PERFECT CIRCLE OF HOLLY TREES DEEP IN THE COOL GREEN PINES......... 5/16/13

They took us to this place. It's a real old place. Piney folks didn't do it. Red Paint folks don't say, but they must a done it. Just a little clearing, maybe thirty feet across, edged by a neat circle of sharp leafed holly trees. Each one's about fifteen feet tall. Some 'tree races' (as our hosts call them) don't grow that much. Had to step through these bushes at the bottom. You could tell the place was carefully tended. Edith says it's a talk to the dead place. We had this guy with us, a Red Paint guy. Looked a little like Captain Jean Luc Picard of the star ship Enterprise, but not that much. Red Paint guys show some variation. Women too. They don't all look like famed Olympic skier Peekabo Street. Maybe in the dark they do. But I don't know. 

We sat on old dried up stumps. They made like a smaller circle inside the trees. Red Paint guy don't say nothin'. Just gestures and we all sit down. Little Annie ain't with us. She monkeyin' around somewhere with Pin-Head-Mel  and that little Jersey Devil boy. Remember Mister Tumnus, that faun guy from Narnia? Well, he looks like him, 'cept his naked parts is covered in real short gold-sandy hairs... like velvet. Don't make him look hairy...just velvety, even his face. 'Case you missed a few episodes, head hair all normal and wavy. Runs down his spine like a mane. Never seen him fly, but he do got the bat wings. Daddy Devil flies though. Him I seen.

Nobody say nothin'. We just sit. Conrad whispers that he's bored. Jonathon give him a look and he shut up. He ain't bored. He jus' don't like this, 'cause of originally bein' almost a monk 'fore he got the 'night-fever.' That boy one strange vampire. I tell you that. Me, Edith and the driver guy can't see no ghost yet, 'cause we jus' human beans. Even though Edith, bein' a 'pow-wow' woman does have a certain sensitivity. But she say the rough stump make her ass itch, so she mostly concentratin' on that. 

Then the first one come. No noise. Leaves don't rustle. No nothing. Jus' all of a sudden, whole mess a big, shiny, roachy things come runnin' up from the brush. We could see 'em in the torch light. Run up legs. Run up arms. Dash cross faces. Nibble at ears. Sarah twitch a little, but just a little. Red Paint folks don't do nothin.' ..... Conrad go - Ewww!.... Somebody yell - Shut up!.... But I don't know who it was..... Then we hear laughter... real quiet and tinny like. One by one the roachy things go pfft! and disappear into small, rising tendrils of smoke. Little nebulous  ropes meet in the middle, up above our heads, where they slowly weave together, before cascading down toward the grass and taking the shape of a girl. She laughs some more. Her dress all moldy and torn. First it look like she got her hands clasped behind her back. But then I see she ain't got no arms. They all ripped off.  Look like a chain saw did it, just below her little puffy sleeves. She say somethin' in a language I do not know. Jonathon say it French-Canadian. Say she got snatched off the Boardwalk in Atlantic City back in nineteen fifty six. Her tiny arms, bones now, still buried in the sand under the great, wooden promenade right by Caesar's casino. Nobody ever go back that far. Him what done it hide her body in the Pines. That why she here.  Him what done it put tourniquet 'round her stumps so she don't bleed out. Then he bury her in the dirt. No box. No nothin'. Just dirt. That how come she so friendly wit' the bugs.

Wants us to help her. Wants us to go get her arms back. Say she can't eat no spaghetti without 'em. Say she can't bounce no ball. Walks over. Starts sniffin' everybody settin' down here. Red Paint guy quietly says - Do not move. So we don't. I can see the rot on her almost transparent skin when she comes close. Then she snaps her teeth real fast, like she gonna bite my nose off, but she don't. Plays wit' Sarah's earrings. Jonathon whispers - Can you feel it?... Sarah mouths - Yes..... This continues for quite a while. She plays with the driver guy's hair. Runs her putrid fingers through it. And them ain't nails on the end. Ain't got no finger tips, jus' sharp, little, pointy white bones. Driver guy shudders. Then he laughs. She don't like that.... so she grabs the sides of his head and rips it off. His arms fly up. But what good they gonna do? Ain't got no brain to tell 'em how. Blood spurtin' up jus' like a chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral. We all sit and watch til it all over. Then Conrad go - Hey! Where her arms come from!? .... Red Paint guy say - She got 'em when she need 'em. Some ghosts is liars. Don't you know that?...... Conrad don't say nothin'. French-Canadian spirit girl all gone now. But we still gotta get rid a her leavings. I mean like the head and all. 

