Sunday, March 4, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Hoofin' it

Bart thought they could rig something up through the 'radio.' They call it a radio, but it is not like the primitive crap you all got.  'Cause what we all got now is more expensive, complicated primitive crap. Pulls in signals all the way from Earth. Which is all right for music and psychotic political rants. But it kind a takes all the life and spontenaity outta talk shows, what wit' the signal travelin' at the speed a light and all. Can't have no 'telligent conversation waitin' for Grandma Minnie's ghost story a sail half way 'cross the solar system. Does leave  time for plenty a 'piss less durin' the night' commercials though.

Zeke was helpin' him. Took apart Miss Sissie's hand-held, hologram Ouija board. Last thing it done said 'fore they killed it was - Leave me the hell alone, you God damn bastids.......Miss Sissie like that thing. She is a religious woman and all, but everybody got they little peculiarities. 

Kids is all right. Miz India tellin' 'em stories 'bout all them time Jesus intervened in her life. Right now she learnin' 'em 'bout the time he tole her to dye her 'God damn' hair and get herself a better brassiere.  Although He did apologize afterward. For that 'God damn' part, I mean.

Miss Monica sleepin'. An' I know she ain't pretendin' , 'cause ev'ry time she do that there ain't no soft, little farts comin' out.

Buster say some a them chupis cleared off. Still got plenty, but ain't so many raw, pink disfigured asses plastered down on that moon roof now. Speakin' a moon roof, it more like a sun roof now and it gettin hot in here too.

Missus Zeke and Missus Buster playin' movie star initials now, only they doan go to the holarama much,  so this game be gettin' borin'.

One a them chupicabras must a said somethin' real disgustin' to his buddy, 'cause now he got an ear ripped off. Rest a them laughin' and clappin' and tumblin' around. Seein' ears get ripped off is an absolute delight for them. Kids enjoyed it too, I must say. Least it killed some time. 

Bart did manage to suck a little bit a static outta that hinky-dink radio he makin'. Just a little bit. He start laughin'. He start whoopin'. Ev'rybody get real quiet. Ev'rybody look, even Miss Monica. So I guess she was not really sleepin'. Them soft, little farts did sound mighty genuine, though. But, then again, er'rybody know what a good actor she is.

And then BOOM-BOOM-BOOM, jus' like that...three big loud you wasn't sure whether you heared it, or felt it in you bones. Nobody in the tank knew what it was, but I did. Them soldier goomers done set it off. They activated that device. I could tell, 'cause all them chupicabras look like a whole, big mess a Dinty Moore beef stew. Shame that other one had a die wit' his ear all ripped off ear and all.

Folks in a tank start screamin'. Kids start cryin'. Miss Sissie clasp her hands together and yell - What did you  do, Old Man!? What did you do!?

Bart say - (an' he shakin' too) Go to hell! All a you.. go to hell! I ain't done shit! I ain't  done nothin'.

Jus' then is when the what was now a sun roof start a crack up. The windows too. All of it. Break apart jus' like little pebbles an' rain down on top a ev'rybody head. Little bit a chupicabra flavor Dinty Moore splat down too. But nobody cared 'bout that. 

And boy did that air feel good. Like a wind comin' back from the direction it got blowed in the blast.

Bart stick his head up first. He look 'round at all the messed up dirt and bitty, little monkey relics and he say - Come on... We gettin' outta here. ....... So they jus' grabs what they can and scrambles out. 

Ever see that classic old movie, Land a the Lost? The one they all the time studyin' in film school? Well, that what it look like, 'cept  wit' a lot a extra people. Look like Gilligan's Island meet Land a the Lost, 'cept wit' out no laugh track and all.

An' them soldier goomers ain't even see 'em leave. Recoil from that blast mess 'em up real bad. Eyes oozin' all kind a shit. Hair on fire. Teeth knocked out. Clothes blowed off.  Guess them what got jellyfied innards doan do too well. But folks what locked in a tank does fine. 

Look at 'em down there. They steppin' off 'long that road real good. An' only 'bout seventy more mile till town to.

But who you think gone be  first one a trip and break a leg?

No, 'scuse me. They don't break no leg. They always break an ankle........

Ain't that how it go?


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