29TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/28/12

Bingo Boy - post 29

Jimmy and Ricky are sitting down the basement watching cooking shows on TV. The former ensconced in his cell. The later on Marge's wooden folding chair.... Jimmy goes - So what. this is your shift?... Ricky goes - Yeah, it's my shift.... Jimmy thinks for a second, then says - Oh, yeah. I guess it is. I lost track... .... .... And if you look, you'll see that Jimmy's all dressed in regular clothes now. He has on jeans and a chambray work shirt. Looks like a prison uniform, but at least it's somethin'. Marge got it when she ran out to get him the commode.... So they sit there watchin' Martha Stewart whisk egg whites.... Jimmy says - Look how she does that. She Polish girl, almost like Ukrainian. Did I tell you?..... Ricky goes - Uh, yeah...... Jimmy goes - You gone let me go today?.... Ricky says - No, not today..... Jimmy nods and says - Why you not kill me that night in New Jersey? You know what you are?....... Ricky - No....... Jimmy adds - A stupid dope. It would have been so much easier for  you. I would have killed you...... Ricky offers him some cookies in a white box, like you get at a bakery. Jimmy peruses the assortment for a moment, then takes one. He eats it. It's good. Ricky offers another. Jimmy says - This got fatty acids?.... Ricky says - I don't know...... Jimmy gives him a dirty look. Ricky closes the box and puts it on a little table. 

Jimmy nods toward TV screen and goes - Did I tell you she Polish?..... Ricky goes - Yeah, like every day.... Jimmy says - Stir crazy, so go to hell..... Then he adds - We got good food in my part a Ukraine too. Real good food....... Ricky goes - I know. Some a my great grandparents came from there too, you know....... Jimmy says - Yeahhh? What part?....... Ricky goes - Zhitomer, you know it?..... Jimmy goes - Yeahhh..... Ricky says - Ekaterinoslav, you know that place too?..... Jimmy goes - Yeahhh....... Ricky adds - The other two were from some little place. I can't remember the name, but it was just to the west of Kharkiv....... Jimmy goes - 'Kharkiv, Kharkiv' Listen how he say it. Just like a 'Ukie.' Not like a Russian. The right way. The right way............ Ricky retrieves the cookie box and eats one, then goes - Well, what do ya think?..... But Jimmy goes - Yeah, but you not real Ukie. You not Catholic. You not Orthodox. You just a Jew....... Ricky goes - Jimmy..... Jimmy says - What?..... Ricky goes - You really hate us so much?..... Jimmy shrugs and goes - You know how it is. You grow up in place, father hate jew, mother hate jew, cousin hate jew, lady who clean church hate jew, imbecile with funny eye hate jew, whore hate jew....... Ricky goes - Stop counting on your fingers. You're gonna need your toes soon....... They sit in silence, watching Martha complete her sweet confection. Jimmy almost nods off, til  Ricky says - So what? You the only one came over?..... Jimmy says - Only one..... Ricky goes - How come?...... Jimmy goes - Killed, dead. I lived with cousin in city. Real family kaput...... Ricky goes - What, the Nazis?.......Jimmy says - Not Nazis. No Nazis. Stalin. Communist. Russians. See? Nobody tell you that. Do they?..... Ricky says - Then you tell me...... Jimmy goes - Ten years before Germans, fifteen maybe, Stalin want to force Ukrainians into big government farm, like prison camp they were. But people do not want this (Ricky listens), so he torture them. He starve them. He kill them. He burn them.... And my family...... Ricky goes - Yeah?..... Jimmy goes - Dead, Dead.Dead. Dead. Dead...... Ricky says - My father said he used to get letters from his relatives in Ukraine. Not him. My grandfather, actually. Right up until the beginning of World War Two....... Jimmy says - What happen to them? On top of being Jew, I mean?...... Ricky goes - That was enough. Didn't give them any choice. Farm camp, or death? Collaborate, or death? And what are you asking me for? You know... Boy, do you know......... Jimmy looks down at his hands and says - I was six years old then. I was six years old........ They just sit there, as Miss Martha tilts the finished birthday cake toward the camera.....