Red Paint woman say she gone sew it back on so it look better when we give it to the family. Jonathon say - He ain't got no family..... She say she gonna do it anyway...... Red Paint guy what led us here say - Thus speak the spirits....... Conrad says - Are they gonna say more?

Red Paint guy grin and go - What you think?

And that's it. That's what happened. Like a tourist thing. Like a luau in the Pines. 'Cept nobody cook no pig.

This is wilkravitz, the 'familiar' what blog this. Forgive me all the 'Piney' talk, but I am quite impressionable. Next time you'll see more...

How long we gonna sit here in the dark? I gettin' all itchy. Edith say that's cause a the body and the gnats and all. I go - Oh..... But that don't make it no better. 
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES..you DON'T want to wind...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES..you DON'T want to wind...: Before Papa left the Mer-folk, he took Luna to see a certain place, an undersea cave, actually, but somehow filled by a vast bubble of air....Another peek into an 'end of the road' spot 'Papa' (our POWERFUL, though sometimes catatonic, ancient vampire) likes to visit. You don't want to wind up there.... To see what it's like, click on the words A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES up above all this almost red stuff. If you want to wander through more weird tales, click on ~>MORE WEIRD TALES ... Your COMMENTS & LINKS are very important. Thank you. The story arc about our Philadelphia vampires 'relaxing' in the Jersey Pine Barrens resumes late tonight.

THINGS TO COME~~> AN EMISSARY OF THE SAN XING EMPEROR DEMANDS TO SPEAK... 5/15/13

These things must be said. A new era is soon to unfold across the heavens. And so we commandeer this time from your mundane life-eaters, in  order that you may know. 

The time of the San Xing Emperor approaches. The 'Son of Heaven,' known in the TRUE TONGUE as the Tian will rule the orbs from the celestial NEW CAPITAL of Cinnibar, rising up upon the ocher sands of Huoxing (fire star), known to barbarians as Mars.

You who do not speak correctly, would be wise to learn. Keep your Spanish and your English and your Hindi and your French, or whatever jargon you regurgitate amongst yourselves. Save it for your hobbled old ones who feed with knives and forks. We do not want it here. 

But the Sheng Shang (another imperial title) is benevolent. Reeducation Centers are open to all. This you will know, for notifications are pending. And through hard, diligent study, you may (or may not) earn a place among the CLERICAL ORDERS.

A unified Taiyangxi (Sun System), imagine it, best beloveds. The Han Home World, known to us as Diqiu and it's bone-white smaller sister, called Yueliang (Earth & Moon) were but the first. Join us, as we roll across the cosmos, bringing Zhongguo (Chinese) cultivation to bare benighted orbs.

May Taiyang rain warmth and light upon us eternally..

Shhhhh... Earth has never seen the like. Welcome to THE EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB... brought to you by Billy Kravitz, creator of THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND, THE LITTLE MATCH BOY, EL RANCHO TEXACO, BINGO BOY and the well received story arc known as MARIANNE IN BRITCHES.


Be a part of things to come. He who bears the MANDATE OF HEAVEN commands it...

EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB

we pull back for a shot of the Imperial Dragon Fleet, gliding in toward the Huoxing (Martian) capital of Cinnibar... and ZOOM IN for a CLOSE SHOT of the Tian (emperor), seen through an opened portal seated amidst the tasteful splendor of a huge, imposing AUDIENCE HALL..., dressed in a trim, gray, Mao meets Dolce & Gabana suit , with a haircut to die for...He stares into the camera with the vertical pupils of a cat.

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DOWN IN THE ROOT CELLAR and other places ... 5/14/13

The floor was smooth pounded dirt. the walls were smooth too, almost like a natural, clay brick. They dug a few shallow troughs and filled them with rose petals, because Jonathon and Sarah supposedly sleep on rose petals. Don't ask me where they got so many this early in the season, but they did. The rest of us, the other vampires, that driver guy and I slept on these, off the shelf, foldable mattresses from TARGET. They were OK. But it's obvious they had a sale on Curious George sheets, 'cause that's what we got. Edith slept in one of the rough, plank 'cabins' with Mister Edith and the rest of the Clampetts. I don't know what kind of linens they had. I don't know where Leo slept either. Maybe he found an abandoned mine shaft in the woods, 'cause they have some from like umpteen hundred years ago. Nobody knows who dug 'em. Edith calls 'em 'the shadow people.' 

