Tuesday, April 24, 2012

IN ANSWER TO THE WOMAN SUCKING HARD CANDY

This is what the woman with the Jolly Rancher said . She said - You were telling us that vampires have to be practical...... Marianne chuckled for a moment, locked her fingers in a prayerful position and continued. ............ I suppose most of you see me and think - What does such a creature need with practicality? This one who can fly. This one who never, or almost never, dies. This one who has met the grandchildren of Monctezuma..... But the truth is we do die. Tell me: how many billion year old vampires have you seen? And  do you think trading bon mots with a pretender to the Aztec Throne pays for 'familiars?' Oh, they may be loyal, but they still need snug, little condominiums, after all. What are they supposed to do, sleep on steam vents? Though I must say I've spent many a rich and enjoyable night trading universal truths over steam vents. The homeless see so much. 


And then she added - We had to get out of Antwerp. I could not smell it, but my master could. Agents of The Inquisition moved all about us, slithering into and out of shadows with a practiced grace known only to the best vampirinos. Although these monsters were quite mortal. You see, Antwerp was in Flanders, a region tinged by the Spanish court. While other cities (mostly to the north) had drawn  together into The Kingdom of the Netherlands. The Dutch. You know them. I'm sure you do. They were here before William Penn. I saw them during my time with the Leni-Lenapi. Does not the second river of this venerable city bear a fine Dutch name? Schuylkill, am I right? I love the boat houses...the rowing teams...the regattas... the rich, young, fine, red blood. No sprite of  The Athenian Wood ever spent such magic nights as I, along the banks of that special place. Imagine a forest of cherry trees, known only to the young........ Excuse me....(she looked up) But, Roland, you know........ And the other elferino in the room quietly said that he did...


Would you tell us of those nights spent in boat houses? - asked a powdered old lady with twinkling eyes.......... Marianne gestured theatrically and said - Madam, please! I am discreet.......... No, no - said an earnest young academic. Please, tell us more about Antwerp...and The Inquisition. ....... So she did.....


Vampires are hard to catch. True, they were busy enough grabbing heretical Jews and Protestants. But an auto-da-fe with a life-eater (she clapped her hands), that was a true achievement. You won't read about them in history books. The Ecclesiastical authorities would never allow it. Let me tell you that. But such things did take place. And the spectacle was very much appreciated. They set up fine galleries for the notables. Common folk squeezed into the huge town square, as the victim, bound to a thick, oak stake, was borne  screaming toward his 'death.'  How did they do it? How did they capture such miraculous beings? Well, vampires cannot sublimate through lead. So they wove the ropes out of  fine, leaden wires and wrapped them 'round the poor soul head to toe...even 'round the skull... Before I go on, know this, solar immolation is fast. Death comes in seconds. But a real fire, a true fire takes longer, for vampires continue until the brain is gone......Imagine that......


And they did.....


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