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28TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/27/12

Bingo Boy - post 28

So they laid in bed and before they fell asleep a fight broke out in the middle of the street. Two neighbors hollerin' over a parkin' space. Thirty seven degrees...a cold, clammy mist... and they're fighting. Real Jerry Springer shit. All 'F' you and 'go to hell' and 'M-F' and 'C-S'er'... Look, excuse all the capital letters. But I am one a them ghost-narrators that wasn't raised that way. If I ever said those words I'd a been a ghost a lot earlier. I can guarantee you that. Now Ricky and Little Chrissie sleep in the back. The master bedroom, partitioned into two for Marge and the baby faces the street. And glass was breakin' out there. And fists was flyin'. A forty seven year old and a twenty six year old. And the forty seven year old was plenty fat. More like a sixty seven year old. Baby wakes up. Look, he hears noise, he gets scared. It's natural. Little Chrissie runs in to get him. She tells Marge to go wait it out in the little room in the back. But it ain't got no bed, just an old metal desk and a wood foldin' chair. Think they got a little radio in there and some old magazines, but I don't know. Anyway, Marge ain't gonna budge. Street fights is free entertainment. So she sits on an old milk crate (used for laundry) by the window and peeks out under the shade.... Forty seven year old had a stroke. I saw him leave his body. Said - Christ! what the 'F' happened a me!?... Wife ran out in a little knee length slip or somethin'. I don't think she wears dresses to work. I think she just likes wearin' a slip. Takes one look at the bloated turd on the sidewalk and tears into the twenty six year old. Starts scratchin, cuttin', kickin', bitin'. Dogs is barkin'. People start yellin' for Jesus Christ. But the cops got there first and broke it all up. Funny thing is the baby fell right back to sleep, snuggled there in the bed between Ricky and Little Chrissie.

Then, when the sirens stop and everything, Marge runs in to talk about it. Street 'troubles' are relished around here. Said she saw 'his body.' Said she saw  'Dirty-Neck's' skinny knocker fly out. Saw the twenty six year old tattooed guy bleedin' and all. Just wants a sit on the bed and keep talkin' about it. But Little Chrissie wants the baby to keep sleepin'. So she tells her to go down and see if Jimmy's OK. Maybe bring him a tuna fish sandwich, or somethin'. Marge likes bein' with Jimmy, so she goes. 

Ricky says, in a real low voice, almost a whisper, but not a whisper - We gotta get outta here. We got some money. He'll (Marty) give us more. I can't take this. Come on, you want him (the baby) growin' up 'round here?...... She goes - No...... He goes - Well?.... She says - But what about Jimmy? What, we're gonna ask the real estate lady if by any chance the new place comes with a dungeon or somethin' ?

So they just lay there thinkin', cuddled 'round the baby til they all fall asleep...

But down in the basement, Marge tells Jimmy (who was a little shook up by the noise, but otherwise OK, because he couldn't tell what was goin' on.) that Mary's sister across the street, Too-Many-Cookies, was lookin' at their house real funny like. 

He wants a know if Too-Many-Cookies is a Indian name. But she says- No..... Her name was just plain 'Cookie' til she put on a lot a weight and then it just got changed....

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27TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/26/12

Bingo Boy - post 27

And once they got back to the bingo parlor, the rest a the night seemed pretty normal. But  Marty was awful quiet. So were the two Chrissies. So was Ricky. John brought up the story on the internet. He wanted to talk about the blog and all. Little Chrissie made like she was interested. Made like she didn't know a thing. He'll forget. He's like that. Once he bought a book about magic and thought he could do spells. You know. It's always somethin'. But Marty just wasn't right. One a the 'bingo slatterns' (the shills) never showed and he wound up payin' out more money than usual that night. Most times that would set him off. But I don't think he even noticed. Just sat in the back room with his eyes closed...makin' like he was sleepin'..... But he wasn't.  And when closin' time came, the four a them what was in that car couldn't run out fast enough. 'Muscles' came back. Made sure everything was shut tight. Sure he knows how  to milk money out a the old ladies. But basically he's a good guy.... If he likes you. 