Smells nice down there though. Don't know what kind of roots they usually store, but it has a fresh, green, woodsy smell. Gave us a few decks of cards too. Look like throw-aways from the casinos in A.C.. Some of the Pineys go gambling every once in a while. That must be how they get 'em. I taught the vampires how to play Texas Hold 'Em. We used little cut up pieces of the plastic zipper bags the mattresses came in for money. The driver guy had a Swiss Army knife.  Couldn't burn any candles down there, or me and the driver guy, being mortal, would suffocate. But didn't have to, 'cause they had these little battery powered camping lamps, also from Target. You know, with those big batteries like they put in little kid's you-drive-it Camaros and 'four runners'? Also had a red and white plastic bad full of Archer Farms peanut butter crackers. The driver guy had a slight peanut sensitivity, so that meant more for me. There were some cans of soda too and a couple bottles of some kind of no-name vodka for the vampires, 'cause, yeah, they are fastidious when it comes to certain things, but they ain't fussy.  I just wanted you to know a lot goes in to going away with some night-folks. It ain't easy.  Don't ask how self-conscious I was using that pot in the corner. Annie laughed. Kept saying - Lemme see your 'thing.' Lemme see your 'thing.'..... But Sarah made her turn around and shut up. And I put the lid on real tight so they couldn't smell it. You know, human bodily aromas can excite vampires. And even though this crew was all right with me, I didn't want to chance anything. The driver guy took his cue from me. But nobody stared at him 'cept Conrad.

I could hear noise from up above during the day. Not much, but you knew somebody was doing something. Red Paint people have their own language, real basic and monosyllabic. I don't think they need much, 'cause some of their communications are telepathic. And most of them went out hunting, or fishing or plant-pickin' anyway. Left a guard or two behind, 'cause we were there.

Vampires would doze and wake up and doze some more. Annie quietly said - Is this the way it's always gonna be?... Sarah said - What do you mean?..... The little night-child said - It's like a big tether ball game. You all go 'round and 'round and 'round. He (she meant Jonathon) wants a save the world. Then he don't care no more. You love him. Then you don't care no more. Papa goes crazy. Then he ain't crazy. Then he is. And you forget. I knew him when he was 'the shaky hand man.' It's like why do you all have to do anything, when you know you ain't, probably, gonna die?..... Jonathon rolled over to face her and said - It's not like that..... But Annie whispered - Yeah, it is.... Nobody said anything after that and we all drifted off. 

After sundown (still a lot of blue in the sky, but you know how it looks) they got up. Our cabin had a little, old spigot. We could fill a washtub with water and take like a sponge bath. Too cold for anything else. Vampires don't mind cold, not that much anyway. But me and the driver did. Not much in the way of privacy, but ain't like they're regular humans anyway, so that made it OK. They had our luggage lined up against the wall. Lucky I brought a couple sweatshirts. 

Red Paint folk had on more normal clothes now. Not like nudist, or semi-nudist hippies no more. Now they look like the kind a people Hoda and Kathie Lee do make-overs on. Annie ran off to play with Pin-Head-Mel and Horsey Skeezix, the Jersey Devil kid. A micro-cephalic.... a bat-winged faun boy... and a stringy haired, little vampire gal. Who says people can't get along?

I had some kind a fried corn mush and apple juice. The driver guy had the same. Vampires drank something, but I don't know what it was. Then they fried this bacon. I hope it was bacon. Had five, thick slabs, 'cause that stuff was good.

Then we went to the ghost town. They got a few ghost towns in the pines. Some quiet and empty.... Some, not so much.

Look, ain't like this a new thing to you. If you been with us a while, you know 'bout the disembodied spirits. You know 'bout the 'narrators' who come by from time to time. Hello? Mister Never-You-Mind, you remember him? And the kid what died from polio, down the basement in the townhouse?

Ghosts are people too, just dead ones what ain't got no bones..... or meat, or hair, or toenails, or nothin', for that matter. Some ain't so much. Others make your blood run cold. Some folks drop down dead when they see 'em. Then we got more ghosts.

Even if you think you never seen one.... they probably seen you....'Cause nobody got eyes in the back a their head..... Right?

