STRANGE BIOLOGICAL COMBINATIONS... LYCANTHRO-SHARK is far from alone.... 8/14/13

Life is a puzzle. No, really it is. The reason human beans can't breed with French Poodles has to do with 'innies' and'outies' and how things snap together. And I mean on a microscopic level. Think of DNA as a zipper. Unless all the teeth line up correctly all you gonna get is a really weird experience. 'Almost' doesn't count. This ain't quoits. 

They say Stalin tried to mix humans and apes (chimps mostly). Wanted to breed a race of super soldiers possessed of unbelievable endurance, plus the uncanny ability to hurl shit at the enemy with unerring accuracy. But America's development of the atomic bomb put an end to the shit throwing race. That's how it is. 

Medieval alchemists surreptitiously attempted the replication of mythological beasts, uniting goats and apprentices in order to bring forth satyrs and fauns. But all they got out of it was syphilis.

Contemporary scientists create exotic combinations via gene therapy, whipping up such delightful hybrids as spider-silk-goats (yeah, they still use goats) who excrete a rarefied 'milk' that condenses into high tensile (and exceedingly strong) spider silk.

And, to revisit the past again, Russia's Catherine the Great almost killed herself trying to bring back the centaur..... But I think we're really lucky she failed. If they HAD centaurs today, how would they use public bathrooms and where would they sit on the bus? Plus we'd have to manufacture special pieces of apparatus enabling them to clean themselves after defecation. That would be a must. And how the hell are they ever gonna be able to pull up their pants with short, little human arms?.... Would they even be legally required to wear pants???

My God, Labra-doodles are bad enough.

But the LYCANTHRO-SHARK is real. We're only compelled to pretend it's fiction for obvious reasons. I wanted to tell you more, but it's three A.M. here and I'm tired. So come back tomorrow night. And join the conversation. Leave a COMMENT. See what all we got by clicking on ~>WOW, LOOK WHAT HE GOT! ... join me on Twitter at ~> @wilkravitz ... 

Werewolves, humans and sharks... oh my. 

SEEMS YOU TUBE WON'T ALLOW US TO share movie trailers ANYMORE...senseless...so right to LYCANTHRO-SHARK episode 2... 8/13/13

A dense, hot, steamy greenness pervades the molecules of the ether. Insect voices fill the the air with alien blood songs. And even the gators seem drugged as they glide through the thick, cloying morass. August in the Mississippi estuary, where big, ole saw toothed, green-head flies come to dine. Itchy time down South.

In the deepest part of the watery hell something moves. It undulates through the viscous soup like an otter... strong tail.... rather lupine legs... bullet head with sharp, wolfie ears and a big, toothy mouth gash like a shark what howls at the moon. 

A mama cougar sneaks home to nurse her babies with a belly full a dead rats, plus a little monkey what some circus forgot. She know the territory, bein' a swamp gal herself. But she can know the Gettysburg Address for all the good it gonna do her. 

Snappin' turtles what can chomp off half a human foot sink deep in the mud and gators rumble warnings to their harems and their kin. 

What comin' already ate some. Old lady rib cage floatin' upstream. Dat her wig on a rock. Look, where them water bugs is nestin'. Ripped off head like a pineapple under the sea for a bunch a crawfish. Big mama crawfish got a room where a eye used a be. And all them babies love nibblin' on the lips.... old lady lips... Duggs is all gone. Ass mostly shredded. Bones what held 'em wedged in a mangrove root. Got like a family reunion a leeches fightin' for the scraps.

Old man seen it all. He peekin' and screamin' through a little gingham curtain what hang in a trailer window. But he scream too loud and what got her got him for 'extras.' 

Wolf-shark be comin'.... a unholy alliance of fish teef and dog breath... A demon born of animal lust in the blackest heart of a bayou night.

Yo, trapper. What dat scratchin' at the shanty door? Get out that big hide ripping knife and slash you throat now...less you doan mind bunch a 'scrutiatin' trouble. 

Ewww, how dem mangled leg muskrats you got shoved in a sack gonna laugh when you die. Guts gonna go in 'the soup.' Gonna float down river to the gulf. I 'spect shrimp gonna eat 'em then.