Ricky and Little Chrissie went right upstairs. I think they cut a few chunks off a brick a supermarket cheddar from the refrigerator, but that was about it. The baby was already sleepin'. Went in to see him. That, they always do. He's such a nice little guy. Little Chrissie carefully took off his socks. The baby hates to sleep with socks. He wakes up during the night and goes - Hot! Hot! Hot!.... Then he pulls 'em off and throws 'em out a the crib. But he likes gettin' all snuggly with his warm 'blankie' though. And Ricky turned on the small, baby lamp he has. It rotates and throws dim, cartoony, dinosaur pictures on the walls. The baby really likes it. Then they went to bed. I guess they thought Marge was in her room. But she wasn't. Marge was down in the cellar with Jimmy. Oh, they could be real quiet when they had too....  like teenagers in the parlor. My guess is they were doin' somethin' earlier, but not now...... He sits in the cage. She sits outside the cage. He puts his arm around her. Still got that sheet-kilt and sweater ensemble goin' on. Must be used to it by now.

They're lookin' at tv with the sound turned down. Think they're watchin' THE NATURAL. You know, baseball, miracles, Robert Redford, Glenn Close and all. Then a commercial comes on for one a them safe-for-old-folks sit-down-bath tubs. Must a jigged somethin' out a his brain and he goes - I am tired of using plastic slop bucket. Must have ring 'round ass like brand, or tattoo, or something. Must have permanent disfigurement....... Marge goes - No you're not....... How you know? - He says. What you do, look at it?........ She says - Yeah, sometimes, like when I help you get washed...... He gives one, curt nod and goes - I want commode. TV has it. You can get it. They have it. They sell it.

Marge goes - Alright. If I get a chance, maybe tomorrow. Christ, I hope it comes disassembled. You're gonna have to put it together. I can't carry no sick-room crap in here. Somebody'll see...... But then he tickles her ear and she just sighs....

Still, she was thinkin'. She was thinkin' 'bout what she saw the other night, when they got back from the Chinese place. Nobody else saw it. Ricky didn't see it. Chrissie didn't see it. And Mary lived four doors down, so she didn't see it either. But Marge did. Somebody tried to break into the house. There were gouge marks in the door frame. Yeah, the wood was old and not in the best shape to begin with. But these were gouge marks and she knew it.

Jimmy must a heard it. He had to know. But he didn't say nothin' either. Look, he could a been sleepin'. Seemed groggy when they gave him the spare-ribs and all. That could a been it..... Maybe... And maybe not...

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26TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/25/12

Bingo Boy - post 26

The four a them were sittin' in Marty's car talkin'. Big Chrissie and Marty were in front. Ricky and Little Chrissie were in back. It was cold. It was drizzling. They were parked outside some Kmart. Marty needed Christmas candy to feed the women in the bingo parlor. Big Chrissie wasn't supposed to go too, but she ran out and jumped in. Rainy nights are slow. They already had enough kids on the floor and she knew it. Besides, Big Chrissie had something to say....

