Friday, July 27, 2012

VAMPIRES AIN'T MADE TO LIVE LIKE THAT

Sarah says that if they ever write a screenplay based on her life, she wants the last scene played out over those lines Paul McCartney sang at THE OLYMPICS ~~~ 'and in the end... the love you take... is equal to the love you make.' Then she gave Tomas a dirty look. I know he feels guilty about cheating on her so much, but he IS a vampire, so they ain't never gonna be like OZZIE & HARRIET. And she knows that, but she just wants it to be like it was. So he's sitting with her right now. They're in where the mermaid hag used to live. The big tank is still there. I think they got penguins in it now. But one of the penguins got a human head, so that makes it all right. You know how they value nonconformity around here. They're just sitting there, bathed in the dark, blue glow, legs dangling over the edge. He's got his arm around her. She's sucking an ice pop made out of grape infused, grain alcohol. you know how vampires can tolerate that...... alcohol, I mean. 


But that human headed penguin looks a little funny to me...... Keeps sticking his tongue out at her and making crazy faces. Look at him! Look at him! Look how he crosses his eyes. The other penguins don't seem to notice, but bird-headed penguins are dopes. Tomas tosses them little pieces of cut up herring. He got it from the commissary. But the 'human' one has trouble grabbing it with his mouth, 'cause he ain't got no beak. Girl from the 'bureau' bottle feeds him four times a day. holds him like a baby and everything. She don't mind. He's cute. Looks just like Rodney Dangerfield. Wants a bring him a red neck-tie, but her boss says penguins don't wear no red neck-ties. They wear bow ties. So she says - Oh.


Grigori Usipov ain't killed nobody else. He's getting ready for a big party ....a big HAMPTONS party. He siphoning off like a Flintstones jelly glass a blood from each a the 'Natashas,' ,'cause he wanna look his best. They go -Oooh and ahhh when he take it. He like that part. Wanna bite it right out they ass. But he superstitious 'bout that jelly glass. I don't know the story behind it, but I'll let you know soon as I do...... He wanna get hisself all inked up. But vampire skin don't take to that. Disappears real fast. Natasha Number One say she give him real nice henna tattoo. But he tell her to drop dead and go to  hell. Then he flip her over and start doin' stuff to her. She go - ooh and aaah REAL good then. Natasha Number Two get jealous. but she don't care.


Tomas say he gonna do all kinds a stuff to Sarah too, but first they gotta wash the stink off from all that greasy herring.


Baylah buyin' clothes from QVC. She say they got real cute merchandise. 


Vampires ain't made to live like this. 


Annie ask the kitchen lady for a big block a Velveeta cheese. Then she bite into it over and over and over, 'cause she like seein' the sharp, little marks from her teeth. Ask Doctor Franklin if she could kill the kitchen lady. But he say no, 'cause she make such good pancakes and all.


I bet tomorrow one of 'em gonna kill somebody. I bet they gonna kill somebody real good. And it ain't gone make no difference if they make pancakes, or French toast, or nothin'.


An' Conrad watchin' The 700 Club. I think he wanna bite Pat Cooper. No, Pat Robertson. Not Pat Cooper. I got the wrong one. 'Scooze me...


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