Sunday, May 29, 2011

MUSINGS AFTER MIDNIGHT...a vampire 'familiar' speaks

This is wilkravitz. I usually just inscribe what the vampires and other beings in our little circle want me to inscribe. but tonight, I'm talking. I'm tapping out my opinion of what's been happening around here. First of all, we learned a lesson. Me, the life-eaters, everybody. Actually, I brought it on. There was this tweet or something (really don't remember) about a new kind of high-tech, visial search engine guaranteed to generate lots of hits. I told Papa about it. He's as big a ham as anybody and he said - Yeah, try it......So I listed each post through the new set-up.

For the  first week or so it was great. Hits increased 1000 percent. We went from 50 to 100 hits per day , up to ten times that amount. Luna (Papa's current lust partner and the most superficial vampire  you'd ever hope to meet) was thrilled. She expected to become the first GENUINE vampirina celebrity since famed, etherial Incan songstress (ever hear her voice?) Ima Sumac.  Even our 'Piney' mind reader, Edith bought into it, predicting an imminent call from Bravo any day. Well, we're still waiting. Only thing is, all those hits disappeared, along with that new search engine. What's strange is NOT ONE of the more than 6,000 hits we 'got' during that short happy time carried over into the post 'new big thing' era. They saw our link. They knew where we were. You'd think SOMEBODY would have hit us via an alternative method.. But I suppose a statistical impossibility happened and nobody did. See? I told you magic really happens.

Now we're right back where we were. Papa says that's humanity for you. Luna went back to torturing harried shopgirls. And Edith? Well, she just repositioned the date of that imminent call from Bravo. Edith wants a reality show real bad.. Our six or seven year old  'juvenile' vampirina, Annie, believed with all the innocence of an immortal child. She expected to be on TV. She expected those front row seats to the next Justin Bieber concert to float down from the full moon any night now. She expected  her 'My First Vampire' Barbie Doll to sprout wings and shoot Skittles out her ass. Annie don't eat 'em. She just likes all the colors. But she expected lots of things. And when you frustrate a powerful, little vampirina, a plethora of weird, dookie events tends to happen. Remember that strange BOOM and ominous rumbling in #PHILLY the other  night? (they 'said' it was a mini-earthquake....yeah, right.)  And the thing with that eightteen foot, great white shark at the New Jersey Aquarium (right across the Delaware from Center City Philadelphia) suddenly 'blessed'  with the ability to fly and talk French? Sounded a lot like Maurice Chevalier, actually..No, wait a minute. You couldn't have heard about that. We kept it out of the media. Papa handed out five thousand dollar checks and bought two hundred and six cell phone/cameras at here-to-fore unheard of  prices to kill that story. Well, actually he didn't do it, one of his 'money' familiars did.

Look. I was going to tell you other things too, but I'm tired. I'll fill you in some more next time. Thank God they were able  to rip open the belly of that shark and pull that little Canadian kid out before he suffocated. Nice boy too. Didn't make a fuss, or anything. Real polite. I think they gave him a two hundred and fifty dollar gift certificate to the souvenir shop. I don't know. Maybe they gave him a little more............

Watch out for sharks.

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