Thursday, February 23, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Tuvas an' chopsticks

What goes on, on MARS between COWBOY CULTURE American settlers, rivals from THE RESTORED EMPIRE OF CHINA and a strangely more or less human breed of 'indigenous natives ~~~Tuva-Tuvas given Chinese overseers fits. Won't bow. Don't defer to age. Can't use chopsticks. Ev'ry time they get 'em all they do is sharpen the points and start stickin' folks eyes out wit' 'em. Chinese want 'em to help wit' the domestication of the chupicabras. Figure that as locals, they ought a know somethin'. And they do......Stay away from chupicabras, 'less y'all wanna get 'et' from the legs up. 


But if you shoot one just right wit' a special drug impregnated dart them Shang-Hai goomers whip up, it'll go mostly dead for a few minute. Then all you gotta do is tip it over into a deep pit.....a REAL deep pit...and feed it screamin', delirious, wide-eyed, shit-pantsed, bastids ev'rytime you wanna see a show. 


Oh, yeah...one other thing. You might wanna make sure the sides a them pits is real slick, or a lot a folk in the audience gonna get delirious and shit-pantsed too. Chinese general and his bestest mistress learned that the hard way. Second best mistress gonna be OK. Only now I think she gonna be demoted down a fourth or fifth, the way she look.


Them what's in the big cities still livin' the life. Lot a soldiers in town. Gov'ment spendin' all that gold. City a New Orleans did finally make it through, though not in the expected fashion. A mixed band of Chinese and Tuva-Tuva insurgents commandeered the vessel just passed South a The Border. That a way-station 'tween Earth and Mars. Cheap, crummy place. You can buy souvenirs. You can eat pancakes.  Get your picture taken wif fossilized alien goomers what got dug up on the moon. They got a wax museum out there now. That new. Place smell pissy, you ast me. I don't think they got that atmosphere set up right. 


Bunch a 'bee-bops' swarmed in soon as they took off. Bee-bops little Chinese ships. Real fast. Real sharp. Kind a like PT boats back in the War 'gainst Satan durin' the nineteen forties. Only they got Chinese crap written on 'em 'stead a 'Merican crap. Look like a whole bunch a long, skinny footballs made outta this real, purdy, apricot colored burnished aluminum. They say Disney tryin' a get some for rides after the war.


Gettin' hot over by La Polvarosa though. Power runnin' out. They beams it through the air now, Tesla style. But still take juice and they usin' that for the war. Bart let 'em roll up them dust devil doors. Had to, 'less folks want a suffocate. Hands all 'gunned up' and patrolin the perimeter. Prob'ly do OK 'gainst a Tuva_Tuva raid. But what can they do if the First Imperial Cantonese come by? 


See, this war not really 'bout them Tuvas.... Nobody care 'bout them. Folks jus' use that as a cover. Folks jus' use that as an excuse. Tuvas act up. Gov'ment come in an' put it down. Maybe slide a few more rights at 'em and that it. But Earth a different place now. They got China now. They got 'Greater' China now. Russia back to bein' plain old Muscovy. And South America ain't plain, ole South America no more, either. It the Second Brazilian Empire. And they fixin' a Samba up half a Mexico.


That why The United States and Provinces of North America need Mars so bad. I know folks up here still say the 'U.S.A.'  but  that ain't right. That jus' habit. It all been mashed together for like fifty five years. 'States Rights' folks happy. Had a give 'em all a wide berth if they wanted them provinces a go along wit' it. Canada still Canada, jus' like South still Dixie. We  got regional differences now. That's all. 


Don't know who The Pan-Semitic-Empire gonna go in wit. Know what folks call them? The 'no-Pork-Chop-Empire.'  They doan like it. But it jus' a joke.


Most Mars soldiers out by them 'molasses' mines. Seems like it a very combustible substance. And I am talkin'  'bout whole new kind a combustion. Say it make dilithium crystals look like rock candy. If human beans wanna go ricocheting out to them stars they gonna need that shit. 


Some folk say Stinker Jones got a bunch a egg head from the university workin' on bomb-itizin' the stuff right now. An' if they git it right, know what that gonna do?...That gonna make them Texacos even richer. 


Earth spies tryin' a boost some a it. Fixin' a see if they can mix up a phony batch. So far they got nuttin'. Mars goomers got chupicabra pits too, you know...and them chupis gettin' real fat...


Miss Sissie say it time a refugee in a the city. She say they gotta see after the nex' generation. They gotta see after Little Davey and Alec's two. And Bart know she right. 


He jus' doan like givin' up is all......


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