. Probably a few life-eaters walking across the abysmal plain now, as we speak. Only thing is, I don't know them, but I do know you. Of course the government, in Washington will grant you full ambassadorial status. They've never done that before. Not with your kind, I mean. Annie, you can't go - said the doctor....... She tried to kick him, but Tomas restrained her........ And here I was going to give you a baby butterfly-vixen. A 'Tinkerbelle,' I think you call it- said Franklin. Do you want one?..... Annie petulantly said that she did....... Well then behave, my little brat and you may get one - said the doctor.

He went on, sharing certain other particulars, as he ushered them into his own, rather baronial, chambers. Attendants came out bearing rare, costly aroma candles (not like what Edith bought at Target) and Annie was given a handsome, bell shaped, crystal terrarium containing a beautiful, little, iridescent butterfly-vixen. She even murmured - Thank you......

You might want to come back tomorrow night. Franklin's going to fill us in on the parallel evolution of mer-folk...... Look, if sea lions and seals are no more than aquatic bears, the same thing is possible with humans. I'm telling you. Come back. You'll see....

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A NIGHT AND A DAY WITH DOCTOR BENJAMIN FRANKLIN -----vampires make good house guests

Vampires make good house guests. They never dirty the bathrooms or use up all the toilet paper. Doctor Franklin enjoys entertaining night-folk. And via a tiny chip inserted deep into the sleek thigh muscle of Sarah (or was it Tomas?) during an earlier 'visit' he was able to steer the conversation inside the taxi-van his way. The always eager MOLE GIRLS will have to wait. All stripped down and no one to grope. That's just the way it is. 


Were the vampires aware of DOCTOR FRANKLIN'S influence? No, not at all. The scientifically preserved reprobate is much to subtle for that. SARAH started it. She said - Who wants to see the mermaid?...... Annie loves more-than-mythological creatures. She was all for it. Tomas enjoys all night bull sessions with America's MERLIN too. So they did a minor hoo-doo to the driver's cerebellum and approximately twelve minutes later pulled up to his door...... a nondescript green, metal portal leading to what looked like a storage locker set amidst a slew of commercial, quasi military structures deep within the contemporary labyrinth that is Philadelphia's reborn NAVY YARD. And it's almost impossible to get in. But Doctor Franklin gave the heads-up to his ANTI-ENCHANTMENT-BUREAU cronies (the REAL men in black, although fine, buff khaki is also acceptable this time of year) so all barriers were down. Even switched all the outdoor security lights on and off as they passed.


LUNA came up to greet them. She's a vampire M.D. currently working with Doctor Franklin and the Bureau. Tomas used to have a thing for her. Sarah knows it. Caused a big cat fight. That's why they were originally banished from the Penn Museum. {remember...this is an on-going account of life among the not-quite-dead and has been running for almost 700 nights} . Oh, he still 'admired' her...the polished dark blond bun...the classic features.... the willowy build. But the nights of playing dusty 'vaquero' and lusty cantina girl were over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know he cheats (remember the Mole 'Ladies"?) Yet even hard, trim, 'young' vampirinos must practice discretion sometimes......... He did brush a tiny bit of lint from the breast pocket of her crisp, white lab coat. And she smiled, ever so slightly. Sarah just bit her lip. Papa quietly chuckled to himself, as they entered the stainless steel elevator for the quick, fast ride to the bottom. 


And CONRAD'S eyes were wide as saucers, for the menagerie of fantastical beasts (and beings) is definitely something to see. (I will provide details tomorrow night.) 


The JERSEY DEVIL whinnied, flapped his huge, leathery wings and raised a bottle of Guiness in salute.


Two repulsively hairy TROLLS occupied the next dimly illuminated chamber. But they just blinked and continued chomping away on the contents of their fresh-dead-cat basket........ Annie especially liked that part. 


Then they saw it, an artificially created moonlit grotto, sealed behind two inches of distortion-free glass. Semi-tropical foliage rose up from the 'shoreline' and shimmering 'rafts' of bio-luminescent plankton rode upon the tiny wavelets.


Conrad said - This where that mermaid lives?..... Luna nodded. The others stood silently, as twelve heartbeats later the head of a pouchy-faced old crone broke the surface and cackled at them. Tomas politely waved. The crone said something in her own language, which sounded like nothing so much as fish kisses, or wet, geriatric farts. A moment later  she hoisted her bloated, sagging, decrepit form up onto a rock and played with her yarmulke sized nipples.