An' old folks get 'em two weeks later, when them shrimp wind up at The Golden Corral.

Get dem toes out a the water, dumb teenage kids on a lark. Tell that girl to get her tittie-cuppers back on. Somethin' lookin' at her... an' it taken inventory...
(more LYCANTHRO-SHARK next time)
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scroll around here, or on our RSS feed at ~>WHOLE LOT A STUFF TO READ ...join me at ~> @wilkravitz too. thank you and much obliged for the COMMENTS...would a had some real cool movie trailers up too, but You Tube done stopped us. now you know.

our take on SHARK WEEK~~~> Ladies & Gentlemen.... LYCANTHRO-SHARK!!!...8/12/13

A crazy grandmother was the first one. She roll out of a camper in da middle of the night. Gotta go pee-pee. Got old lady bladder disease. And camper potty no good, 'cause it got da voo doo real bad. Give old huzzband monkey balls and now the dawg scared a go near him.

So she sneak behind a mangrove where them gators can't see her do it. And she pull up her shift and squat down real dainty-like, 'cause her mama got white gloves an' whole drawer full a clean underwear. an' dat make her a lady.

Old man huzzband yell - Where you gun what I got you for Christmas, you old bitch, you?.....She go - Trade it for my teef, you old shit-ass (cause he got like a fartin' hobby and she like a good set a choppers) ..... Old man cackle - Good bye! Good bye! No more that girl! You dead! You dead!.... Then he shut that door real hard an' lock it up tight. But she hear him dancin' 'round inside. Figure she gone let him have his fun, then bus' a window and get back in. Pissin' part a her outing all done. She on to part two now.. You know, one time she put two dead roaches in a biscuit batter and tell him it raisins. He say it good. Guess they mus' a been high quality roaches. I doan know. That how they do to each other. 

It dark out there. Big trees. Spiders you could make a mink coat out of... bobcats..... crazy, killer chimp what escape from a zoo.... eight hundred pound gator what got a knock-off Rolex on it's back foot.... Old lady got big bites on her ass. I doan know what bit her, but she doan care. She not fussy that way. 

Use a have problem wit werewolves. People gettin' theyselves all killed up all the time. Big turds all over. Deputy doan do nothin'. He say - Go to hell and drop dead.... Then he write out a citation, cause he very proud a his penmanship. But nobody ever pay 'em, 'cause that deputy jus' a big dumb nut. 

You see, werewolves do like to move around, run wit' the pack and all that, specially when the pretty people all killed up. But one werewolf woman stay behind. She smoke cigarette. She stink. She wear dirty brassiere . Swim 'round the swamp water all naked and stuff. She like a low-life werewolf woman. Not like the high class ones. No siree. Not like dem at all. 

Now bull shark like swamp water too. 'Voo doo shark they call 'em. Chomp on legs... Chomp on part a asses... whatever they like... It jus' what they do. An' them what's the man bull sharks full a pearl jam. Got more pearl jam than human beans. That for sure. That why they call 'em 'bulls.' 

Low-life werewolf women and bull shark start mushin' up wit each other. She love him. He love her. They say he a very caring bull shark. But I doan know, 'cause they doan talk or nothin'. Ten week latter she have a baby an' ten week after that she have another baby. Got werewolf arms and werewolf legs... werewolf ears and werewolf eyes. But muzzle and teef is all shark. Tail all shark too. Look like part of a mermaid growin' outta its butt.... Got real short fur... Horse fur, it look like. Gray on back and white on the belly, like what shark do. I know, 'cause I see one once. A little one. A baby one, killin' a duck.

It almost growed now. An' it up a tree.... all still.... all quiet.... jus' watchin'... jus' lookin'... jus' sniffin'.... maybe fifteen feet from the old lady's head. 

She doan know, 'cause she squeezin' real hard. Otherwise she be able to smell it. Stink from cigarette too, jus' like its ma..... an' now it creepin.... It creepin' real slow.... Soon the tail gone brush right on top a her head. Bet she go - What dat??... 