She goes - I do not think he's comin' back. I got a feelin'. I got a feelin'. I know it...... She digs through her handbag and says - Look, look, look, here, I'll show you. I can get it on the phone. I'll show you..... Then she taps something on the screen with her fingernails..... John saw it. He saw it first. He told me - she says.... Here, here, here it is. Look, read it. Read it. Read it. - and she thrusts the phone to Marty..... The other two just sit there. They don't say a word. Marty takes the phone. He looks. He reads and goes - Jesus Christ....... Big Chrissie goes - Didn't I tell you. Whoever writes that is talkin' 'bout us. John tried to find his name, but he couldn't...... Marty stammers a reply - B-b-but how's he talkin' about us? This guy's talkin' 'bout a murder. We ain't murdered nobody......... Yeah, but the people. The place. The way it looks. My God, even some a the customers - goes Big Chrissie. Shit, it's like the Twilight Zone. I wanna talk to Jimmy. There must be a way I can call him. You don't get it. He's like an uncle to me. It's a sign! It's a sign! It's a sign! Who's gonna help with the baby!!?....... Marty don't say a word. Then she starts punchin' him and slappin' him and cryin'.......... He fights her off. He goes - Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You know I'm gonna help you. You know I will. Stop it!..... Like about a minute goes by. And you know how long a minute can be when nobody talks.... Then Big Chrissie goes - Look, I know he's a creep. I know he's a loudmouth. I know he's a 'hater.' I know all that... And I know you don't like givin' him money. So what'd you do, Marty, kill 'im? What, did they do it?...... Ricky clears his throat and goes - You're crazy. You know that?....... She goes - Yeah? So, I'm crazy. Big deal. I'm crazy. But that don't mean I can't be right...... They just sit there in the car withy the windows all fogged up..... Ricky goes - We didn't kill him. We didn't kill him. And I swear it on my mother and father's graves....... She sniffs back a few tears... Marty goes - And I did not kill him either. Look, he'll be back. Don't worry. You know how he gets. He does this. My God! Don't worry...... Big Chrissie goes - OK, you don't want me to worry?...... Marty says - No. My God....... And she adds - Then gimme money. Gimme money from your pocket. I don't wanna wait for no envelope from Jimmy. You gimme. You! You! Start now. Do it now. Don't wait. Not after the baby comes. Now. Do it now....... Marty goes - Do you have to start this in front a them?...... But she goes - Who the hell do you think doesn't know already... your wife? You want me to tell your wife?..... He just slumps..... She looks in the rear view mirror and tells the two in the back - You know, I don't even know where he lives. I know it's in Bucks County. I know that much. But that's about it..... Ricky and Little Chrissie don't say a word..... Finally, Marty goes - How much you want?.... She goes - It's NOT what I want. It's what I NEED! Don't gimme that 'want' shit, you creep..... Marty goes - Twelve hundred a week. I'll give you twelve hundred a week...... And that's how it ended..... Ricky and Little Chrissie ran into the Kmart for the candy and all and  then they rode back to work.

But the blog went on. She never stopped. Christ, sixty five people saw it last night. Guy on Twitter said it ought a be a book.... Little Chrissie didn't know how to do that... But she could learn.

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LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: Pescetarian Thanksgiving

LMAO with wendy (liebman)!: Pescetarian Thanksgiving: It's been so long since I blogged that I forgot how to do it!  It's a few days after Thanksgiving and I'm feeling grateful for everythi...and I can't eat the whole baby octopus at all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets, because no matter how you look at it... they're still dead babies......enjoy the wit humor and wisdom of comedian WENDY LIEBMAN  a pleasant refreshing break before our next installment (a bit later tonight...maybe after SNL)

25TH BINGO BOY episode for 11/24/12

Bingo Boy - post 25

They all go out for a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Little Chrissie, Ricky, the baby, Marge and a neighbor lady, named Mary, that Marge is friends with. He drives them up to a shiny, new all-you-can-eat Chinese style buffet by the multiplex on Grant Avenue. It's in a part of the Northeast that's still a little bit suburban-middle class. Thirteen dollars and ninety nine cents... that's how much it cost, per person, I mean. Beverages extra. But they had nicely browned whole turkeys up there and candied sweet potatoes, roast beef and baby octopus.... just like the Pilgrims. The baby really liked all the sights... the lights... the smells... the other children... the mashed sweet potatoes. He had a good time. They all did. Little Chrissie took out her new iPad, or tablet, or whatever it is. Sure she tried to be discreet. But what could she do? She was hooked. Had a blog now. Wrote stories. OK, so only twenty seven hits so far. But it's only been two weeks. Trouble is, she writes from life, just like that writer on Charlie Rose said. An artist now, don't you know. Wants to check her stats, see if she got any more page views. Marge goes - Jesus Christ! Put that thing the hell away!..... Little Chrissie goes - All right, all right..... And she does. This is a holiday... a pleasant occasion.... baby's first night out in a 'real' restaurant. She understands. She gets it. But what she don't get is that her writing is a little too close to real life..... a little too revealing. John, that other kid from the bingo hall has seen it. He's pretty savvy with computers. And Little Chrissie tweeted about it at a site called #PHILLYSTORIES. That's how it happened. Oh, he didn't know she was the author. But he recognized the bingo hall (she moved it to Torresdale Avenue.. a very slight improvement). And the 'Marty' character was still Marty, only now he answered to 'Sid.' Even he was in it. But instead of 'John' they called him 'Tom.' And in the story, Jimmy wasn't wearin' printed sheet togas down her basement. He was dead and cold and buried in a swampy, Jersey, Pine Barrens grave.