The VAMPIRES watched transfixed......even Papa. And no one noticed as the wispy-haired old reprobate (wearing his signature, shamrock green, Philadelphia Eagles sweat suit.) tooled in to join them upon his latest (and best) electric scooter.


Though it seemed Doctor Franklin had something important to say.......


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EVEN VAMPIRE LIKE A NEW NATUZZI LEATHER SOFA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

Trouble posting. Digital Devils attempting to silence. Not like a virus. More like a fungus, or slow, creeping tooth decay. BUT we persevere. 


Edith came back from the Pines. Oh, some days she'd drive in for a few hours...to visit, or to get things done. But the TV WEATHER LADY said we're all gonna sweat and sting for the next few days, so she came back. Mister Edith is here two.... a rarity. But them 'RED PAINT' folks didn't come.... You know, the ones where all the females look like PEEKABO STREET and all the males favor CAPTAIN JEAN LUC PICARD of The Star Ship Enterprise? Heat don't bother them. They just sit real still and keep they eyes closed. 


Tomas gettin' religion again. but he not lookin' to save the whole world, like last time (remember that parallel, alien-filled universe and the good diner orbitin' 'round Saturn?) He just wanna see his mama and papa. Thinks some guardian angel gonna help him do it. Edith tryin' to contact Johannan, his old, gruesomely killed body servant. But so far all she got is the kid who played LASSIE'S human brother on old, black and white TV. And I don't even think he's dead yet.


Tomas lookin' up shit in his copy of LA CIENCIA VAMPIRISMO. Edith brung it back from the Pines. He prayin' and readin'. Got an old 'victrola' recording of Jan Pierce's Kol Nidre, the old Hebrew liturgy of human confession and Divine Forgiveness. Plays it over and over. Sits on the floor huggin' hisself and whisperin' whole bunch a Aramaic secrets.


They all in Baylah's apartment. You know, the place she got upstairs from the piano bar. Sarah jus' set there sniffin' in a big, ole aroma candle. Usually she like green apple. Most vampires do, you know. But now she got one called 'fire cracker cherry.' Must a seen it on ELLEN, or somethin'. 


BAYLAH got a guy comin' up soon to show her 'swatches.' She wanna buy a new Natuzzi leather sofa. So they all gotta have to leave soon. Cab comin' in a few minutes. Sarah wanna go to Doctor FRANKLIN. His spread is really nice. Papa won't go near them Anti- Enchantment-Bureau goomers. He wanna go tickle some MOLE CHIPPIES. Tomas act like he in a stupor. But L'il Bastid Annie take his boot off ( you know, them leather bootkins he likes?). Pretend she fixin' a bite off one a his toes. That bring him almost all the way out of it. But he really do wanna see his mama...papa too.


SARAH say Mole People probably got them mushrooms (grows 'em underground) what help folks commiserate wit' the dead. See maybe if they work on vampires.


Baylah go 'round helpin' folks put they stuff in boxes. She get 'em from the State Liquor Store. Not for her. For the bar. Now they goin' down the steps. Gonna wait outside for the cab. It like one a them vans.


TOMAS see a homeless guy he know. Sarah say - Why you not give him somethin'?......... She mean like money. But Tomas don't know..... so he give him a real nice Rolex. Snap it right off his wrist and give it to him....... Homeless guy say - What I have to know what time it is for? It time a take a shit. Don't you think I know that?!..... But they already pilin' in the van, so don't nobody actually hear him.


CONRAD holdin' Annie's bestest, most favorite, petrified 'Gyptian baby-mummy. He don't like it, but he do it......


She is his 'mama,' after all....... and even though he don't perspire like he do when he human, he still want her buy him new suit a clean underwear.


Mister NEVER YOU MIND gonna leave you now. Gotta float off and  go see some real nice crack whores I know. Gotta bring 'em salt water taffy and a box a KOTEX.


I do try to help, don't you know...


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WHAT SOME VAMPIRES ACTUALLY DO

Not every night is a barn burner. 'Save the drama for your mama' is more like it. Immortal beings move through time in slow motion. What's a month to them, or even a decade? There's a vampirino in PARIS who's been frequenting the same cafe for two hundred years. Every night he orders the same meal, a Provincal pot-a-feu (pardon my french). The silently judgemental waiters bring it, slam it down upon the table and watch from behind the COFFEE BAR, as 'Mister Midnight' proceeds to cut it up into tiny morsels and feed it to his well mannered, little doggie (a nicely groomed, but absinthe riddled, cross-eyed Pomeranian). I do  not know if he's had the same dog all this time. A talented life-eater could arrange that. But I just do not know.


