Thursday, June 14, 2012

'BUTT SNIFFING TIME' AT A VAMPIRE POW WOW

They finally all  got together at the museum. Not the Penn Museum, the Mutter Museum. Vampires seem to like the macabre, nineteenth century atmosphere, deformed, salt-cured heads in thick, glass, jar-like vessels, frightening, antique surgical devices, creaking wooden floors. They say, at one time two vampire brothers actually worked as night watchmen at the place. The story has it they were originally conjoined twins, converted to the 'night shift' as a 'two-fer' . One came willing. The other was a draftee. Chewed through the gristle connecting them soon as the fangs came in. But they're not part of this narrative. You gotta read the screenplay for that.


Baylah found a few old, rickety, wooden folding chairs in some storage closet and put 'em up in a little circle. At one time, they used to meet up there a lot. There's a spot on the mezzanine, right by the Chaing and Eng exhibit.... a life cast taken from the naked bodies of the original 'Siamese Twins.' Got a preserved specimen of a rubbery, two headed, pickled, white baby up there too. Kinda look like the Olsen Twins.


Guys they got watchin' the place now know they all vampires. But they get paid off, so it's all right. Tomas there, Sarah, even Annie and Papa. Elves don't come. They do their own thing. The new one, Annie's little baby, Conrad, there too. He settin' right in the middle.


Nobody say nothin'. Just go up one at a time and sniff him up real good. Vampires does that when they want a find out shit. Or they can lick a face. Sometimes they does that too. Later, when and if they all become 'family,' there might be a little mutual blood tastin's, but not tonight. 


Papa just sit there makin' like he readin' People Magazine. All of a sudden he so interested in Kate Middleton, don't you know. Annie crackin' her gum and shakin' her knees up and down. She real proud a herself. Think she a 'mommy' now. Wanna know if she get a give him a different name. Wanna call him 'Stackhouse,' or 'Barry.' Conrad, her new, (though he probably 'bout thirty) baby, don't say nuthin'. He just make like he real interested in a three-eyed-Pocahontas lookin' out from a big, ole head jar.....like a American Indian gal in an old fifty's space helmet, what left the rest a her body at home.


Jonathon (I mean Tomas) wanna ast him 'bout 'The Brotherhood,'.....wanna know all about them Saint Shamus people and all. But Sarah say that not polite, seein' as he is most likely all discombobulated what with crossin' over into Vampire Town and all. So they just sits there waiting for Stackhouse, I mean Conrad to say somethin'. 


Baylah light a new aroma candle and put it down on the floor. Watchman guy run over an' slip a little plate under it. He fussy, but he OK. Vampires like a good aroma candle. They like candy. Sometime they sit around holdin' a bitty one like it tomato juice, or somethin'.


Papa look up at the ceiling. He yawn. After 28,ooo years, he STILL ain't got 'nuf sleep. Annie lean over. She pinch Conrad. She pinch him real hard...right in the butt. He jus' give her a look and scootch over a little. 


You know how kids is when you want 'em to show off.


So Baylah ast if anybody hear bout ABRAHAM LINCOLN~VAMPIRE KILLER..... But nobody say nothin,' so she say she gonna tell 'em the real story.


Come back tomorrow and I tell you what she said.


Tomas mumble somethin' in Spanish, but I don't know no Ricky Ricardo talk. Mister Never-You-Mind jus' know English, plus a little bit a New Orleans patois. 


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