Friday, January 20, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Biology

Soon we are gonna introduce some representatives of original Martian fauna. They lived there back when the planet was a hot, wet moister place, before nature powdered it up with a lot a Gold Bond. 


But they did not die out. They just dried up. Apparently the ocher orb went through a lot a those stages in the past. Them what lived there learned how to go with the flow, or lack of it, kind a like water bears on Earth.


What are water bears?...... Why don't you know that? What'd you do, cut too much tenth grade biology? Bet you know what a Chi-weenie is. But I am non-judgemental, so I will tell you.


Picture teeny-tiny little critters. actually very cute. shaped like huggable, pale green gummy bears. Only they got six legs and flatworms for cousins. We still got 'em, in ponds and bogs and deep inside Kim Kardashian's  more than adequate butt crack. It's true. Scientists have recently confirmed that fact.


But these almost microscopic animated boogers got a special talent. When the water goes 'way they just dry up. And they can stay dried up long as they want to. Ten years...Fifty years..... Half a million years.... It don't make no difference....They just close their eyes and hum to themselves (and that's all they do). N.A.S.A. geeks speculate that similar creatures could make it all the way to Earth (or Mars, or the food court at the mall) hibernating deep down inside some dark sheltered crack runnin' 'round a big old meteor or somethin'. 


Appears that a similar biological accommodation developed on Mars (like we said earlier) and it percolated all the way up to their version of us. Hoomin beans, I mean. They got Martian, not-quite-the-same-as-hoomin-beans who was dried up in deep caves till us genuine hoomin beans showed up and turned on the garden hose. 


We did not know they was there. But now we do. Look like bald-headed, russet skinned hoomins. Only big difference is they eyes. Irises go up and down like cats. Some bigoted bastids 'round here (and by that, I only mean about 95% of the populace) call 'em 'kit-kats' or 'pussies.' 


You gonna meet 'em soon. We just thought you'd like to know. Oh, and anyone want a semi-domesticated, Martian chupicabra for a pet? I can't keep it, 'cause it killed  the neighbors and peed up all the rugs.....


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