An' sometimes they lean in real close.
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: An Elferina-Vampirina goes to Carolina or Maybe Vi...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: An Elferina-Vampirina goes to Carolina or Maybe Vi...: The mortals liked the berries and cream. They are basically so easy to satisfy. One big, dumb, slob made a gloopy stain on a nineteenth cen... How whales and dolphins help entombed night-folk, bringing them safely to shore. Marianne among the crab fishers of the eastern woods. The elferina-vampirina starts a new life... To witness it, CLICK On the words 'goes to Carolina' up above. And for more forays into the wonderland, click on ~>MORE FORAYS INTO THE WONDERLAND ... Your COMMENTS & LINKS are always welcome. Thank you.

WILD CHILD VAMPIRINO LEO GETS ANTSY IN THE JERSEY PINES... 5/13/13

Leo was starting to get excited. Yeah, he's here too. you might have forgotten, but he's here. Likes to howl at the moon, rip his clothes off and dash through the streets. Cops got video. They don't like it. Jonathon had to spread around a lot of money to get them to back off. Now Leo mostly rips his clothes off and runs around 'wild' in Laurel Hill cemetery, the vast, old, moldering necropolis for the dead, high above the banks of the Schuylkill River. The caretaker and his wife know about him. And the little 'cherubs' (babies and toddlers tragically made vampires by warped and twisted night-folk) squeal and fly away at his approach. 

Sometimes he grabs a mortal kid or two. They sneak in to get drunk and play 'I Got You, Babe.' Only kills the runaways, 'cause that's like almost legal. But now we're deep in The Pines and he's feeling the beat. Look at him. He's already unbuttoning his shirt and it's really cold (for May) tonight too. Conrad sucks his teeth. He hates that kind a stuff. Annie nudges Edith and says - Where's that big, dumb nut takin' us?.... But Edith just shushes her. You don't mess with Red Paint people, not even vampires.  So our weird and wonderful safari silently snakes through the pines behind the man in the beaver tail tunic. Boy that must feel clammy 'gainst his skin. 

Now Leo ditched his shirt.  If you want to know what he looks like, he's OK... little bit stringy, but not too bad... Like a rock band front man with buzzed hair. An' he cracks his neck from side to side. Oh, he's gettin' tense. He's gettin' ready. 'Bout two hundred heartbeats later even the pants are gone. Conrad, his vampire step-brother, whispers - When you gonna change?..... But Leo just shoves him and says - Go to hell....

Then they hear the drums. You know what they sound like? Like those big tambors that guy plays at those CELTIC WOMEN concerts. Real strong... Real rhythmic... Real deep. The guy in the beaver tail tunic says something and they stop. Then he leads them 'round a bend into a clearing (just visible in the light from the smart phone.... how long can that last???) and there, just ahead, lies the settlement called Jubilee. Crude candles in small, rock hollows cut the darkness. Nine or ten simple plank 'cabins' served as architecture. And maybe twenty dancers stompin' and shufflin' around in the dirt. Some were naked. Some wore bits and pieces of squirrel hide. One 'lady' had an 'I'm With Stupid' shrunkin' up sweatshirt, but she didn't care...

An' them big tambor drums were made from human skin... whole tanned hides from the look of it, 'cause we could see the hands, feet and heads dangling over the rims. Looked like old folks. Probably keeled over from natural causes. Don't think they killed folks on spite. Hope not..... Guess we'll find out.

Edith led us to a spot a little ways off from the dancers. They had little benches back there, more like rough planed logs, so we all sat down. Our guide, the Red Paint guy in the beaver tail tunic, left us to join his friends... Looked like a line dance in Bedrock... Looked like a bunch a creeps from like a Mad Max movie. But we didn't say nothing, 'cause we were company. Edith says some regular (well, more or less) Piney folks'll be here in the morning. Says Mister Edith (her current husband) fixed up one a the root cellars for us. 

Look at Leo. He already makin' eyes at that woman in the shrunken up 'I'm With Stupid' sweatshirt. An' they better disappear in them bushes soon, or he gonna scandalize the whole place......

I 'm sending this  to you telepathically (I hope). All I know is it's giving me an earache and it's makin' my scalp itch..... 

They offer us something to drink... some kind of home brewed liquor. Vampires can tolerate that, so they take it. Looks like they got a full set of Scooby-Doo jelly glasses. Could be valuable. Who knows?