Papa has taken to public nudity. He wanders the dark, narrow byways 'sans coulottes ' as the CoCo Chanel's and Maurice Chevalier's say. Then, as soon as someone sees him, he flickers out of the ether, only to re-appear someplace else. One local, weekly, urbane publication has begun calling him THE 'MOON' MAN.'  They say he's even on YOU TUBE. Jimmy Kimmel showed a shot the other night, but I missed it.


Annie has been giving 'sonny-boy' ,Conrad, the grand tour. Shows him all the mummies. Takes him to sleep with the polar bears deep within their fake stone, fiberglass, caves. She likes the zoo. Hasn't gotten him to bite off any strange toes yet, but she will. 


Sarah does what she's always done. She heals the poor. Visits hospitals and clinics doling out tiny, glass vials of her restorative blood. Doctors hate her, especially when she helps those with adequate 'fee for service' coverage. Tomas occasionally tags along. After all, she got the idea from him. But our trim, 'young' Spaniard more often than not, enjoys summer evenings spent in the company of his wide-eyed, Mole Girl groupies. He lures the nubile, sweet things up from their below-the subway-tunnels depths for sensual encounters in fine hotels amidst smooth, cool sheets and spa-like showers. Does he bite them? Of course, but not fatally. 'Tastes them' would be more like it.


That's the way it is. The moon comes up. The moon goes down. And night-folk stalk this fine, old town.


Sure, things come to a head, sometimes..... but only sometimes. 


It's a nice way to live...... Well, you know what I mean.....


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ZOMBIE KILLERS STALK FAIRMOUNT PARK???

MORE ON ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND THE VAMPIRES LATER. ........ Tomas didn't think much of Conrad. Papa didn't either. None of them did. Still, it was better to have a new team mate than an old adversary. The dogs are a nuisance though. Three people were seriously bitten last night alone. They're lose. They're smart and they're hungry. Two of the chebubs found them loping through Fairmount Park. I guess they were hunting for bums. Lot a places to hide in eight thousand acres.... some caves....old, forgotten shacks. Much of it is old, original growth, woodland...... Dogs treed a bobcat and were trying to drag it down. Some old homeless guy peeked out from the bushes to watch. But the big one, Red Eye, seen him. And you know how predators are when they fixate on something. Forgot about the mini-tiger real fast. Just turned, focused, and moved right in.  Rest of 'em followed. Old guy backs away. Runs into a big oil drum  parks crew was using for liter. Tips it over and climbs under, like a urban hermit crab with a new shell..... Two heartbeats later, dogs is on him, growling and scratching and bangin' into it. He screamin' and trying to hold it down. This goes on for like ten minutes. He 'bout ready to have a hearty-tack.....and then it gets real quiet. No noise. Just his breath echoing 'round in the dank, metal can. That's when the diggin' starts. Pack got him pinned up against a big boulder. He caught like in a little crevice, or something. Can't see nothing. Can't move nowheres. All alone, right in the middle of an almost forest primeval, 'cept it's surrounded by millions of people.


You see, dogs is clever. They can do stuff. They can solve things. They can kill people. You lock a dog inside wit' its dead master and that ass flesh gonna get ripped off real fast. Nothin' personal. No disrespect intended. They just hungry. Dogs is practical. And tunnelin' the way to go. 


Old guy start yellin' - No! No! No! No! No! But this group used to hand signals. They like a good 'snap.' He can yodel all he want. Ain't gone do no good, 'specially after that big one grab hold a his ankle. Start pullin' him out. Leg all scraped up. But that OK.  For dogs.... blood like gravy.


One go for the cheeks. One like the belly. Bitch tear in a his privates. Cherubs try dive bombin' in to scare 'em off, but they jumpin up and snappin' at cherubs too. Fat, little, flyin' vampire baby like a can a peas to them.


'Bout a hundred and forty heartbeats later it all over. He mostly dead. Leg meat gone. Arm meat gone. Guts all permanently ruined. Look like zombie do it. That what the paper say----- ZOMBIE KILLER STALKS FAIRMOUNT PARK.


But Papa and Tomas and Sarah and all the rest know different. 


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psst! GO TO THE POST RIGHT UNDER THIS AND CLICK ON IT --- secrets, spells, naked girls in pits in the sub-basement, fear

I'm dizzy from lack of sleep, but I found a good specimen and tacked it up for you. Even cleaned it up a little too... So please do like the title says ----- go down one space and click on it.