But then it gone be too late... and she never gonna know...
(more later)

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The Roman Vampire, Janus, makes plans.... 8/11/13

In such ways is the culture of the Earth transformed. Janus did tell Clan Nesso about the rediscovered, once lost baby. Most members of the fold weren't interested at all, preferring imperial honors and holidays at Tivoli (huge, imperial pleasure villa) to a long lost (at least three generations) rescued baby with a strange predeliction for human blood.  I mean even it's great niece, the illustrious Livia-Minerva is long dead. And as things go, the story, plus the resultant feud meant far more than the actual, unknown, physical toddler.

But Janus knew the baby, or at least he felt like he did. So one night soon after, he set out to liberate the tiny, gurgling, blood-glutton from it's gloomy (though carefully decorated) tomb beneath the Villa Romila. 

You should know that independent actions on the part of vampire bodyguards are very rare and indeed criminal. They are bound to a family and essentially considered a preternatural extension of the tribe. They do what the patriarch would do, provided he had fangs and the ability to sublimate through walls, doomed humans and other solid chunks of matter. 

Yet Janus was different, probably because he was not originally Roman at all, but a Celt-Iberian interloper, thus more free-wheeling and mercurial than the taciturn, tradition-bound Central Italians. So he was willing to take the chance. Besides, he missed the rhythms and nuances of the Celtic year. That's why he picked Britania. Unlike his native Galicia in the northwest quadrant of Hispania, the nature cult of his people still ran true on the far off isle. On a superficial level it all looked Latin enough. Londinium was Baby Rome, after all, though the meals in the triclinia of the place featured local produce and Celtic methodology. Old gods hid under cumbersome togas and traditional magic peppered the stew of this northernmost redout where beer and mead trumped wine and bards were loved like champions. 

Before severing all ties and burning his bridges, Janus sought counsel with a certain, more experienced female vampire. I believe you've met her before. A Diana, or Persephone type. Wanders about in the nude, if memory serves me right. Established night-folk are forgiven their eccentricities. And what's one more naked demi-goddess to a nation that breeds them like flies?...
(more next time)
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SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS: IMPERIAL ROMAN VAMPIRE BODYGUARD, JANUS, tells us ...

SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS: IMPERIAL ROMAN VAMPIRE BODYGUARD, JANUS, tells us ...: I like yellow. All vampires like yellow. Reminds us of the sun we never see. Oh, I know some peek out during the last moments of twilight. ...

OK...think I might be able to move blog over here to its true site. Click on that SCHMOOZING WITH ALIENS site up above and it should appear...waa-laa!...SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS is a little seen, secret site I had two years ago, but the 'men in black' ...did something.. If you want to see it, GOOGLE Schmoozingwithaliens by Billy Kravitz and ... well, I'm not supposed to say. But for the REAL VAMPIRE WONDERLAND post, click on that title up above. For more, as always ... click on YADDA YADDA YADDA .... and , psst!...(join me on TWITTER at ~> @wilkravitz ...  If I CAN successfully move it, it should appear  right above this...

janus GOES A little bit 'vampire crazy'.. (BUT BLOG APPEARED ON OUR 'SECRET 'schmoozingwithaliens SITE BY MISTAKE..TRYING TO GET IT BACK...8/10/13'

 LOTS GOING ON BETWEEN HERE AND L.A......  Can barely think straight. Trying to move post over here. sorry for any inconvenience. If you want, you can GOOGLE SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS by Billy Kravitz...click on it and scroll to most recent post... Wishing all a spiritually rewarding SHARK WEEK.

Blue Jasmine Official Trailer #1 (2013) - Woody Allen Movie HD .. even the paranormal world bows to Woody... (he gets our rarefied angst ) .. 8/8/13

We told Janus, the Imperial Roman Bodyguard vampire, we couldn't channel him tonight on account of a new Woody. He had no idea what we were talking about and started to frantically bite his cuticles and curse us out in Latin, Celt-Iberian and Koine . Tsk, some people are just so God damned neurotic...If you want to see THOUSANDS of earlier episodes, click on `>THE MOTHER LOAD ... join me on TWITTER too at ~>@wilkravitz ... thank you and please leave COMMENTS...on my stuff, or Woody's.