One a them little human tinged 'muskrat' creatures scampered in. Mouth looked all bloody though..... Then a full grown male Jersey Devil was all of a sudden just there.... Like a big faun or satyr with a mane gone down his spine and huge, soft, leathery bat wings, all folded up neat 'cross his back. No horns, though. Just big, pointy, kind of horsey ears. Sits down right next to Conrad.... Conrad slowly looks and goes - Hi...... Jersey Devil guy nods. then he starts pickin' something out of his hoof. Not cloven, like a real satyr, but plain, like what equines got.

Little man-rodent creature starts gnawing on what looks like a ripped off human finger. Don't know where he got it, though... 'cause we all still got ours. 

Leo ran off with that shrunken sweatshirt, naked from the belly down, Red Paint woman...

This is startin' a get real......

wilkravitz signing off..... D-did you get it?
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THE MYSTERIOUS HAMLET OF JUBILEE .... 5/12/13

No one spoke. Each retreated into their own thoughts. Annie thought of their old neighbor lady, the one who fed her kid shitty pizza. Jonathon dozed, drifting into and out of the aromatic days of his mortal years in Al-Andaluz. The others wandered through their own private reveries. And the skiffs continued to soundlessly glide across the smooth, dark river. The air was cool and damp. Occasionally a bit of sky peeked down between the branches, but no one looked up. 

A tiny, gnat-like thing buzzed Edith's left ear. She shuddered and brushed it away. Then she said - We get out here...... And the boats smoothly turned toward an unseen bank. Everyone woke up. Jonathon whispered - Billy (that's what they call me), do you still have that cell phone?..... I said - Yeah?.... He said - Turn it on. Light it up. Let's see what we have here...... So I did. It's odd, but the small bit of illumination provided by the phone was enough for our dilated pupils. Did we see details, or subtlety? No. Well, maybe most of the vampires did. But even they have their limits. Vision requires light and even their cat-like eyes can only absorb so much.

There was a narrow trail leading up from the bank  into the trees. I think I saw a lizard, or it could have been a tiny, naked human scrambling up a trunk. After two and a half years with the 'weird and wonderful,' I'm use to that kind of thing. .... The driver said - What are you gonna do with all the stuff?.... Edith said - Leave it. Somebody'll come for it..... And she seemed pretty sure, so we did, carefully making our way up onto a little dock. It's amazing, but the boats didn't move..... Edith said - Give me the phone..... I passed it over.... She said - I'll lead. Follow me...... So we did.... Conrad whispered in my ear. He said - What's that driver guy still here for? Why didn't he stay with the s.u.v.? Why didn't he drive back?.... But I didn't know. 

Sarah whispered - Edith, have you been here before?..... Our Piney woman housekeeper said - Once or twice, when I was little..... Jonathon said - What's it like?..... Now in all his years, he'd been through the Pines many times, but the natives keep their secrets..... Edith said - Like Brigadoon. Ever hear of Brig - o- doon?  Crack of doom, it means in old Highland Scots..... And then she chuckled - But don't worry. You all are with me. 

Now Jubilee tends to migrate. Cabins are cabins. And dancin' grounds ain't so unique either. Could be the place is more like a meeting, or a convocation. Like the Vampire Revels we went to a while back. But not so pretentious. Not like the Bildeburg get together at all.

Then Annie went - Whoa!.... And we all looked, as a man in a beaver-tail tunic stepped out of the night. His eyes (due to exquisitely sensitive retinas) reflected a strange, orange light. Edith quietly said something. He answered back. But I don't know what it meant. Jonathon nodded to the man and offered out his hands. The man did the same and they 'shook.' We followed him the rest of the way. Edith kept the phone. He didn't need it. I could hear the beaver-tails lightly slap against each other as he walked.... Jonathon whispered - A Red Paint Man... a real one. Not the watered down kind we've seen before. ... And one of those little, human-tinged, muskrat creatures trotted out of the bushes and jumped up into his arms..... Not Jonathon's... The Red Paint guy's, I mean....

And if you ask me, the tiny demon stunk from human flesh....

Off in the distance, someone strummed a dulcimer as two score feet began a shuffling dance...

Jubilee awaits...
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thank you. for more Vampire Wonderland episodes, click on ~>WHERE THE PARANORMAL IS NORMAL  ... and, as always, your COMMENTS & LINKS are very welcome.