Believe me, Big Chrissie was very upset when she found out. True, she thought it was a coincidence. But she believed in 'signs.' 

And this one wasn't good. 

Oh, yeah, one more thing..... this Thanksgiving outing  marked the first time they let Jimmy stay home by himself. Not that he was awake. Marge slipped him a double shot of Benadryl, or whatever you call it and he was sawin' wood in Old Ukraine..... Plus the cage was still locked. She felt bad... No, she really did. Ricky said they'd bring him back a take-out order of barbecued spare ribs and fried shrimp, maybe a couple other things too, so that made her feel a little better. Mary didn't know what they were talkin' about..... I don't know. Maybe she did.....

And I ain't a ghost from Frankford Avenue, or any other part a Philly... I'm just a ghost from Seattle, so don't ask me how I got here. This 'bein' dead' shit is all new to me.... I either fell out a window, or got hit by a train. But gimme some time. I'll remember.....

Maybe it's because I like Chinese food?

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24TH NaNoWriMo BINGO BOY episode for 11/23/12

BINGO BOY - post 23

And the ripples in the ether come from me. It is I, Pennyfeather, the actor from The Walnut Street Theater. What brought me back? Relationships... alliances.... romantic dalliances. We of the stage relish such things. For what is a play, save an intricately woven piece of emotional conceit? Bodies come together... and then they pull apart. Some do so repeatedly, while others maintain the seal. 

Ricky has his Chrissie, the little one, I mean. And she her Ricky-boy. What will become of it? How will the pudding set? And let us not forget the older lovers here. They also grow entangled, like ivy on a wall. And will the tendrils always climb, or will the trellis fall?

Ah, breakfast time in our secluded, basement dungeon. Abelard and Heloise had not a better spot. Marge fiddles with the vittles upon her Jimmy's tray and slides it to him through the iron bars... He drinks in her every move. And sees the pains she's taken to make her features glow...... He takes the and begins to eat. Then he says - Hey, old lady, how long the two shit-for-brainses gonna keep me here?..... Marge goes - I don't know. They don't tell me nothin'. I'm just her grandmom. And you know that little bundle we got upstairs?..... Jimmy goes - Yeahhh?..... Marge goes - I'm his (makes 'eyes') great grandmom... Jimmy says - No? For real?...... She nods playfully... He goes - I don't believe it. Tell me, old lady, how many years you got?..... She quietly ponders her response - You mean you wanna know how old am I?.... This time he nods..... She goes - I'm fifty five... No, I'm sixty. I'm sixty. I'm sixty. You know how it is... But that's not so old. Is it?....... He beckons her toward the bars. She comes closer. He reaches out, caresses her cheek and kisses her on the lips.... She sighs.... And he whispers - thank you for last night......... She wants to respond, but the baby begins to cry upstairs, so she pulls away, then turns and says - Tonight, for dinner, you want some take-out crab cakes from the taproom down the street?..... He nods and says - And get some for yourself. Why should we eat alone?

Later that day, as she takes the chubby bundle for his airing in a stroller, neighbor women can't help but notice how radiant she looks. Some of them whisper to each other.They say - What the hell she done to herself?....... But only her basement house guest knows for sure.

When dinner comes 'round, they sit together, though separated by the bars and quietly eat their meaty seafood treats, while watching Wheel of Fortune on the little TV. He's wearing the sweater from Kohl's. And except for his printed sheet kilt, plus the unusual surroundings, they appear to be an old, married couple.

Weeks go by. And that's the way it is......

But Little Chrissie wants some 'toys'. She buys herself a magic, little screen...an I-Pad, or a tablet, or some such thing. Wants to write, perhaps a blog. So she reads them, to better understand the form. And becomes enamored of one such daily epistle penned by a Shropshire lad known as David James. One day she responds, leaving a comment at http://davejameswriting.blogspot.com that leads to certain troubling complications.....

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